Tag: washington post

Joe Scarborough Not At All Sorry For Being Dumb Sexist Porcine A-Hole

On Tuesday night, Hillary Clinton gave a speech. And it was a great speech. Unless you are a white dude in The Media, in which case it was not a great speech because Hillary Clinton was giving it. And...

Trump Campaign On Assaulted Breitbart Reporter Gal: Who, Us?

The Trump campaign has gotten so crazy, sometimes they assault people who aren't even black! Take this nice young Breitbart reporter gal -- she's white, even! (And cute!) And she says Trump's campaign manager came up behind her, grabbed...

Dear Univision: Show Us On The Doll Where Hillary And Bernie Hurt You

Last night, the showdown was ON. Two candidates took the stage, coiffed for battle, ready to face down and parry the ludicrous personal attacks and brutal hypocrisies of their worst enemies: the debate moderators. Wait, What Now? Yes, Wednesday's Democratic debate was notable...
Yep, she's worried. Look at the fear in her eyes.

Democratic Debate Moderator Sleeping With Republican Benghazi Committee, We Guess

There is a general consensus emerging on every internet in the whole galaxy that Wednesday night's Democratic debate, moderated by Univision's María Elena Salinas and Jorge Ramos, and the Washington Post's Karen Tumulty, was the dumbest debate that ever...
Actual wall will be built even more bigly

Trump’s Wall To Be 10 Feet Taller Because Mexico Hurt His Feelings With Swears

Alack and alas and oh his poor stars and whiskers, Donald Trump is offended because former Mexican El Presidente Vicente Fox said a mean word about him! Listen, Vicente Fox; only one politician gets to say mean words to...

Maybe Antonin Scalia’s Secret Society Hunting Pals Murdered Him With Obama’s Pillow

Just when we thought the Saga of Dead Scalia couldn't get any weirder, news has broken that the Supreme Court justice and aspiring Nazgul died while on a hunting excursion with pals from a secret society. But what exactly...

Finnish Clowns Give Marauding Bigots Exactly The Respect They Deserve

That headline is going to take some explaining, so stick with us here. Alright, so, Finland. You guys know Finland, right? It's the third biggest Scandinavian country, after the ones you always remember first. Its chief exports are alcoholism and...
No, Bill, we haven't forgotten.

Everyone So Excited We Have To Talk About Bill Clinton’s Penis Again

It's a good thing Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-Wife of Bill Clinton's Penis) is running for president, or else we'd be forced to find creative ways to mention Bill Clinton's penis and all the various no-no holes it has been inside...
So...very...tired...

Ben Carson: Running For President Is Haaaaard

Ben Carson sat down with the Washington Post a couple days before Christmas to let them know running for president isn't the nonstop party train of fun the average American might assume it is. But even though he's been...
Remember how dirty, scuffed up spaceships were a big deal?

Here, Have A Lot More Star Wars Crap: Your Saturday Nerdout

Happy Long Weekend Saturday, Nerdlings, and here is a whole bunch of Nerdstuff that we meant to bring you last weekend, except some rogue Bernie Sanders droids had to go and steal the blueprints for Hillary Clinton's electoral battle...

Here Is Your Heartwarming Christmas Tale Of Awful People Manipulating Poor Children

So the Washington Post, which just this weekend decided it was too hard to keep debunking awful internet hoaxes, apparently decided it is not too hard to maintain some repository of hot garbage called "Inspired Life," which features such...

Washington Post Demands Racist GOP Hatemongers Tsk-Tsk Racist Donald Trump

One would think the Very Serious Media has had enough time to recover from its shock that Donald Trump is a racist hate-mongering sack of scum. And that the Republican base loves him for it. He is, as we...
Warrior president.

Rick Santorum Beated Up Whoopi Goldberg And ISIS, Will Be Toughest President

Rick Santorum, whose polling throughout the primary season hasn't risen higher than Rick Santorum's dick when he discovers sexts from his wife's hot abortion doctor ex-boyfriend, has sent out a fundraising email. No, we do not know how the Washington...
Maybe the demon sheep ruined HP.

Time To Add ‘Deadbeat Loser’ To Carly Fiorina’s List Of Accomplishments

Here are some things we know about Carly Fiorina. She's a liar, for one. But she's not merely an occasional liar. She's a hardcore addicted-like-it's-top-shelf-heroin pathological liar. Also? She's one of the worst CEOs in the history of CEOing....

John McCain Graciously Refuses To Tell Donald Trump To F*ck Himself In The Ear

Did you hear the one about how Donald Trump thinks John McCain is a L-O-S-E-R for getting captured and held as a prisoner of war that one time, in the Nam, for five and a half years? Of course...
WHO ME?

Donald Trump Defeats Soviet Union, Builds Vietnam Memorial With His Bare Hands

Donald "I'm Donald Trump" Trump is basically the most amazing man who has ever lived, which you should already know by now, and if you don't you are an idiot because he tells us every day how amazing he...