war on xmas
We just received a crucial telegram from the COMICS CURMUDGEON, subject line: “EMERGENCY WAR ON CHRISTMAS GIFT GUIDE ADDITION.” This is what we live for, as Journalists. A company is selling creepy human-head-statue urns, for the ashes of your loved ones. (Or maybe for you?) You can get the head designed to look like deceased [...]
The sheeple will believe anything: “The Christmas tree at the [Tennessee] state Capitol will be replaced after being toppled by high winds overnight. The blue spruce, which had stood on Charlotte Avenue between the Capitol and Legislative Plaza, fell sometime before 4 a.m., snapping off the top, said Kenny Crowson, facilities supervisor at the Capitol.” [...]
Fast-track that resolution, Boner! A Hill operative sends us this photo and writes, “The War on Christmas is alive and well in the House of Representatives. This Christmas tree was seen discarded on the 2nd floor of the Longworth House Office Building.” Oh that’s no Christmas tree, just an aborted tree fetus. But why is [...]
Vulgar leather smoking jacket John Boehner does not believe in Congress WASTING ITS TIME on meaningless resolutions, and so it makes sense that he has now introduced the most meaningful House Resolution of the current Congress: H.R. 951, the resolution to save Christmas from the Jews, Atheists, Aliens, and other Democrats and Nobamas.
Oh goody,the new Xmas Survey from Grandparents.com (?) has arrived in the Email: “Santa’s sleigh is going to be a lot lighter this year, according to a new survey by Grandparents.com. Forty-three percent of parents and grandparents surveyed will buy fewer gifts than they have in the past, and a whopping 90 percent plan to [...]
West Coast Xmas warrior operative “Katrina” sends this photo from a fancy dollar store in Portland, Oregon, which just so happens to be the epicenter of the entire War on Christmas. Here we have all the greatest gifts for children and adults and robots alike, and all for one dollar: stacks of Lou Dobbs’ book, [...]
So sad, this Christmastime. Last year, we could still sort of laugh. That fancy Barack Obama had won the presidency, after all. Maybe we would, uhh, weather the storm? Come back stronger?! Well, sorry about that. But it’s the Season of Xmas, and we’ve got a super special selection of cheap-ass unwanted “America-themed” old-pantyhose stuffers [...]
The Freedom Tray is America’s Favorite New War On Xmas Fad! Wonkette artistic contributor Lauri Apple made this beautiful representation of Jesus himself enjoying all the fruits of Amerikkka, in His own Laz-E-Boy porta potty. And legitimate newspaper the News-Observer has published a lovely history of the Freedom Tray, which was created by a team [...]
This is the wonderful time of year when your editors receive hundreds of inappropriate and/or misguided Public Relations holiday pitches.
Do you have a hard time balancing a lap-full of bacon burgers and grease tacos while you drive around slurping caramel-coffee ice cream shakes and 172-oz. buckets of Mr. Pibb? Did foreigners steal your job? Wondering why your teen-aged daughter has so many middle-aged male friends from the MySpace showing up at all hours? What [...]
Wingnut Christians have a powerful new ally in the War On Xmas: It’s a website full of retailer ratings to let you know if maybe Jews or Atheists or (God forbid!) Muslims are making the Xmas Season less Christ-y! StandForChristmas.com reports and decides on which chain stores (WalMart) know the “reason for the season,” and [...]
We haven’t even thrown away the rotting turkey carcass on the dining room table or swept up the broken glass or sent those people back home, whoever they are/were, and it seems like the War On Xmas has already begun! Why, some folks tell of the early skirmishes of ’09 beginning before Halloween, or Easter, [...]
Here’s a great War On Xmas gift for that kid on your list who cannot read and will never need those fancy elitism skills, anyway: a shitty “children’s book” about how Sarah Palin and her sack of dildos saves this plague rat from these dumb urchins. You know, because liberals are ruining this country! Jesus [...]
