Tag Archives: washington state

  Real Flag False Story

‘Patriots’ Take Credit For Perfectly Routine Removal Of Chinese Flag, Save America From Communism!

We're pretty sure there's just not enough red dye for an entire iceberg.
Wonkette EXCLUSIVE must cite Wonkette!!! The Wingnuttosphere is full of excited stories about an absolute OUTRAGE that occurred last week, when the flag of COMMUNIST RED CHINA, our sworn enemy and trading partner, was flown in front of the Washington state capitol building in Olympia to honor a visit by Chinese Ambassador Cui Tiankai. After much huffing and puffing, the offensive banner was hauled down Saturday morning either by brave, Constitution-Loving Patriots, or by a maintenance worker who was removing it because the ambassadorial visit was over. Actually, Yr Wonkette has confirmed with the office of Gov. Jay Inslee that the flag was taken down as a matter of routine — not due to pressure from wingnuts. Read more on ‘Patriots’ Take Credit For Perfectly Routine Removal Of Chinese Flag, Save America From Communism!…
  Cold Dead Hands

Gun Roundup: The State Of Our Union’s Gun Nuts Is Stupid As Ever

As gun ownership becomes more about making a half-baked political statement predicated on paranoid delusions and industry propaganda, and less about practical matters like hunting and home defense, it stands to reason that gun owners themselves would display an ever-diminishing quotient of common sense. This is just a theory, but damned if the facts on the ground don’t support it. WITNESS: Read more on Gun Roundup: The State Of Our Union’s Gun Nuts Is Stupid As Ever…
  Takin’ hits from the bong

Grammaw Queefs A Spliff

Don't bogart that bong, grandma
What happens when three grandmothers who’ve never gotten high before decide to try out The Reefer? Some dudes in Washington State — where it is perfectly legal for grandmothers to get recreationally high — decided to find out. And it is THE BEST. Read more on Grammaw Queefs A Spliff…
  Your Morning Maddow

Rachel Maddow: Good For You, Washington State, You’re 50% Smarter Now (Video)

It's really quite simple. Or should be.
Rachel Maddow is delighted — and so are we, because happy Rachel = Happy us — that in the recent Scottish independence referendum, small but substantial numbers of ballots had to be thrown out because they had both “Yes” and “No” marked on the simplest question ever put on a nationwide referendum: “Should Scotland be an independent country?” This was too much complexity for some folks, apparently. Read more on Rachel Maddow: Good For You, Washington State, You’re 50% Smarter Now (Video)…
  Burning Issues: The Week In Weed

House Passes ‘No Welfare For Weed’ Bill, Which Fails To Ban Welfare For Weed

After coming back from a five-week “district work period” for eight action-packed days of legislating, members of the House and Senate went slinking out of DC on Thursday while mumbling over their shoulders that they’d be on email if anything should come up before the midterm elections. No worries, since all the important stuff got done: both chambers passed a stopgap funding bill to avert a shutdown showdown until just before Christmas, Trey Gowdy got to have all his friends over for his Benghazi Party, and the House of Representatives even found time to pretend they banned people who get government assistance from buying marijuana in those heathen enclaves where such a thing can be done legally. Read more on House Passes ‘No Welfare For Weed’ Bill, Which Fails To Ban Welfare For Weed…
  Doob The Right Thing

Colorado PSA: Don’t Eat All The Pot Candy Like That Idiot MoDo

The bad trip scene in that movie was kind of epic
Thank god, a Maureen Dowd column has finally resulted in something good for the world. After she chowed down on a pot candy bar and got super-hiiiiiiigh — very unpleasantly so — the legal marijuana industry in Colorado has referenced her “bad trip” column as part of an advertising campaign promoting Safe ‘n’ Responsible doobage. Read more on Colorado PSA: Don’t Eat All The Pot Candy Like That Idiot MoDo…
  department of ewwww

