Rumor has it that people who have attended the White House’s many recent dinner functions are peeved that they didn’t get enough food. Apparently meals are served in “tiny little portions,” maybe in the French style? We all know that 1) Americans are too fat because their idea of portion control is confining their evening meal to single wheelbarrowful and 2) the Obamas are admirably fit, therefore 3) the Obamas eat like little birds and are now trying to make our nation’s legislators eat like little birds, for Health. Our nation’s legislators do not like this one bit. They would much prefer reheated Hungry Man dinners. [Taegan Goddard's Political Wire]

All of the fit youngsters in America have already been sent off to War, so the only people left on the home front are pre-teens, very old people, and the obese. Various military/first responder spokespeople in this tragic AP article blame an epidemic of fat volunteers on “a lack of physical education in the high schools” and “a hard time understanding a healthy diet and the importance of daily exercise.” Jesus, you know we are doomed when fucking Army recruiters sound like a pack of sissypants liberals. You also know we are doomed when the Army has literally run out of non-obese people to recruit. [AP]