Wonkette

The Washington Post’s Richard Cohen, everyone’s favorite old coot of a “moderate liberal,” has written a sort of hilarious rant against Sarah Palin today. He calls her a “sitcom of a vice presidential choice,” which is probably the most apt description yet. Then he gets sassy, MMHMM: “Still, you have to admit that in all that time, especially since Palin became governor about two years ago, no Russian invasion force has come across the strait, maybe because she was in charge of the Guard, maybe because she herself is a hunter and an athlete.” Cohen also writes about Julius Caesar because fuck all. [Washington Post]

Our favorite Washington Post old crab Richard Cohen has put together another gem today, following his recent coot-ish rambles about tattoos, his eyesight and, of course, uppity Negroes. Today’s topic: books! He is in Boulder in a bookstore, with the books that the children don’t give a hoot about anymore! They are buying them on this “Amazon” internet page, or not at all, because they are terrible, bwah bwah bwah. MORE »

The only thing that would cheer us up if Bill Kristol loses next year’s Pulitzer Prize for commentary would be a victory for Washington Post “moderate liberal” columnist Richard Cohen instead. If you haven’t been following this guy recently then you know NOTHING. Oh, the prose-poetry of his sentences! One gorgeous conjunction masterfully gives way to a brilliant proper noun, brought to life by an effervescent transitive verb and wrung to a world-historical clincher with yet another brilliant proper noun. Recently, Cohen has told us about his “keen eye” and the wretched “tattoos” plastering our children these days. In today’s column, Cohen shares the following: John McCain is a maverick, while Barack Obama is a youth! MORE »

• WAIT, WHAT?: The Washington Post’s masterful Chris Cillizza: “A huge crowd today could be a mixed blessing for Obama. On the one hand, it is a potent symbol of the excitement his candidacy has caused worldwide. On the other, thousands and thousands of cheering Germans may not play well stateside. Does a big crowd work to Obama’s benefit or detriment? Or somewhere in between?” The teevee crowd, of course, shares this sentiment. What do these people mean? That the “benefit” is the image of a large, excited crowd, and the “detriment” is that it’s a large, excited crowd of Nazis? [WP/The Fix]

You know how the New York Times turned down John McCain’s editorial because it was boring or whatever? We think we found it — it’s running in the Washington Post today, cleverly disguised under the pseudonym “Richard Cohen,” and it’s a full-on Andy Rooney-style rant about the youngsters and their awful tattoos (pictured, left). Today’s horrible tattoos are symptomatic of our decadent moral decline, whereas the horrible tattoos of yesteryear actually stood for something … or so says one angry, drunken geezer. MORE »

It’s time for our weekly feature about funny Washington Post reporters who also photograph well. (This is the first and last installment.) Meet Anne “E.” Kornblut, WaPo national politics ace reporter. On that washingtonpost.com chat thing yesterday, she admitted to writing some kind of hilarious fake Bush acceptance speech poem, typed “LOL” in response to a Jesse Helms joke, and said this about Hillary maybe trying to still get the nomination: “She really does seem to have moved on in my view. Her supporters are another matter.” [Washington Post/Fishbowl DC]

How much will Marcus Brauchli get to leave the Washington Post in a year or two? Nobody knows, yet! But Brauchli is the new WaPo editor and is expected to make dramatic changes, such as “Maybe the paper should not lose so much money” and “Free stickers in every copy!” Welcome to town, Marcus! Nobody else much likes Washington, either, so don’t feel weird about how D.C. is like some fourth-world slum city run by rats, Russian bodyguards and the Park Service Police. [NYT/Fishbowl DC]

Here’s Washington Post “local color” writer Dana Milbank drinking somewhere and talking about Wonkette, for some reason, and how he doesn’t read it. And then he gets spooked, because what if Wonkette is actually there, videotaping him, in the form of Our Liz Glover? [Liz Glover]

Republican Senator and failed presidential candidate Sam Brownback, on a conference call today: “John McCain’s a maverick. He’s fought for a bipartisan fashion … I think that the biggest thing I’ve seen from Barack Obama is a willingness, aggressiveness, to talk bipartisan and yet to vote the hard left — most liberal member of the United States Senate.” A known liberal!

Hey Sam Brownback, remember that time you and Barack Obama wrote a Bipartisan op-ed for the Washington Post in 2005, about some of that Bipartisan stuff you two co-sponsored? [CQ]

Here’s a curious pairing of headlines from the Washington Post website. John McCain, as he has been and will continue doing for the next eight years, called Obama a softie who ignorantly treats our enemies like actual human beings. Obama thinks *talking* to dangerous regimes, in some form, will achieve anything? Like a truce or something? Go back to Harvard, Columbia elitist! Talking with the enemy will only result in twenty more 9/11s and universal cancer. [Washington Post]