Super Skeevy Doctor Will Give You Drugs, Fap Over Your Pix, And Sext During Your Surgery

Are you one of those people who are afraid to be put under for surgery because you harbor a fear that something weird or unsafe will happen to you while you’re out? No? Howzabout you read about this Seattle anesthesiologist who spent quality time sexting mid-surgery and also too fapped to patient photos in his downtime? Read more on Super Skeevy Doctor Will Give You Drugs, Fap Over Your Pix, And Sext During Your Surgery…
  kiss kiss bang bang

The NRA Is Scared Of Girls

Here’s some very measured, very partial Nice Time for you nice people! The National Rifle Association, according to a piece by Laura Bassett and Christina Wilkie at the Huffington Post, is quietly backing away from one part of its “never restrict guns ever anywhere for any reason” agenda, and has actually dropped its objections to a law in Washington state that would require people to give up their firearms if they’re served with a protective order for domestic violence. And that’s after opposing the bill for over 10 years. The NRA has also not opposed similar bills in Louisiana, Wisconsin, and Minnesota. This is a big step forward from the organization’s previous position, which was that only someone convicted on felony charges of domestic violence should have to surrender their precious Freedom Irons. And of course, the NRA still opposes any broadening of the scope of such bans to include perfectly OK charges like stalking, because how else are you going to catch a deer? Read more on The NRA Is Scared Of Girls…
  we bid one trump

Idiots Have Some ‘Thoughts’ On That Washington State ‘Bridge’

How many bridges must a man drive off before we call him a man? None, because he is just going to sit there in the water and wait to get “rescued” by the nanny state government instead of pulling himself up by his bootstraps, out of a river, which it is his own fault he fell into, because “takers.” Like, YOU DIDN’T BUILD THAT! Or something. Oh hahaha, you think we are joking. Surely you know us better than that! Read more on Idiots Have Some ‘Thoughts’ On That Washington State ‘Bridge’…
  wonksplainer

Austerity Declared Winner In Washington State Bridge Collapse

Gee, I wonder what will happen if we build roads and bridges, then completely ignore them for decades and drastically cut funding everywhere in order to suck the knob of the right wing’s newest golden calf, austerity? Surely nothing bad will happen ever, because debt and deficit are lurking in the corner, threatening to molest your kiddies worse that Ghost Harvey Milk, and Jesus loves austerity. Well, folks in Washington State got a taste of austerity’s sour splooge yesterday when a bridge on Interstate 5 straight up collapsed: The major highway bridge linking the Washington state city of Seattle with Canada and the rest of the Pacific north-west region collapsed late on Thursday, dumping several vehicles and the people inside into a river. The four-lane Interstate 5 bridge collapsed about halfway between Seattle and Vancouver, British Columbia, Trooper Mark Francis of the Washington state patrol said. Since last night’s bridge collapse, which at least was no motherfucking Minnesota bridge collapse, Jesus, officials have blamed a truck that was overloaded and ran into one of the bridge’s spans. But shouldn’t a truck NOT be able to take out an interstate highway, unless it is overloaded WITH TERRORISM? Yr Wonkette has a sad over the bridge collapse in Washington State. But if the GOP continues to have a hissyfit anytime anyone wants to spend a dime, even to help with GODDAM TORNADO RELIEF, then this kind of shit will continue to happen. Let’s wonksplore some facts and data about transportation funding (CLICK! It’s not like we are lecturing on the 5th amendment again!) Read more on Austerity Declared Winner In Washington State Bridge Collapse…
  here's one weird trick that gasoline companies hate!

