weddings
Mazel Tov And L’Chaim To That SC Governor Who Ran Off To Argentina And His New Mistress Betrothed!
Oh happy day! We awake to the joyous tidings that former governor Mark Sanford (R-Appalachian Trail) and his lady love, that chick he was flying off to South America to bang, have sealed their passions with an engagement! It’s like a fairy tale, you guys! The [Argentine] paper [Clarin] said Sanford arrived early at the [...]
Dick Cheney’s Daughter Got Gay Married, To Another Lady!
Wedding bells in DC! See down here, in the World’s Most Evil City, we let gay people get married and don’t think nothin’ about it. The proud couple today was Mary Cheney, daughter of a former banana republic warlord, and longtime girlfriend Heather Poe, who probably has parents too. Cheney has already used science magick [...]
World’s Most Unfortunate Young Woman Joins Palin Family
In Alaska, tragedy has struck: Sarah Palin’s son Track (who is a person, not a Hot Wheels play set), married a young woman, officially making her a Palin and a part of the Arctic’s largest grifting operation. Around the world, people now grieve for her, as this is pretty much the worst thing that can [...]
Your Consumer Reeducation Begins TODAY!
Barack Obama will finally announce sometime today that Elizabeth Warren is America’s new consumer-advocate czar. Warren will be appointed as a “special adviser” to the Consumer Protection Bureau. And because Warren is just doin’ some harmless consulting work, there is no need for a Senate confirmation hearing, which is excellent because we all know that [...]
TIME FOR EVERYONE IN CALIFORNIA TO GET GAY-MARRIED AGAIN, OR NOT: UPDATED: It was originally breathlessly reported that Judge Vaughn Walker had lifted the stay on the decision to strike down Proposition 8, so that California is once again a state where the gays can do gross things like “nuptials” in front of our poor, [...]
A Children’s Treasury of Rush Limbaugh Wedding Photos and Rush Fan Comments About Them
Young hearthrob Rush Limbaugh has a brand new Facebook page, and he has used this platform to at long last give the screeching masses what they want: photos of his wedding. “Sharing a laugh with Elton John backstage before his performance” is the caption on this one. Yes, somehow KNOWN HOMOSEXUAL ENEMY Sir Elton John [...]
Bristol Palin Breaks Off Engagement With Levi Johnston, Ending Democracy As We Know It
For the past few weeks our nation has had hope. Bristol and Levi got back together! That is a leading indicator of decreasing unemployment, somehow, probably! But now those two kids no longer are getting married. It has been reported, with journalism, that Levi’s pregnant ex-girlfriend is not the issue; rather, it’s another ex-girlfriend, an [...]
Chelsea Clinton Gets Married, Pizza Chain Sends Grease Pies
America’s queen of hearts, Chelsea Clinton, got married today! It’s about time, right? Bristol Palin will probably be on her third or fourth “old man” by the time she’s 30 years old. Anyway, we forgot to cover this wedding of an adult person, even though it is true that her mom is secretary of state [...]
Sarah Palin Is Boycotting Bristol and Levi’s Storybook Camo Wedding
Famous playwright Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol announced last week that true love does exist as she and Levi Johnston are getting married next month. But it appears Sarah Palin has chosen tragedy andwill not be attending this solemn ceremony, according to a “family friend.” Will Bristol and Levi be completely disowned by the Palin clan [...]
Bill Clinton Married Anthony Weiner This Weekend
Our Google News Alert for “Bill Clinton weiner” has finally come through. On Saturday, Rep. Anthony Weiner of New York married some lady who used to work for Hillary Clinton. The gown was made by the bride’s “good friend Oscar de la Renta,” because of course he is and because everyone cares about who made [...]
It’s A Seditious Christian Michigan Militia Wedding!
Look what’s on Facebook, oh boy. Here we have some wedding photos from the arrested Seditious Christian Michigan Militia, Hutaree, and everyone’s got a goddamn assault weapon. This is not a sustainable situation.
Peter Orszag To Marry ABC’s Jake Tapper
Among the better perks of being White House budget director is the endless stream of smoking hot professional-class babes fucking you all the time. (That, and modest prescription drug co-pays. You won’t bankrupt me, under-active thyroid!) It’s safe to assume that in his first year on the job, youthful nerdbot genius/blogger Peter Orszag has second-based [...]
Washingtonienne To Marry Some Guy
That gal who made Wonkette famous by blogging about all her anal sex exploits is now getting married! Hooray for love. Jessica Cutler, a young lady who worked for Senator Mike De Wine of Ohio when she wasn’t getting it up the pooper from horrible old men, is set to wed a Manhattan lawyer in [...]
Florida Atwitter Over Charlie Crist’s Marriage, To A Woman!
We think Charlie Crist is an overall good guy, savin’ the Everglades and what not, so we’re a little worried for him now that it looks like he’s actually going through with this heterosexual marriage of his. It’s being reported in Florida that the governor’s pink wedding invitations are arriving in mailboxes only a few [...]
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