Tag Archives: war on women

  Thanks Obama AND feminists

Feminism To Blame For White House Security Breach, Obviously

At least we can all agree she isn't the best
Photo by Gage Skidmore The White House has had a number of security problems recently — namely, that there doesn’t seem to be much in the way of security. One could argue that maybe the Secret Service is too busy banging Colombian hookers on the job. But White House Security Expert Laura Ingraham (R-Fox News), who used to work at the White House one time with St. Ronald Reagan, so ergo expert, knows the real reason: It is because, like football, White House security is a man’s game that has been feminized and wussified and political corrected, thanks A LOT, liberals. Read more on Feminism To Blame For White House Security Breach, Obviously…
  The mansplaination of the unfairness of life

Bill O’Reilly Thinks Michelle Obama Is A Big Dumb Girl

Dumb ladies want fairness because dumb
First lady Michelle Obama sure asks a lot of dumb questions. When she addressed the United Nations Global Education First Initiative earlier this week, for example, she was all, “Do we truly value women as equals, or do we see them as merely second-class citizens?” and “Are we working to become more equal, more free?” These are stupid questions, obviously, because who ever said life is even supposed to be fair? That is just life, and it is unfair, but what’s so unfair about that? Read more on Bill O’Reilly Thinks Michelle Obama Is A Big Dumb Girl…
  Her horse is still classier than you people

Ladies, Stop Offending Ann Romney With How Stupid You Are

Offended Egg is offended
How many times does Her Royal Horse-Riding Majesty Ann Romney have to explain this to YOU PEOPLE? Sheesh! This so-called “war on women” claptrap Democrats can’t stop blah blahing about is so dumb and so 2012 and so not even real anyway, so why are women — who are so much smarter than Democrats think they are — so stupid as to keep falling for it? HUH? Read more on Ladies, Stop Offending Ann Romney With How Stupid You Are…
  only sexists talk about sexism

Senate Republicans Stand Up For Ladies’ Right To Be Paid Unfairly

You don't deserve that beer, pal
Ladies of America, are you feeling that warm reassurance you get from having manly champions who will fight for you in the halls of power? Pack your sunglasses because no matter what the weather, a sickly orange glow of self-congratulation will be coming your way from the Senate Republicans following their fourth consecutive filibuster of the Paycheck Fairness Act on Monday. Read more on Senate Republicans Stand Up For Ladies’ Right To Be Paid Unfairly…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Mitt Romney Is STILL Never Going To Be President, Pot Saves Lives, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

I actually have no idea how to do this
It is a day. Of the week. Here is some news: Mitt Romney gave an interview to Hugh Hewitt. He promised really a lot that he is not going to try to not be president for a third time, really, he swears, unless the entire Republican Party that never liked him begs him to run and lose again, pretty please, with a cherry on top. That is not going to happen. People are talking about it anyway. He’s still not going to be president. The end. Read more on Mitt Romney Is STILL Never Going To Be President, Pot Saves Lives, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  Bills 'N' Things

Republicans Will Win All The Lady Votes With Exciting New Strategy: ‘Women Be Shopping’

We bet you're just as embarrassed at being reminded of this as we are for remembering it in the first place
OK, ladies, you’d better be ready, because here comes the 743rd Republican effort to convince you that there’s no “war on women” — instead, there’s a War For Women, and the GOP is totes going to win it because it knows what women REALLY care about. And what women really care about is not all that dull boring ‘bortion and contraceptives stuff, but rather the simple realities of everyday life, which does not revolve around your vagina, for godssakes. Which is why, before giving up on everything except maybe trying to pass an immigration bill that the Senate won’t even look at, House Republicans introduced a package of bills Wednesday to make life better for women. Cathy McMorris Rodgers took some time away from lying about Obamacare to explain why ladies are going to finally see that Republicans are their besties forever: Read more on Republicans Will Win All The Lady Votes With Exciting New Strategy: ‘Women Be Shopping’…
  boneheaded density

Ladies, Please Stop Thinking About Your Vagina And Start Thinking About Your Sad Brittle Bones

You’d think by now the Republicans would just be trying to figure out how to just take voting rights away from ladies and blahs and browns and homosexxicans rather than pretending that any part of their platform will ever appeal to anybody but angry white straight guys. But, in a testament to an absolutely blinkered level of thick-headedness, Republicans are still trying to win over the very people they loathe. Their latest effort revolves around hoping that if they just yell “women’s health women’shealthWOMEN’SHEALTH” louder and louder and over and over, somehow it will come to mean what they want it to mean, which is to say that it will no longer mean anything about babbies or ‘bortions. Instead, “women’s health” will become synonymous with osteoporosis, which is no doubt the most gripping health problem facing American women. Read more on Ladies, Please Stop Thinking About Your Vagina And Start Thinking About Your Sad Brittle Bones…
  I Am Mad About A Thing

Meet The Ladies Men’s Rights Auxiliary!

