GOOD THING YOU ARE ON THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW, AND NOT IN A SEX POSITION: A polite congratulations offered from a distance to the city of Washington, D.C. today, which the CDC just named the country’s #1 gross hotspot for highest rate of STDs. D.C. STD rates are three times that of Virginia and four times that of Maryland. Who knew those Late Night Shots people were even still alive? [My Fox DC]

ZAC EFRON, THE FRANKIE VALLI (?) OF OUR GENERATION, IS NOW BASICALLY THE HILL’S MOST POWERFUL LOBBYIST: Hollywoodtown’s Zac Efron went to Washington to ask for money so that he could give the money to all the art! Also, “there was speculation that Efron, who has an enormous following among teenage girls, might meet first daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, but the girls were in school during the tour.” Claire Danes, as she always seems to be, was indiscriminately hanging around too. [The Hill]

So, here’s the thing: many of last week’s Wrapped Up in Books featured events—like a few things at Politics & Prose, which was basically everything—actually correspond to this week. Calendars, right? Anyway, this is actually terrific news for anyone who regretted missing out on James Wood and Co. the first time, as this is one of those rare instances in which you get a second chance. History is a nightmare from which you can awake! MORE »

The delights of mid-August in Washington D.C. are innumerable, truly. Now add “America’s most controversial Saul Bellow-enthusiast James Wood,” “Helene Cooper,” and “other things” to this ever-growing list of available pleasantries. MORE »

Italy was a pretty important country or whatever about 2,000 years ago, but since then it’s gradually deflated to its current status as a wacky do-nothing ice-cream colony of back hair and male capri pants and trash and rats. Pompey was lucky to die when he did! Now the person running this ancient land-phallus is a naked orange clown who spends all of his time ringleading orgies with young non-wife girls or fiddling around with the roster of the soccer team he randomly owns. Which is great for him! But unfortunately for this Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, he signed Italy up as the host of tomorrow’s latest G8 conference a while back without realizing that he and his minions would have to “do preparation stuff” in advance, so they just did nothing, and now “Washington” is trying to kick this embarrassing pizza-bagel of a country out of its Rich Nations Club once and for all. MORE »

Since the early 1960s, there has been an annual rumor about the teevee program The Real World doing a season in Washington, which is a city known as the capital of America. And this year, FINALLY, the important MTV grunge “camgirl” show is really for real being videotaped right here in DC. But not everyone is thrilled beyond belief — one person, in fact, has bravely launched a free blog account about how maybe it would’ve been vv good had the entertainment cable show The Real World done a season in Washington maybe during some earlier year but definitely not this year because what is even up with that? [Anti-Real World DC]

Here’s some service-y journalism for you, so you can enjoy everybody else screaming and otherwise going nuts after midnight, when Air Force fighter jets begin a two-night assault on Washington’s fragile psyche. “A pair of F-16 fighter jets are scheduled to make periodic passes over downtown Washington at relatively low altitudes early tomorrow and again in the predawn hours Wednesday as part of a military exercise,” the Washington Post reports just late enough in the day for nobody to hear the news. Luckily nobody ever freaks out when huge scary low-flying roaring jets just pointlessly scare the shit out of everybody in the middle of the night. [Washington Post]

In the continuum of America’s Problems, right before everyone was concerned about the economy and right after the environment actually starting melting, there was the issue of the Muslins, a dangerous sect of Hawaiian Christian Platonists who went rogue for a few years, in Iraq. You’ll recall The War, yes? Anyway, few books about that thing, and how it’s still a problem, despite not being mentioned on any blogs for awhile. Also, there seems to be an early onslaught of nostalgia for capitalism going around, which in this week’s column is comically juxtaposed against the closing of one of DC’s most beloved bookstores, Vertigo Books. Irony! MORE »

It’s Ladies Week on the DC book tour circuit, as there are a number of biographical-y things about important historical events that one wouldn’t necessarily equate with certain obscure ladies who were actually quite integral, in these important historical events. For instance, the New Deal. And “liberty,” as a concept. Also special guest appearances by your Congressman Chris Van Hollen and moderately popular Newseum exhibit Cokie Roberts. MORE »

There is a blue crab baby boom, in the Chesapeake! These baby boomer crabs are distinctive for sporting blue “aprons” around their midsection and for their affinity for waxing nostalgic about Saturday Night Live episodes that aired between 1975-1979. [Washington Post] MORE »

It is time. You must see what we have seen. There will be more, and they will be worse. This shitty, muddy, 500-person national protest with NO TEABAGS. Prepare to GO GALT. MORE »