Tag Archives: weapons

  Oh great here's another maybe thing

Is Hillary Clinton World’s Evilest Arms Dealer Ever? Maybe!

Up to no good, maybe or maybe not
At last, a Hillary Clinton ZOMGgate story that might actually be a thing! (Or might not. You never know with those wily Clintons, which is why it’s generally best to assume guilty until proven otherwise.) According to an exhaustive trillion-word report by the International Business Times, the Clinton State Department authorized approximately eleventeen metric fucktons of defense contracts between corporations and countries that, coincidentally uh huh sure right, happened to donate a whole bunch of money to the Clinton Foundation and to Bill Clinton (that’s her husband) for doing his high-priced speechifying thing: Read more on Is Hillary Clinton World’s Evilest Arms Dealer Ever? Maybe!…
  Chemtrail Lizard People Also Too

Rep. Louie Gohmert Is Just Asking If Obama’s Secret Obamacare Army Is Being Trained To Kill, That’s All

At this point, it’s inexcusable that GOP Rep. Louie Gohmert’s name is not a widely used neologism meaning something like “a person or thing that makes everything worse by being a fucking asshole.” Notice we did not say “a stupid fucking asshole” because Louie Gohmert isn’t stupid — he knows exactly how to formulate his paranoid bilge for maximum rube-rage-stoking effect and self-advancement. Here’s a recent example: Raw Story caught Gohmert on the Janet Mefferd Show (lucky them) breezily linking ammunition purchases by Homeland Security to “the provisions in [Obamacare] for the president’s own commissioned and non-commissioned officer corps […] I want to know, are they using weapons to train, or are they being taught to use syringes and health care items?” Read more on Rep. Louie Gohmert Is Just Asking If Obama’s Secret Obamacare Army Is Being Trained To Kill, That’s All…
  rumors on the internets

Good Morning, The Future Is Here!

Welcome, Wonkette readers! Racism is in the past, the CDC is promising there are no zombies, and we’re building weapons to fight aliens! Aren’t you glad the past is over? According to Pew, difference in political opinions is what most divides Americans, rather than race or class. At first, this sounds amazing, because hello? Hooray for being judged based on the content of our character rather than color of our skin (and make of our car)! But the numbers basically say, “We are not getting anything done any time soon.” [Washington Post] Read more on Good Morning, The Future Is Here!…
  murder inc.

ATF Chief Who Funneled Illegal Arms To Mexico ‘Punished’ By Reassignment To Obama’s Justice Dept.

What happens when the nation’s chief of weapons enforcement is caught running an illegal weapons operation that funnels guns to Mexico’s murderous drug cartels? He gets reassigned to the Justice Department, hahaha: Read more on ATF Chief Who Funneled Illegal Arms To Mexico ‘Punished’ By Reassignment To Obama’s Justice Dept….
  it's morning in america

Wisconsin Assembly Votes To End Collective Bargaining

After three straight days of debate, the Republican-controlled Wisconsin Assembly passed Scott Walker’s erotic union-busting fantasy earlier this morning, “before sleep-deprived Democrats realized what was happening.” The bill now heads to the Senate, where it will probably stay for quite some time, since Senate Democrats are still eloping in Illinois. Anyway, here is what happened, according to the Associated Press: “Debate had gone on for 60 hours and 15 Democrats were still waiting to speak when the vote started around 1 a.m. Friday. Speaker Pro Tem Bill Kramer, R-Waukesha, opened the roll and closed it within seconds. Democrats looked around, bewildered. Only 13 of the 38 Democratic members managed to vote in time. Republicans immediately marched out of the chamber in single file. The Democrats rushed at them, pumping their fists and shouting ‘Shame!’ and ‘Cowards!'” (Please consider donating to our friends at the Wisconsin-Madison Teaching Assistants’ Association, so that demonstrators can continue to “eat food” and enjoy other communist entitlements.) [AP] Read more on Wisconsin Assembly Votes To End Collective Bargaining… Read more on Wisconsin Assembly Votes To End Collective Bargaining…
  tasers are painless they bring on many changes

Security Guards Punch And Tase And Pull Out Dreadlocks of Clarence Thomas’ Nephew

Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas’ nephew was allegedly tased and beat up at a New Orleans hospital yesterday after an apparent suicide attempt when he “refused to put on a hospital gown and tried to leave his examination.” Derek Thomas, 25 and a student at Nicholls State University, is epileptic and went into a massive seizure when he was tased. Clarence Thomas and his family are said to be outraged at this terrible incident, though maybe that can’t be true for Clarence, as he usually loves weapons and authority figures using them. Clarence Thomas is said to be flying to New Orleans, to sit there and listen to people talk about the case without interjecting, we assume. [WDSU/ABC 26 via Newell] Read more on Security Guards Punch And Tase And Pull Out Dreadlocks of Clarence Thomas’ Nephew…
  beats going to work

