Do you want to know the most important and controversial news story ever in world history? Courtesy of the Washington press corps: Barack Obama does a lot of teevee interviews to talk about his policies, and he might be “overexposing” himself this way. (Can anyone explain what the dickens this “overexposure” argument could possibly fucking mean? People do realize that you aren’t *required* to watch television shows you don’t want to watch, or television in general, right?) Right. But where there’s epic tragedy there’s room for High Satire, and who better to write that than the World’s Worst Writer, Washington Post sociopath Richard Cohen. Remember: he is “a funny guy” and knows most things about humor. (No but seriously, [re-]read that linked 2006 column if you haven’t done so in a while.) MORE »

Ha ha Washington Post. How will they make money during this damnable Internet Age? Masturbation videos about beer? Selling information and brokering access to rich lobbyists over wine at the publisher’s home? Maybe somehow loving war even more? Such a quandary. Until they come up with a new long-term business plan, though, the temporary strategy will just be to pour buckets of Prozac into the printing presses. MORE »

George Will is such a hot potato right now! BUT A SPINELESS POTATO? He received so much publicity for his other column a few days ago — when he “stunned” Washington by “going Galt” and calling for an end to the millenia-old Afghanistan war, making him the first very serious important pundit to do so, ever — that now he’s like, “Iraq is also no good.” Hmm where’d he get that idea? Probably the Huffington Post or Al Gore one of the other Internet places. MORE »

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RNC chairman Michael Steele — the “Republican Barack Obama,” because he is black — took to the pages of local war & murder digest The Washington Post yesterday to argue for “Seniors’ Bill of Rights” that included ten provisions reading, “Get Your Government Hands Off My Medicare And Guns.” It promised NO CUTS EVER in Medicare, especially none of these so-called “efficiency” cuts, where money is so-called “wasted” “under the current” “system.” It was the best political column since Robert Novak’s death. But today Michael Steele has, ho ho ho, directly contradicted himself, because he is not a good human being. MORE »

• Roy Blunt (R-MO) knows stuff about Canada. He knows that in Canada, they speak French and Spanglish, and that “bacon” is really just lame slices of ham. Roy knows that if you need a hip replacement, the Canadian government sends to you live in poverty, with the Eskimos, who have no need for hips. [AMERICAblog]
• If Obama abandons the public option, hundreds of House members will put catheters in their weenies — à la Mike Gravel — and read Infinite Jest again and again and again, until they get their way (Hitler socialism). [TPM]
• Orly Taitz is the poster child for cannabis psychosis. [Salon]
• RedState Bible Study! God spoketh unto Abraham, “Abraham. Hey. Kill the public option.” So Abraham dragged the public option up a mountain, and stabbed it in the face. “Jesus Christ,” howled the Lord. “That was just a test. You weren’t supposed to do that, really.” And then Abraham shrugged and gave an exhilarating speech at Right Online, in the sinful city of Pittsburgh. The End. [RedState]
• Is the Washington Post snorting Prozac? Or maybe taking handfuls of Flintstone Zoloft vitamins every day? If so, please stop being greedy, and share with TNR. [The Plank]

Man, the top brass at the Washington Post are killing the everlasting shit out of Dana Milbank and Chris Cillizza’s horrific web gag “Mouthpiece Theater,” and not very discreetly! Both Cillizza and in-house arbiter of all that is true and fair in media, Howard Kurtz, have written long pieces about this Internet “experiment” gone bad, badder, and ultimately bad enough that Washingtonpost.com began choking to death on this ball-gag of experimental video-journalism. MORE »

You know, Mouthpiece Theater, the viral Internet hit of the year! [Media Matters]

It’s been a while since we last checked in on the Washington Post op-ed stable’s elderly “left-center” know-nothing Richard Cohen, the Worst Writer in the World. After a profound month-long streak of weekly 800-word diarrhea baths earlier this year — climaxing with the legendary, “What if Dick Cheney is right?” — Cohen laid low for a while, talked about how nuts George Bush’s Iraq War was for a couple of weeks, safe stuff. NO MORE! Cohen has returned to form triumphantly (sadly) today with just… just a real lousy effort. Man alive. Take your bathroom break *now,* before clicking the clicky, because what you’re about to witness is… a Richard Cohen “concept” column! MORE »

Here’s some happy news: Fired WashingtonPost.com columnist Dan Froomkin has been hired by the Huffington Post to run the monster-blog’s new DC bureau. Now mean old neocon Charles Krauthammer and his faux-liberal enablers at the Washington Post can’t get Froomkin fired ever again, ha ha. Something makes us think Froomkin’s page views will go way up now that he’ll be promoted on the HuffPo front page rather than buried in the unloved online ghetto of the corrupt, dying Washington Post. Eat a bag of rat dicks, WaPo! [Andrew Sullivan]

Rancid lying demon & TIME New York Times Washington Post “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol wrote a very funny column about Sarah Palin yesterday and now we are going to make fun of it. MORE »