Hey, when you’re twelve games out of first place — and seven games behind the Phillies — then nobody can blame you for seeking out some supernatural help wherever you can find it. But is it really wise to put all your eggs in one basket? What if you dedicate your at-bat to, say, Shiva and Shiva alone? Won’t that just enrage Ahura Mazda further, dooming your side to ending the season miles away from even the wild card slot? MORE »

The Nats’ new stadium has been under construction since last year, and it’ll be ready in time for the ‘08 season opener. The Capitol Visitor Center has been under construction since, like, the McKinley administration and its opening has been delayed yet again! More importantly, when the fuck will the Columbia Heights Target open?? That’s the real travesty here. [CQ via NYT]

John McCain has a hundred soldiers protecting him as he braves markets in California, Karen Hughes atones for the Administration’s moral failings one spoonful at a time, Rahm Emanuel stuffs his own face every night of the week, Trent Lott names things after himself, Christopher Hitchens is surprisingly solvent, Chuck Hagel’s offspring is surprisingly not repellent, and our favorite Marine can’t stay semper fi to just one lady.

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* Reliable Source: Dude who tried to buy the Nats promised a charitable donation he never sent. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Pat Boone at Heritage warns of coming Armageddon, suggest throwing Supreme Court into harbor… State Department links to Embassy websites all broken. [Examiner]
* Page Six: Lord only knows why, but Page Six asked Al Gore if he thinks Britney Spears should wear underwear. “No comment,” he said. [NYP]

We still haven’t been invited to “Late Night Shots,” the exclusive invitation-only D.C. elitist site where you can post pictures of gals giving blowjobs at a Nationals game. MORE »

• Federal law enforcement agents providing security for your move to the ghetto may look tough, but there’s no chance in hell they can run down a crackhead. [Wanderings In DC]

• New members of Columbia Heights gentry find 14th St. uncivilized, learn foreign curses. [Fictional Rockstar]
• Crime-stopping youth curfew starts tonight, but if you’ve got the lawn-cutting money to spare go ahead and buy a loophole. [Pygmalion In A Blanket]
• Redesigned metro cars were unveiled today with new seat layout but same earth tones. [FreeRide]
• What the mayoral candidates will admit to drinking. [Winesmith]
• Baseball trade deadline passes and Nationals hold on to the only good player they’ve got, still plan to lose 60% of remaining games. [ESPN]

• Jordanian hipsters are ahead of the curve, already discussing Middle Eastern “crisis” with detached irony. [My Occupied Territory] MORE »

* First in war, first in peace, fourth in rich assholes. [Washington Business Journal] MORE »

• John Malkovich appears on Fox and Friends, and simultaneously the hosts and entire viewing audience furrow their very confused brows. [Circle V]

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* Greenpeace kids should know that with just one little “free” sign, all that trash becomes a donation to the community. Viva Trotsky! [Princess Sparkle Pony] MORE »

* Names & Faces: Bono says he feels “exploited” by the use of his photo in campaign literature for Italy’s Silvio Berlusconi. [WP]
* Washington Whispers: Playboy and Penthouse are banned from State Department newsstands at the request of Condoleezza Rice. . . Josh Bolten recently cut work to watch a few Washington Nationals games. . . Fidel Castro could die within the next few years, American officials contend. . . Frank Luntz has a favorable view of Mark Warner. . . Rep. Nancy Pelosi misses the chocolate she gave up for lent. [USN&WR]
* Page Six: Site indicates Sen. Robert Menendez (D-NJ) may have kept a “love nest” with his former chief of staff. . . Jenna once woke Bush up and made him call her then-boyfriend Blake Gottesman after they fought. [NYP]
* Lloyd Groves’s Lowdown: Gore blames Bush for failures surrounding Katrina and 9/11 in the “green issue” of Vanity Fair. [NYDN]
* The Scoop: Susan Sarandon wants national elections to be monitored by a third party: “The last one was an embarrassment. Everybody knew there was fraud, but nothing was done about it.” [MSNBC]