Don’t you just hate feminism? Of course you do. Feminism is so old-timey and unnecessary and also very mean to men because when women say stuff — like “That sportsball star raped the shit out of me” or “Hey, Mr. Boss Man Sir, why are you paying me less than my male colleagues, HUH?” — it really hurts their feelings. Like, really a lot. Sure, maybe we might have sort of needed feminism, like, a thousand years ago or whenever the first wave of feminism started, who knows, history is a man thing, and I don’t like to crowd my lady brain space with man things because I’m a lady, goddamnit, I’d much rather let men keep track of that stuff so I can focus on SHOOOOOOOOES. But look. We get to vote. We’ve been able to have credit in our very own lady names for a whole 40 years. We have the right to go to doctors (sometimes) and receive Jesus-approved health care (sometimes), and all we have to do is listen to some sidewalk counseling about how we are murdering babies like the baby-murdering whores we are, which is TOTALLY not a big deal at all, so long as those sidewalk counselors don’t try to kill us or our doctors, but hey, if we didn’t want to be killed, we wouldn’t be there in the first place, and you know how freedom isn’t free so it is definitely totally not a big deal at all. Fortunately, for the stupid feminists out there who just do not get why feminism is bad, there is a hot new trend on the internets of ladies fighting against ladies who fight for ladies. Let’s call them the Ladies Men’s Rights Auxiliary — or Lamers for short. Read more on Meet The Ladies Men’s Rights Auxiliary!…
  I Am Mad About A Thing

Wingnut Nurse Sues Family Planning Center For Not Giving Her Job Just Because She Says She Won’t Do Job

Let’s play a game. It is sort of a choose-your-own-adventure make-believe game. Costumes optional. You are about to graduate from Thing-Doing School and apply for a job as a professional Thing-Doer, as one does after attending Thing-Doing School. You inform your potential employer that you are interested in the Thing-Doing job but will be unable to perform Thing-Doing duties because of your religious beliefs. Your potential employer tells you, “LOL, that’s hilarious, but we are actually looking for a real Thing-Doer who is willing to perform Thing-Doing duties, because that is the job. Thanks but no thanks.” Do you: A) Say, “Well, that is a very good point, I understand why you would want to hire a Thing-Doer who is capable and willing to Thing-Do, I shall now re-examine my goal of being a Thing-Doer but not actually Thing-Doing”? (Turn to page 132 and pat yourself on the back because that is a very smart answer.) B) Get yourself some fancy lawyers and sue the unholy bejesus out of the no-longer potential employer because your unwillingness to perform Thing-Doing duties should not disqualify you from being hired as a Thing-Doer? (Turn to page 666 and die in a fire.) C) Laugh and roll your eyes because that is SO RIDICULOUS it cannot even be real, what kind of moron would apply for a job that requires doing things to which said moron objects because JESUS? (Throw the book away and write a bad review on Amazon because this book sucks.) If you chose “C,” I don’t blame you because in a just world, that would be the correct and only option, but sorry, you lose because this IS real, and there IS such a moron who would do such a thing, and her name is Sara Hellwege and yes, she is suing SO hard. If you haven’t already choked on your own vomit by now, keep reading. Read more on Wingnut Nurse Sues Family Planning Center For Not Giving Her Job Just Because She Says She Won’t Do Job…
  I Am Mad About A Thing

