Tag: war on christmas

Muslim Restaurant Declares War On Christmas By Offering Free Meals To Homeless, Elderly. What Are They Up To????

A Muslim-owned restaurant in London is doing something nice for its neighbors on Christmas. Unfortunately, the story is on the internet.

Eric Trump’s Daddy Running For President Just To Get His Baby Boy A Real Christmas Tree

No gross secular 'holiday trees' for little Eric, only the real kind that was grown by Jesus!

Jerk America-Haters Won’t Wish Allen West Happy Independence Day

Allen West is here to police your holiday greeting habits.

Fox News Idiots Wish Fox News Idiots Weren’t So Mad At Fox News Idiots Right Now

Oh no, there is trouble right here in River City, by which we mean at Fox News! And it's all about that Donald Trump boy. SOME PEOPLE at Fox News think he's the bees tits, whereas OTHERS think he...
But anybody can make one of these

Lo, Unto Bristol A Child Is Born: Hello, Sailor (Grace Eggnogg Palin)

It's a Festivus Miracle, just two days late: Abstinence activist Bristol Palin has brought forth from her holy loins a Second Immaculate Palin, a daughter named "Sailor Grace," although around here we'll be calling the miracle child by the...

Mike Huckabee Dreams Of Sugarplums, Hillary’s Vagina, For Christmas

Turns out the reason for the season is Hillary Clinton's vagina. Who knew? But all the Republican fellers can't stop yapping about Hillary's heyyy gurl -- which is very unfair to Jeb, somehow -- and Mike Huckabee wants to get in...

Only Two Days Left To Steal Baby Jesus!

'Tis the season when you say "'tis," and also for news hole filler stories on important topics like how frequently Baby Jesus figurines get stoled from Nativity scenes, such as this story from Seattle's KIRO. Not that there's...
Your Christmas Wonkette Baby will overtake you with Christmas cuteness.

Donald Trump, Lying Carly Fiorina And War On Christmas RAGE! Your Weekly Top Ten

Oh hi, Wonkers, are you ready for the official War On Christmas week? Have you polished all your Festivus poles and candy-cane dildos, to wave at all the nice fundamentalist Christians who are just trying to go to church...
Fa la la la la, la la la SHART

‘Fox & Friends’ Jizz Their Stockings In Yuletide Rage

Two of the unique strains of brain syphilis that sit on the "Fox & Friends" couch every morning have finded a real War On Christmas! Oh so exciting! You see, there is this school in Brooklyn, P.S. 169, and...
Wonkette Niece fires Donald Trump RIGHT BACK.

Republicans Are Jackholes And So Are Restaurant Customers. Your Weekly Top Ten

Top o' the Saturday morning to you, Wonkers! We assume you are lounged out in your Hello Kitty snuggie, ready to catch up on your Wonket Top Ten reading list from the week. If you're not, then take care of...
Fame and fortune except the fortune part.

Wonkette’s Evan Hurst Is World-Famous In Memphis: A Story By Evan Hurst

Oh hi, do you know me? I am one of your Wonkettes, and I am the most famous person in the universe. I am taking a break from having brunch with Taylor Swift, saying "Oh no she di'int" about...

Have Yourselves A Merry Confederate Christmas, In Hell!

Christmas, as we all know, is a time of joy, goodfellowship, and political score settling, as exemplified by the cheery Christmas card sent to fellow Republicans by South Carolina state Rep. Chris Corley to remind them that God will...
Have a holly jolly titsmas.

Idiot Nevada Lawmaker Michele Fiore Decks The Halls With Guns, Tits, More Guns

For liberals, it is the War On Christmas season, where we get up every single day at early-o-clock to receive our marching orders for how to make the baby Jesus cry in his manger. REAL AMERICANS, though, are sending...
He speaks the truth.

Remember, Liberals: Ted Cruz And Dead Breitbart Are The Reason For The Season

Hooray, that dumb holiday where we eat 300 pounds of food and say we're "thankful" for "things" is over, and now we can go back to doing hot, wet War On Christmassing to each other, like we liberals do....
The pope's new record, probably.

Pope Francis Drops Dope New Record On Black Friday, Like A Common Adele

Know that thing when you are sporting around in your new Lexus, gettin' in a little "Dad Time" while you take your privileged white children to soccer practice by forcing them to listen to Rush? (The band, not the...

This Would Be A Really Great Time To Buy Some Last-Minute Christmas Presents

Oh my gosh, you forgot to buy the things! No worries, you can still buy the things. Will they get to you in time for Christmas? Anything is possible. Come, let us travel together through the merry items in the...