Tag: war on christmas

Won’t You Feed The Wonkette Children This War On Christmas Season?

Is your Chanukah gelt burning a hole in your pocket (AND POOR JESUS'S PALMS???)? Do you feel the burning itch to share your Christmas goose, NOT IN A SEX WAY? Have you cracked your fourth bottle of wine, and...

Sara Benincasa’s ‘D.C. Trip,’ By Sara Benincasa, Reviewed. (By Sara Benincasa)

Oh, hello. My name is Sara Benincasa, and I have long been a contributor to yr Wonkette. Anyway, I am here on yr Wonkette to review my own lertest berk or “latest book,” a rollicking novel titled “DC Trip.”...
And unto Felicia he said BYE

Pope Francis Declares War On Christmas

Another year, another exhibit of the supposedly (but is he, really?) Catholic Pope Francis forgetting the reason for the season: a plastic Jewish family and snowflakes on your coffee cups. In what has become his annual downer of an...

Send Your Fundie Sister Some Hope On A Rope Soap This War On Christmas Season!

"You could stay in the alley behind my Burbank soap factory," the lady was saying in the Wonkette comments. It didn't seem a better offer was coming in for places in Los Angeles to park the Wonkette Mobile Command...
Don't make Muscle Jesus angry. You wouldn't like Him when He's angry.

Deleted Comments: You Can’t Be A Liberal And A Christian, Duh

Once in a while we'll get an influx of angry new commenters who are very, VERY unhappy with something we've published, but we have no idea how they found the piece to be outraged by in the first place....
These baristas will keep you safe and warm.

First Starbucks Destroys Christmas, Now It’s Gay For The Queers?

Well, well, well, Starbucks sure has made clear where it stands in the culture wars this week, and it's definitely not on the side of Jesus! First it made a red cup that didn't even have Christmas decorations it, like...
They're watching you.

Jesus Buying All His Christmas Presents At Hobby Lobby And Chick-Fil-A From Now On

It's the most wonderful time of the year, almost! We've had a real good start to the War On Christmas, thanks to Starbucks making a cup that does not explicitly mention how the Baby Jesus died so you can...
It's almost as if they were a business, not a church.

Starbucks First Corporation To Murder Christmas This Year

After a few early rumblings back in August, it's finally that most beloved time of the year, War On Christmas season! And the Most Offensive Thing in the World right now is Starbucks' red and green coffee cups. Obviously....
Look! I have a Bible! See? It's my very own copy! I'M YOU!

Donald Trump Takes Out His Jesus Thing, Waves It At Christian Voters

Donald Trump brought his circus act Friday to the Values Voters Summit in Washington, the great annual Jesusthon sponsored by the Family Research Council, the "pro-family" group that used to employ Josh Duggar. Trump turkey-danced his way through the...
I CAN SAY TERRISM YET?

Fox News Has Thoughts On Kim Davis. They Are Strangely Interesting Thoughts!

So, the other day, we showed you a video of a nice panel discussion on the Fox News, about how Kentucky clerk Kim Davis's lawyer Mat Staver is "ridiculously stupid," and we remarked that when a wingnut has lost...
Donald Trump meets an anchor baby

Donald Trump Bravely Says ‘Christmas,’ Even In Alabama

While he was in Alabama getting white people excited this weekend, Donald Trump took a few minutes to assure an Alabama radio show host that nobody -- NOBODY -- will be a greater President of Christmas than Donald J....

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Why Did Jesus Send Us To Collections, Mommy?

Welcome back, sinners. It's time once again for the Snake Oil Bulletin! We would like to take this time to remind our readers that unless you've paid your monthly $7.99 readers' fee, in addition to keeping up on your...

Fox Starts War On Christmas In August. Take That, Global Warming!

The War on Christmas is already here in August, according to Fox & Friends host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who seems to have forgotten that Bill O'Reilly won the War on Christmas last year. Maybe this is one of those...
Unlike wingnuts, that ugly dog is actually lovable.

Wingnuts React To Charleston Church Shooting With Thoughtful Gravitas We’ve Come To Expect

Our headline is a flat-out lie. Wednesday night in Charleston, a white gunman identified as Dylann Storm Roof allegedly sat and prayed with black churchgoers at a bible study for an hour, and then opened fire, killing nine people, including...
Just plain sad

Republicans Actually Say Out Loud They Are Not Loyal To America, To Pollsters, With Their Mouths

After all these years of hearing So. Much. BULLSHIT! about Barack Obama -- he's a secret Muslim, he's a secret Kenyan, he's a cokehead, he's a gay, he's the devil, he's the anti-christ, he's Hitler, he's a this that...
He always has the best advice

Pat Robertson: Beat Your Kids Until They Stop Smoking Dope And Start Loving Jesus

Sure, it's only January -- barely -- but it's never too soon to start worrying about how your godless heathen grandspawn will try to war on your Christmas. And how you can fight back! Yes, we are shocked and amazed...