Fake war person Bill Kristol went on the Fox News over the weekend to talk about how Barack Obama “lost the Olympics,” oh boy. Now in spite of the Weekly Standard’s furious scrubbing attempts, we already knew, thanks to the magic of the Internets, how Bill Kristol and his chums at the Standard responded to Friday’s announcement: with raging monster boners. So the real treat in this clip is to hear Bill Kristol do his “Obama voice” (around :24). It is that of a Muppet. [YouTube]

It is well known in Republican circles that anyone comparing Barack Obama to former German senator Adolf Hitler is secretly a black Democrat ‘plant,’ in a union. This includes Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck, but only during those times that they are saying Barack Obama loves Hitler and vice versa. How much does Barack Obama’s union, “Organizing for America,” pay these fat slobs to say or “imply” these things in public, to make anti-health care people “come across” as insane? No one knows. (Five blowjobs.) But today we learned, on the Internet, that Obama’s fraudulent plant-reach extends even further, to the mainstream Democrats known as “LaRouchies,” who comprise a solid 87 percent of the American left. MORE »

Bill Kristol’s lifestyle/war pamphlet The Weekly Standard has found a new home! It is much like the old one, Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp., which presumably got tired of losing insane amounts of money each year. (Also, Murdoch didn’t want to get shot by Maryland Nazis.) MORE »

Nutty old Maryland neo-Nazi coot James von Brunn hated the Liberals so much yesterday that some “new evidence” suggests he was going to go shoot up the offices of Bill Kristol’s Weekly Standard, later, because he hated neocons and Jews and Bill O’Reilly so much too. MORE »

Michael Goldfarb likes to say swear words, and he was John McCain’s chief blogger for a while. Like every former campaign staffer, he believes “mistakes were made” during McCain’s 2008 presidential run, but can’t name any except the one where the candidate refused to talk about Reverend Wright for fear of looking like a racist. That’s why Goldfarb couldn’t call Wright an anti-Semite in that embarrassing interview with Rick Sanchez! “I thought from the beginning that we would lose,” he says. That’s the spirit! [Columbia Journalism Review]

When George W. Bush Junior started that goddamned whining during his Last Press Conference, we wanted to crawl through the television screen and throttle him, right there, while he was still technically president. Tragically, current television technology doesn’t allow this type of full-immersion interactive Wii hate — hurry up, digital teevee! — so we’re still pretty annoyed 12 hours later. Hmm, target for late-night rage, where are you? Ah, Fred Barnes! A comical human dildo, wearing eyeglasses! What kind of ludicrous horseshit could the Weekly Standard executive editor deliver for America, in our Hour of Darkness? George W. Bush was actually a great president, that’s what! MORE »

???: “Bush should consider pardoning–and should at least be vociferously praising–everyone who served in good faith in the war on terror, but whose deeds may now be susceptible to demagogic or politically inspired prosecution by some seeking to score political points. The lawyers can work out if such general or specific preemptive pardons are possible; it may be that the best Bush can or should do is to warn publicly against any such harassment or prosecution. But the idea is this: The CIA agents who waterboarded Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, and the NSA officials who listened in on phone calls from Pakistan, should not have to worry about legal bills or public defamation. In fact, Bush might want to give some of these public servants the Medal of Freedom at the same time he bestows the honor on Generals Petraeus and Odierno. They deserve it.” [Bolding of incredible statement is ours.] The people who gathered reliable intelligence without breaking domestic/international law, however, should be sent to Gitmo for being such pussies. [Weekly Standard via Andrew Sullivan]

Over the summer, John McCain had three finalists for his vice presidential selection. The first was Connecticut alien shit demon and known old virgin Sen. Joe Lieberman, who McCain wanted because they share the same ideology: Bomb Everyone, Otherwise, Who Cares? The second was Sarah Palin, an autistic lady governor from the Arctic who is just insane enough to appeal to Evangelicals. The last was Mittens “Willard” Romney, the president of Massachusetts and quite possibly the finest specimen our Earthly gene pool has ever produced, ‘cepting for the fact that he was born on the Mormon planet, Pluto. As Scott Horton of Harper’s and The Daily Hell Demon has discovered, it was at the insistence of New York Times “lightning rod conservative” monkey Bill Kristol, a liar and a fraud, that the McCain campaign went with Sarah Palin, and now the campaign is pissed at Kristol for making them pick this unconscionable retard. MORE »

Michael Goldfarb is starting a war, on the Internet! Do you know who Michael Goldfarb is? He’s this cocksucker who recently took a leave of absence from Bill Kristol’s Weekly Standard, where he was online editor, in order to serve on the McCain communications team. He writes a blog on JohnMcCain.com called the McCain Report. It is awful. And a couple of days ago — for the second time this month! — he referred to people at Daily Kos and other liberal outlets as Dungeons & Dragons nerds. And now everyone is freaking and making tee shirts because why not. MORE »

There’s been a hilarious debate on the Internet the last couple of days, as per usual, about whether the McCain “Celeb” ad was Racist because it chose two young white gals, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, as Barack Obama’s alter egos instead of the actual two most famous celebrities in the world. It is, apparently, a similar situation to the attack ad on Harold Ford in 2006, where he is constantly talking to loose white women on the telephone. If John McCain were to *objectively* pick the two most famous people in the world, the liberals argue, at least one of them would have been TIGER WOODS, the GOLFER. The conservatives do not believe Tiger Woods counts, however, because he has accomplishments!

Prepare to rock and/or roll. MORE »

Jesus, we almost feel sorry for John McCain having to deal with these hacks on the right who are agreeing with Phil Gramm’s characterization of America as a “nation of whiners.” Here’s Fred Barnes, executive editor of Bill Kristol’s Weekly Standard, calling Gramm’s comments “straight talk” and saying that American’s are “whining all the way through” the current Great New Depression. Surely keeping this issue alive and expanding on it is a great way for the Republicans to overtake Barack Obama in the polls. [YouTube via Think Progress]