wayne lapierre
Boss Hogg Takes Over As NRA President
Alabama, you have given this nation so much: George Wallace, Bull Connor, Roy Moore, insanely restrictive abortion laws, Richard Shelby AND Jeff Sessions in the same Congress, crappy Neil Young songs, and even crappier Lynrd Skynrd responses. Your generosity in contributing to this nation’s civic and cultural life is so vast, we can never repay [...]
Like Crazed Person With Gun, Senate Kills Everything It Sees
Hey remember how yr Wonkette told you, over and over, that the Senate’s gun control bill was going to die…with (well really without) votes? We now declare this meme dead along with the bill. Today the Senate votes on the package of amendments to the watered-down gun control bill it has spent three months painfully [...]
In Which We Are Irrationally Hopeful That Not Everyone Is a Total Idiot About Gun Control
With the way so many of our politicians cower in terror every time they spot Wayne LaPierre rushing in their direction, his crazy eyes rolling in their sockets like the googly-eyed panda magnet on our refrigerator, we have thought we might break out the Dance of Joy if just one politician would tell him to go [...]
Gun News Roundup: Wayne LaPierre Is A Vile Sack of Garbage, Plus Some Things You Might Have Not Already Known
Greetings, representatives of the People’s Glorious Wonkitburo! We thought we would start this edition of Our Cold Dead Hands with a gun-related tale that could have had terrible and tragic consequences for world diplomacy, but because no one was hit with any shotgun pellets, turned out to be amusing in a “Holy flurking shnit” sort [...]
Noted Anti-Rape Activists At The NRA Surprisingly Cool With Domestic Abuse
Are you having a nice Monday? Well we are here to help you with that. Go find a bucket and read this New York Times front pager about gunz and protective orders and prepare for some rage-induced dry heaving. Things are about to get hardcore sad up in here. So for the past few weeks [...]
The Week in Guns: Please Proceed With Your Mansplaining, Jerks
What a week for gun news to wrap our cold dead hands around. We have already told you about the dust-up in the Senate Judiciary Committee when Canadian anchor baby Ted Cruz (R-Pew! Pew!) mansplained the Constitution to Dianne Feinstein and DiFi told him to STFU and DIAF. Readers who know something about DiFi’s history [...]
Yeah, No, Seriously, Los Angeles Spree-Killer Cop Is Really, *REALLY* Liberal
We have already read about what made Los Angeles spree-killin’ cop Christopher Dorner go Django on the entire LAPD (and their families). It was LAPD racisms. So we know who (and what) he hates. But who does he love? Just about all your typical libtards, like Hillary Clinton and Larry David and Ellen Degeneres and [...]
NRA President: Barack Obama Is Threatening To Murder Me
Hi there! I bet we have not written about guns for one or two posts now! Truth be told, yr Wonkette is close to running out of funny/snarky/clever things to say about guns, but the universe keeps giving us really stupid people and occurrences we are duty-bound to write about. So what is happening today? [...]
Hey, NRA, Here’s A Teacher With A Gun…Yay?
So here is one of those stories where the initial impression — “Maybe-crazy teacher was toting around an AR-15 just like the one used in the Newtown massacre!” — sounds like perfect Wonketfodder, and then you start looking at it more and finally you kind of throw your hands up in the air and wish [...]
Hero Patriot Literally Shoots Himself In Foot At Michigan Gun Show
The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun, explained NRA strongman Wayne LaPierre earlier this month, is a good guy with a gun. But what can stop a moron with a gun? The answer is a moron will stop himself. With his own gun!
Study: You Are Not Actually Bruce Willis, It Turns Out!
Did you know that movies aren’t real, and that it is very hard to act like Bruce Willis and shoot bad guys and toss off snarky quips all casual-like and not get killed in the process?
Please To Put Armed Guards Outside All Pennsylvania Churches Too, Also
You mighta heard that the NRA had a “press conference” today, except it was not really a “conference,” so much, because the NRA guy Wayne Whatshisfucker just talked for a while and then left. His point, though, was made: If you love your kids so much, guard them with guns. We guard banks, he said, [...]
NRA Literally Blows Nation’s Head Off; Midwest Has Sucking Chest Wound
In a bizarre “press conference” that permitted no questions, National Rifle Association executive vice president Wayne LaPierre declined to offer the sort of small but sensible concession that many idiots like your Editrix expected in the wake of the Newtown massacre — offering to compromise on the gun show loophole for background checks, for instance, [...]
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