America’s neo-con pamphlet the Washington Post can be found festering in certain driveways from Reston to Chevy Chase, but sometimes that’s not good enough for the powerful CEO or lobbyist who wants to, say, beat the shit out of Richard Cohen in person. This is why Post publisher Katharine Weymouth is now hosting intimate sexy gatherings at her home, where for a small admission price (between $25,000 and $250,000), the lonely business leader can dine with WaPo editors and journalists, get a loving hummer from Krauthammer or Kristol or (imagine!) both of them. MORE »

Well holy jesus shit. We didn’t know Chris Cillizza was a sociopath too! It sure infects everyone, at that newspaper, doesn’t it now. Also: way to go guys, at the end there, mocking Lee Fisher for being shirtless in a YouTube that was “circulating” last week! Maybe you should have mentioned that the clip is a moment of candor from a 2006 campaign documentary, and that it makes sense in that context. Or just keep postin’ that wacky video of the shirtless Democrat Lieutenant Governor from Ohio! The smear folks who cut the clip for YouTube and e-mailed it anonymously to every blogger will appreciate your efforts. Enjoy Swine Flu, boys! [YouTube]

Ah, let’s see how the front page of Washingtonpost.com is promoting its opinion offerings this Friday: ***KRAUTHAMMER & WOLFOWITZ DOUBLE-TOP BILLING BABY, BOMB BOMB BOMB, FAP FAP***; Weird clown discusses health care reform — and the politics thereof!; IRONY: this guy was in the military and dislikes Don’t Ask Don’t Tell!; (oh and some fag we fired yesterday writes snoozer legal babble, just emptying the inventory here, ignore it.) [Washington Post]

Everyone give it up for your capital city’s hometown newspaper, the very liberal Washington Post, which has abruptly fired its only liberal pundit, Dan Froomkin, who in past years did more than the rest of the Post op-ed staff combined to show how our beloved leaders George W. Bush and Richard “Dick” Cheney were careless law-breaking criminals from Hell. MORE »

Wonkette new media operative “Will C.” points out the very tech-savvy Washington Post coverage of a shooting. Liveblogging, Twittering, videos of unemployed chicks singing in the bathtub about murder, it’s all there. Things haven’t been this exciting since the midnight launch of Windows 95. [Washington Post]

The worst writer in the world, Washington Post landed gentry spokeswoman Richard Cohen, has met Elizabeth Edwards and John Edwards too! “I know John and Elizabeth Edwards — not well, just a bit. I’ve been to their house — the old house, the one in Washington. I had breakfast with them. I found her smart, likable. I never knew what to make of him. A three-dollar bill, I always suspected.” He knew about this all along, basically. “She drove me to where I could get a cab. We talked. What about? Can’t remember. Now this. What to think?” Who fucking knows GAHH! MORE »

YOU SCOOPED US, WASHINGTON POST. We thought the same thing today! When Barack Obama reversed his decision to release photographic evidence of authorized-from-the-top, brutal, illegal detainee abuse that would have compelled the DoJ to prosecute people for crimes (MUST NEVER HAPPEN), we thought about how AWESOME this will be politically, just like that time Bill Clinton didn’t care for a black rapper during a campaign and a few conservative voters mused, “Okay, well, as long as he hates the blacks too…” MORE »

The worst writer in America, Richard Cohen — that thoughtless, valueless, condescending, sociopathic sexist poster-boy for the vapidity of the Washington Post’s opinion section — has written such inconsistent snot today that for once, we’re not the only blog making fun of him. He even opened with a smug little “Blogger alert” — “I have written a column in defense of Dick Cheney” — as a holier-than-thou excuse to do no research for his barking, again. The blogs did not pay attention. Others have already pointed out that in his column two weeks ago he declared that torture “unequivocally” works and that any debate about such would be “silly,” while today he writes that despite his disdain (oh?) for Cheney, “I have to wonder whether what he is saying now is the truth — i.e., torture works.” But we thought “wondering” was only something a gay Frenchman would do? MORE »

Many blame last week’s Chrysler bankruptcy on the fact that Chrysler is a shit company. They are wrong! It was really a group of hedge funds, holding large swaths of Chrysler debt, that rejected the administration’s settlement offer of a 33 cents-on-the-dollar payout and thus threw the company into its current quickie “nooner” of a Chapter 11 filing. These twenty-ish hedge funds — who call themselves, retardedly, the “Chrysler Non-TARP Lenders,” making them Moral — are trying to score a better deal in bankruptcy court. These terrible people! SO TERRIBLE are these people that they filed a motion in court to have their names sealed, because apparently, what’s this, the public is mad at them for bankrupting a massive company out of greed? They’ve received death threats! And as the Non-TARP Cocksuckers’ court motion reveals, the threats have come from… dumb slob commenters on the Washington Post website. MORE »

Local athletics club the Washington Nationals is getting “special treatment” from DC, as the city has agreed to pay to keep the Metro running late if baseball games run late. No word yet on whether the same applies if games just feel like they’re taking forever. [DC Examiner] MORE »

• COMMUNIST EZRA KLEIN JOINS WASHINGTON POST: Everyone say it, SELLLLLLLL OUUUUUUUUT. SELLLL. OUUUT. Yeah. Famous liberal blogger Ezra Klein of The American Prospect has been plucked away from his precious niche magazine by the Washington Post, where he will blog. Klein is also the Grand President of the Secret Leftist Communist Pornography Cabal, Journolist. Congratulations on conquering another media outlet, vulgarian! [Michael Calderone]