Liz Glover Interviews America’s Armed Protector

Your Liz Glover made so many new friends today at the park near Ronald Reagan airport. At least several Real Americans spent their days there milling about the bucolic fields, ducking from airplanes, and showing off their favorite machines that exist to kill other human beings from a safe distance. This guy has two guns, and he’s in a park. Why is he doing this? The Constitution, that’s why. Read more on Liz Glover Interviews America’s Armed Protector…
  daily briefing

Obama Is Suddenly Changing George W. Bush Missile Shield’s Big European Plans

All George W. Bush wanted was to build a missile shield in the Czech Republic or Poland but Obama—because he doesn’t want the typical semester abroad experience—would rather the shield be somewhere less like, banal, like Turkey or southern Europe. [New York Times] Read more on Obama Is Suddenly Changing George W. Bush Missile Shield’s Big European Plans…
 

Floridians Encouraged To Bring Guns To Work

Florida, you are so much more than your crime shows featuring red-headed heros such as David Caruso and that guy from Six Feet Under. You are a nation of alligators, Cubans, ancient Giuliani supporters, and gun-toting lunatics — and now you are encouraged to show up at your place of employment armed to the gills. Your legislature makes it so! Read more on Floridians Encouraged To Bring Guns To Work…
 

When Not Actively Racist, Joe Biden Is Great

newVideoPlayer("Biden_on_Hardball.flv", 475, 376);Whenever there’s a new Bush Administration cover-up of peaceful intelligence reports, Joe Biden’s the go-to sound bite. Crazy Eyes appeared on yesterday’s Hardball to reiterate his belief that the Bush Administration has always known Iran stopped its nuke program in 2003, and that if Bush bombed them anyway, Joe would impeach him to death. [via Crooks and Liars] Read more on When Not Actively Racist, Joe Biden Is Great…
 

President Bush held a press conference today in the wake of the newly released National Intelligence Estimate on Iran, which concluded that Iran had stopped its nuclear weapons program in 2003. Bush took this great news as a “‘warning signal’ of a continuing threat from Iran.” So we’re at a point now where a massive intelligence report says Iran is not making nukes, and Bush responds with they are going to nuke us tomorrow. [NYT] Read more on …
 

Protesting Hippies To Be Forced To Taste Awful Vegan Meals Twice

Back in the good old days, hippies used to thrive on physical conflict with the brave, short-haired men of our police and national guard. At protests against the Vietnam War, getting your pot-addled head busted open by a police baton was a badge of honor. That’s why you egged the lawmen on to violence by throwing feces at them! Read more on Protesting Hippies To Be Forced To Taste Awful Vegan Meals Twice…
 

Jim Webb Will Shoot You On Sight With His Unregistered Pistol

Aren’t you glad George Allen lost his senate seat for calling Jim Webb’s Indian guy a Tunisian monkey in Italian or something? Yes, Macaca George was a racist dingbat in love with a prop football and slavery, but he wasn’t a heavily armed lunatic. The emerging and evolving story of Webb’s aide being arrested and jailed for trying to sneak a loaded handgun and tons of ammo into the Russell Senate Office building is starting to sound like a hilarious outtake from “Pulp Fiction.” Yesterday we learned that Webb and his ninja gunmen had sacks of weapons when they showed up at National airport, so Webb was forced to leave his guns with the staffers for his flight to Beirut or wherever, and then there were guns everywhere and nobody was keeping track and next thing you know this former Marine has put one of Webb’s loaded semi-automatic pistols (or maybe even a Micro Uzi) in a briefcase — along with two fully loaded extra magazines — through the X-Ray machine and the Capitol cops lock him up. Read Webb’s delusional Conrad Burns-esque excuses, after the jump. Read more on Jim Webb Will Shoot You On Sight With His Unregistered Pistol…
 

Pentagon Introduces New Vomit Ray

The problem with today’s world is you’ve never got enough interrogators to torture everybody, because there are so many freakin’ people! Luckily, mad scientists at the Pentagon are developing a new Vomit Ray Gun that makes people so nauseous that they fall over and puke. Read more on Pentagon Introduces New Vomit Ray…
 

First, They Came For Our Inert Grenades

This Holiday season, the United States Postal Service shit all over American Christians. Apparently, we’re not allowed to mail grenades to Canada anymore. Effective December 21, 2006, we are revising Mailing Standards of the United States Postal Service, International Mail Manual (IMMr) to reflect the addition of the prohibition of inert and replica munitions such as inert grenades in the Individual Country Listing for Canada. Canada Post has noted that an increasing number of these items are sent through the postal network. These items impede security procedures and may disrupt Canada Post’s ability to deliver other postal items. Such items found in the mail will be destroyed. Read more on First, They Came For Our Inert Grenades…