“Mystery,” star of VH1’s reprehensible The Pick-Up Artist, on our fair city: “Oh, I’ve done a boot camp in Washington D.C. There’s.. just not a lot of beauty there. I don’t want to do boot camps there anymore.” …zing? [Jezebel]

In what world could the partnership of Orrin Hatch, Joe Lieberman, and Tom Davis becalled “bipartisan”? When Eleanor Holmes Norton is getting cozy with them, obv, so she can finally have a real-life “vote” in that crazy House of Representatives. As this is a deal with the devils, it means fucking Utah gets one more representative. Because poor and black people may only be allowed equal rights if white nutjobs in the hinterlands get a little something in return for their troubles. Oh, these four all “wrote” an op-ed today, that’s why we’re talking about it. Fun Facts we learned about DC voting rights, after the jump. MORE »

Deadly SMOKE is crippling DC’s heralded subway system. Two nights in a row now have seen mass outages and evacuations across the entire train network, with mysterious smoke pouring into tunnels and seven trains losing power. Metro officials are bewildered and not even pretending to know what’s going on. Is it terrorism? Is it sabotage? All they’ll tell us is that we must all panic. MORE »

Every week, our Anonymous Lobbyist answers your questions about how laws get made and why they probably shouldn’t. If you have a question about the dirty business of doing business in Washington, ask her.

This week: why she doesn’t hate DC.

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Every week, our Anonymous Lobbyist answers your questions about how laws get made and why they probably shouldn’t. If you have a question about the dirty business of doing business in Washington, ask her.

This week: when are you gonna settle down?

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Washington, DC’s beloved subway system is getting a bureaucratic nightmare of a makeover. The Metro — known for its Albert Speer-influenced identical oppressive stations, its moldy carpets, its embarrassing 70s color scheme, and the fact that it’s designed around funneling douchebags in and out of the center of the city from their walled suburban outposts of safe whiteness without regard to ease of intra-city travel for people who actually live here — is more or less impervious to improvement because its board is made up of 80-year-old rich people who hate change. MORE »

Every week, our Anonymous Lobbyist answers your questions about how laws get made and why they probably shouldn’t. If you have a question about the dirty business of doing business in Washington, ask her.

This week: why you will hate it here, if you don’t already.

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We like to start our Tuesdays on a bright note, and here’s some great news from our Virginia friends: barring a number of possible (and in some cases very probable) set-backs, you might be able to take the train the rest of the way to Dulles in nine years! If you’re still alive! MORE »

Now, the nation’s capital wants a piece of that action — so much so that Washington is on the market for a snappy slogan of its own, and it’s willing to spend $150,000 to find one.

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The Express’ Michael Grass took an “ironic” trip to DC institution Hooters, and what he found there shocked and horrified him. MORE »

Julia Allison and Henry Kissinger, the two poles of Washington reprehensibility (even though they both actually live in New York — it’s a crazy night, folks). — Photo courtesy HuffPo

Was the White House Correspondents’ Dinner the worst party we’ve ever gone to? No, probably not — we’ve gone to more than one Capitol File party, after all. But if we’d spent our Saturday night staying home, ordering a pizza, getting wasted, and watching Arrested Development episodes, would we have had a better time? Yes. And more material, probably.

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