Tag Archives: washington

  You're fucked too Portland

Seattle To Be Destroyed By Biggest Earthquake Ever, Bye Seattle!

The comments section at Gawker?
OK, Portland and Seattle Wonkers, this is a public service announcement. We are going to need you to find buddies in the comments section (which does not exist), and beg them to let you crash on their couch, because you guys are going to have a REALLY BIG EARTHQUAKE. Yeah, maybe you already knew that, but the rest of America is finding out now, thanks to a fascinating long-read in The New Yorker on what may end up being the biggest natural disaster in U.S. American history. This isn’t some wussy San Andreas Fault 7-point whatever business, this is more along the lines of the 2011 quake in Tōhoku, Japan, which registered 9.0 on the Richter scale and triggered the tsunami that triggered the Fukushima nuclear reactor meltdowns. This is big shit. Read more on Seattle To Be Destroyed By Biggest Earthquake Ever, Bye Seattle!…
  These People Have Lots Of Problems

Well Of Course Undocumented Immigrants Are Helping Build Donald Trump’s New DC Hotel

That pinata gets around
How’s this for a shocker? Turns out that there’s a whole bunch of immigrant construction workers — some in America legally, some here illegally, and some who crossed the border illegally and then got legal status — who are building Donald Trump’s newest luxury hotel in Washington DC. Imagine that! And they’re kind of pissed that the guy who ultimately pays for their services is so intent on insisting that illegal immigrants are largely a bunch of violent rapers who have been sent by the Mexican government to sap and impurify our precious bodily fluids. Read more on Well Of Course Undocumented Immigrants Are Helping Build Donald Trump’s New DC Hotel…
  Rachel Identity

Rachel Dolezal Quits NAACP, Will Continue Fight For Her People, Whoever They Are

Ready for her close-up
Rachel Dolezal, the head of the Spokane, Washington, chapter of the NAACP, has resigned her post after her parents said late last week that she is not so much a black woman as she is White Like They. The whole story has had a lot of people saying, “Huh! That’s weird!” and has resulted in both some fine thinky pieces about how exactly Dolezal got it wrong, as well as some premium stupid about why there’s no such thing as transgender people, because gender and race are exactly the same, and you can’t fake either. And now Rachel Dolezal is well on her way to becoming a footnote in a whole bunch of dissertations. Read more on Rachel Dolezal Quits NAACP, Will Continue Fight For Her People, Whoever They Are…
  Ahhhh that's better

Sit Back And Relax With Some Soothing Elizabeth Warren Getting MAD About A Thing

Has it been that kind of day for you? US TOO! So let us take a breather from all the ewwwwwww gross Duggary, what we have been telling you all about, YOU’RE WELCOME, and soothe our weary souls with our favoritest thing in the world, and YOUR favoritest thing in the world too: Sen. Elizabeth Warren, Queen of the Democrats and also queen of our liberal-progressive-whatever-we-call-ourselves-these-days hearts, telling it like it is, like A BOSS. Read more on Sit Back And Relax With Some Soothing Elizabeth Warren Getting MAD About A Thing…
  Breakin' the law

Law-Breaking DC ‘Pro-Lifers’ Will Keep Firing Whores, For Jesus

You're fired!
Here is a fun fact for you: “pro-lifers”? They are mostly assholes. Even the ones who don’t try to murder doctors and bomb health clinics. In Washington DC, they’re taking a brief intermission from crawling up your vagina with a Bible and a stern look to announce to the world that they do not give a good goddamn about the district’s new dumb “law” that says employers cannot discriminate against lady workers or their families just for swinging by Planned Parenthood before yoga class: Read more on Law-Breaking DC ‘Pro-Lifers’ Will Keep Firing Whores, For Jesus…
  futility in the pursuit of stupidity is actually a vice

Hero GOP Throws Tantrum, Votes To Stop Washington DC From Murdering Babies And Freedom

Have you been wishing that distressingly orange hobgoblin John Boehner and a group of even more conservative and unhinged congresscritters would raise the spectre of religious freedom in a way that isn’t just about worrying whether a cake-maker in flyover country will be forced to lovingly feed wedding cake directly to the mouths of gays? You are in so much luck, because last night the House voted to blurt RELIGIOUS FREEDUMB at all of Washington D.C., for having the goddamn gall to pass a law that says you can’t fire people just for liking to murder babies. Praise Jesus for the House of Representatives having the presence of mind to save Washington D.C. from itself. Read more on Hero GOP Throws Tantrum, Votes To Stop Washington DC From Murdering Babies And Freedom…
  Adventures in responsible gun ownership

DC’s Capitol Police Leaving Their Loaded Guns All Over Town, Oops

Is this really hygienic?
Hey, U.S. Americans, bring the whole family to your nation’s capital, where you can look at memorials to dead white guys, check out Julia Child’s kitchen at the Smithsonian, and maybe find a gun in the bathroom. Because that’s a thing now, thanks to the Capitol Police: Read more on DC’s Capitol Police Leaving Their Loaded Guns All Over Town, Oops…
  Fix yourself a drink and let's gossip!

It’s Sunday Funday, Let’s All Have Brunch And Gossip About The Week’s Top Stories!

Awww the poor thing, get him a benedict immediately.
Good Sunday afternoon, Wonkers! What are you all doing? We are writing this post! Let’s sit together and drink adult beverages while we gossip about all the nice things we wrote this week. Was it all about Rand Paul? MOSTLY! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday, Let’s All Have Brunch And Gossip About The Week’s Top Stories!…
  Who Guards The Bawdy Guards?

