Tag Archives: washington post

  Your morning cup of wut?

‘Convert Them Or Kill Them,’ Said Jesus And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Actual photo from Sermon on the Mount
We have good news (weed and boobs) and bad news (Dana Milbank). Which do you want first? Too bad, here’s what you’re getting. Now that Duck Dynasty Derphead Phil Robertson is tourin’ the teevee to sell his “book,” we’ll probably be suffering through many of his deep thoughts. Like what Jesus would say about fightin’ terra-rists: Read more on ‘Convert Them Or Kill Them,’ Said Jesus And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Fox Solves All Your Selfie Problems, Alaska Is REALLY Weird, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Just look in the mirror
It’s hump day. So, uh, hump something? While some people are upset about nekkid self-portraits (what the kids these days who should get off our lawn call “selfies”) floating around the interwebs without their consent, Fox News has the perfect solution, as usual. Tell us what it is, Fox & Friends host Steve Doocy (he’s the blond one, we think): Read more on Fox Solves All Your Selfie Problems, Alaska Is REALLY Weird, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  Beat the press

Who Won Battleground Ferguson: Po-Po Or Journos? The Answer Will Amaze You!

gassy
  Still Life With Al Jazeera and Teargas. Image from video by KSDK As the teargas wafts away from the streets of Ferguson, Missouri, and the some of the members of the media covering the Mike Brown protests start to drift away to cover more pressing stories like the VMAs, let’s take a look back to see who came out ahead in the Battle to Cover Ferguson: the po-po or the journos. Read more on Who Won Battleground Ferguson: Po-Po Or Journos? The Answer Will Amaze You!…
  Here To Preserve Disorder

Ferguson Goes Nuts Again, It’s All Jake Tapper’s Fault

Probably a very good reason for all of this
If you were watching cable teevee Monday night around 11 ET, you got to see a completely baffling sight. After several hours of peaceful protests, police suddenly took up defensive positions — “a wall of law enforcement officers 60 wide and five deep,” as NBC News put it — that seemed to come virtually out of nowhere. On CNN, Jake Tapper expressed the basic what-the-fuckness of the situation as well as anyone: Read more on Ferguson Goes Nuts Again, It’s All Jake Tapper’s Fault…
  #MadAboutAThing

Very Serious WaPo Journalist Quite Disappointed Obama Hasn’t Fixed Racism Yet

We all remember when silly naive Barack Obama ran for president and announced his plan to single-handedly end racism forever. Oh, you don’t remember that? Funny, that’s how Very Serious Washington Post journalist Chris Cillizza, aka The Fix, remembers it. Read more on Very Serious WaPo Journalist Quite Disappointed Obama Hasn’t Fixed Racism Yet…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Tells You The Truth So You Can Tell The Truth Back To Sarah

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
This is the third in a series of posts made by possible by a generous contribution from The Fartknocker Institute for Sarah Palin Studies. The Sarah Palin Channel continues to take the conservative derp-o-sphere by storm, with her recent jeremiad against Elizabeth Warren settling the minimum wage debate once and for all. With that taken care of, Palin turned her attention to the Kenyan usurper Barack Obama’s obvious impeachable offenses, what with the czars and the decrees and the lawlessness. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Tells You The Truth So You Can Tell The Truth Back To Sarah…
  stfu joe scarborough

WaPo Reporter Arrested In Ferguson Invites Joe Scarborough To Drink A Starbucks Cup Of STFU

Last night, Ferguson, Missouri, police arrested Wesley Lowery of the Washington Post and Ryan J. Reilly of HuffPo for assaulting a McDonald’s by charging their equipment there. Joe Scarborough, the former Republican congressman who leads off the day at liberal MSNBC by spewing balls-out sexist shit at his coanchor and laughing at equal pay, had some thoughts about that, like: why would a reporter try to cover something a police said he couldn’t cover? That’s just rude! (Police also tear-gassed a crew from Al Jazeera and then dismantled their equipment. Video here.) Joe Scarborough would like journalists to stop trying to get on TV and show the police some respect! Read more on WaPo Reporter Arrested In Ferguson Invites Joe Scarborough To Drink A Starbucks Cup Of STFU…
  dangers in the night

Ferguson PD Embraces Equality by Arresting Reporters of All Races

bright lights
On Wednesday night, the police in Ferguson, Missouri, wanted everyone to clear out of the local McDonald’s, which had turned into a makeshift media center with reporters charging their phones and using the wifi to file stories about the protests only a few blocks away. When officers ordered all the patrons to leave, Washington Post reporter Wesley Lowery made two fateful missteps: he did not snap to and flee immediately and furthermore would not stop running his pesky camera. Read more on Ferguson PD Embraces Equality by Arresting Reporters of All Races…
  Don't Be Tardy for the Party!

WaPo’s Jennifer Rubin Examines President’s Lateness, Heroically Refrains From Concluding ‘Because He Is Black’

Jennifer Rubin has used her prime journalistic real estate at the Washington Post to examine the top crisis US America faces today: the president is, to all his events, an average of 11 minutes late. Perhaps you too have noticed that one “President” Obama is late a lot. Did you know it is because he is passive-aggressive, thinks he is better than us, disdains candor and openness, has an office staffed with flunkies, cronies, and Valerie Jarrett, is the king, is bad at giving speeches, and is angry, defensive, evasive, and rude? Well now you do, because Jennifer Rubin says so. Read more on WaPo’s Jennifer Rubin Examines President’s Lateness, Heroically Refrains From Concluding ‘Because He Is Black’…
  Up and Down the Memory Hole

Let’s Play This Fun New Jennifer Rubin Game, ‘Game Of Lies’!

