Tag: weekly standard

Gahhh! But not forgotten.

Ted Cruz Loves Constitution More Than Wife, Apparently

Ted Cruz isn't quite ready to endorse Donald Trump just yet. But he's cool with all the insults hurled toward his wife and dad, as long as Trump promises to uphold Ted Cruz's special version of the Constitution.

Mitt Romney Will Be GOP’s Sexxxy Knight In Shining Armor! Or Scott Walker! Or Somebody!

PLEASE SOMEBODY, ANYBODY! The #NeverTrumpers are DYING here!
CALL ME MAYBE

Relax, Ladies, Donald Trump Will Let Planned Parenthood Treat Your Wherevers

So here's something that might, in a different political year or for a different candidate, actually get Donald Trump in trouble with his Republican supporters: Trump said on CNN Tuesday morning that he would be OK with keeping some federal...
Damn dirty longhairs

Musicians Dishonor Troops, Make The Baby Jesus Bald Eagle Cry

Did everyone catch the terrible Concert for Valor to honor our military veterans last night? We say it was terrible because some of the musicians took it upon themselves to dishonor the troops, the flag, the bald eagle, Mom,...

Weekly Standard: Barack Obama And Joe Biden Held Hands So They Are Definitely Doing Gay Sex In Each Other’s Bottoms

ZOMG you guys, the Weekly Standard has proof Barack Obama and Old Handsome Joe Biden are doing gay sex in each other's bottoms, like we just said in the headline. Are you ready? Are you ready for this terrible...

Why Are We Impeaching President Obama Today?

Hullo Weekly Standard! Why are we INPEACHing the president today? President Barack Obama's staff used an autopen (a machine that mimics one's signature) to sign the "fiscal cliff" legislation that Congress passed on New Year's Day. There was no...

Weekly Standard: Filthy Rich Romney Gave Far More To ‘Charity’ Than Did Merely Wealthy Joe Biden

Hey, everyone, just stop being so mean to Mitt Romney, right now, OK? Jeffrey Anderson of the Weekly Standard has done some math that conclusively proves that Mitt Romney is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being we've...

Republican Tracker Successfully Comes To Near-Fisticuffs With Elizabeth Warren’s Hired Muscle

Who is this manly man protecting Elizabeth Warren? Some funny guy... who gives Elizabeth Warren problems that she probably doesn't need right now? Watch, as this annoying Republican tracker gets exactly what he wants from the fella in the...

The State Department Now Responding To ‘HILLARY VP???” Questions With Poetry

The very serious "DUMP BIDEN 4 HILLARY?" speculation that our pal Ed Henry questioned the White House press secretary about yesterday got a real kick today when author Ed Klein, who's right up there with World Net Daily in...

Conservatives And Liberals Unite To Get Paul Ryan on Presidential Ticket

The Weekly Standard, the Wall Street Journal editorial page, and even ol' Starburst are all engaged in furious last-minute lobbying to persuade Mitt Romney to select that nice young Boy Scout down the street who's offered to fix our...

Wingnuts Confused Over How To Be Angry About New DC Comics Gay Superhero

Some horrified wingnuts have been distressed over the announcement that DC Comics will "turn" one of its major legacy superheroes gay in June, and weirdly those wingnuts don't include vile hate lizard Bryan Fischer. After all, at last someone...

New Newspaper Reader Sarah Palin Decides Washington Post Is ‘Through’

What's that? Is Sarah Palin reading newspapers now? Haha, no, she's just retweeting the Weekly Standard again. But hey, we actually agree with her! The Washington Post is terrible! But it's not "through" yet; it makes a lot of...

Haley Barbour Wants a Piece of That 2012 Segregationist Money

The gay liberal atheist yankee media types who disgrace this fine, white nation are up in arms today over comments Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour made to The Weekly Standard, about how the time when black people didn't have civil...

MAJOR, MAJOR SCOOP AT BILL KRISTOL'S NEWSLETTER: "THE WEEKLY STANDARD has obtained Sarah Palin's imminent Facebook post on the Israeli Flotilla incident." Thank god, we couldn't wait ten more minutes or whatever, to not read it. (GUESS: SHE SUPPORTS...

Great Hero Shoves Weekly Standard Staffer

In a burst of violence the likes of which this planet has not seen ANYWHERE since at least the Kenneth Gladney/Union Thugs Incident, a Thug working with the Martha Coakley senatorial campaign MAULED Weekly Standard writer John McCormack in...

Most Obvious Stupidest Lie Ever Gaining Currency Among America’s Worst Specimens

One of Washington's most transparently evil liars, Michael Goldfarb of the Weekly Standard, recently wrote that -- according to a single anonymous "Senate aide" -- Barack Obama and that DAMN RAHM have threatened to shut down Offutt Air Force...