Wonkette

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Last week started off exciting with an OMG SURPRISE trip to Iraq and a luv connection with Sarkozy. But then along came the Grinch who stole the week before Xmas, John Bolton! Ew! All this and Black Leather Condi Glove Turkeys after the jump!

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Ron Paul appeared on today’s edition of teevee shitparade Fox & Friends. In this 25 seconds or so Paul managed to speak before a commercial break, he found a window to call Mike Huckabee a fascist. Paul, responding to a question about the not-so-subliminal cross in Huckabee’s new Christmas ad, said it reminded him of a Sinclair Lewis quote: “When fascism comes to this country, it will be wrapped in a flag carrying a cross.” Indeed, 2001 was a bad year.

The National Republican Senatorial Committee (NRSC) is trying to get more support for next year’s elections with this play on that famous song, “Twelve Days of Christmas,” or whatever it’s called. Go ahead and watch. We’ll wait. [Pause]. OK SORRY! We knew it was bad and we made you watch anyway. Again, sorry. But yeah, still, basic point: The Republicans are going to lose everything next year by like 20 million points. [YouTube]

Today, Congress is earning its keep exactly as the Founding Fathers intended: by saying Christmas is kinduva big deal. Iowa congressman Steve King — famous for hating poor, sick children — is introducing House Resolution 847, which officially will recognize “the importance of Christmas and the Christian faith.” Take that, teh Iraqz and health care crises of the world! Full text of the resolution, after the jump. MORE »

Acting U.S. Surgeon General Rear Adm. Steven K. Galson has launched the Administration’s first attack in this year’s War on Christmas. The ASG declared that Santa is too heavy to be a good role model, telling the Boston Herald, “It is really important that the people who kids look up to as role models are in good shape, eating well and getting exercise… Santa is no different.” The ASG’s comment comes in the wake of Australia’s war on “hohoho” and made one of us crave, um, cookies. We ask for your opinion, after the jump.

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While not quite as disastrous as Bill Kristol’s suicide bomb of a WaPo Outlook feature, Fox News’ John “War on Christmas” Gibson has these words for us this morning: “I know you don’t want to hear about Iraq, but I’m going to tell you anyway.” Damn him! Must keep reading… despite… hatred… MORE »

Conservative thingy WorldNetDaily.com is launching the anti-War on Christmas extra early this year, lest “the American Civil Liberties Union grinches” kidnap and neuter Santa Claus while his minions aren’t watching. Its website hosts an exclusive store for atheist-repelling paraphernalia. Among the items are a magnetic bumper sticker, a magnetic bumper sticker, an “auto magnet,” a magnetic bumper sticker, a Jesus bracelet and a magnetic bumper sticker. Those are all of the items, in fact, but inflatable green-and-red Bill O’Reilly fuckdolls should be available November 1. Because if they aren’t, Jesus will be retroactively unborn.

Christmas-defense kit [WorldNetDaily]

Christmas-hating Minnesota Governor Tim Governor Pawlenty may be angling for the veep slot under Dictator-President John WALNUTS! McCain, but that doesn’t mean he’ll forget his time as Jesse Ventura’s successor. MORE »

(UPDATE: Humorless sack of shit and local blogger Michael Fumento apparently has a law degree and wants to try it out on Wonkette because we posted his stupid fucking picture of Michelle Malkin dressed up like an Arab Killer. So we will take it down and post this picture of Fumento we found on some blog.) MORE »

Before going to their Texas estate so they could ignore Gerald Ford’s funeral, the First Family (or at least George and Laura) celebrated Xmas at Camp David. Oh boy, what did they give as presents? MORE »