Tag Archives: wars

  wonksplainer

Oh Look, Paul Ryan Lied About Something

Are you done yet? Did you read all eight gazillion pages of the Ryan Budget, or did you stop after the first few lines and pleasure yourself thinking about his dreamy biceps? Well, we didn’t read it all either because we were distracted by whiskey. And his biceps. But luckily other people read it and managed to find (SPOILER ALERT) some big ol lies in it, especially as they relate to Social Security and the Olds. Haha, that’s not a spoiler alert — of course there were lies in his budget. Let’s get our wonksplanation on and figure out how Paul Ryan is trying to screw the Olds, and the rest of us.  Read more on Oh Look, Paul Ryan Lied About Something…
Apr 03 11:36 am 2014
  we will be greeted as deliberators

U.S. About To Lose Another War

Why are our war planes shootin’ up Libya right now? Just because we hadn’t done it in a while? Who knows! Does the U.S. want Gaddafi out of power? Russia and China seem to think so. Gaddafi’s compound was attacked by the U.S.’s super ally team. And Britain’s defense secretary, Liam Fox, said that killing Gaddafi could become an objective of the no-fly zone. So, although Congress still hasn’t signed off on this war, we may have a whole other country we will need to occupy, try to stabilize, and find a collection of new leaders to prop up. Isn’t that always the object of this sort of action? But the Obama administration won’t say it is, even though Obama says he wants Gaddafi gone. So Gaddafi will probably stay in power, and, according to the only plausible reason to shoot up Libya, we will have lost this war. Read more on U.S. About To Lose Another War…
  making kim-chi

South Korea Doing Its Best To Get U.S. Into Another War

If Iraq really does wind all the way down, America will only have one war. What will we do with ourselves?! No worries. Defying North Korean threats of violent retaliation and “brutal consequences beyond imagination,” South Korea on Monday staged live-fire artillery drills on an island shelled last month by the North. Read more on South Korea Doing Its Best To Get U.S. Into Another War…
  the man we turn to for foreign policy expertise

Michael Steele Still Trying To Get Fired, Calls Afghanistan War ‘Cute’

RNC chairman Michael Steele is either dumb or really likes making his party angry and/or sigh, because yesterday he was caught on video in a circus tent saying that the Afghanistan war is bad and didn’t need to be fought. (And Obama is a bad president for inventing this war.) Steele forgot that Republicans love wars, such as the one in Afghanistan, which Republicans invented a decade ago to celebrate the first 9/11. He also forgot nobody cares what the Republican Party chairman says unless he says something crazy. Like he always does. Read more on Michael Steele Still Trying To Get Fired, Calls Afghanistan War ‘Cute’…
  it's morning in america

Good News For Gays Who Like Fighting In Wars

Hey, it looks like Obama and the Democratic Congress are finally going to get around to repealing don’t ask, don’t tell, just weeks before the midterm election returns a 100 percent Republican Congress that would never ever agree to such a thing. What convoluted legislative shenanigans have these man-loving and/or sapphic warmongers come up with in order to thwart the will of America’s gay-hating people? Read more on Good News For Gays Who Like Fighting In Wars… Read more on Good News For Gays Who Like Fighting In Wars…
  daily briefing

Everyone Is Mad At America, But America Is Mad At Everyone Too!

America is very serious capital S serious about the Pakistanis doing away with all of Pakistan’s Taliban. [New York Times] Obama’s new thing is going to be unemployment. This, in fact, is many people’s new thing. [Washington Post] Read more on Everyone Is Mad At America, But America Is Mad At Everyone Too!…
  we shall call it the 'death tax'

BUT AREN’T THESE WARS FINANCED BY JESUS? Interesting that it only took certain members of our Congress eight years of multiple lost wars to even consider proposing some sort of personal financial incentive to finish them off: “History shows that wars financed heavily by higher taxes, such as the Korean War and the first Gulf War, end quickly, while those financed largely by deficits, such as the Vietnam War and current Middle East conflicts, tend to drag on indefinitely.” [Bruce Bartlett] Read more on …
  bomb bomb bomb bomb

