Tag Archives: washington nationals

 

Nats Unimpressed By So-Called “Faith” Of Jews, Muslims

Hey, when you’re twelve games out of first place — and seven games behind the Phillies — then nobody can blame you for seeking out some supernatural help wherever you can find it. But is it really wise to put all your eggs in one basket? What if you dedicate your at-bat to, say, Shiva and Shiva alone? Won’t that just enrage Ahura Mazda further, dooming your side to ending the season miles away from even the wild card slot? Read more on Nats Unimpressed By So-Called “Faith” Of Jews, Muslims…
 

The Nats’ new stadium has been under construction since last year, and it’ll be ready in time for the ’08 season opener. The Capitol Visitor Center has been under construction since, like, the McKinley administration and its opening has been delayed yet again! More importantly, when the fuck will the Columbia Heights Target open?? That’s the real travesty here. [CQ via NYT] Read more on …
 

Get Your Ladles, Girls, Soup’s On

John McCain has a hundred soldiers protecting him as he braves markets in California, Karen Hughes atones for the Administration’s moral failings one spoonful at a time, Rahm Emanuel stuffs his own face every night of the week, Trent Lott names things after himself, Christopher Hitchens is surprisingly solvent, Chuck Hagel’s offspring is surprisingly not repellent, and our favorite Marine can’t stay semper fi to just one lady. Read more on Get Your Ladles, Girls, Soup’s On…
 

Gossip Roundup: Crazy Old Guy Hates Kids Today

* Reliable Source: Dude who tried to buy the Nats promised a charitable donation he never sent. [WP] * Yeas and Nays: Pat Boone at Heritage warns of coming Armageddon, suggest throwing Supreme Court into harbor… State Department links to Embassy websites all broken. [Examiner] * Page Six: Lord only knows why, but Page Six asked Al Gore if he thinks Britney Spears should wear underwear. “No comment,” he said. [NYP] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Crazy Old Guy Hates Kids Today…
 

‘No, We Want the Nosebleed Seats’

We still haven’t been invited to “Late Night Shots,” the exclusive invitation-only D.C. elitist site where you can post pictures of gals giving blowjobs at a Nationals game. So thanks to our mole for sending this special picture. Did the fellatio conclude with a Washington Surprise? Read more on ‘No, We Want the Nosebleed Seats’…
 

Metro Section: What Does Transitional Mean To You?

Federal law enforcement agents providing security for your move to the ghetto may look tough, but there’s no chance in hell they can run down a crackhead. [Wanderings In DC] New members of Columbia Heights gentry find 14th St. uncivilized, learn foreign curses. [Fictional Rockstar] Read more on Metro Section: What Does Transitional Mean To You?…
 

Metro Section: Master and Proprietor of Nature

Jordanian hipsters are ahead of the curve, already discussing Middle Eastern “crisis” with detached irony. [My Occupied Territory] James Carville has better Nats tickets than you. [Oxy Moron: Hipster Dork] DCPD now fighting crime with malnourished animals and McCain style “straight-talk.” [CafĂ© 227; Time I’ll Never Get Back] Read more on Metro Section: Master and Proprietor of Nature…
 

Metro Section: Dollar Dollar Bill Ya’ll

* First in war, first in peace, fourth in rich assholes. [Washington Business Journal] * Not including DC’s two newest soon-to-be-millionaires drafted today by the Nats – from high school. [MLB] Read more on Metro Section: Dollar Dollar Bill Ya’ll…
 

Metro Section: A Metaphysical Can of Worms

John Malkovich appears on Fox and Friends, and simultaneously the hosts and entire viewing audience furrow their very confused brows. [Circle V] In the immortal words of Lieutenant Dan, “I am living off the government tit! Sucking it dry!” [America Supports You] Read more on Metro Section: A Metaphysical Can of Worms…
 

Metro Section: Get What You Pay For

* Greenpeace kids should know that with just one little “free” sign, all that trash becomes a donation to the community. Viva Trotsky! [Princess Sparkle Pony] * Hola. Me llamo Antonio Nueves. [Politicking Timebomb] Read more on Metro Section: Get What You Pay For…
 

