Tag Archives: washington free beacon

  UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Gavin McInnes: Stop Being Miserable, Ladies, And Be Housewives As God Intended

Ah, the good old days
There is this guy, Gavin McInnes, and he is terrible, so of course he is on Fox News, like, all the time. And on Thursday, he went on Sean Hannity’s teevee show to make Sean giggle so hard about how miserable women are because feminism won’t let them stay home and be glorified like in the good old days. What, you think we’re joking? We are not. Read more on Gavin McInnes: Stop Being Miserable, Ladies, And Be Housewives As God Intended…
  whoa if true

Wingnuts Find Hillary Clinton’s Love Letters To Saul Alinsky, Lenin, David Cassidy

It's a great day for commies and mommies!
While you were all enjoying your Sabbath day of rest, the Washington Free Beacon — the digital equivalent of Sunday paper circular ads you toss in the trash without looking at them — was breaking a HUGE SCOOP!!!!! Are you guys ready for this? The Beacon has found Hillary Clinton’s letters to noted Communist mole Saul Alinsky! Read more on Wingnuts Find Hillary Clinton’s Love Letters To Saul Alinsky, Lenin, David Cassidy…
  the party dress stays on

Dudes At Free Beacon Having Some Quality ‘Them Time’ With Pics Of This Pretty Blonde Right Winger

The nice folks at the Washington Free Beacon want you to know that this whole completely fictitious “War on Women” thing, which never existed to begin with, is now OVER. Not only is the official response to the State of the Union address going to be given by a Gyno-American, but the RNC’s Winter Meeting featured a “Rising Stars” event to showcase “a potpourri of strong conservative women who are making it rain change in America.” We were not aware of the cloud-seeding properties of conservative women, although we have no doubt that some of them smell nice enough. Anyway, one of these young conservative women, whose star “rose just a little bit higher than the rest,” is Alison Howard, the Communications Director for Beverly LaHaye’s funtimes circus, Concerned Women For America. And Alison, you see, is just so fantastic and incredibly gorgeous — not to mention conservative — that there will never ever be any accusations of a “War on Women” ever again. Plus, since she’s a conservative evangelical, you can bet her closet doesn’t contain any slut pills or bortions or libido. Read more on Dudes At Free Beacon Having Some Quality ‘Them Time’ With Pics Of This Pretty Blonde Right Winger…
  satire or just stupid?

Festivus Miracle: Wonkette, Washington Free Beacon Agree On ‘Man Of Year,’ Just Not Which Year Or Why

We’re going to assume that, even though it includes that image up there (minus Derpy Hooves, of course), this post on today’s Washington Free Beacon is not actually joking in naming Mitt Romney 2013’s “Man of the Year.” And to think, they’re only a year behind Yr Wonkette; we declared Mitt the Hu-Man of the Year 2012, for all the laughs. Or at least 47% of the laughs. The Mighty Favog knows their lede has all the earnest butthurt one could ask for: America didn’t want him, needs him more than ever, and does not deserve him. Remember when Americans still had affordable health insurance? Mitt Romney does. Remember how crazy it was to think Russia could be “our number one geopolitical foe”? Mitt Romney might, assuming he still thinks about politics when he’s not installing car elevators in his La Jolla mansion or nurturing one of the finest tans in the industrialized world. See? Hard to tell how straight they want us to take that — even aside from the carping about the rollout of the ACA, are we really supposed to believe that we’re on the brink of war with Russia or something? Apart from Russia granting asylum to Ed Snowden and their passage of that terrible anti-gay law (which we’ve got to assume the Free Beacon isn’t terribly worried about anyway), did the Rooshians suddenly vindicate the Mittbot by vaulting past China or Iran as foreign policy worry #1? Read more on Festivus Miracle: Wonkette, Washington Free Beacon Agree On ‘Man Of Year,’ Just Not Which Year Or Why…
  charm offensive

Harry Reid Won’t Negotiate, Won’t Cure Childhood Cancer, Won’t Quit Being Awesome

