war on christmas

Don’t worry, Christians! The brave and smart members of the Oklahoma Legislature are working on saving the Sacred Baby Festival from all those pagans and liberals and secular humanists who are trying to ban Christmas forever, just like they made sure that no one can ever forget that the 10 Commandments exist. They’ve introduced two […]

So here’s some high-octane Nightmare Fuel — you may want to remove any kids from the room before viewing — from something calling itself “St. Mary’s At Large.” The ad’s producers claim it has been airing on MSNBC and Fox News in the New York/New Jersey region. In it, a vaguely Burl-Ives-ish voice intones, “This […]

Terrible news from the frontlines of the War on People Who Refuse to Believe There is a War on Christmas Because There Is Not Actually a War on Christmas. Apparently, according to Sarah Palin, who knows all about it because she hired someone to ghostwrite a book for her on this very subject, lawyered-up atheists […]

Back in October, we were buying our full-length gown and our corsages and our tiaras and our matching dyed satin pumps so that we could be all ready for this year’s 14th Annual Daddy-Daughter Purity Ball. Excitement! And way more fun than real prom with its groping and drinking and general carousing. But then we […]

Hey ladies. 2014 is around the corner, and that means that more GOP candidates will be mansplaining to you about how you shouldn’t be raped illegitimately and that military boys will be rapey boys so shut your mouth and make a goddam sammich. But this time around, the GOP wants to win over the Ovary-American […]

OMG you guys, did you hear about the school in Georgia that’s so bent on removing any trace of Christianity that it forced kids and teachers to take down the Christmas cards that they used to put up in the school hallways? It’s really terrible, better call that school and give ‘em a piece of […]

As we noted in our earlier dispatch from the front lines in the War on Christmas, the National Republican Congressional Committee quickly sold out its entire stock of festive seasonal t-shirts. On the front, the shirts say “‘Happy Holidays’ is what liberals say,” and on the back, there’s a jolly “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” plus an implied, […]

Rally the troops and calibrate your reindeer-seeking missiles — War On Christmas 2013 is well under way. First up, we have this panicked report from Todd “The Feds will outlaw the Bible as Hate Speech” Starnes, who wants us to know that a neighborhood in Orange County, California, has been ordered to take down every […]

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, our weekly collection of cranky crap that wasn’t worth a full post, but was too incandescently stoopid to ignore altogether. First up, Bryan Fischer told all his followers on Twitter today to go read this shocking billion-word exposé of what Teh Ghey is really all about, as explained […]

With Halloween behind us, there is a crisp, fresh feeling in the air. The kind of feeling that can only mean one thing: time to start capitalizing on other people’s deeply held religi-political beliefs to rake in boatloads of cash. Up in the sky, with a sleigh being pulled by flying caribou, is our favorite […]

Greenbrier, Tennessee, Mayor Billy Wilson was arrested Monday and charged with theft for stealing funds from the city’s Toys for Tots charity. At press time, the whereabouts of the town’s supply of Tar Tinkers, Who Hoovers, Gar Ginkers and Slu Slumkers could not be ascertained, although it is thought that Wilson may have already sold […]

We are counting down the days, the anticipation building, our just-can’t-waitness growing with each passing day. Sometimes we find ourselves just staring out the window instead of working, daydreaming about what we’ll get. Christmas? Screw that, we’re talking about the season 4 premiere of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, set for November 23. Until […]

Bryan J. Fischer, the issues director of the good ol’ American Family Association, who has many interesting Thoughts on interesting Topics, has some airtight logic for us, and that is that if the Founders did not want a Christianist theocracy, then why did they put a date on the Constitution, HENGGHHHHH? Did Bryan J. Fischer […]

Are you ready to defend Christmas … WITH YOUR LIFE? Then lay it down here, by letting your brain explode and dribble out your earholes along with all the head blood what used to be in your head. So … much … blood. But how would you explode your own brain and earholes? By listening […]

An early squirmish in the War On Christmas has erupted over an ornament sold by Hallmark; the ornament depicts a traditional Ugly Christmas Sweater with lines from “Deck the Halls” on it, but “Don we now our gay apparel” has been changed to “Don we now our FUN apparel.” A few people rolled their eyes […]