Tag: war on christmas

In Which Dear Leader Trump Celebrates Veterans With Hymns To Himself

So this is what it's like to live in North Korea!

If Fox News Isn’t ‘Fair & Balanced’ Anymore, Does That Mean God Is Dead Too?

What would be the new slogan for Fox News? Click to help us decide! And also to OPEN THREAD!

Republican Party Celebrates Sacred Baby Jesus Day With Newer, Better, More Golden King

The GOP's Christmas message had no political implications. And I am Marie of Roumania.

RNC Hails Its New King! Wonkagenda For Monday, December 26, 2016

The RNC loves its new God King, the incestuous sexxy times of Trump spox, and the Dems set their sights on taxes. Your morning news brief!

Breitbart And Fox News Chase Christmas-Stealing Jews Out Of Pennsylvania Town

SPOILER: The Jews did not actually steal Christmas.

Obama Saves Alaska! Wonkagenda For Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Obama saves Alaska, Trump's spawn tried steal some cash, and Chris Christie just got screwed! Your Daily News Brief

Muslim Restaurant Declares War On Christmas By Offering Free Meals To Homeless, Elderly. What Are They Up To????

A Muslim-owned restaurant in London is doing something nice for its neighbors on Christmas. Unfortunately, the story is on the internet.

Eric Trump’s Daddy Running For President Just To Get His Baby Boy A Real Christmas Tree

No gross secular 'holiday trees' for little Eric, only the real kind that was grown by Jesus!

Jerk America-Haters Won’t Wish Allen West Happy Independence Day

Allen West is here to police your holiday greeting habits.

Fox News Idiots Wish Fox News Idiots Weren’t So Mad At Fox News Idiots Right Now

Oh no, there is trouble right here in River City, by which we mean at Fox News! And it's all about that Donald Trump boy. SOME PEOPLE at Fox News think he's the bees tits, whereas OTHERS think he...
But anybody can make one of these

Lo, Unto Bristol A Child Is Born: Hello, Sailor (Grace Eggnogg Palin)

It's a Festivus Miracle, just two days late: Abstinence activist Bristol Palin has brought forth from her holy loins a Second Immaculate Palin, a daughter named "Sailor Grace," although around here we'll be calling the miracle child by the...

Mike Huckabee Dreams Of Sugarplums, Hillary’s Vagina, For Christmas

Turns out the reason for the season is Hillary Clinton's vagina. Who knew? But all the Republican fellers can't stop yapping about Hillary's heyyy gurl -- which is very unfair to Jeb, somehow -- and Mike Huckabee wants to get in...

Only Two Days Left To Steal Baby Jesus!

'Tis the season when you say "'tis," and also for news hole filler stories on important topics like how frequently Baby Jesus figurines get stoled from Nativity scenes, such as this story from Seattle's KIRO. Not that there's...
Your Christmas Wonkette Baby will overtake you with Christmas cuteness.

Donald Trump, Lying Carly Fiorina And War On Christmas RAGE! Your Weekly Top Ten

Oh hi, Wonkers, are you ready for the official War On Christmas week? Have you polished all your Festivus poles and candy-cane dildos, to wave at all the nice fundamentalist Christians who are just trying to go to church...
Fa la la la la, la la la SHART

‘Fox & Friends’ Jizz Their Stockings In Yuletide Rage

Two of the unique strains of brain syphilis that sit on the "Fox & Friends" couch every morning have finded a real War On Christmas! Oh so exciting! You see, there is this school in Brooklyn, P.S. 169, and...
Wonkette Niece fires Donald Trump RIGHT BACK.

Republicans Are Jackholes And So Are Restaurant Customers. Your Weekly Top Ten

Top o' the Saturday morning to you, Wonkers! We assume you are lounged out in your Hello Kitty snuggie, ready to catch up on your Wonket Top Ten reading list from the week. If you're not, then take care of...