Tag Archives: weekly standard

  this is why we can't have nice things

Musicians Dishonor Troops, Make The Baby Jesus Bald Eagle Cry

Damn dirty longhairs
Did everyone catch the terrible Concert for Valor to honor our military veterans last night? We say it was terrible because some of the musicians took it upon themselves to dishonor the troops, the flag, the bald eagle, Mom, apple pie, baseball and Michael Bay movies. What was the offense committed by known communists Bruce Springsteen, Dave Grohl and Zac Brown? They covered Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Fortunate Son,” a known “anti-war anthem.” Outrage! A slap in the face! Read more on Musicians Dishonor Troops, Make The Baby Jesus Bald Eagle Cry…
  who's on top?

Weekly Standard: Barack Obama And Joe Biden Held Hands So They Are Definitely Doing Gay Sex In Each Other’s Bottoms

ZOMG you guys, the Weekly Standard has proof Barack Obama and Old Handsome Joe Biden are doing gay sex in each other’s bottoms, like we just said in the headline. Are you ready? Are you ready for this terrible proof? ARE YOU SURE????? Okay then. Follow us after the jump to see the SHOCKING EXPOSE that is the entirety of the Weekly Standard’s post on this SHOCKINGLY EXPOSED topic! Read more on Weekly Standard: Barack Obama And Joe Biden Held Hands So They Are Definitely Doing Gay Sex In Each Other’s Bottoms…
  inpea... zzzzz

Why Are We Impeaching President Obama Today?

Hullo Weekly Standard! Why are we INPEACHing the president today? President Barack Obama’s staff used an autopen (a machine that mimics one’s signature) to sign the “fiscal cliff” legislation that Congress passed on New Year’s Day. There was no ceremony or photo-op for the autopen bill signing. Well, that sounds like as good a reason as any! Let us learn more. Read more on Why Are We Impeaching President Obama Today?…
  Is saying "freely gave away" twice in 146 words enough?

Weekly Standard: Filthy Rich Romney Gave Far More To ‘Charity’ Than Did Merely Wealthy Joe Biden

Hey, everyone, just stop being so mean to Mitt Romney, right now, OK? Jeffrey Anderson of the Weekly Standard has done some math that conclusively proves that Mitt Romney is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being we’ve ever known in our life, especially when compared to that pipsqueak not-even-a-millionaire Joe Biden, who is not nearly rich enough to do anyone any good, and probably stomps on the iddle-widdle toes of adorable baby kittens for fun. Read more on Weekly Standard: Filthy Rich Romney Gave Far More To ‘Charity’ Than Did Merely Wealthy Joe Biden…
  don't feed the tracker troll

Republican Tracker Successfully Comes To Near-Fisticuffs With Elizabeth Warren’s Hired Muscle

Who is this manly man protecting Elizabeth Warren? Some funny guy… who gives Elizabeth Warren problems that she probably doesn’t need right now? Watch, as this annoying Republican tracker gets exactly what he wants from the fella in the green hat: a little camera shove and some comical threats. Read more on Republican Tracker Successfully Comes To Near-Fisticuffs With Elizabeth Warren’s Hired Muscle…
  derp derp where's the civility

The State Department Now Responding To ‘HILLARY VP???” Questions With Poetry

The very serious “DUMP BIDEN 4 HILLARY?” speculation that our pal Ed Henry questioned the White House press secretary about yesterday got a real kick today when author Ed Klein, who’s right up there with World Net Daily in terms of credibility, reported (/talked to his own butt) that Hillary Clinton rejected the vice presidency two weeks ago. The Weekly Standard went seeking confirmation and got a nice little poem from one of Clinton’s aides in response. Read more on The State Department Now Responding To ‘HILLARY VP???” Questions With Poetry…
  funny vp watch

Conservatives And Liberals Unite To Get Paul Ryan on Presidential Ticket

The Weekly Standard, the Wall Street Journal editorial page, and even ol’ Starburst are all engaged in furious last-minute lobbying to persuade Mitt Romney to select that nice young Boy Scout down the street who’s offered to fix our finances, Paul Ryan, as Vice President. The problem with such a selection is obvious: Romney would be picking someone recommended by the Weekly Standard, the Wall Street Journal editorial page, and even ol’ Starburst, instantly guaranteeing that it would be a colossal failure. Other problems: Paul Ryan wants to destroy all of the most popular government programs and is famous for wanting to do that? No matter, the conservatives say — it would be a serious campaign of Issues! The ‘merkin people will respect an “honest” view of the future! Again, these are all conservative arguments in favor of picking Paul Ryan. Read more on Conservatives And Liberals Unite To Get Paul Ryan on Presidential Ticket…
  in the sexual way mostly

Wingnuts Confused Over How To Be Angry About New DC Comics Gay Superhero

Some horrified wingnuts have been distressed over the announcement that DC Comics will “turn” one of its major legacy superheroes gay in June, and weirdly those wingnuts don’t include vile hate lizard Bryan Fischer. After all, at last someone is recognizing what Bryan Fischer’s many arduous years relentlessly studying gay men taught him long ago: that a muscle-bound man who runs around in tights must be a very naughty pervert indeed. Vindication. So really, what is the big hairy-chested deal here, angry conservatives? Let us turn to the tense worrywarts of the Weekly Standard for what is one rather novel argument adrift in the sea of outrage, here it is: We ought to feel disgusted because DC Comics is using gays for, get this, marketing purposes. GAYSPLOITATION. Read more on Wingnuts Confused Over How To Be Angry About New DC Comics Gay Superhero…
  her favorite game

