Wonkette

Thanks to Wonkette hippie operative “Joe” for sending us a shot of this hippie protest sign, which is exactly correct. The hippies did save John McCain, so that he could come back to abandon his newly crippled wife.

Here’s your Wonkette Friday Lunch Hour “Escapist” Video: John McCain’s new ad, about how he hates war! First line: “Only a fool or a fraud talks tough or romantically about war.” Ha ha! Then he romanticizes his and his family’s war experience, for political gain, for 30 more seconds. [YouTube]

What the hell’s wrong with Bob Gates, the Defense Secretary no one ever talks about? Recently he’s been running his yap with all sorts of liberal Democrat treasonspeak — just like Barack Obama, a known member of Hamas and Hezbollah and the Weather Underground. Apparently he *doesn’t* want to bomb Iran or Syria, or even France! Not only that, he says it’s counterproductive to even consider bombing these countries that need to be bombed. MORE »

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This saucy minx is Becky Miller, the mayor of Carrollton, Texas, a Dallas suburb with 116,000 wonderful inhabitants. According to herself, she has dated and sung with all sorts of popular musicians from the 1970s, and her brother once died in Vietnam. But perhaps her crowning achievement is that she made all of this stuff up. MORE »

Thousands of dockworkers from Seattle to San Diego didn’t show up at work today, forcing the closure of all 29 ports in the Western United States — including the busiest American ports at Los Angeles and Long Beach. What the hell? MORE »

The U.S. military must be in worse shape than we thought. Once content to harvest recruits from the ranks of the criminal, drug-addicted, and borderline retarded, they then moved on to calling up sad Southern muppets and asking them to serve. Now that our President has called an indefinite halt to post-July troop withdrawals from Iraq, America’s children might want to take a second look at this creepy Sesame Street video in order to find out why Elmo’s dad still can’t come home. MORE »

Here is John McCain, dressed in a Budweiser-NASCAR costume, with his $100-million-dollar wife, who owns Budweiser, and NASCAR hero and Iraq War promoter Dale Earnhardt (Junior), the president of the Confederacy. MORE »

Let’s transcribe an arbitrary 20-or-so seconds from this new WALNUTS! web video, which coincides with day four of his “Service to America” tour: “But their strongest loyalty, the bond that cannot break, is to the cause that is theirs alone: each other. It is through loyalty to comrades-in-arms, that they begin to understand that to love one’s country is to love one’s countrymen, and to serve the national ideal that commenced their personal transformation. When war is over, they might have the largest, but not exclusive, claim on the success of their nation’s cause and seldom share in the blame for its failure. But their claim is shorn of all romance, all nostalgia for the suffering with which is was won. From that crucible…” Jesus Christ, who wrote this, Thomas Jefferson on cough syrup? [YouTube]

The Surge has already worked, but now it is starting to un-work. The Green Zone in Baghdad is under attack, and there is a battle in Basra between various factions of Shiites, Sunni militias, U.S. soldiers and the fake Iraq army. Famous “Shiite cleric” Muqtada al-Sadr’s cease-fire with the Maliki government has splintered his group, and now al-Sadr is under pressure to disregard the cease-fire entirely. Sunni insurgents have only been peaceful because the Americans bribed them, but now they are for some reason shooting at each other too. Temporary calm has devolved into chaos, forever. And that is why President George W. Bush responded today that this is a “very positive” development. Al Qaeda is on the run, or something! MORE »

Iraq War protester-hippies poured red paint on the sidewalk outside of an Army recruitment office today. When a recruiter — who, along with his colleagues, was counter-protesting — noticed the spill, he asked some hippies what impact pouring red paint on the sidewalk has on the war. One hippie responded along the lines of, “It’s the blood of foreign countries that you’ve spilled.” The recruiter responded with something about bringing peace to the Middle East. This really happened. They each went their own ways after a minute or so — the hippie back to his hippie mob which was chanting “fuck the war!”; the recruiter back to his Army friends who were responding with “win the war!” (although it might have been “bring the war!” which is, well, terrible). Between these two groups was a puddle of red paint on the sidewalk, claiming naive pedestrians one-by-one.

Worst protest in the history of protests. Our last pictures are below, so you can see for yourself. MORE »