Hero GOP Senator’s Office Tells Gays To Go Grow Their Own Food and Gasoline

Washington state Senator Mike Hewitt is cosponsoring an awesome and superconstitutional antidiscrimination bill, SB 5927. It says you can’t discriminate against people based on their race, country of origin, sexual orientation, etc., unless you really really want to. Cool bill! Very awesome! You may not refuse to do commerce or real estate with someone who is gay or an immigrant or a veteran, unless Jesus told you not to do commerce or real estate with someone who is gay or an immigrant or a veteran. So then a Washingtonian fellow called Mike Hewitt’s office to be like WTF? And according to The Stranger, here is what happened next! During the phone calls, he says he asked staffers some variation of the question “What are rural gays supposed to do if the only gas station or grocery store for miles won’t sell them gas and food?” Castro says the staffer at Hewitt’s office surprised him with the answer “Well, gay people can just grow their own food.” Then they hung up on him, and then they hung up on The Stranger about a million times, because “courage.” Read more on Hero GOP Senator’s Office Tells Gays To Go Grow Their Own Food and Gasoline…
  Tales of Two-Wheeled Terror

In Blatant Bid For House Science Committee, Washington State Rep Calls Bicylists Polluters

Remember how much fun we had laughing at Ronald Reagan’s jolly science fact about how trees cause pollution? And how it made absolutely no difference to anyone? You’ll be delighted to know that The Gipper’s example lives on, nurtured and sanctified by public servants like Washington state Rep. Ed Orcutt (R-SpringfieldTireFire), who patiently explained to the Seattle Bike Blog that bicyclists have no reason to be so damn smug about their impact on the environment because, “You would be giving off more CO2 if you are riding a bike than driving in a car.” Read more on In Blatant Bid For House Science Committee, Washington State Rep Calls Bicylists Polluters…
  Stems and Seeds of Liberty

Idaho State Senator Loves States’ Rights But Not For Demon Weed

If there’s anything your wingnuts love, it’s the hallowed concept of States’ Rights. Your modern wingnut says the states should never have to knuckle under to Federal tyranny, because freedom! In the Great State of Idaho, one of the freedom-lovingest Freedomeers is State Sen. Chuck Winder (rhymes with “splinter”), who loves freedom so much that he supported a 2011 bill to nullify health care reform, and has also signed on to efforts to allow health-care providers to refuse to provide health care for slutty women. He loves states’ freedom so much that he thinks states should be free to make slutty women undergo a transvaginal ultrasound before getting an abortion, because the state has an interest in making sure babbies get borned. So here’s a man who loves freedom for states, which is good for everyone else’s freedom, too, except slutty ladies, of course. But Sen. Winder is also a deeply moral man, and he has serious concerns about what other states have been doing, particularly those stoners next door in Washington, where the voters got tired of having to guard their stashes with alligators and just plain legalized the filthy weed. So Winder has introduced two bills in the current session of the Idaho Lege, one of which will promise to keep pot illegal in the state forever and ever, and the other one a “non-binding memorial calling on the federal government to enforce federal anti-drug laws in all states,” including those with medical marijuana laws. Because Chuck Winder would do anything for states’ rights, but he won’t do THAT. Read more on Idaho State Senator Loves States’ Rights But Not For Demon Weed…
  i am a baumgartner of men

Washington GOP Senate Candidate F-Bombs Reporter For Asking Questions About The News

let's read more!
It can be difficult to run for Senate. Your Wonkette knows; we haven’t done it many times because of how difficult it is. Michael Baumgartner, though, is running for Senate against Maria Cantwell, and was righteously pissed off because a reporter asked him questions that weren’t on his agenda, and so responded thoughtfully about the issues of the day. By telling the reporter to go fuck himself. Read more on Washington GOP Senate Candidate F-Bombs Reporter For Asking Questions About The News…
  been caught stealing

Supermodel Snohomish County Executive Made Threesome Sexytimes During Work Hours, Maybe Stole Stuff

Here is some group-sex-having liberal eyecandy, for your Friday morning treat. (Your Wonkette loves you, each and every one.) Meet Aaron Reardon! He is the Snohomish County (think of it as “Seattle-adjacent”) chief executive currently on the hot seat for doing sex on all sorts of ladies at the same time, while he was supposed to be “working,” and also charging a vibrator and lube to a county credit card because who hasn’t? Also, you know, misuse of public funds who cares let’s get to the orgies! Read more on Supermodel Snohomish County Executive Made Threesome Sexytimes During Work Hours, Maybe Stole Stuff…
  space bums

