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Posts Tagged “Washington times”

moonie times

New Washington Times Poll Will Blow Your Mind

HOLY MOLY did you see the new Washington Times poll and its cutting, investigative discovery? People think politicians are crooked — crooked as a politician, as they say! [WT]

bad moon rising

Rev. Sun Myung Moon Makes Dead Presidents Want To Crawl Out Of Their Graves!



Here's a fun little movie made by John Gorenfeld, who has a creepy new book out about the Rev. Moon and the Washington Times and all sorts of Bush Family/Cult hijinx. But do not let John McCain see this video, because he doesn't yet know Teddy Roosevelt died, 89 years ago.

fat cats

McCain Meets With Secret Republican Fat Cat Cult

John McCain will address the Council for National Policy, a secret group of Republican donors who usually don't tell anyone anything. According to a copy of their rules, "The media should not know when or where we meet or who takes part in our programs, before or after a meeting." Unless it's the Washington Times, who delivered the big scoop today! Thanks, Moonie Terrorists! [WT]

moonie times

Introducing the Washington Times' New Unoffensive Style Guide

New Washington Times editor John Solomon was brought in recently to legitimize the paper’s operations and bring back the cutting journalism of its Golden Days. This should be a very, very easy task. Solomon got off to a good start yesterday when the paper reported that the military-industrial complex is worried about Obama’s inexperience at declaring wars. We hope these brilliant investigate reports continue, for America’s safety. On a more symbolic level, however, Solomon has changed aspects of the Times’ style guide to reflect modern society’s general dislike of racism, sexism and homophobia. How soft have these Moonies gone? More »

moonie times

Wash. Times Blames Obama's Lack of Hawkishness on Inexperience

The cultish Washington Times today featured a front page tell-all about Barack Obama’s military inexperience, and how it has led him to have strange opinions. The Times quoted all sorts of neocon hawks in the military, who believe that Barack Obama’s youthful ignorance on national security has led to him to such wild conclusions as “the surge isn’t winning the war,” “we should withdraw from Iraq at some point” and “the Muslim religion will not bomb America if we act nice to it.” The reliable Washington Times, once again, gets to the heart of the election: How can we elect a man so inexperienced that he isn’t a neocon? More »

journalism 101

Washington Times Doing Our Work For Us

The retards at the Washington Times are getting what they deserve on this snowiest of evenings. Here’s the link to Julie Bone’s fascinating study of National/Political trends, until they change it. Although the real article can’t be much different. [WT]

the war on paultards

Washington Times Columnist Underestimates Wonkette's Immaturity

Whatever detente Wonkette may have had with the dinguses at the Washington Times is over after this little display on Sunday. The Times clumsily opened its commentary doors to a Paultard who — in strict accordance to the Paultard ethos — complains about everything with which he doesn’t agree. He lists Wonkette among those detractors who “have it exactly backward,” and claims that we use a certain insensitive word to describe them — but not Paultards. No, this word is far, far more mature and less offensive to the human condition. We’re pissed. More »

MoveOn’s hiring! Let’s all convince the Wash Times’ Robert Stacy McCain to apply. [WT]

dept. of terrible parties

Bush 41, Rev. Moon Almost Tragically Burned To Death

How much fun was last night’s Washington Times 25th anniversary rave? The sexy action got so hot that a fire alarm went off and BFFs George H.W. Bush 41 and Reincarnated Jesus H. Christ Reverend Sun Myung Moon were forced to briefly evacuate the party, along with the other 1,500 Moonies and WashTimes employees. More »

to whom it most certainly does concern dept.

Lonely Shut-ins Wish the Wash 'Times' a Very Happy Birthday

The Washington Times today offers sad insight into the miserable lives of all 16 of their regular “readers.” Here are two particuarly tragic examples: More »

washington times

Happy Birthday To America's Greatest Newspaper!

Listen up, haters: The Moonie Times is not a jingoistic right-wing propaganda sheet. In fact, the almost-25-year-old paper actually HATES AMERICA. By our calendar, the Moonies launched the fringe publication in 1982 — you know, the peak of the Ronald Reagan era in Washington? More »

washington times

Bush I, King of Peace to Reunite for One Last Show

Former President George H. W. Bush will deliver the keynote address at a ceremony honoring the Washington Times’ 25th birthday this May. Also appearing: Times founder the Reverend Sun Myung Moon, who, you might remember, is the Messiah. And the King of the Ocean, but it’s in his role as the Messiah that he goes around demanding churches throw out their crosses and start worshipping him instead. More »


washington times

Moonie Times Wins For Best Government Reporting!

The Virginia Press Association had its big awards ceremony on Friday night, at the world-famous Watergateside Hotel, which is “separated from the waterfront by an Outback Steakhouse and a Hooters” and is also in Norfolk. More »

washington times

WashTimes Teaches Rudy Important Lesson on Tolerance

Those lovable WashTimes kids are at it again! More »

washington times

Wash 'Times' Continues to Lead the Pack in Hilariously Unprofessional Behavior, General Nuttiness

Working at the Washington Times sounds about twice as fun as any other media gig we can think of. Whether your boss is threatening violence: More »

fishbowldc

Live Nude Rising Stars!

FishbowlDC is concluding its “Rising Star” contest. We’re not entirely clear on what the contestants were competing for, or what qualifies one as a rising star, but it seems to involve internet polls. And, naturally, massive voter fraud. As can be expected, it quickly became a popularity contest, with someone from something called “Two Mundos Magazine” duking it out with Kara Rowland, an attractive metro reporter from that bastion of respectable journalism, the Washington Times. More »

insight

We Support 'Insight'!

The New York Times today tries to explain to its liberal, godless readers why they don’t need to listen to or believe Insight, the Rev. Moon-funded magazine so awesomely crazy that even the Washington Times is embarrassed to be connected to it. More »