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Posts Tagged ‘washington’

CAN'T BE WORSE THAN STRAIGHT MARRIAGE

Happy Gay Wedding Day, Washington!

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

Been married so many times, she got rice marks on her face.On this glorious morning in DC, the first legal weddings of the homosexuals took place. Hooray! And all thanks to Supreme Court Chief Justice John “Gay” Roberts, who so loves his people that he didn’t overturn the local law or call for mass arrests or appoint George W. Bush president. About a hundred couples are expected to exchange vows today, and then there will be no more sadness, because they too can register for a bunch of shit from Crate & Barrel. [Washington Times/Fox News]


EH SOMEBODY NEEDS TO TWITTER A COP SNOWBALL FIGHT

Wonkette Eaten By Snow Monsters, So Here Is Some Pretty Snowpocalypse Video

Sunday, February 7th, 2010


Wonkette comrade Matt Welch tried to get across Logan Circle so he could buy, uh, dishwasher detergent at Whole Foods. Super snowy out there! Never forget! [YouTube]


WAIT WHAT?

Everybody’s Happy About Senate’s 60-Vote Health Care Squeaker!

Monday, December 21st, 2009

The nativists are restless ...
Ha ha, those old people had to stay at work until 1 a.m. this morning after being stuck in the smelly old Senate for the entire snowbound weekend, and now Health Care Reform is just another three 60-vote procedural operations from becoming a real true Senate law the House can screw up. YIPPEE! MORE »


SEXY TIMES

Everyone In Washington Get A ‘Gay Fiance’ Before They’re All Taken!

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

The D.C. City Council has finally passed its bill to legalize gay marriage, hooray! Mayor Fenty is expected to sign it soon. HOWEVER, while Father Congress is not expected to go all “Home Rule” and block this sucker, we’re about 99.9% sure that one congressman or another representing some salty swamp in the middle of nowhere will make a half-assed attempt to ruin this, score a few points with the folks back home, etc. [Washington Post]


POLICE BLOTTER

Senator Bob Corker’s Hot Daughter Carjacked In Cesspool DC

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009

Year of the Rat.The world’s most crime-ridden capitol city, dirty old rat-filth Washington DC, won another hospitality award last night when the 22-year-old daughter of Senator Bob Corker (R-TN) got carjacked and thrown to the street by a couple of thugs. She’s okay, and police found both her Chevy Tahoe and “two suspects” in Maryland, but jesus. Last we heard from Julia Corker, she was making out with some other hot gal on the Facebook! Such innocent times, and now they are all gone, because of the Crime. [Washington Times/AP]


RECREATIONAL ACTIVITIES

Friday, November 20th, 2009

GOOD THING YOU ARE ON THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW, AND NOT IN A SEX POSITION: A polite congratulations offered from a distance to the city of Washington, D.C. today, which the CDC just named the country’s #1 gross hotspot for highest rate of STDs. D.C. STD rates are three times that of Virginia and four times that of Maryland. Who knew those Late Night Shots people were even still alive? [My Fox DC]


SHERYL CROW: THERE IN SPIRIT

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

ZAC EFRON, THE FRANKIE VALLI (?) OF OUR GENERATION, IS NOW BASICALLY THE HILL’S MOST POWERFUL LOBBYIST: Hollywoodtown’s Zac Efron went to Washington to ask for money so that he could give the money to all the art! Also, “there was speculation that Efron, who has an enormous following among teenage girls, might meet first daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, but the girls were in school during the tour.” Claire Danes, as she always seems to be, was indiscriminately hanging around too. [The Hill]


WRAPPED UP IN BOOKS

Last Week: So Fun It’s Happening Again This Week

Monday, August 17th, 2009

So, here’s the thing: many of last week’s Wrapped Up in Books featured events—like a few things at Politics & Prose, which was basically everything—actually correspond to this week. Calendars, right? Anyway, this is actually terrific news for anyone who regretted missing out on James Wood and Co. the first time, as this is one of those rare instances in which you get a second chance. History is a nightmare from which you can awake! MORE »


WRAPPED UP IN BOOKS

Hey D.C.: Books Have 0% Humidity

Monday, August 10th, 2009

The delights of mid-August in Washington D.C. are innumerable, truly. Now add “America’s most controversial Saul Bellow-enthusiast James Wood,” “Helene Cooper,” and “other things” to this ever-growing list of available pleasantries. MORE »


ROWR

G8 Countries Secretly Trying To Kick Out Italy, For Sucking

Tuesday, July 7th, 2009

It's your 'Tuesday Lunchtime Fun Foto'Italy was a pretty important country or whatever about 2,000 years ago, but since then it’s gradually deflated to its current status as a wacky do-nothing ice-cream colony of back hair and male capri pants and trash and rats. Pompey was lucky to die when he did! Now the person running this ancient land-phallus is a naked orange clown who spends all of his time ringleading orgies with young non-wife girls or fiddling around with the roster of the soccer team he randomly owns. Which is great for him! But unfortunately for this Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, he signed Italy up as the host of tomorrow’s latest G8 conference a while back without realizing that he and his minions would have to “do preparation stuff” in advance, so they just did nothing, and now “Washington” is trying to kick this embarrassing pizza-bagel of a country out of its Rich Nations Club once and for all. MORE »


BLOGSPOT IS THE NEW TWITTER

Some People Offended Or Whatever By MTV Show Being In Washington

Monday, June 8th, 2009

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix ....Since the early 1960s, there has been an annual rumor about the teevee program The Real World doing a season in Washington, which is a city known as the capital of America. And this year, FINALLY, the important MTV grunge “camgirl” show is really for real being videotaped right here in DC. But not everyone is thrilled beyond belief — one person, in fact, has bravely launched a free blog account about how maybe it would’ve been vv good had the entertainment cable show The Real World done a season in Washington maybe during some earlier year but definitely not this year because what is even up with that? [Anti-Real World DC]


IT'S YOUR TURN WASHINGTON

Fighter Jets Will Attack D.C. Tonight & Tomorrow

Monday, May 18th, 2009

Here’s some service-y journalism for you, so you can enjoy everybody else screaming and otherwise going nuts after midnight, when Air Force fighter jets begin a two-night assault on Washington’s fragile psyche. “A pair of F-16 fighter jets are scheduled to make periodic passes over downtown Washington at relatively low altitudes early tomorrow and again in the predawn hours Wednesday as part of a military exercise,” the Washington Post reports just late enough in the day for nobody to hear the news. Luckily nobody ever freaks out when huge scary low-flying roaring jets just pointlessly scare the shit out of everybody in the middle of the night. [Washington Post]


WRAPPED UP IN BOOKS

Everything Old Is New Again, Except Vertigo Books

Monday, April 27th, 2009

In the continuum of America’s Problems, right before everyone was concerned about the economy and right after the environment actually starting melting, there was the issue of the Muslins, a dangerous sect of Hawaiian Christian Platonists who went rogue for a few years, in Iraq. You’ll recall The War, yes? Anyway, few books about that thing, and how it’s still a problem, despite not being mentioned on any blogs for awhile. Also, there seems to be an early onslaught of nostalgia for capitalism going around, which in this week’s column is comically juxtaposed against the closing of one of DC’s most beloved bookstores, Vertigo Books. Irony! MORE »