Wonkette

Hey everybody, remember Jessica Cutler? No? Well, a long time ago there was this Senate staffer aide and she had sex — including sex in the butt! — with men who gave her money or other valuables in exchange for the sex. This was different from all other human relationships because she, Jessica Cutler, made a blog about this, five years ago, when blogs were kind of a new thing. So how is she obviously involved with the Eliot Spitzer hooker scandal? MORE »

Hey, remember back in the day four million years ago when a gal named Ana Marie Cox edited this humble publication, and she followed, outed, and interviewed a Hill aide who went by the name “Washingtonienne” and who had lots of anal sex and other kinds of sex that she wrote about on her blog called Washingtonienne? Yes, those were more innocent days when something as simple as a young heterosexual woman having sex with a variety of males could set the world on fire. Let’s take a trip down memory lane…a trip that ends on the Straight Talk Express! MORE »

Spanking fetishist and former Jessica Cutler-fucker Robert Steinbuch just likes suing people. He likes it so much that he’s filed two suits against Cutler and asked to add Wonkette Emerita Ana Marie Cox to both. He briefly wanted to add your current Wonkette editors too (for calling him a spanking fetishist), but was eventually dissuaded. Unfortunately, Original Wonkette hasn’t gotten off so lightly, as a court document from yesterday shows: MORE »

The link, for the curious, goes to our story yesterday about Mike DeWine’s shittily photoshopped 9/11 ad. MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Doug Schoen, pollster for the Gore-Lieberman 2000 presidential campaign and for the abortive 2004 presidential campaign of Sen. Joe Lieberman, donated $2,100 to Lieberman’s primary challenger Ned Lamont. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Sources: Tony Hawk left the Black Cat early last weekend after a friend was ejected for drinking without ID… George Allen’s wife Susan was kicked out of an Alexandria park for campaigning for her husband… Robert Steinbuch has filed another suit against Jessica Cutler, this one in Arkansas. He also filed papers seeking to add Ana Marie Cox as a defendant. [WP]
• Under the Dome: In a letter accidentally sent to constituents, Jim Nussle failed to sound tough enough on immigration… Howard Dean snubbed two Arizona congressional candidates by announcing his desire to elect a woman in that district. [The Hill]
• Page Six: Controversial AIDS writer Celia Farber receives a good review from an AIDS research organization. Page Six prints an unspeakably horrible headline. [NYP]

Last month we updated you on the apparent difficulties that Jessica Cutler, a.k.a. Washingtonienne, has been encountering in paying her lawyers. Those difficulties persist.

On Friday, Judge Paul Friedman, who is presiding over the invasion-of-privacy lawsuit against Cutler, ordered the following:

[O]n or before July 7, 2006, defendant Jessica Cutler must personally respond in writing to her counsel’s motion to withdraw and/or advise the Court of her retention of new counsel or her intention to proceed pro se.

The judge issued this order after Cutler failed to respond to her lawyer’s motion to withdraw (for nonpayment of fees). So Jessica, if you’re out there reading this, please get back to the court — ASAP.

Personally, we would give multiple body parts to watch Jessica Cutler represent herself. It would be the greatest pro se performance since Anna Nicole Smith. We suspect Judge Friedman would become very sympathetic to Cutler after having an ex parte conference with her in chambers.

For all you law geeks out there, the text of the full order appears after the jump.

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Slept with a bunch of people and blogged about it? Actually, no. She’s about to lose the legal services of the attorney representing her in Steinbuch v. Cutler — for the third time.

Back in April, attorney William Bode, who had been representing Jessica Cutler, withdrew (hehe) as her counsel in the case. There was some speculation as to why Bode withdrew, which he denied to the media.

Now Jessica’s latest lawyer, John Umana — who, by the way, is a “leading proponent of intelligent design,” as reported by the Legal Times — wants out. Unlike Bode, Umana has spelled out the reason for his withdrawal, and it’s the oldest reason in the book: nonpayment of fees. (The text of his motion to withdraw, which one of you helpfully forwarded to us, appears after the jump.)

This is not the first time Jessica has had problems paying her lawyers:

Umana, for example, is Cutler’s third attorney in a little more than a year. Her original lawyers, Thomas Wilson and Alexander Vincent of Washington’s Berliner, Corcoran & Rowe, sued Cutler last month in D.C. Superior Court, claiming she owed them $54,271.19. Cutler had already paid $35,000, they said.

Where did all the money go — the Playboy payment, the six-figure book advance, the HBO dough? Jessica’s website, where she solicits PayPal donations, hints at the answer: “Please — I need money for slutty clothes and drugs!”

But even the biggest cokehead/connoisseuse of slutty fashions would have a hard time burning through the cash Jessica has accumulated since she emerged as Washingtonienne. Sounds like someone could use a visit from Suze Orman.

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Now, courtesy of the Legal Times, a quick update on a case that’s far more interesting than Enron: Steinbuch v. Cutler.

The article speaks for itself — res ipsa loquitur — and it’s well worth reading in its entirety. If you’re wondering about whether Steinbuch has a case and what Jessica’s best defenses are, they’re laid out in the piece, which features analysis from law professor and blogger Daniel Solove (among others).

Here’s our favorite excerpt, proving that truth can be stranger than fiction:

It’s hard to know why anyone would care to set the record straight about whether he is able to ejaculate with or without a condom or whether he likes to spank or be spanked. But [Steinbuch attorney Jonathan] Rosen says that’s exactly what Steinbuch intends to do.

“There are graphic and intimate details which are not true,” he said in a telephone interview. “Those are facts that are going to be litigated.”

To summarize the Legal Times piece: Steinbuch v. Cutler represents Robert Steinbuch’s attempt to clear his name. He wants the world to know that he’s good in bed. Really good.

Very well, Professor Steinbuch: you’re GREAT in bed. There, it’s established. It has been printed. In a blog.

Boy, that was an easy problem to solve. Did you really have to go make a federal case out of it?

A Man Scorned [Legal Times]

(For those of you who can’t get enough of Jessica Cutler, we share a random story about a reading she did last month in New York, after the jump. Note: It’s not for the squeamish.)

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Boy, we need to get out more often… MORE »

* It turns out that a court does resemble a circus, at least when Jessica Cutler is there, along with a former paramour as plaintiff and an alleged former paramour as defense counsel. Well, not anymore, as defense counsel had to “pull out.” MORE »