John McCain Not Pleased With This ‘Possible End Of War’ Business

The most shocking news story of the day, no? Walnuts says, “The way that you win wars is to break the enemy’s will, not to announce dates that you are leaving.” VICTORY! This article also notes, terrifyingly, that Walnuts — who’s never seen a war worth ending — “will be the leading Republican voice on the president’s strategy for Afghanistan and Pakistan.” There we go, then! The leading opposition party voice in this effort is still using terminology like “win wars” to describe the goals in Afghanistan! He should be a very flexible negotiator during the next 20 years of this war. [NYT] Read more on John McCain Not Pleased With This ‘Possible End Of War’ Business…
  endless war

DOVEY MCDOVEYTON FINALLY MAKES HIS WAR DECISION: And for the first time in the history of the United States, a president has decided to continue war-making: “WASHINGTON — President Obama has issued his order to send more troops to Afghanistan, communicating his decision to military leaders late Sunday afternoon during a meeting in the Oval Office, and will spend Monday speaking with foreign leaders to share with them the broad outlines of his new strategy, the White House said.” Estimates are 30,000 to 35,000 new deployments. Big speech tomorrow night, during your programs. [NYT] Read more on …
  wonkette: or virtue unrewarded

Meghan McCain Did NOT Enjoy That One Time Your Wonkette Was Nice To Her!

WHAT UP Meg McCabe? It’s gonna be like this, is it? “After my recent appearance on Jay Leno, one Web site posted a comment from the editor saying, mockingly, they have a ‘NEW ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY for comments of a certain strain about young Meg’s physical appearance. She is an impressionable young brilliant Republican strategist!’ You can imagine the kind of charming comments that followed.” Meghan McCain what are you doing? NEW 99% TOLERANCE POLICY for comments of a certain strain. [Daily Beast] Read more on Meghan McCain Did NOT Enjoy That One Time Your Wonkette Was Nice To Her!…
  the best and the brightest

ROBERT McNAMARA IS DEAD: Jesus, anybody else feel like dying in the next week or two? Because now is clearly the time to do it! Robert McNamara prosecuted America’s hopeless adventure in Vietnam on behalf of Presidents Kennedy and Johnson; he also did many other things, which nobody remembers on account of the war. [Washington Post] Read more on …
  let sanjay be sanjay!

John Conyers Circulates HIT PIECE On Sexy Sanjay Gupta

As Mark Penn told us all during the Democratic primaries, it is an established socio-political fact that black people do not like brown people and vice-versa, because of Microtrends, and this is why Barack Obama cannot win 70% of the Hispanic vote. This scientific insight about wacky minorities is the only possible explanation for why old black Congressman John Conyers has written a letter to his fellow legislators attacking our future surgeon general, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, the very attractive medicine guy of daytime cable news fame. It is ruthless and laden with factual and typographical errors, to add further insult to Dr. Gupta’s Guatemalan heritage. Read more on John Conyers Circulates HIT PIECE On Sexy Sanjay Gupta…
  rules of engagement

McCain Campaign Says Obama Would Hit A Lady

The McCain people are pretty hopped up on steroids today and are issuing some tuff talk after this morning’s delightful housing kerfuffle. They’re putting the finishing touches on an ad about Obama’s “slum landlord” friend Tony Rezko, a topic they claim to have avoided before today, when Obama supposedly “opened the door” to this sort of nasty attack. To most people this logic would be a non sequitur — but most people do not understand logic quite like the McCain Rapid Response Team! Read more on McCain Campaign Says Obama Would Hit A Lady…
  wtf?

