December 10, 2013
Would you like to know what it looks like when police are not busy arresting 750,000 people A YEAR for getting “high” on the pot? That is so many arrests, but how else are you going to put all the black people in jail? (Sorry black people, you are three times more likely to be [...]
A Sudden Valley, Washington, man has been sentenced to 20 days for pulling a gun on a pregnant woman who was smoking a cigarette. Justin Dain Palmer, 25, pulled over his blue Dodge pickup truck to confront the smoking woman around noon Sept. 12, 2012, while she walked on the sidewalk … Through the open [...]
As August settles in on Washington, D.C., like a warm, wet Satanic fart, Congresscritters are hightailing it out of town. For the ENTIRE MONTH. During this recess, they plan on talking at and “listening” to their constituents. How will the GOP convince people that they want to come back to Washington, D.C. year after year? [...]
So here is a thing that happened in Washington DC yesterday: CNN reports that members of “The White Student Union” and the “May Day Workers” came together in Lafayette Park for a frank exchange of views and hurled bags of urine. We pretty much hate the white supremacists because their ideology is, you know, all [...]
“These are the times that try men’s souls,” Thomas Paine once wrote, even though some scold of a junior high language arts teacher probably told him he should have written “times like these try men’s souls” because active voice. Today, as in Paine’s time, men’s souls are tried. We’re not worried about securing our independence [...]
So yesterday Your Wonkette had an amusing little story about how the loons at WorldNetDaily won a prestigious award for their journamalism, given by some fellow loons at “The Discerning Times,” a Christianist newspaper and website in Enumclaw, Washington. Shortly after the story went up, we received a note on the Wonkette Tipline (thanks, Anonymous!), [...]
All y’all with your Bubba hard-ons can leave right now until the next post comes on. Official Wonkette Editorial Policy proclaims Jimmy Carter the bitchinest, raddest, most fuckin’ greatest of all living ex-presidents and probably the dead ones too. Former President Jimmy Carter said that he favored legalizing marijuana during a panel discussion broadcast on [...]
And now, dear Wonketteers, a headline that is quite simply tailor-made for Your Wonkette: TWO ALLIGATORS, A POLE DANCER AND POT AT OLYMPIA AREA SHOOTING SCENE Jesus Christ, this is what the internet was made for. Do we even have to write a story to go along with that? Actually, we do!
First of all, we tricked you, because we were not wearing a red dress at all! This was so we could laugh at your confusion as you looked around and wondered if we would even bother coming to our own Drinky Thing. (Answer: probably!) Second of all, the Park Service estimated attendance at 40 souls, [...]
O hai it is time to come to our party in Washington, DC, because it is tonight (Saturday), at like seven. If previous attendance rates hold up, there will be 10 of you drinking our beer and eating our vittles. (Fishbowl DC said calling our Charlotte Drinky Thing “a party” would be “generous,” because of [...]
Yes we are doing this thing. It is this Saturday, presuming we can find a ride from Charlotte to DC, and we are calling it for 7 p.m. Here is the place:
Remember when we made our own fake Kickstarter, because the real Kickstarter did not think that going around the country throwing parties was “performance art”? (WHATEVER.) Well, we promised you many gifties, which we have yet to deliver, so let us tell you News about them, and announce who won the chance to decide where [...]
Have you been so, so angry that the Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup World Tour has not yet made its way to you? WE KNOW! JESUS! Well, with the coming conventions, we’re pleased to announce a lineup of tour dates for you Right Coasters.
Everybody remember “Ching Chong Chinaman,” the poor blithe racist at UCLA who thought uploading her comedy stylings about “Asians in the library” to Youtube was the height of sophistication, until she got hounded out of college? Well Youtube is so yesterday! Now there is Twitter for your casual hilarious racism, like these tweets from Kathlyn [...]
Conservative teen pop star Ken Cuccinelli, Virginia’s attorney general, is using the hot news about all those dead rats found everywhere in the cleaned-out Occupy DC encampment to bring up one of his biggest fears: That a recent federal law will end up dumping all of DC’s many filthy rats into the Maryland and Virginia [...]