Washingtonians may have noticed slightly after 3 p.m. a darkening of the skies to almost pitch-black, followed by rain, lightning, hail, and tornadoes. According to the Washington Post, “On Capitol Hill, a congressional hearing was suspended and everyone was urged to stay clear of the windows.” Wonkette has confirmed with Jesus that he sent these tornadoes to Capitol Hill at the request of Hillary Clinton, with whom he has been having a tasteless affair. The tornadoes were designed to destroy the Capitol building when Obama was distracted and beating up Joe Lieberman. Jesus had a rare moment of compassion, however, and diverted the storm at the last minute so that it only destroyed the Dirksen office building. Hillary was so saddened that she ate Jesus, but then she brightened when she remembered that there are still 26 days left in June. [Washington Post]
Tags: barack obama, capitol, congress, dirksen, fatal storms, hillary clinton, jesus, joe lieberman, weather
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Apparently the weather hates freedom, because it is a bitch to get to the polls today. Snow, fog, thunderstorms…let’s see, can we get a plague of locusts somewheres? Rain of frogs, pustules of some sort? Oh looky there was a “
PANIC! SNOW ON THE WAY! 
The National Capital Planning Commission predicts that the entirety of Washington, DC will become a charming and bizarre underwater Victorian photo-postcard, reports the Examiner. 
Washington DC, the most powerful city in the world, was paralyzed last night by a deadly “wintry mix” of frozen water and slightly less frozen water. Upwards of two inches of the mysterious powder descended upon the city like white death, leaving buses running on emergency schedules, trains aflame, and major roads beset with vigilantes on tricked-out motorcycles.