Tag: weight loss

The Snake Oil Bulletin: One Weird Trick to Lose Belly Fat. Starve Yourself!

Hear ye, hear ye, step right up here! It's time once again for the Snake Oil Bulletin, a weekly smattering of crazy and Moran-acy to distract us from the horribleness that is life. This week, we'll be looking into one...
Too old for this shit.

The Snake Oil Bulletin Sifts Through The Pseudoscientific Dingleberries Of Dr. Mehmet Oz

Welcome back, pilgrims! It's good to see you've returned to your old friend the Snake Oil Bulletin, the weekly compendium of the latest horsepuckey to plop itself right here on our beloved interwebs. Now normally we focus on a smattering...
Look, we know you were always looking for a lei...

Was War Hero Daniel Inouye Also That Secret Sexist Senator? NYT Says Yes!

The New York Times is pretty sure it's outed the unidentified senior senator who grabbed Kristen Gillibrand's waist after she'd lost some weight and chuckled, “Don’t lose too much weight now. I like my girls chubby!” According to "people...

Michelle Obama Puts Kitchen Staff On Crash Diet

By now, we are all aware of Michelle Obama's "Let's Move!" initiative, the thing where government officials sneak into your children's bedrooms in the middle of the night and steal the donuts from under their pillows, leaving behind a...

Newly Thin Dick Cheney Going To Cheat Death Forever

George W. Bush broke ground on his presidential library of children's book boxed-sets packed with plush characters Monday, and look who was on hand. Why, if it's not the Angel of Death himself! Yes, Dick Cheney, who does not...

Bill Clinton Is Turning Into a Strange Old Woman

Former president of fast food Bill Clinton is counting his calories again, because daughter Chelsea gave him "strict orders" to drop 15 pounds of pudge if he wants to watch her marry that guy Marc Mexicansky or whatever next...

Obama Puts White House Guests On Starvation Diet

Rumor has it that people who have attended the White House's many recent dinner functions are peeved that they didn't get enough food. Apparently meals are served in "tiny little portions," maybe in the French style? We all know...

Army Overwhelmed By Fat Recruits

All of the fit youngsters in America have already been sent off to War, so the only people left on the home front are pre-teens, very old people, and the obese. Various military/first responder spokespeople in this tragic AP...