New Newspaper Reader Sarah Palin Decides Washington Post Is ‘Through’

What’s that? Is Sarah Palin reading newspapers now? Haha, no, she’s just retweeting the Weekly Standard again. But hey, we actually agree with her! The Washington Post is terrible! But it’s not “through” yet; it makes a lot of money gouging the government with its Kaplan brand of fake colleges and gouging rich parents with its Kaplan brand of test prep crap. Read more on New Newspaper Reader Sarah Palin Decides Washington Post Is ‘Through’…
  stromming not stumping

Haley Barbour Wants a Piece of That 2012 Segregationist Money

The gay liberal atheist yankee media types who disgrace this fine, white nation are up in arms today over comments Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour made to The Weekly Standard, about how the time when black people didn’t have civil rights wasn’t “that bad” and how white-people Citizens Councils made integration go nice and smooth, like a muskrat pissing a finely brewed sweet tea. Except this is a very revisionist point of view, as the South during the civil rights fight wasn’t exactly peaceful, and Citizens Councils were actually anti-integration organizations that tried to block blacks from exercising their civil rights. But none of this is important. What’s important is that Barbour may run for president, and he just opened the whiskey-soaked wallets of old conservative Southerners for himself and closed them off to Mike Huckabee. You snooze on racism, you lose on racism, Huck! Read more on Haley Barbour Wants a Piece of That 2012 Segregationist Money…
  breaking

MAJOR, MAJOR SCOOP AT BILL KRISTOL’S NEWSLETTER: “THE WEEKLY STANDARD has obtained Sarah Palin’s imminent Facebook post on the Israeli Flotilla incident.” Thank god, we couldn’t wait ten more minutes or whatever, to not read it. (GUESS: SHE SUPPORTS ISRAEL BIG-TIME.) [Weekly Standard] Read more on …
  watering the tree of liberty

Great Hero Shoves Weekly Standard Staffer

In a burst of violence the likes of which this planet has not seen ANYWHERE since at least the Kenneth Gladney/Union Thugs Incident, a Thug working with the Martha Coakley senatorial campaign MAULED Weekly Standard writer John McCormack in cold blood last night in Washington D.C. Why was Martha Coakley in Washington D.C. last night, less than a week before her extremely vital and surprisingly close Massachusetts special election? Probably something to do with her WORST CAMPAIGN EVER tactical losing strategy. Read more on Great Hero Shoves Weekly Standard Staffer…
  our flourishing incentives to tell the truth

Most Obvious Stupidest Lie Ever Gaining Currency Among America’s Worst Specimens

One of Washington’s most transparently evil liars, Michael Goldfarb of the Weekly Standard, recently wrote that — according to a single anonymous “Senate aide” — Barack Obama and that DAMN RAHM have threatened to shut down Offutt Air Force Base in Nebraska, headquarters of the U.S. Strategic Command and one of the most important military installations in the country, if Ben Nelson does not vote for cloture on health care. This is 100% obviously not true on about ten million layers of reasoning, and we won’t patronize you by addressing any of it. Read more on Most Obvious Stupidest Lie Ever Gaining Currency Among America’s Worst Specimens…
  bullies

Bill Kristol Discusses The Olympics: ‘There Are So Many Ironies In This’

Fake war person Bill Kristol went on the Fox News over the weekend to talk about how Barack Obama “lost the Olympics,” oh boy. Now in spite of the Weekly Standard‘s furious scrubbing attempts, we already knew, thanks to the magic of the Internets, how Bill Kristol and his chums at the Standard responded to Friday’s announcement: with raging monster boners. So the real treat in this clip is to hear Bill Kristol do his “Obama voice” (around :24). It is that of a Muppet. [YouTube] Read more on Bill Kristol Discusses The Olympics: ‘There Are So Many Ironies In This’…
  especially if they're black!

Larouchies Now Considered ‘Democrat/Union Plants’

It is well known in Republican circles that anyone comparing Barack Obama to former German senator Adolf Hitler is secretly a black Democrat ‘plant,’ in a union. This includes Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck, but only during those times that they are saying Barack Obama loves Hitler and vice versa. How much does Barack Obama’s union, “Organizing for America,” pay these fat slobs to say or “imply” these things in public, to make anti-health care people “come across” as insane? No one knows. (Five blowjobs.) But today we learned, on the Internet, that Obama’s fraudulent plant-reach extends even further, to the mainstream Democrats known as “LaRouchies,” who comprise a solid 87 percent of the American left. Read more on Larouchies Now Considered ‘Democrat/Union Plants’…
  important political media news

Weekly Standard Sold To Another Right-Wing Billionaire Who Doesn’t Need To Worry About Profitability

Bill Kristol’s lifestyle/war pamphlet The Weekly Standard has found a new home! It is much like the old one, Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp., which presumably got tired of losing insane amounts of money each year. (Also, Murdoch didn’t want to get shot by Maryland Nazis.) Read more on Weekly Standard Sold To Another Right-Wing Billionaire Who Doesn’t Need To Worry About Profitability…