Nice Spaceman Running For Senate From Washington State; Will End Minimum Wage & Colonize Space

You know things are horrible in American Politics when a guy campaigning for U.S. Senate on a platform of free trade/space colonization and ending the minimum age so bums can work as low-paid “government helpers” sounds more reasonable than actual senators currently in positions of great power. Read more on Nice Spaceman Running For Senate From Washington State; Will End Minimum Wage & Colonize Space…
  the epic war of homosexuality and our baked goods

House Hopeful Says Girl Scouts Are Lesbortionists

Despite the encouraging fact that your President Obama hates the Girl Scouts, Real AmeriKKKA knows that this lady-driven NGO is just a haven for rug-munching, carpet-licking, hole-fisting feminazis! Or at least that’s what Republican Hans Zeiger, House candidate from Washington, wrote once, on these very Internets! Yes, it seems this handsome twentysomething gent with the Palinesque spectacles (who serves as an Assistant Scoutmaster in the totally non-rapey Boy Scouts of America!) hates little girls and their dreams. And man, is he pissed that the bitches get all the good press! Here’s a gem from a few years ago: Read more on House Hopeful Says Girl Scouts Are Lesbortionists…
  today in sadness

Anti-Gay Marriage Ad: Keep Filthy Queers Out Of Our Leaf Piles

Here’s a great new ad from the anti-gay-marriage amendment crusaders in whatever state is “doing that” now… ah, super gay Washington state. God and the Jesus made marriage for men and women, so they could fuck and have children and play in piles of leaves. How would you heteros like it in you’re splashing leaves with your children Little Johnny reaches into the pile only to grab the exposed cock of a hidden homo? You simply would not care for that. UPDATE: Oh hey what is this about permissions now? Just click the link. Dumb “Vimeo.” [Vimeo] Read more on Anti-Gay Marriage Ad: Keep Filthy Queers Out Of Our Leaf Piles…
  that ad? won't be seein' that no more

How Not To Attack An Opponent Who Has An Italian Name

The brilliant Washington State Democratic party went about making an attack ad of Republican gubernatorial candidate Dino Rossi by using a “Sopranos” theme. In case you don’t know anything about life, “Dino Rossi” is the most Italian name since “Papa John Pizza.” And so the “Italian Club of Seattle” got predictably offended and called it “racist,” against dinosaurs. [YouTube, Seattle Times] Read more on How Not To Attack An Opponent Who Has An Italian Name…
  aww

Dejected Clinton Delegate Expresses Sadness With Pretty Letterhead

Here’s the first page of a real letter from some sad panda named Marvin D. Wells, one of 28 pledged Hillary Clinton delegates from Washington State who will still cast his vote for her at the national convention in August. He still hopes that Hillary can pull off a coup at the convention, you see, because without her he’s “Just A Nobody.” We know this because it’s written in large purple fairy-tale font atop the letter. Why must Barack Obama hurt this adorable Microsoft Word ’97 artist’s feelings? WHY MUST BARACK OBAMA MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE A NOBODY? [PDF Letter via Slog] Read more on Dejected Clinton Delegate Expresses Sadness With Pretty Letterhead…
 

Washington Caucuses Teach Mike Huckabee The True Meaning Of Math And Counting

Oh irony: the most math-averse candidate in the presidential race now needs the numbers on his side…and the numbers are pissed. Luke Esser, the state party chairman, called the Sunday Washington state caucuses for John McCain with 87% of the vote counted. One Huckabee advisor said “it was very damaging to our campaign to announce a defeat when the evidence didn’t justify that.” Read more on Washington Caucuses Teach Mike Huckabee The True Meaning Of Math And Counting…