McCain: Obama Tries To Lose Wars, Because He’s Weird

How the hell does John McCain get away with saying this today: “I had the courage and judgment to say that I would rather lose a political campaign than lose a war. It seems to me that Sen. Obama would rather lose the war in order to win a political campaign.” How does that even make sense? Let’s imagine hypothetically that we are fighting some war in which “winning” and “losing” are the actual, real-world options. Barack Obama actively wants to “lose” this war! This Obama greaseball goes around saying he wants to be president, yet he knows so little about Foreign Policy that he believes the president should declare wars, and then work to lose them. [YouTube] Read more on McCain: Obama Tries To Lose Wars, Because He’s Weird…
 

Stupid Leftists Can’t Even Make Good Propaganda

Once upon a time there was a war in a faraway magical place called Vietnam. This was before the Internet! (Well, the public internet at least. DoD geeks started building their internet in 1969. Manhunt was probably a lot hotter then!) And all the hippies made angry silkscreen posters against the war, and some of them were kind of awesome. You see, before the Internet, people had to print and distribute things as a means of communication. And there was a thing called “graphic design.” Smoke a bowl with Choire, after the jump. Read more on Stupid Leftists Can’t Even Make Good Propaganda…
 

By 53-45, the Senate has voted down the $50 billion bill to fund the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. The bill, which passed in the House on Tuesday, in turn required troops to pull out of war zones soon-like. So Bush will find some other way to get his money, and the Democrats’ legislative record will still be dick, maybe even negative dick. [NPR] Read more on …
 

A Nightly Paultard Bombing Round

These Paultards will never learn that we are warring with them and they should not send e-mails! After the jump, a classic Paultard comment we received today. (Redstate is posting it too. As well as some other shit about like, Barry Goldwater, we assume). Read more on A Nightly Paultard Bombing Round…
 

‘Bombing Starts In Five Minutes’

Redstate has accepted our alliance in the War Against Paultards. They wish to be Churchill instead of “that socialist FDR.” This is good! It means they can take the bombing for the first little while, and eventually we’ll step in. The Redstate commenters are posting videos of like, Ronald Reagan. It’s funny. What do we do now? To Wonkette, RE: An Open Letter to RedState.com [Redstate]Photo via this amazing Serolf Divad comment Read more on ‘Bombing Starts In Five Minutes’…
 

An Open Letter to Redstate.com

Dear whoever runs things at Redstate.com: We don’t care for your website. Just not our thing, ya know? But if Congress has taught us anything, it’s that Congress can’t teach us anything about working together. We may not like your internets, and you may not like ours, but we must work together to destroy a mutual enemy — illegal alien spambots, a.k.a. Paultards. Read more on An Open Letter to Redstate.com…
 

Birthdays In the News, Progress On the March

So many exciting things happened on June 4, it’s crazy! * It’s the 40th anniversary of the Six Day War, in which Israel defeated a triple-pronged prong attack by Egypt, Jordan and Syria in about a week or so. Everything has been peaceful between the Arabs and Jews ever since, so Mazel tov, everybody! * And a very happy birthday to the Cold War, which just turned 60 years old and doesn’t look any older than … well, Vladimir Putin. * UN Secretary General Angelina Jolie turns 32 today, an age when everyone really starts regretting those stupid fucking tattoos. Just think, by the time Angelina is Madonna’s age, nine out of ten children will belong to her and Brad Pitt George Clooney. * Ohio Senator for Life Howard Metzenbaum turns 90 years old today. We think he retired, but who really knows. * The Battle of Midway began on this blessed day in 1942. We won, and there were no more wars. The end. * And way back in 1919, Congress approved the 19th Amendment and invented the Susan B. Anthony dollar coin. It is amazing how simply allowing women to vote immediately ushered in a New Era of wise, fair and intelligent politicians that still guide us today. The Anthony dollar remains the symbol of our country. * On this day in 1892, the libtards in San Francisco started the Sierra Club, which saved the environment. * Also on June 4 — but this time in 1989 — our enemies the Red Chinese Communists began killing the pro-democracy students in Tiananmen Square. Many thousands of kids were slaughtered. President George H.W. Bush invaded and occupied Beijing, freeing tens of thousands of political prisoners and putting the Communist Leadership on trial for crimes against humanity. Today, China is both a world economic power and one of the world’s greatest free democracies. (Oh, wait, wrong universe. Actually, Washington did nothing about China, but did invade Panama and kill many thousands of innocents that year for no particular reason. Sorry.) Read more on Birthdays In the News, Progress On the March…