war on christmas
Oh look, Michele Bachmann doesn’t even know the names of the random “children” she assembled to make this dumb Christmas video to remind everyone that her gay husband Marcus is so gay that he’s not even allowed in the family Christmas video. “Don’t forget the reason for the season,” sez Michele … which is marginalizing [...]
It was another day of thuggery on the Iowa campaign trail as Michele Bachmann’s remaining followers mercilessly booed and taunted a sad gay robot. The pudgy homosexual android just wanted to make a case for itself, but the slob wingnuts just chanted BOOOOO because that’s how they “cure homosexuality.” Speaking of pudgy gay robots, has [...]
‘Twas the night before Iowa, when all through the state, The wingnuts were fuming, their heads fat with hate. The caucus was planned, in just over a week, Yet the GOP candidates were unelectable freaks! The reporters were nestled in bedbug motels. Their noses recoiling from strange Iowa smells, Of corn syrup fields, and thick [...]
We have failed to provide the usual amount of tangential holiday nonsense this week, and for that we Truly Apologize, sort of. Here’s a quick post to wish you all a very happy third “magic olive oil” night of Hanukkah, plus a very merry “death of the sun” Winter Solstice Night. Here are a few [...]
We don’t believe in an interventionist god, so today’s cheery eyewitness report of Dick Cheney being “enfeebled” at a death-war military contractor’s holiday cocktail ritual does not make us believe we’re all going to have a very merry Christmas. We must remember that Dick Cheney has been legally dead about a hundred times, and he [...]
Every year about this time, the nation opens the “advent calendars” of its secret CIA prisons all over the world to say “hi” to the people always plotting against us by waging a War on Christmas. But did you know that the War On Christmas did not start in CIA murder-torture prisons, but actually in [...]
Have you somehow forgotten about Arizona these past few days? Let’s remember it all over again, for the holidays! Nothing says “mythology of the peaceful savior Jesus” like an Arizona gun club hosting a Guns ‘n Santa family foto event. “I thinks it’s going to be all in fun from those who support the second [...]
Christmas Day is over, pretty much! It’s all down to the weeping and drunken fighting with what’s her name, your relative probably, and the kids freaking out over their broken shoddy toys and the crippling mudslide/snowstorm that will prevent you from ever getting home (which was foreclosed, anyway). Also, the Gingerbread Houses are filled with [...]
Oh look, some fucktard wingnuts in Texas somewhere made a video of themselves “executing Santa Claus,” you know, because Baby Jesus hates Santa Claus. Why does Baby Jesus hate a Christian saint? Because Baby Jesus isn’t Catholic anymore, come on, don’t you know anything about American Christmas? Anyway watch these mouth-breathing obese poop-sacks play with [...]
From coast to coast, America is getting plenty of winter weather — and just in time for winter, too. Weather predicting people say these trends may continue all the way to Christmas. Whether this is a “good thing” or a “bad thing” depends very much on your planned activities for the holidays. For instance, those [...]
Tonight will be very exciting for the fancy elitists in our country who can locate the night sky: For the first time in four centuries, a total lunar eclipse will also mark the Winter Solstice. Also, it’s a Full Moon! And there’s a meteor shower tonight, too! This combination of science and paganism is exactly [...]
Christ-killers and Menorah fetishists, ACLU fascists and Kwanzaa-celebrating racists, liberals and Nazis, gather ’round the Christmas fire! Normally at Christmastime, your reviewer would want to read aloud some classics of the season, but this year we must focus on what’s truly important and enduring: books by furious wingnuts that denounce the damnable War on Christmas. [...]
This is not actually a Holiday Classic, but because nothing on the Internet can be trusted, that’s the title we’re giving to this old thing we found, which was written by your editor back when he was toiling for UPI at the shabby headquarters behind the White House, back when Bill Clinton was still officially [...]
Most Americans correctly believe that the Christ-child was born 400 years ago in a shitty barn behind Jethro’s Dogfight Shack in Arkansatucky, Missibama. Lo, betwixt her mighty labor pains, his unwed 14-year-old mother (who was just a little bit older than the average first-time mama in today’s South) said to her 20-year-old pervert fiance, “Um, [...]
