washington
‘White Student Union’ So Mad About Getting Hit With May Day Bags of Pee
So here is a thing that happened in Washington DC yesterday: CNN reports that members of “The White Student Union” and the “May Day Workers” came together in Lafayette Park for a frank exchange of views and hurled bags of urine. We pretty much hate the white supremacists because their ideology is, you know, all [...]
New American Hero Will Drive With Hazard Lights On To Save Us From Sequestration
“These are the times that try men’s souls,” Thomas Paine once wrote, even though some scold of a junior high language arts teacher probably told him he should have written “times like these try men’s souls” because active voice. Today, as in Paine’s time, men’s souls are tried. We’re not worried about securing our independence [...]
Meet The (Alleged) Preteen-Loving Pastor Of The Church That Awarded WND For ‘Trustworthy’ (Alleged) Journalism
So yesterday Your Wonkette had an amusing little story about how the loons at WorldNetDaily won a prestigious award for their journamalism, given by some fellow loons at “The Discerning Times,” a Christianist newspaper and website in Enumclaw, Washington. Shortly after the story went up, we received a note on the Wonkette Tipline (thanks, Anonymous!), [...]
Jimmy Carter Continues To Be Most Awesome Living Ex-President
All y’all with your Bubba hard-ons can leave right now until the next post comes on. Official Wonkette Editorial Policy proclaims Jimmy Carter the bitchinest, raddest, most fuckin’ greatest of all living ex-presidents and probably the dead ones too. Former President Jimmy Carter said that he favored legalizing marijuana during a panel discussion broadcast on [...]
Characters Escape From Carl Hiaasen Novel, Get Arrested With Pot Guarded By Alligators
And now, dear Wonketteers, a headline that is quite simply tailor-made for Your Wonkette: TWO ALLIGATORS, A POLE DANCER AND POT AT OLYMPIA AREA SHOOTING SCENE Jesus Christ, this is what the internet was made for. Do we even have to write a story to go along with that? Actually, we do!
A Children’s Treasury Of Your Wonket In Your Nation’s Glorious Capitol
First of all, we tricked you, because we were not wearing a red dress at all! This was so we could laugh at your confusion as you looked around and wondered if we would even bother coming to our own Drinky Thing. (Answer: probably!) Second of all, the Park Service estimated attendance at 40 souls, [...]
Yes We Are Inviting Old Handsome Joe Biden To Our DC Wonkette Drinky Thing Tonight
O hai it is time to come to our party in Washington, DC, because it is tonight (Saturday), at like seven. If previous attendance rates hold up, there will be 10 of you drinking our beer and eating our vittles. (Fishbowl DC said calling our Charlotte Drinky Thing “a party” would be “generous,” because of [...]
We Will Have This Party In DC, It Will Be So Great, We Will Call It ‘Late Night Shots’
Yes we are doing this thing. It is this Saturday, presuming we can find a ride from Charlotte to DC, and we are calling it for 7 p.m. Here is the place:
Your Wonkette Drinky Thing Party Planner (And Prizes!)
Remember when we made our own fake Kickstarter, because the real Kickstarter did not think that going around the country throwing parties was “performance art”? (WHATEVER.) Well, we promised you many gifties, which we have yet to deliver, so let us tell you News about them, and announce who won the chance to decide where [...]
Now Announcing Your Wonkette Drinky Thing And Meetup East Coast World Tour
Have you been so, so angry that the Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup World Tour has not yet made its way to you? WE KNOW! JESUS! Well, with the coming conventions, we’re pleased to announce a lineup of tour dates for you Right Coasters.
New ‘Ching Chong Chinaman’ Blithe Racist Is Washington Gov. Candidate’s Policy Aide
Everybody remember “Ching Chong Chinaman,” the poor blithe racist at UCLA who thought uploading her comedy stylings about “Asians in the library” to Youtube was the height of sophistication, until she got hounded out of college? Well Youtube is so yesterday! Now there is Twitter for your casual hilarious racism, like these tweets from Kathlyn [...]
DC Should Obviously Dump All Of Its Rats In Virginia, Maryland
Conservative teen pop star Ken Cuccinelli, Virginia’s attorney general, is using the hot news about all those dead rats found everywhere in the cleaned-out Occupy DC encampment to bring up one of his biggest fears: That a recent federal law will end up dumping all of DC’s many filthy rats into the Maryland and Virginia [...]
Taiwan Animators Freak Out Over NYT Proposal For US To Abandon Taiwan
Those NMA.tv Taiwanese animations were all fun and games when they were about idiot Teabaggers and Sarah Palin being a fat teen-aged stripper or whatever. But now that the New York Times has suggested that Washington “pay off” its debt to China by letting China invade and take over Taiwan, well now the videos have [...]
Crazed Hill Staffers Unleash Party Mob On Horrified Annapolis
Mississippi GOP Rep. Steven Palazzo did not ask any of his staff to rent a waterfront house in Annapolis over Columbus Day weekend in order to throw a mad days-long orgy for a giant pack of unruly congressional aides, so somehow this is exactly what happened. Palazzo’s scheduler booked the property apparently under the impression [...]
Symbolic Washington Monument Symbolically Closed Forever By Earthquake Damage
Here is some terrifying video at the 500-foot level of the Washington Monument during the big East Coast earthquake. The government helpfully didn’t reveal the extent of the damage, nor this frightening video, until now. Check out the ranger gal — seen here in the original NPS clip scratching her head and texting until the [...]
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