That gal who made Wonkette famous by blogging about all her anal sex exploits is now getting married! Hooray for love. Jessica Cutler, a young lady who worked for Senator Mike De Wine of Ohio when she wasn’t getting it up the pooper from horrible old men, is set to wed a Manhattan lawyer in early December. They met the old-fashioned way: in a bar. MORE »

We think Charlie Crist is an overall good guy, savin’ the Everglades and what not, so we’re a little worried for him now that it looks like he’s actually going through with this heterosexual marriage of his. It’s being reported in Florida that the governor’s pink wedding invitations are arriving in mailboxes only a few weeks before the big show on December 12. The dispatching of invitations is a big step, Charlie! Are you sure this is what you want?? We think you have reservations. BIG ones. Included in the invitation is a note that reads, “No gifts please, due to Florida law.” Ha ha, “law.” Is it really because you don’t want them all asking for their gifts back in six months? Anyway, Florida’s Fat Cats are all gossiping about who’s invited and who’s not (i.e. who’s a loser). Apparently Crist’s barber is so cool that he could’ve had an invitation but told Charlie, nah, don’t bother with me. Hmmph! MORE »

Everybody knows the sad story about how John McCain catted around on his crippled wife with a fetching young beer heiress. But now it appears he was actually sort of married to both Mrs. McCains at the same time, in the sense that he had a marriage license with #2 before his divorce to #1 had been finalized! Why does John McCain hate America? MORE »

Orange-skinned Florida “bachelor 4 life” Charlie Crist is the latest in Florida’s long line of moderate Republican politicians who live swinging, middle-aged male lives without women. But he apparently really wants to lose with John McCain this fall, so he has announced the impending tinkle of little wedding bells! MORE »

You will certainly want to watch all eight minutes of Jenna and Laura’s crazy time over on the lesbian teevee show! Let us know if anything good happens. For us, the highlight was about 35 seconds in when Jenna sits down and crosses her legs and flashes some panty. And then we quit watching, because who fucking cares what these people say, right? [Campaign Circus]

California’s Supreme Court just overturned the “gay marriage isn’t legal” thing, and that means the gayest state in America is about to become even more gay, as California will become the second state where homosexuals can get married, to each other. (The other state is Texas.) [MSNBC]

Jenna and Henry are really married! But the very private 92-degrees-outside Texas wedding at the livestock pond at least offered George W. Bush another chance to do something embarrassing on the dance floor. Guess what song Jenna and Daddy chose for their special dance? Creepy yacht-rock fuck ballad “You Are So Beautiful,” that’s what. Let’s cringe together, after the jump. MORE »

Finally, George and Laura have almost married off one of the First Twins! It only took eight years, but Jenna found a “taker” and she’s getting hitched tomorrow at her parents’ fake “ranch” in Crawford, which sounds only a little better than “Waco,” and it’s time to celebrate the occasion with a bunch of bullshit trivia, after the jump. MORE »

We are only two days away from The Wedding, and there are simply too many questions remaining! Will Jenna run off at the altar, like Julia Roberts does in all those movies? How hot will Lauren be dressed? Which pizza chains will whore themselves out shamelessly in a losing attempt to cater the reception? Oh look, we already know the answer to that last one! MORE »

It’s all happening! Jenna is really getting married to that one guy, Henry! They will live in Baltimore! But to really make “living in Baltimore” seem romantic, they will exchange vows at Jenna’s mom and dad’s retirement home in Waco, Texas. All the incredible details of the May 10 nuptials are suddenly coming to light. MORE »

The powerful Nixon-Eisenhower Political Dynasty has thrown its crucial support to Barack Obama, in the form of Julie Nixon Eisenhower, daughter of the late great Richard Nixon and great-granddaughter-in-law to the late great “I Like Ike” Eisenhower. Julie contributed the maximum of $2,300 to Hopeful Barry’s campaign. She is a rich elitist, of course. [WOOD TV/AP]