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Tag: washington post

Donald Trump Loves Sunday School So F*cking Much, It’s Terrific And Elegant And You Get Juice Boxes

Trump spoke to a big gay-hatin' conference of bigots this week. Click to see what he said!

Wonkagenda: Thursday, August 11, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!

Washington Post Says Trump Teaching GOP To Love The Gays, LOL Shut Up, Washington Post

How weird, since Trump is addressing an INSANE anti-gay summit this week!
is this thing on?

Apple Gets Patent To Destroy Its Own Creation

Former startup Apple is valiantly sticking up for the entertainment industry with a new patent designed to thwart obnoxious iPhone recordings. Have to say, we can't think of anything that could go wrong with this technology in the hands of...

Whom Did Hillary Clinton Threaten To Murder To Get Jerry Brown’s Endorsement?

The Washington Post explains Jerry Brown's 'lukewarm' endorsement of Hillary Clinton. Lucky mindreaders at the Washington Post!

Marco Rubio Is Sick Of Your Nonsense. Marco Rubio Is Sick Of Your Nonsense. Marco Rubio Is

Marco Rubio does not think much of your "journalism," Washington Post. Marco Rubio, welcome to the club!

Chinese Restaurant Server In Trouble For Mocking Jerk Hipsters On Receipt. (Hint: The Hipsters Were Jerks)

In which a server at a Chinese restaurant is schooled by an insufferable hipster on the authenticity of serving rice in small bowls rather than large. STOP IT, HIPSTERS.
Watch where you point that thing, bub

Alex Jones Auditions To Be Trump’s White House Press Secretary With Very Sane Revolution Rant

Alex Jones is kind of a sore winner. After his boy Donald Trump won the Indiana primary Tuesday night and Ted Cruz dropped out of the campaign, Jones posted a rambling shouty video -- and we mean rambling, even...

Trump Campaign Manager Corey Lewandowski Goes To Jail, For Being A Dick

Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski, human spleen, has turned himself in on misdemeanor battery charges for misdemeanor-battering a gal Breitbart reporter for having the temerity to exist in his field of vision. Despite Lewandowski's insistence that he could not...

Joe Scarborough Not At All Sorry For Being Dumb Sexist Porcine A-Hole

On Tuesday night, Hillary Clinton gave a speech. And it was a great speech. Unless you are a white dude in The Media, in which case it was not a great speech because Hillary Clinton was giving it. And...

Trump Campaign On Assaulted Breitbart Reporter Gal: Who, Us?

The Trump campaign has gotten so crazy, sometimes they assault people who aren't even black! Take this nice young Breitbart reporter gal -- she's white, even! (And cute!) And she says Trump's campaign manager came up behind her, grabbed...

Dear Univision: Show Us On The Doll Where Hillary And Bernie Hurt You

Last night, the showdown was ON. Two candidates took the stage, coiffed for battle, ready to face down and parry the ludicrous personal attacks and brutal hypocrisies of their worst enemies: the debate moderators. Wait, What Now? Yes, Wednesday's Democratic debate was notable...
Yep, she's worried. Look at the fear in her eyes.

Democratic Debate Moderator Sleeping With Republican Benghazi Committee, We Guess

There is a general consensus emerging on every internet in the whole galaxy that Wednesday night's Democratic debate, moderated by Univision's María Elena Salinas and Jorge Ramos, and the Washington Post's Karen Tumulty, was the dumbest debate that ever...
Actual wall will be built even more bigly

Trump’s Wall To Be 10 Feet Taller Because Mexico Hurt His Feelings With Swears

Alack and alas and oh his poor stars and whiskers, Donald Trump is offended because former Mexican El Presidente Vicente Fox said a mean word about him! Listen, Vicente Fox; only one politician gets to say mean words to...

Maybe Antonin Scalia’s Secret Society Hunting Pals Murdered Him With Obama’s Pillow

Just when we thought the Saga of Dead Scalia couldn't get any weirder, news has broken that the Supreme Court justice and aspiring Nazgul died while on a hunting excursion with pals from a secret society. But what exactly...

Finnish Clowns Give Marauding Bigots Exactly The Respect They Deserve

That headline is going to take some explaining, so stick with us here. Alright, so, Finland. You guys know Finland, right? It's the third biggest Scandinavian country, after the ones you always remember first. Its chief exports are alcoholism and...