• Oh no. Oh no no no. What is this? What … how? Democratic “gangbangers,” gangbanging doors, with flyers? And a video — a terrifying video! — of an anonymous woman, who fears for her dear sweet life … HELP! NEW JERSEY DEMOCRATIC FLYER-GANGBANGERS! [Hot Air]
• Michelle Malkin double-doggy dares you to defend muslins and their so-called sharia law. [Michelle Malkin]
  

• Vote Jonah Goldberg’s brother for NYC City Council! And then read about Jonah Goldberg’s kitten lightsaber fettish — but only if you vote for his brother! [The Corner]
• We now know for sure that waterboarding saved America from shoe bombers and global warming. Q. E. muther-fuckin’ D. [Weekly Standard]
• A very important Arizona Republican correctly points out that Democrats are entirely unfamiliar with the daily suffering of “those brown people.” [Think Progress]

How creepy is the 2004 CIA torture report released today? Who knows! Ask someone with an attention span or read it yourself, you fancypants high school diplomas. For the rest of us, there are brief blockquotes on liberal blogs to read, so click the clicky, “for real.” MORE »

Hmm, could this possibly be true? Could that Chicago radio jackass have not undergone a Spiritual Conversion regarding torture after having a stream of water gently poured on his half-covered face for a few seconds? Gawker has salacious details in the form of emails from the guy’s publicist suggesting that this was all “a hoax.” MORE »

A right-wing radio loudmouth in Chicago named “Erich ‘Mancow’ Muller” (hey Chicago readers: explain) thought that the “waterboarding is torture” argument was just a bunch of MoveOn.org poppycock and, as many drink-soaked former Trotskyite popinjays have done before him, submitted himself to the process to prove it — and this time, live on his show. Ha ha ha. Whoops! MORE »

Nancy Pelosi reiterated during a press conference this morning that when she received a CIA briefing on “enhanced interrogations techniques” in the fall of 2002, she was not told about waterboarding, but she was told that everything else they were doing was LEGAL, backed by LEGAL OPINIONS. This contradicts a CIA memo released last week showing that Pelosi knew about waterboarding and loved it so much. Pelosi and the CIA are each calling each other terrible liars. They’re both right! MORE »

Wasn’t Lindsey “Grahamnesty” one of those Republicans who hated torture so much? It was “Grahamnesty” and John Warner and John McCain. “Waterboarding, under any circumstances, represents a clear violation of U.S. law,” they wrote in 2007. But Graham has since determined that hmm, nevermind, Dick Cheney says on the teevee that torture works, and it’s worked for “500 years,” so why do all of these liberals refuse to acknowledge Torquemada for keeping America safe these past eight years? [YouTube]

Oh hey look at that, it appears our next Attorney General is not some bilious torture-fetishist sack of ooze! In his testimony before the Senate today, Eric Holder gave answers so unequivocally Soft on Terror that even the most unrepentant liberal of all, Senator Patrick Leahy of the gay marriage state of Vermont, approved. MORE »

And aren’t we going to miss this guy, Mr. Richard Cheney? Here’s your “vice” president talking about his proudest moment: Authorizing the anti-American and unconstitutional torture of terror suspect. The 9/11 attacks didn’t “change” him, they just made him more right about everything! [ABC News]

At first this might look like the Formula One guy’s kinky Nazi S&M hooker orgy, but no, it’s just Christopher Hitchens getting waterboarded while terrible spin-class techno music plays in the background. We look forward to the tasering video next. [Vanity Fair]

Yesterday, Ohio Gov. Ted Strickland, who many suggested would be a great white vice president for Barack Obama, ruled out any speculation of his chances by invoking the words of famous Civil War Criminal William Tecumseh Sherman: “If drafted, I will not run; nominated, I will not accept; and if elected, I will not serve. So, I don’t know how more crystal clear I can be.” Why is he lying so much? It’s now clear: he has another duty as Governor that need his full attention this summer, that are far more important than “auditioning” for veep: the first annual “Ted Strickland for Governor 2008 Cornhole Tournament Tour.” This sounds like fun. How does one get involved with Ted Strickland’s Cornhole? MORE »

That secret Bilderberg meeting between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton? Now they’re saying it actually happened at the NW Washington home of one of California’s lady senators, Diane Feinstein. She is also an older liberal woman in the Senate who sometimes is a loser, so Hillary asked to borrow her living room. Feinstein turned it into a Chamber of Naked Horror. MORE »