Ted Cruz Has A ‘Basic Suggestion’ For Democrats, And I Have One For Him

Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas is not a smart man. Oh, I know, I know. There’s a conservative fairy tale that Cruz is REALLY smart (Democrats, beware!) because he went to Princeton and Harvard Law School and was super good at debating, and Harvard Professor Alan Dershowitz called him “off-the-charts brilliant.” But given his complete misunderstanding of the First Amendment — no, it does not protect your constitutional right to be on the tee vee — and his total miscomprehension of Green Eggs and Ham — no, the moral of the story is NOT that you should never try something new that scares you, like say Obamacare, because you probably won’t like it so don’t even bother — it’s hard to detect the off-the-charts brilliance of Ted Cruz lurking under all that mind-numbing idiocy. Cruz served up some of his signature stupid on the Senate floor Wednesday to protest the Democrats’ bill to fix Hobby Lobby. Republicans killed the bill, as we all knew they would, but at least Democrats can tell voters they tried to do something good, so now everyone who is running for election this fall wins. Hooray, I guess. One of Cruz’s favorite pastimes, when he’s not demanding investigations into black voters voting like some kind of voters who are allowed to vote or watching goat porn (hey, it seems like something he would do, doesn’t it?), is whining SO hard about “religious freedom,” by which he means the freedom of Catholics and evangelicals to dictate policy to America, because, like his daddy says, “America is a Christian nation.” On the Senate floor, Cruz accused Democrats of waging a war against the Catholic Church because of their failed attempt to un-exempt employers who SINCERELY believe stuff from having to comply with federal law if they SINCERELY believe they do not like that law. Prior to the Supreme Court’s Hobby Lobby ruling (yup, still mad about that), such employers would have faced a fine if they refused to comply with the law, because here in America, if you break the law, theoretically, you will face penalties for breaking the law. (Obviously, this does not apply to the rich and powerful because that would be RIDICULOUS.) Read more on Ted Cruz Has A ‘Basic Suggestion’ For Democrats, And I Have One For Him…
  I Am Mad About A Thing

GOP Reveals New New Extra New Plan to ‘Empower’ Women By Telling Them They Are Stupid

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Republicans have a new plan to woo the lady voters, and it’s new! And a plan! And unlike all the other new plans they’ve been trying, this one is totally going to work. (Spoiler: It is not going to work.) Read more on GOP Reveals New New Extra New Plan to ‘Empower’ Women By Telling Them They Are Stupid…
  sorry not sorry

I Am Mad About A Thing: Hooray, Todd Akin Has A ‘Book’

Ugh, Todd Akin, right? You remember Todd Akin, of course. He was a Republican representative from Missouri who just might have become a senator from Missouri if he had not made the catastrophic mistake, as Republicans are wont to do, of opening his mouth and saying words. And you remember those words because we all do, because they are tattooed on our brains, and we cannot bleach them away no matter how hard we try: Read more on I Am Mad About A Thing: Hooray, Todd Akin Has A ‘Book’…
  Waste millions with this one neat trick

I Am Mad About A Thing: Federal Money To Tell Kids To Shut Their Legs For Jesus

You know what is a terrific way to waste millions of dollars? Teaching kids that the only thing they need to know about sex is to just not do that. If you’re looking to invest money in something proven to be utterly ineffective, and in fact harmful, abstinence-only education is the thing for you. Read more on I Am Mad About A Thing: Federal Money To Tell Kids To Shut Their Legs For Jesus…
  wonkette world o' books

A Review Of The Free Amazon Preview Of Katie Pavlich’s New ‘Book’

Today is D-Day for one of the most anticipated events of the year around yr Wonkette’s newsroom, for it marks the release of Katie Pavlich’s book-like substance, Assault and Flattery: The Truth About the Left and Their War on Women.We’re so excited! Not excited enough to actually spend $25 on the goddamn thing and help Katie’s book-like-substance sales, or make the trek to the library, or download a copy to our Kindle. Then we might find ourselves feeling obligated to read the entire thing and risk falling into an abyss of self-loathing and despair over our career choices. But we can read the free preview on Amazon and review that, which is about as much attention as this thing deserves. We know we’re in for some good reading just looking at the list of chapter titles: Lynching the GOP; Barack Obama: The Most Anti-Woman President Ever (this is the same Barack Obama who signed the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act and put coverage of contraceptives for women in his massive health-insurance reform bill, right?); The NRA: America’s Real Pro-Women’s Group… Good thing we’re not reading the book, because the material could not possibly be funnier than these titles. Katie, you’ve already peaked! But let’s read the rest of this free preview anyway. Read more on A Review Of The Free Amazon Preview Of Katie Pavlich’s New ‘Book’…
  u mad?

I Am Mad About A Thing: My Uncomfortably Crowded Vagina

I like my vagina. I think it’s great. I love touching it. I’m better at it than anyone else I’ve ever known, in that Biblical way, if you know what I mean. (Sex. I mean sex.) I love how it looks and feels when it’s perfectly waxed and smooth. It makes sex quite pleasant; it makes a bath fabulous. I’m also quite fond of the no-maintenance, full-on-natural, I’m-not-wearing-a-bathing-suit-for-many-months look. Read more on I Am Mad About A Thing: My Uncomfortably Crowded Vagina…