WALNUTS
John McCain used to be famous and handsome, when he was a lot younger, and many “moderates” enjoyed his personality and funny jokes about gorillas raping ladies. Now, however, he is a repulsive old cretin spouting utterly phony wingnut bullshit that he can’t even be bothered to pretend to believe — after all, he believes [...]
We have been wondering what fantastic campaign stunt John McCain might pull next. Declare war on Iceland? Suspend his campaign for Rosh Hashanah? But clearly we were not thinking big enough. John McCain will announce shortly that he’s such a bipartisan maverick he is switching parties and running for Number Two, because country above self [...]
Creepy old war-nut John McCain was just having some fun with old veterans today when he called Americans “my fellow prisoners.” Nap time, Walnuts! [JED REPORT]
WALNUTS 2: NUT HARDER starring John “Walnuts!” McCain, produced by SalvatoreDIntern and starring Julia Kobos. And your beloved original from 2006 is here.
Remember how John McCain used to want to lose elections to, uh, whatever that was? Lose elections to win elections? Anyway, this week’s suspension of his campaign is happening in Michigan. Team McCain is closing up shop, pulling the teevee ads, ending the mailers, canceling all events, the end.
McCAIN IS AN ASSHOLE: Last night on the Senate floor, Barack Obama walked over to greet John McCain and shake his hand. “McCain shook it, but with a ‘go away’ look that no one could miss. He tried his best not to even look at Obama.” [CQ Politics]
We aren’t convinced this is anything beyond not knowing how to get off the thousandth stage he’s stood on this year — AmericaBlog says he maybe had a stroke, because of his twitchy eye — but here’s your “oh dear christ Sarah Palin could really end up as president if McCain doesn’t kill us all [...]
IS McCAIN TRYING TO SAVE BUILDINGS NOW? “We have breaking news out of Washington, D.C. where a building has partially collapsed. ABC2NEWS.COM has learned that the building that collapsed is unoccupied but it is affecting a building that is occupied.” [ABC 2]
Here, on this Wall Street Journal web page featuring this op-ed by Henry Paulson’s wife “John Paulson,” a curious advertisement appeared. It was this one, captured by Wonkette Operative “Evan W.,” so now you know! McCain Wins Debate! He wins by … uh, refusing to even say if he’ll show up! Maverick! And look how [...]
What’s it take to make this guy, our moronic tool of a president, seem like an ever-so-slightly sympathetic figure? Well, there’s the hilarious global dancing he likes to do, and then there’s John McCain. McCain parachuted into town yesterday and RUINED THE COMPROMISE that was at least going to maybe try to save the economy [...]
There are no more nights in politics or business — only the endless horrible grind of collapse and fuckery, 24 hours a day, including this newest chapter in our latest, greatest depression: Washington Mutual has collapsed, and was closed by the Federal Government late Thursday night. It’s the biggest bank failure in U.S. history. And [...]