Another Day, Another Secret Service A**hole Gets Caught Being An A**hole

If they don't shape up, make them wear the Nixon uniforms.
Attenion, U.S. Secret Service: You can stop now, really. The nation’s opinion of you guys couldn’t possibly get much lower, so would you please just stop trying? The latest horrorshow from the agency charged with keeping the president safe: Xavier Morales, a manager with the agency, has been put on leave and had his security clearance yanked after an alleged sexual assault on a female agent March 31. It’s been what, all of two, maybe three, weeks since the last drunken Secret Service fuckup? Are they worried we’ll forget about them? Read more on Another Day, Another Secret Service A**hole Gets Caught Being An A**hole…
  Numbers don't lie

Americans Cool With The Gay Marriage, Don’t Care About Your Dumb Religious Freedom

The threat is real.
Awwwww, sad news for Bigot-Americans. Again: A majority of Americans believe businesses should not be allowed to refuse services based on their religious beliefs in the wake of controversies in Indiana and Arkansas over gay rights and religious freedom, a Reuters/Ipsos poll found on Thursday. […] Read more on Americans Cool With The Gay Marriage, Don’t Care About Your Dumb Religious Freedom…
  Bigot Nice Time we guess

Pizza Bigots Sharing Dough With Florist Bigot, Like Good Gay-Hating Jesus Would Do

Daughter prays as Father stews over gay homosexuals pulling the pizza from his cold dead hands.
The Deliverance cast members who own that Indiana fag-hatin’ pizza hole called Memories raised over $840,000 in bigot money on GoFundMe, for taking the bold stand that, were a gay or lesbian couple to visit them and say “please, our dream is to serve your shitty pizza to our wedding guests,” they would refuse, because God Hates Fags. You will be glad (depending on your value for “glad”) to know that they aren’t just going to stick all that money up their butts; they plan to follow Jesus’s command to help the needy and spread the wealth. Read more on Pizza Bigots Sharing Dough With Florist Bigot, Like Good Gay-Hating Jesus Would Do…
  Know what else costs 30 pieces of silver? MY JESUS CAKES.

Washington Bigot Florist Will Frost Jesus’s Cakes In Heaven, No Gays Allowed

Just last week, Good Christian Bigot Barronelle Stutzman, the owner of Arlene’s Flowers, Inc., received some bad news when a Washington Superior Court judge told her that no, her “relationship with Jesus” was not a good excuse for discriminating against The Gay, in violation of the state’s Consumer Protection Act. Stutzman had begged the judge to pretty please make all the lawsuits against her go away because her refusal to provide flowers for a gay customer’s gay wedding whose gay money she’d happily been taking for nearly a decade was all just a “misunderstanding.” The judge agreed that yes, there was indeed a misunderstanding, by Stutzman, of how the law works. Read more on Washington Bigot Florist Will Frost Jesus’s Cakes In Heaven, No Gays Allowed…
  Speaker For The Derp

Spokane Board Of Health Member Standing Up For Anti-Vaxx Rights Of Tinfoil Hat Community

Who will speak for the loons?
It’s good to know that there are freedom-loving men like Spokane City Councilman Mike Fagan. This weekend, Fagan, a proud anti-vaxxer who somehow got appointed to the Spokane Regional Board of Health, rallied like-minded paranoids to oppose Washington’s proposal to repeal a provision in state law allowing parents to opt out of mandatory vaccinations for their kids on the basis of “personal belief.” The legislation would leave in place exemptions for medical conditions and religious beliefs, but if parents don’t have the chance to expose their children and the community to easily prevented communicable diseases, then the Sons of Liberty might just as well have not dumped all those crates of MMR vaccine into Boston Harbor in 1771. Read more on Spokane Board Of Health Member Standing Up For Anti-Vaxx Rights Of Tinfoil Hat Community…
  Another oppressor oppressed

Washington Judge To Florist: ‘Relationship With Jesus’ Not Good Reason For Being A Bigot

Flowers for gays available, just not gay weddings
Bad news for bigots. Again. On Wednesday, Washington State Superior Court Judge Alexander C. Ekstrom ruled that a “relationship with Jesus” is not a good enough excuse for a business owner to discriminate against The Gay, even if her Bible tells her so. Because Washington residents must answer to a higher authority: the law o’ the land. Read more on Washington Judge To Florist: ‘Relationship With Jesus’ Not Good Reason For Being A Bigot…
  O true apothecary thy drugs are freakin' everywhere

Water Crisis: Filthy, Liquid Death In Montana, Washington, Kiev, Everywhere!

This post brought to you by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Blogging Chair For Something Nice For Once From an oil spill of 50,000 gallons in the Yellowstone river to a federal ruling on an “imminent and substantial” health threat in East Washington from dairy manure, water contamination stories flooding the news are probably no big deal, and your drinking water is totally fine. Read more on Water Crisis: Filthy, Liquid Death In Montana, Washington, Kiev, Everywhere!…
  declare the pennies on your eyes

Don’t Like Getting Boned By State Taxes? Just Be Filthy Rich!

Anti-Fox comments reposted on my Tumbrel account
Here’s something every class warrior on the barricades should know: There isn’t a single state in the entire United States where a poor or middle income person can be assured of paying a lower percent of their income in state and local taxes than a wealthy person. That’s right, comrade! According to a comprehensive study by the Institute on Taxation and Economic Policy, literally every state in the country has a regressive tax system, thanks to heavy reliance on sales and excise taxes and insufficiently progressive income taxes (or in many cases, no income taxes at all): Read more on Don’t Like Getting Boned By State Taxes? Just Be Filthy Rich!…