Oh look, former Wonkette “Pornographer to the Stars” and current Washington Times gossip reporter Liz Glover went on the MSNBC teevee this weekend during a rare furlough from her regular job selling knick-knacks in the ghetto for the glory & prestige of Rev. Moon. She and her “less eccentric” (media-trained) partner discuss things that you will not want to hear about at all, like fashion and the power-politics dynamic of the White House Correspondents Dinner, but it’s fun to watch Liz randomly dancing and putting on props and breaking her microphone completely. [YouTube]

The D.C. intelligentsia already read the Washington Times religiously to stay abreast of our old pal Liz Glover’s encounters with celebrities such as John King, who wore a custom-made suit to some event or another. But! Now there is another reason to read the Times! That reason is called “Mitt Romney.” He will participate in a series of columns by Republican luminaries about reinventing conservatism, presumably through such bold measures as “restoring the legacy of Ronald Reagan” and “abolishing government.” [Boston Globe]

If you’ve wondered what the Washington Times might be doing for the next eight years, these selections from the oddball paper’s online store suggest the Moonie pamphlet will start offering all sorts of other stuff nobody wants, such as this President Bush Commemorative Cigar and W. Commemorative Book — a coffee-table sized shame-box apparently featuring washed-out pictures of Bush Junior grimacing and flinching as his henchmen actually ruined the world. Well hey, whatever it takes to keep our Liz Glover gainfully employed! [Washington Times' Bush Store]

TRUE RUMORS: Last week our Liz Glover was running from the demon clutches of Dick Cheney, and this week she’s … leaving us! For the Washington Times. For realz. All the more reason you should RSVP now to the Wonkette 2009 Inauguration Ball at Liz Glover’s Capitol Hill yoga circus. We will have much more about this Stunning Personnel Change, including a Farewell Video from Liz, but for now we post this because those slimeballs at Fishbowl DC somehow heard the secret news. [Fishbowl DC]

• Erstwhile athlete/web-logger Gilbert Arenas has been immortalized in wax, at a museum full of wax people. [DCist]
• If it snows on Inauguration Day, Barack Obama’s car will still get to the White House just fine, and you can still probably charge the person renting out your couch obscene amounts of money for the privilege of doing so. [WTOP]
• Mary Chapin Carpenter, a country musician who’s biggest qualification is that she apparently doesn’t even live in DC, will be the newest Washington Times columnist. [Fishbowl DC]
• Meet Dulles’ newest runway! You will probably be spending several utterly inexplicable hours sitting on it sometime this holiday season. [Washington Post]
• Here are some tips for getting Obama to hire you, as the only jobs left in America are in the White House and at the Washington Times, and one of them has just gone to Mary Chapin Carpenter. [Politico]

What a sore winner this guy is! The only three newspapers in the country to endorse John McCain — the New York Post, Washington Times, and Dallas Morning News — have all been given the heave-ho from Barack Obama’s pwecious pwane. Now they will all have to fly commercial in order to get to various events in the last stretch of the campaign. This is the journalistic equivalent of having to walk through the town square in a pom-pom hat and a thong. [Drudge Report]

After Hillary Clinton lost, her annoying lawyer friend Lanny Davis had to find a new dumb job, even though he was never on staff to begin with. And so he became a columnist for where else, The Washington Times. Yesterday’s column did, in fact, have the comical headline quoted in this post’s headline. It’s some of that contrarian hot air you’d usually see nestled indiscreetly on the front page of Slate or TNR, linking to a boring article by some “legal correspondent” almost surely named “Jeffrey.” But this is different in some respects: it’s in the Moonie Times and it’s written by Lanny Davis, so somehow it manages to be even less edifying. MORE »

HOLY MOLY did you see the new Washington Times poll and its cutting, investigative discovery? People think politicians are crooked — crooked as a politician, as they say! [WT]

Here’s a fun little movie made by John Gorenfeld, who has a creepy new book out about the Rev. Moon and the Washington Times and all sorts of Bush Family/Cult hijinx. But do not let John McCain see this video, because he doesn’t yet know Teddy Roosevelt died, 89 years ago.

John McCain will address the Council for National Policy, a secret group of Republican donors who usually don’t tell anyone anything. According to a copy of their rules, “The media should not know when or where we meet or who takes part in our programs, before or after a meeting.” Unless it’s the Washington Times, who delivered the big scoop today! Thanks, Moonie Terrorists! [WT] MORE »

New Washington Times editor John Solomon was brought in recently to legitimize the paper’s operations and bring back the cutting journalism of its Golden Days. This should be a very, very easy task. Solomon got off to a good start yesterday when the paper reported that the military-industrial complex is worried about Obama’s inexperience at declaring wars. We hope these brilliant investigate reports continue, for America’s safety. On a more symbolic level, however, Solomon has changed aspects of the Times‘ style guide to reflect modern society’s general dislike of racism, sexism and homophobia. How soft have these Moonies gone? MORE »