Jennifer Rubin, she’s this lady. Writes Mitt Romney fanfic for the Washington Post. Well, she did, anyway. Now she’s been reduced to a cutesy game where she steals the old Newsweek “Conventional Wisdom Watch” feature, with a series of “ups” and “downs,” except for how they’re all Jennifer Rubin reporting from her crotch. For instance, she is like “Up: My boner for Rick Perry,” and “Up: Unemployment rate (to 6.2 percent),” which, wow, that is some fucking balls. Read more on Let’s Play This Fun New Jennifer Rubin Game, ‘Game Of Lies’!…
  if being wrong is wrong she don't wanna be right

John McCain And Jennifer Rubin Sittin’ In A Tree, Being W-R-O-N-G

Oh, golly, John McCain. You probably should have given this a bit more thought, maybe. When Jennifer Rubin says that you and the other two “amigos,” Kelly Ayotte and Martin Short Lindsey Graham, are “distinguished pols of the week,” because she thinks you’ve “been right about a lot of things lately,” that’s not necessarily the kind of achievement you especially want to brag about. Read more on John McCain And Jennifer Rubin Sittin’ In A Tree, Being W-R-O-N-G…
  trolling trolling trolling keep them doggies trolling

Washington Post: Some Men Aren’t Misogynistic Dick Nozzles And Those Are The Ones All The Ladies Should Marry

Continuing its long-standing tradition of being terrible about everything, the Washington Post today lit up the online world with an editorial (surprisingly not written by Richard Cohen or George Will) informing all the ladies that they would be so much better off if they would stop just slutting around like a bunch of slutty sluts and get married to their baby daddies. For once, yr Wonkette is not actually exaggerating for comedic effect. Here is the original headline. Read more on Washington Post: Some Men Aren’t Misogynistic Dick Nozzles And Those Are The Ones All The Ladies Should Marry…
  the closest exit may be behind you

US Airways’ Tweet Of Airplane In A Ladygarden Overshadows Pulitzers, Because America Has Priorities

The Pulitzer Prizes were announced Monday afternoon, with top honors going to The Guardian and The Washington Post for their coverage of the Edward Snowden NSA revelations. That news was largely lost on users of Twitter, however, as they all were looking at pictures of a model airplane with its cockpit inserted into a lady’s boarding gate that was accidentally tweeted by U.S. Airways’ corporate account. Instead of finding out about how the Post and the Guardian blew the lid off the National Security Agency’s far-reaching domestic surveillance program, most Twitter users were instead grabbing screencaps of the bizarre image, which stayed on the airline’s Twitter page for nearly an hour. To protect your continued employment, we have covered up the tweet with an appropriate censorship item; the full, very NSFW image is at Deadspin (NSFW) and all over the freaking place. Pretty sure that someone has lost their corporate social-media job over this one; we’d just like to say that while we may not be able to match an airline’s pay scale, they’re welcome to share their portfolio at Wonkette. Read more on US Airways’ Tweet Of Airplane In A Ladygarden Overshadows Pulitzers, Because America Has Priorities…
  that's some bullshit

Social Security Administration Just Stealing Tax Refunds at Random, Basically

One time, we woke up and checked our piddling bank account and we were like, “Hmm, extra money, DON’T MIND IF WE DO!” And then our banking overlords quickly got in touch with us and were like, oooooh, sorry about that, we made an oopsie and are now taking that money back please. And we’d already bought a Hoverround, and now what are we supposed to do? Well, it seems the big bad fedrul gubmint is now doing the same, only not so much on the “quickly” part. Instead, the government that asks you to keep receipts of all your taxable thingies occasionally doesn’t do such a good job keeping its own paperwork in order. And sometimes it takes them a couple decades to figure that, okay, sorry we’re not perfect, DAD. The Washington Post tells the frankly infuriating story of Mary Grice, who as a wee little lassie got some Social Security survivors benefits, paid to her mother. Or maybe her dad’s first wife, whom she’s never met. But the feds say maybe, they’re not sure how, Mary Grice’s mom, or someone else entirely, might have been overpaid. Thirty-seven years ago. So they’re attaching Mary Grice’s tax refund now. Read more on Social Security Administration Just Stealing Tax Refunds at Random, Basically…
  what if?

What If Jennifer Rubin Starred In An Experimental Science Fiction Short Story From 1968?

JENNIFER RUBIN is so funny, and there are a thousand laughs in store for you in the Washington Post with the new, improved JENNIFER RUBIN. Everyone enjoys a talking JENNIFER RUBIN, from young to old. Taste, see, smell, and “desire to reassert America’s place in the world” with a JENNIFER RUBIN. Experience every emotion known to JENNIFER RUBIN. And if you already have a JENNIFER RUBIN, remember what the Washington Post says: “Two JENNIFER RUBINS are better than one!” Everyone enjoys a talking JENNIFER RUBIN. Every minute is different from the next minute in the incredible thought-chaos of JENNIFER RUBIN. And every single JENNIFER RUBIN is different! Read more on What If Jennifer Rubin Starred In An Experimental Science Fiction Short Story From 1968?…