Wonkette

Florida, you are so much more than your crime shows featuring red-headed heros such as David Caruso and that guy from Six Feet Under. You are a nation of alligators, Cubans, ancient Giuliani supporters, and gun-toting lunatics — and now you are encouraged to show up at your place of employment armed to the gills. Your legislature makes it so! MORE »

Whenever there’s a new Bush Administration cover-up of peaceful intelligence reports, Joe Biden’s the go-to sound bite. Crazy Eyes appeared on yesterday’s Hardball to reiterate his belief that the Bush Administration has always known Iran stopped its nuke program in 2003, and that if Bush bombed them anyway, Joe would impeach him to death. [via Crooks and Liars]

President Bush held a press conference today in the wake of the newly released National Intelligence Estimate on Iran, which concluded that Iran had stopped its nuclear weapons program in 2003. Bush took this great news as a “‘warning signal’ of a continuing threat from Iran.” So we’re at a point now where a massive intelligence report says Iran is not making nukes, and Bush responds with they are going to nuke us tomorrow. [NYT]

Back in the good old days, hippies used to thrive on physical conflict with the brave, short-haired men of our police and national guard. At protests against the Vietnam War, getting your pot-addled head busted open by a police baton was a badge of honor. That’s why you egged the lawmen on to violence by throwing feces at them! MORE »

Aren’t you glad George Allen lost his senate seat for calling Jim Webb’s Indian guy a Tunisian monkey in Italian or something? Yes, Macaca George was a racist dingbat in love with a prop football and slavery, but he wasn’t a heavily armed lunatic.

The emerging and evolving story of Webb’s aide being arrested and jailed for trying to sneak a loaded handgun and tons of ammo into the Russell Senate Office building is starting to sound like a hilarious outtake from “Pulp Fiction.” Yesterday we learned that Webb and his ninja gunmen had sacks of weapons when they showed up at National airport, so Webb was forced to leave his guns with the staffers for his flight to Beirut or wherever, and then there were guns everywhere and nobody was keeping track and next thing you know this former Marine has put one of Webb’s loaded semi-automatic pistols (or maybe even a Micro Uzi) in a briefcase — along with two fully loaded extra magazines — through the X-Ray machine and the Capitol cops lock him up.

Read Webb’s delusional Conrad Burns-esque excuses, after the jump.

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The problem with today’s world is you’ve never got enough interrogators to torture everybody, because there are so many freakin’ people! Luckily, mad scientists at the Pentagon are developing a new Vomit Ray Gun that makes people so nauseous that they fall over and puke. MORE »

This Holiday season, the United States Postal Service shit all over American Christians. Apparently, we’re not allowed to mail grenades to Canada anymore. MORE »

All we can say is that our Anonymous Hill Staffer needs to get laid. There is notable lack of actual sex and a surfeit of the simulated variety this week, as well as a couple lessons in increasing your word power (among other things).

AHS also let us know that he’d been drinking less than usual this week, because, apparently, a lot of work has to get done in Congress before everyone skips town on Friday. It’s Jesus’ fault, natch. “It’s his birthday or his anniversary coming up next week, so everyone’s going home to be act like they’re good Jesus-lovers.” On that note, this week’s installment of Ask A Hill Staffer is after the jump.

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