Tag Archives: waxman-markey

  gorilla defeats joe barton

NOW WE WILL ALL DRIVE TREES! Whoa hey they managed to do it, the Democrats did, passing the Waxman-Markey American Clean Energy and SECURITY Act, 219-212 — eight Republicans voting Yea, 44 Democrats voting Naw. This sure is a “big victory” for Barack Obama! Except that it has to go to the Senate now and requires 60 votes, for being big, meaning 99% of it will be stripped out an hour before voting just to get one of those Maine ladies on board, resulting in just enough funding to give 5-7 Americans surgical masks, for the End Times… Ha ha, the future of Earth could rest on comedian Al Franken’s ability to cast a U.S. Senate vote. [AP] Read more on …
  the social power of mimery

Climate Change Mimes Raise Unholy Ruckus In Longworth

Did you know that you can help reduce carbon emissions simply by standing with your hand on a ketchup dispenser for two minutes? It’s true! New video footage proves it! Witness the stunning impact a squadron of brave mimes had yesterday on the denizens of the Longworth Cafeteria, who spent upwards of several seconds wondering why some dude was just STANDING by their table before returning to their very important conversation about baseball or whatever. Somewhere in heaven, Al Gore is smiling. [YouTube] Read more on Climate Change Mimes Raise Unholy Ruckus In Longworth…
  you must participate in this

Gathering Of Mimes Will Halt Climate Change

Flash mob, you guys! Cryptic playing card mementos, just like the Joker used! What’s it all add up to? A very urgent Citizen Effort to halt climate change, taking place at your local Longworth cafeteria in, hmm, 45 minutes or so. Read more on Gathering Of Mimes Will Halt Climate Change…
  what demonry is this?

Amphetamine-Tongued Warlock Breaks Into Congress, Frightens Joe Barton

Comical Texas Rep. Joe Barton’s War on Gorillas intensified earlier today when he threatened to force poor, overworked clerks to read the entire 900-page Waxman-Markey energy bill aloud in committee, including his 450 obnoxious amendments about kicking Henry Waxman in the penis. Waxman responded by traveling to the seedy underbelly of Satan’s Hell to contract this secret Hessian mercenary, a “speed-reader,” on retainer, just in case Barton’s jackassery came to fruition. The speed-reader is clearly a muslin terrorist, and it is offensive to Dick Cheney for the liberals to allow him inside the United States Capitol. [TPM] Read more on Amphetamine-Tongued Warlock Breaks Into Congress, Frightens Joe Barton…
  endless sources of material

Joe Barton Tells Truth About Carbon Dioxide, Again

Here’s your recent Wonkette obsession, Rep. Joe Barton of Texas, fighting the gorilla, which he will do daily as long as this Waxman-Markey energy bill is up for debate. In today’s session, Barton explains that fuel-efficient cars are not fuel-efficient, carbon dioxide is in the delightful beverage Coca-Cola, there is no evidence of higher carbon dioxide concentrations in the atmosphere, and of course, “you can’t regulate God.” Big round of applause for Joe Barton, everyone, because what the gays don’t understand is that God put those coal-fired power plants on Earth himself, shortly after giving pet dinosaurs to Noah and Moses, and they’re guarded by magical force fields so just bugger off already. [Think Progress] Read more on Joe Barton Tells Truth About Carbon Dioxide, Again…
  fightin' the gorillas

Joe Barton Hard At Work, Being An Asshole

Opossum-eyed Jesus geologist Joe Barton, Republican Congressman from Texas, signaled his intent last month to stop the liberal Waxman-Markey energy bill — the one with cap-and-trade, which is about hamburgers — with traditional adult methods of opposition: “I’m going to be the sneaky little guy that pops up from behind the bush and fights the guerrilla. But guerrilla warfare does succeed sometimes.” (Fortunately for him this world has professional transcribers, because he definitely was saying he wanted to fight a gorilla.) And now he is popping up from behind the bush with a reasonable plan to block the legislation by proposing 450 comical amendments — four-hundred-and-fifty — that will simply be rejected, one by one, during an exhausting process that will embarrass the United States around the world and in Heaven. HAW HAW HAW. Read more on Joe Barton Hard At Work, Being An Asshole…