Tag Archives: war on terror

  They hate us for our freedoms

America-Hating Appellate Court Says NSA Can’t Read All Your Sexts To Fight Terrorism After All

Guess they forgot :(
You’ve probably forgotten by now that time some terrorists damn near destroyed America with boxcutters, and we had to rewrite the Constitution to save the Constitution, so the terrorists would not win. So Congress passed a law that says the government can do pretty much whatever it wants, to protect America. They called it the USA Patriot Act, because of how it is so fucking patriotic and you can’t vote against a bill that has PATRIOT right there in the name because that means you hate America. And freedom. And you are not with us, you are with the terrorists. Turns out, a three-judge panel of the Second Circuit Court of Appeals does hate America: Read more on America-Hating Appellate Court Says NSA Can’t Read All Your Sexts To Fight Terrorism After All…
  it was the worst of times it was the worst of times

CIA Learned Hottest Torture Tricks From American Psychological Association

From the shores of the Pacific to the Singing Statesmen of DC, the “War On Terror” really brought out the best in us, didn’t it? Now we can add the American Psychological Association (APA) to the list of willingly terrible participants. According to the New York Times, the world’s largest association of psychologists worked hand-in-puffy-soft-hand with the CIA and Bush Administration to formulate an ethical and legal basis for all the fun torturing. Read more on CIA Learned Hottest Torture Tricks From American Psychological Association…
  Tales of Terror

Journey Into Madness: Playboy Interviews Dick Cheney

At the McClean (Virginia) of Madness
The weak light of my sputtering candle guided my descent down the stone steps. In the glow I could read the ancient runes carved in the walls, but of the ancient terrors inscribed there I must not speak.  At the bottom I emerged into a cavern, its dimensions unknowable in the darkness. There was a phosphorous scent like none I had smelled before. From out of the gloaming, an unearthly chuckle beckoned me near. Read more on Journey Into Madness: Playboy Interviews Dick Cheney…
  Get [REDACTED]!

CIA Lady Was Worst Spy Ever, Got Promoted To King Of Torture

Not that the CIA was as competent about these guys
Just when we’d thought we’d heard all the worst from the Senate’s report on the CIA’s torture program, along comes even more. Not only did the CIA do some pretty horrific stuff that violated the law without gaining any significant intelligence, it also turns out that one of the key players in the program appears to have been stunningly bad at her job — and kept getting promoted. In fact, it appears that her dismal performance was one reason for the CIA’s refusal to allow the Intelligence Committee report to identify people by pseudonym: It would have made it too easy to recognize that one top official had screwed up again and again. Read more on CIA Lady Was Worst Spy Ever, Got Promoted To King Of Torture…
  Grey Lady To Be Renditioned To Black Site

New York Times Calls For Extradition Of Dick Cheney To Any Planet With A Justice System

The New York Times editorial board ran an editorial Monday calling for the prosecution of those who ran the CIA’s torture program, proving that they are a bunch of hopeless romantics who believe in justice. They aren’t especially hopeful, noting that President Obama has shown virtually no interest in actually prosecuting anyone for torturing some folks, but bless them, they make the case anyway: Read more on New York Times Calls For Extradition Of Dick Cheney To Any Planet With A Justice System…
  How can we miss you if you don't stay away?

Dick Cheney Tortures Us By Making Us Look At More Of George Bush’s Paintings Or Something

Dick Cheney auditions for a reboot of
Sunday was a good day for the bookers on a couple of those political chat shows where Washington’s power brokers yap at each other in brazen displays of verbal hand jobbery. It’s not every week that the president and vice president of the previous administration both make appearances, but with last week’s release of the Senate’s torture report, both men might have been feeling the need to defend their legacy a bit. Surely there would be some tough questions and intense showdowns. Read more on Dick Cheney Tortures Us By Making Us Look At More Of George Bush’s Paintings Or Something…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Did The CIA Really Need To Do All That Torture To Protect America? (Video)