Gossip Roundup: Rice’s Banned Reading

* Names & Faces: Bono says he feels “exploited” by the use of his photo in campaign literature for Italy’s Silvio Berlusconi. [WP] * Washington Whispers: Playboy and Penthouse are banned from State Department newsstands at the request of Condoleezza Rice. . . Josh Bolten recently cut work to watch a few Washington Nationals games. . . Fidel Castro could die within the next few years, American officials contend. . . Frank Luntz has a favorable view of Mark Warner. . . Rep. Nancy Pelosi misses the chocolate she gave up for lent. [USN&WR] * Page Six: Site indicates Sen. Robert Menendez (D-NJ) may have kept a “love nest” with his former chief of staff. . . Jenna once woke Bush up and made him call her then-boyfriend Blake Gottesman after they fought. [NYP] * Lloyd Groves’s Lowdown: Gore blames Bush for failures surrounding Katrina and 9/11 in the “green issue” of Vanity Fair. [NYDN] * The Scoop: Susan Sarandon wants national elections to be monitored by a third party: “The last one was an embarrassment. Everybody knew there was fraud, but nothing was done about it.” [MSNBC] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Rice’s Banned Reading…
 

Daily Briefing: The Shuffle

Andrew Card resigns as White House chief of staff; budget director Joshua Bolten is be tapped as replacement. [WP, AP, W$J] Senate Judiciary Committee approves two guest worker programs and the legalization of millions of immigrants. [WP, WP, W$J, USAT, LAT] Both parties face political tightrope over immigration. Bush: “Newcomers have a special way of appreciating the opportunities of America, and when they seize those opportunities, our whole nation benefits.” [WP, LAT] Bush has recently held off-the-record meetings with top reporters; New York Times declines to participate. [NYT] FEC restricts political contributions and spending on the internet but puts bloggers in the same category of newspapers. [WP] Read more on Daily Briefing: The Shuffle…
 

Metro Section: Smokin’ That Crystal Edition

* People. Please go vote in the second bracket for the DC Anthem. Otherwise, The Magnetic Fields’ “Washington, DC” will win. And that’s like the TERRORISTS winning. Because Stephin Merritt is the most ginormous asshole in indie rock history. You can prevent this atrocity. [DCist] * Hooray. The Nationals get to keep their dull as dishwater name. Can I get a “Feh?” [Washington Examiner] * Apparently, there’s a movement afoot from Crystal City property owners to Read more on Metro Section: Smokin’ That Crystal Edition…
 

Metro Section: Gollygosh, You Probably Have The Funny Idea That We Think Chris Matthews Is a Dopey, No-Account Ponce Edition

* The name of the energy drink that fuels this blog has somehow become tied to the suckiest sucking soccer team that ever sucked. [DCist] * Okay. Here’s a Butterstick item. It’s sort of embarrassing that no one on the Washington Nationals knows what the panda’s name is. I assure you that any Balitmore Oriole can give you crabs. [Nationals Journal] Read more on Metro Section: Gollygosh, You Probably Have The Funny Idea That We Think Chris Matthews Is a Dopey, No-Account Ponce Edition…
 

Libertarian Sports Corner: Finally, Big Government Removes its Vaseline-Covered Hands from My Split-Fingered Fastball

Hiya, folks. It’s me, special guest opinion-page writer and superstar pitcher Livan Hernandez of your world-famous Washington Nationals. I’m writing here with a renewed vigor here, people. Big news to report. Read more on Libertarian Sports Corner: Finally, Big Government Removes its Vaseline-Covered Hands from My Split-Fingered Fastball…
 

Metro Section: Their Dark Materials Edition

• The Nationals’ stadium isn’t Anthony Williams’ baby, it’s Rosemary’s. Major League Baseball reaches new depths of depravity, soul-sucking evil. [DCist] • Southeast Jerome won’t be flying first class to Honolulu. [Washington Post] Read more on Metro Section: Their Dark Materials Edition…