washington times
‘The Left’ Is Anti-Science Because Of Hippies, Says New Dumb Book
Hey, there, fellow leftists! Hope you’re all having a great day eating organic arugula, liberating lab animals from a university research facility, and withholding your children from getting vaccinated! Because it turns out that, despite the fairly well-documented dislike of science facts by many on the right, it’s really libruls who hate science, as the [...]
Washington Times Stakes Out DNC Prayer Room; Bothers, Judges People
Happy Sunday, everyone! Except those of you who are Democrats, because you obviously hate God so much you will boo His name. You do you not get a happy Sunday, and you will only get one when you pray more — the jig is up, heathens, and the Washington Times is onto you. We know [...]
Mitt Romney Eats Muffins Like A Precious, Fussy Little Child
This marks the week of Reclaiming Mitt Romney, in which he gives out lots and lots of interviews to show how beneath the cold, awkward, moderately inhuman exterior, he is a cold, awkward, moderately inhuman person who is competent enough to run the most powerful nation in the world despite having no idea what 98.7% [...]
Moonie Times Columnist Has Many Nuanced, Reasonable Opinions About Bikesharing
DC’s Capital Bikeshare program, for which you pay a fee to join and then ride bikes to and from docking stations across the city, is a popular thing that keeps enlisting new members and expanding. Its success is leading other cities, such as New York, to start their own programs. Now, as an earth-destroying motorist, [...]
Corrections: Your Wonkette’s Week In Mistakes
In the story “Jerry Brown To Washington Times Reporter: ‘Are You a Moonie?’” we referred to idiot reporter Kerry Picket as him, he, his, etc. We are sorry to report that Kerry Picket is in fact a woman. This shames us all — all women, that is, as Picket’s tete-a-tete avec Governor Brown was the [...]
Jerry Brown To Washington Times Reporter: ‘Are You a Moonie?’
California Governor Jerry Brown dealt with some hack Washington Times reporter in the exact way all elected officials should deal with Washington Times reporters: by repeatedly correcting him on basic facts, pointing and laughing in his (presumably fat and pasty) face, and then delivering a rough-and-ready Jerry Brown-style head-butt to the dingle. After much back-and-forth [...]
Moonie Times: Weiner Maybe Showed His Weiner Because He’s Secretly Muslim
How is crazyland? Still crazy! Here’s what the Washington Times posted about a well-known Jewish man from New York: Given the defense articulated by the Imam, which would be offered only for a Muslim man, we must believe this opportunity to remove this Muslim woman from a union with an non-believer would be quickly taken. [...]
Wicked Witch Of the Left Casts Hex On John Dennis
A video game from 1998 CONCLUSIVELY PROVES that Marxism is a lie. [Ludwig Von Mises Institute] The Huffington Post and some Islamaphobe blog are in a juicy spat because HuffPo reported the Islamaphobe’s Islamaphobic ads were taken down when they were actually not taken down, prompting MASSIVE RETALIATION via blog post. [AtlasShrugs] One day after [...]
MOONIE MASSACRE: Local videographer and delightful monster Liz Glover tells your Wonkette that she has just been laid off from the Washington Times, along with most other employees. Sorry/Hooray, Liz!
WashTimes To Staff: Uhh… Good News And Bad News?
The Moonie Times’ critically mocked real-life adaptation of King Lear appears to have reached its fifth act, where Rev. Moon expands his kingdom into the burgeoning Mass Funeral sector and then fucks off to Paraguay to die. The Washington Times is laying off FORTY percent of its workforce. But… but not for 60 days so [...]
Moonie Times Editor Is Officially Gone, As Moonie Brothers Continue Fighting
John Solomon, the beloved human brought in a couple of years ago to serve as executive editor of the Washington Times, and possibly save it (?), has come to the following conclusion: fuck this shit, I’m out. He has resigned, effective last Friday. So in the past week, as the great great brilliant divine extraordinary [...]
WashTimes, Just Call It A Day
It sure would be funny if the Washington Times went out of business, except for the poor local reporters and stuff, and Liz Glover, who would be sent to live with Barbara Bush and the Reverend Moon in Paraguay. (The food is shit, a “top-level Pentagon official” tells us.) We assume that the Times IS [...]
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