Might be making an excellent point about something, might be a Motown back-up singer
In his press conference on the Senate Intelligence Committee’s report on torture, CIA Director John Brennan acknowledged that interrogators did some things that were “abhorrent and rightly should be repudiated by all,” but also explained that it was a crazy time and everybody was just doing the best they could to Protect America. Read more on Morning Maddow: Did The CIA Really Need To Do All That Torture To Protect America? (Video)…
  Rectally Infused Excuses

CIA Chief: Torture Is Bad, We Shouldn’t Do It, Now Please Shut Up About It

It's an art, apparently
CIA Director John Brennan held a press conference today to respond to the Senate Intelligence Committee’s report on torture during the Bush administration, and he gave a very clear message: The CIA is good, torture is bad, it’s hard to say whether torture led to useful intelligence, but it definitely helped find Osama bin Ladin, and it was a long time ago so can we please just look to the future please? Read more on CIA Chief: Torture Is Bad, We Shouldn’t Do It, Now Please Shut Up About It…
  Tortured Logic 2: Electric (Shocks To The Genitals) Boogaloo

Dick Cheney Throws George W. Bush Under War Criminal Bus

Dick Cheney, the dark lord who makes Satan himself cringe, wants you to know a few things about that Senate report on torture that he has not read but knows is not only “hooey” but also “full of crap.” Read more on Dick Cheney Throws George W. Bush Under War Criminal Bus…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Surprise, CIA Torture Program Was Run By Idiots (Video)

Poinsettias and torture reports go together so well
Rachel Maddow started off her Tuesday show with one of those Historical Context pieces she’s so fond of, and it was a doozy: the story of Yuri Nosenko, the KGB agent who defected to the USA in 1964. Despite Nosenko’s having worked as a double agent and then voluntarily giving the CIA a trove of information, the agency — hoping to get the real truth on Lee Harvey Oswald — tortured Nosenko from 1964 to 1967, eventually deciding he’d been truthful after all. Then they gave him a nice pension, a new identity, and a new life somewhere in America. He died in 2008. You’d think maybe the CIA might have learned something about the value of torture in getting useful intelligence. But no, instead we got the Bush administration’s torture program, the subject of yesterday’s Senate Intelligence Committee report. Read more on Morning Maddow: Surprise, CIA Torture Program Was Run By Idiots (Video)…
  We Know Where The Lies Are: East West South And North Somewhat

Donald Rumsfeld Has Nothing To Say About Torture, But He’d Like Your Money

Maybe he can make this
Remember the good old days, of, say, 2004, before we knew for an absolute fact that our government was torturing the hell out of detainees? All we had then were rumors and some photographs and maybe some videos and some blown whistles about some “bad apples” — and a whole lot of denials from the Bush administration, who would never lie about anything, because “we don’t torture.” Read more on Donald Rumsfeld Has Nothing To Say About Torture, But He’d Like Your Money…
  Rectal Infusions Of American Exceptionalism

Fox News Explains America Is The Best, So Who Cares About Torture?

This isn't about democracy, this is about politics. Which Democracy doesn't need.
The nice folks at Fox News are pretty darn angry about the Senate Intelligence Committee’s report on the CIA’s post-9/11 torture program, but not about anything revealed in the report. No, the great patriots at Fox are mostly angry that the report is being released at all, especially at a time when it will distract from the very important appearance of Obamacare Archfiend Jonathan Gruber, who’s testifying before a House panel today. Obviously, the Dems are just trying to cover up the War Crimes of the Affordable Care Act by nattering on about some Muslims who got their feelings hurt. OK, and at least one guy who was a case of mistaken identity died of hypothermia, and two other guys who were tortured even though they had already worked as CIA informants. But they never called the American people stupid, now did they? You see, it’s all about priorities. Let’s see how Fox Fair And Balanced the shit out of the torture report today! Read more on Fox News Explains America Is The Best, So Who Cares About Torture?…
  What Part Of 'Don't Torture' Is So Hard To Get?

