Thank you for staying with Wonkette for our special sexy late-night post-debate fun! John McCain and Cindy McCain have left the building! Barack and Michelle are, as usual, still there. Are they? Hey, C-SPAN, could you zoom in? Here is Part I, and Part II, and Part III, and Part IV. (Oh and Sara started another Part V, which is here, and now she has stomped off to bed.) Did you know the ACORNS will destroy your fabric? Please keep your fabric clean, and let’s please keep bums from making money trying to register voters, and let’s, uh, move on, to the deal. GO RALPH NADER. MORE »

We don’t really talk about the “comedy” around here because, come on, we are already writing about Sarah Palin every day, for real. But this is kind of cute. This Hayden Panettiere was in D.C. earlier this year, saving the whales. Now she is just cold hatin’ on the old crazy person who wants to kills us all, in the war. Whoa, hey, another one after the jump. MORE »

Walnuts is re-launching his campaign for the millionth time, hurrah! Today he unveils a new speech, full of humor and zest and “my friends” and transparent falsehoods like, “we’ve got them just where we want them,” because yes, six months ago if you had asked John McCain where he wanted to be 21 days from the election, he would have said, “Down 10 points nationally and fighting to keep Virginia and North Carolina in the red column.” MORE »

John McCain used to be famous and handsome, when he was a lot younger, and many “moderates” enjoyed his personality and funny jokes about gorillas raping ladies. Now, however, he is a repulsive old cretin spouting utterly phony wingnut bullshit that he can’t even be bothered to pretend to believe — after all, he believes in nothing but the counsel of lobbyists, his right to massive wealth and his elite military bloodlines. This is why every Republican leader in Michigan — including the dead moderate ghost of Gerald Ford — has gone public with their deep hatred of John McCain, the horrible old fraud. MORE »

We have been wondering what fantastic campaign stunt John McCain might pull next. Declare war on Iceland? Suspend his campaign for Rosh Hashanah? But clearly we were not thinking big enough. John McCain will announce shortly that he’s such a bipartisan maverick he is switching parties and running for Number Two, because country above self and all that. Plus he hates Joe Biden. [YouTube via Top of the Ticket]

Creepy old war-nut John McCain was just having some fun with old veterans today when he called Americans “my fellow prisoners.” Nap time, Walnuts! [JED REPORT]

WALNUTS 2: NUT HARDER starring John “Walnuts!” McCain, produced by SalvatoreDIntern and starring Julia Kobos. And your beloved original from 2006 is here.

Let this mark the first time in American History that Wonkette used the exact real-world news headline as the funny comedy news headline. Thanks to Wonkette Operative “Facehead” for the find. [CNN Wire]

Remember how John McCain used to want to lose elections to, uh, whatever that was? Lose elections to win elections? Anyway, this week’s suspension of his campaign is happening in Michigan. Team McCain is closing up shop, pulling the teevee ads, ending the mailers, canceling all events, the end. MORE »

McCAIN IS AN ASSHOLE: Last night on the Senate floor, Barack Obama walked over to greet John McCain and shake his hand. “McCain shook it, but with a ‘go away’ look that no one could miss. He tried his best not to even look at Obama.” [CQ Politics]

We aren’t convinced this is anything beyond not knowing how to get off the thousandth stage he’s stood on this year — AmericaBlog says he maybe had a stroke, because of his twitchy eye — but here’s your “oh dear christ Sarah Palin could really end up as president if McCain doesn’t kill us all first” video moment for the day. [AMERICABlog]