So far this has been a week of shaking our heads at flop-sweating Republicans twisting themselves into rhetorical pretzels as they try to explain why this government shutdown that is very obviously their fault is not actually their fault. Meanwhile, the conservative press has been laboring dutifully to record any equivalent cringe-worthy word salad from Democrats, and it looks like the Washington Free Beacon has got a live one! Here’s Harry Reid telling Dana Bash to tell all the cancer kids to go Cheney themselves after Bash asked a question about a standalone bill to fund the National Institute of Health: BASH: But if you can help one child who has cancer, why wouldn’t you do it? REID: Why would we want to do that? I have 1,100 people at Nellis Air Force base that are sitting home. They have a few problems of their own. This is — to have someone of your intelligence to suggest such a thing maybe means you’re irresponsible and reckless – BASH: I’m just asking a question. Aw, Harry Reid made Dana Bash blush with his ornery badgering charm. But really — why would Harry Reid want to do that? Do kids vote? Do kids make political contributions? C’mon, Dana, this ain’t your first rodeo. But does she have a GOTCHA? Would you believe NOT AT ALL, because LIE OF OMISSION? POLITICO, make yourself useful: Read more on Harry Reid Won’t Negotiate, Won’t Cure Childhood Cancer, Won’t Quit Being Awesome…
  wonkette world of art

Greatest Living President Is Also Fantastic Painter

Haha, we tricked you! We stole the title of this post from the upstanding fellows at the Washington Free Beacon, who are fucking idiots. They are such fucking idiots that they think the paintings of the greatest living president (GEORGE W. BUSH OBVS) look like the work of Degas and Manet! No, they look like Hockneys, MORANS. (Former professional art critic, yo.) (I am talking about me.) Read more on Greatest Living President Is Also Fantastic Painter…
  i remember zion

‘The New Republic’ Singularly Unsuccessful At Purging Its Jews

If there’s one place that Jewish people are overrepresented vis a vis their share of the population, it is in banking Hollywood the Bilderberg Group magazines and the Internet. You cannot swing a dead cat without hitting a woman named, like, “Rebecca Schoenkopf” or “Sarah Steinberg” or “Rachel Schoenkopf Steinberg” or whatnot. But we have bad news, Jews! Word comes this morning that The New Republic is purging all its Jews! Why? Because the Washington Free Beacon says so! Let us examine the first and then the second-to-last paragraphs of the Free Beacon’s journalism, and see what we might find! The New Republic has quietly dropped at least five prominent Jewish writers from its masthead in a move that may signal the publication’s continued drift away from a staunchly pro-Israel standpoint. [Snip!] Seven additional writers have been dropped from the newly redesigned masthead. Huh. Well. Er? Good story, Washington Free Beacon! Definitely bringing needed attention to … something! Read more on ‘The New Republic’ Singularly Unsuccessful At Purging Its Jews…
  shyne on bright star

Five Shockingly Living People Who Endorsed Mitt Romney

The Washington Free Beacon lists the five most amazingly Romney-endorsing “celebrities” of the 2012 cycle, and let me tell you, guys, these people are all somehow still alive, probably. 1. Lindsay Lohan The “Mean Girls” star and all-around party girl recently announced that she was voting for Romney. “I just think employment is really important now,” Lohan said to noted news network E!. “So, as of now, Mitt Romney. As of now.” As of now, she says. When the DTs hit, she’ll gladly vote for whoever runs to the nearest liquor store, but that’s a separate issue. It is not clear why a Republican would trumpet the endorsement of Lindsay Lohan, who was pretty much in Mean Girls, then Samantha Ronson’s pants, then a pile of cocaine so large Tony Montana simply Biden-grins at it. Anyway, congrats to Mitt Romney. For now. Read more on Five Shockingly Living People Who Endorsed Mitt Romney…
  hey kids here's some labor figures

Washington Free Beacon Exclusive: The BLS Is Full Of Pedophiles

After this morning’s shocking revelation that Obama made persistently mediocre jobs numbers slightly less mediocre by faking the whole thing, it was time for conservative media to bring their awesome and terrible powers of destruction to bear on the nonpartisan civil servants at the Bureau of Labor Statistics who made bad numbers happen. The Washington Free Beacon apparently won the shitty-ass human being roulette today, and set about their task with aplomb. Sadly, all they found was a really boring thing that two of the economists employed by the BLS donated to Obama. Harley Frazis of Bethesda, MD, has contributed at least $2,000 to Obama and $9,000 to the Democratic National Convention over the last three election cycles. […] Stephen Phillips of Washington, D.C., has contributed at least $270 to Obama during the 2012 cycle. According to his LinkedIn profile, Phillips has been an economist at BLS since June 2009. Phillips was responsible for examining the impact of Obamacare on Healthcare North American Industry Classification System indices. Phillips was also assistant coach for a girls’ high school tennis team in 2010. So, yes, that’s a really stupid way of bringing an end to thWHAT THE FUCK IS THAT LAST LINE. Read more on Washington Free Beacon Exclusive: The BLS Is Full Of Pedophiles…