Does John McCain Really Have To Remind You About Torture Again, You A**holes?

Not a good day to be John McCain
We are, on the whole, not huge fans of John McCain here at Yr Wonkette. There’s the angry mood swings — mostly from one variety of anger to another; the petulance; the desire to bomb America’s way to greatness again; and of course the fact that he inflicted that vice-presidential candidate of his on America. But for all that, we’ll also give him credit for having always been solid on why America shouldn’t use torture: not only does it not work, it’s just plain un-American. If there’s one thing he actually earned from those FIVE AND A HALF YEARS ALAN, it’s credibility on the topic of torture. Read more on Does John McCain Really Have To Remind You About Torture Again, You A**holes?…
  tortured logic

Dick Cheney Gives Torture Five Stars, Would Torture Again

Is this image hyperbolic? It might be a little hyperbolic.
The Senate Intelligence Committee released its much-anticipated report on the Bush administration’s CIA torture program today, and it’s a pretty big deal. If we’re to believe Fox News, it might be as inflammatory as that “Innocence of Muslims” video that sparked riots all over the Muslim world, except not in Benghazi. Read more on Dick Cheney Gives Torture Five Stars, Would Torture Again…
  clipbait

Daily Show Calls For Revenge On West Virginia Water Terrorists; Stephen Colbert Advocates Endless War To End War

Good morning! Our first Clipbait of the week brings you The Daily Show applying the logic of the War on Terror to the West Virginia chemical spill, and Stephen Colbert’s simple plan to make sure Afghanistan won’t fall apart after American troops leave: never leave. Read more on Daily Show Calls For Revenge On West Virginia Water Terrorists; Stephen Colbert Advocates Endless War To End War…
  epic trolling

Dick Cheney Offers Opinions, Irony Meters Become Sentient Long Enough To Jump From Tall Buildings

How unfair is it that (insert name of a beloved family member/spouse/friend/celebrity/pet/serial killer/Iraqi citizen/American soldier here) is dead and Dick Cheney still roams the earth? Just the thought of that ancient visage sneering at all of us from the crypt where he hangs out in between feedings is enough to send yr Wonkette into apoplectic shock. If he couldn’t retire to a cell in the Hague, is it too much to ask that he at least stay the fuck out of the public eye for the rest of eternity? Alas, there are still some who think Dick Cheney’s opinion matters, and those people have airtime to fill on the teevee. So, taking a break from his usual daily activity of disemboweling virgins and feasting on their bloody entrails for sustenance, the former president vice-president appeared on “Fox News Sunday” to opine on America’s recent “discovery” that our government knows about every time we have ever called out for Chinese food in the last decade. Read more on Dick Cheney Offers Opinions, Irony Meters Become Sentient Long Enough To Jump From Tall Buildings…
  they hate us for our freedom -- why did we elect them?

Peter King & Lindsay Graham: NSA Scandal Proves Americans Need To Be Watched More Closely (Updated)

Peter King (R-Stasi) has taking the very brave position of calling for the prosecution of reporters that publish classified data. Presumably, he is only referring to the classified data leaked by whistleblowers, NOT the classified data accidentally revealed by Michele Bachman during primary debates, and definitely not the classified data selectively leaked to news outlets by the administration. In any case, Peter King is taking a helpful stance: since the terrorists hate us for our freedom, the best way to protect ourselves from attacks is to just have less and less of it as a precautionary measure. Below is Peter King’s response word for word, so you can be amazed at every logic-bending morsel.  So eloquent is he that he DOESN’T EVEN NEED to mention the Supreme Court’s per curium opinion in the Pentagon Papers case. Behold: Read more on Peter King & Lindsay Graham: NSA Scandal Proves Americans Need To Be Watched More Closely (Updated)…
  Let's stop all the fight

Barry Xmas, War Is Over! A Wonkette Think Peace

We know it’s been a few days since Barack Obama’s boldly redefined / slightly modified / utterly capitulated in the War On Terror, but since Yr. Editrix said that a good “think piece analysis” is allowed to be late, here is a Sunday morningish Wonket thinky piece on Barry’s big drones -n- Gitmo speech at the National Defense University the other day. So is this a nice-time story, an Obama is morally weak story, or a BORE-ing, could we bring back the shouting lady please story? It most certainly is! We just aren’t sure when we should schedule the parade for the end of the War on Terror and Other Abstractions. Read more on Barry Xmas, War Is Over! A Wonkette Think Peace…
  the war on the war on terror

A Children’s Treasury of NYT Commenters Who Love Eternal Detention

The New York Times posted an op-ed online Sunday night that’s jarring not only because of its content but because of its very existence: It’s a column from a prisoner at Guantánamo Bay that explains how degrading and painful it is to be force fed while trying to hold a hunger strike to protest his eternal imprisonment for not doing a bad thing, whatever the bad thing was, because he has never been charged with anything. When Alice Paul does it in Occoquan, we give her a halo and put her in a Hilary Swank movie. When scary Muslim strangers do it, we say, “Welp, his fault for looking like a terrorist.” And by “we” your Wonkette means the fart goblins who have taken to the New York Times comment section on the column to whine about how this man deserves to rot forever, for the crime of being sent to Guantanamo Bay. Read more on A Children’s Treasury of NYT Commenters Who Love Eternal Detention…
  Gettin the band back together

A Childrens’ Treasury Of People You Never Wanted To Think About Ever Again

Since this month marks the ten-year anniversary of the War to Soothe George W. Bush’s Daddy Issues, and because our blood pressure has not skyrocketed to the point where it blew out the cuff the nurse strapped around our arm at our last physical, your Wonkette thought it would be fun to take a look back at the architects of that colossal fuck-up. Who were these paragons of American exceptionalism, and what are they doing today? Living quiet lives of reflection and repentance? Working every day with the wounded veterans who are such a large result of their policies? Standing in the dock at the Hague? Committing seppuku, the ritual suicide by disembowelment practiced by Japanese samurai when they brought shame and dishonor upon themselves and their nation? To the Google! Read more on A Childrens’ Treasury Of People You Never Wanted To Think About Ever Again…
  in the navy

That Is So Weird That Guy Advising Mitt Romney On Our ‘Too-Small’ Navy Just Happens To Be In The Ship-Building Biz

Here’s the thing about the Navy: it needs more ships. And possibly more bayonets, so as not to offend the bayonet-Americans. But definitely more ships. This is self-evidently true according to presidential candidate Mitt Romney, who astutely observed the other night that our air force is “older than any time since 1947.” This is also self-evidently true!  So the solution here is more ships, which you can use to attack Syria (a.k.a. “Iran’s route to the sea”) and if you get bored with that, you can sail on over to Afghanistan, which will be very helpful to our men and women and uniform. So yeah, more ships, says Romney, who is being advised by some guy who by coincidence just so happens to invest in ship-building companies. Does his opinion on navy ships have to do with these ties to ship-building companies? No, of course not, his opinion on navy ships just has to do with Keeping Us Safe.™ Read more on That Is So Weird That Guy Advising Mitt Romney On Our ‘Too-Small’ Navy Just Happens To Be In The Ship-Building Biz…
  you will never know the hour of mitt romney assassinating you

Fifteen Percent Of Ohio Republicans: Mitt Romney Killed Bin Laden

Public Policy Polling polled pretty publicly, preferring poignant probes pertaining to…Ohio. They asked a question during that polling – namely, who was more responsible for Osama bin Laden’s death: Barack Obama or Mitt Romney? Fifteen percent of Ohio Republicans said Mitt Romney. In what some (my colleague Tim Murphy) have called “the greatest thing ever,” a full 15 percent of Ohio Republicans surveyed said Romney deserved more credit than the president. Another 47 percent said they were “unsure.” Read more on Fifteen Percent Of Ohio Republicans: Mitt Romney Killed Bin Laden…