We may be getting a little jaded. We’re starting to wonder if this sort of thing is even news anymore: Some Responsible Gun Owner left his personal Second Amendment Solution behind on top of a toilet-paper dispenser in a Walmart men’s room in York, South Carolina, where it was found by another shopper on Sunday. […]

If you are a DC politician, you are duty-bound to spend as much of the summer outside the city as possible. If you’re stuck in the swamp, you can at least take advantage of the hollowed-out Capitol and switch up your normal routine. Take a zealously investigated page from Republican Congressman Darrell Issa! In a […]

UPDATED BELOW! Sup, Walmart? Just sellin’ inspirational posters featuring the gates of Dachau and their famously inspiring motto “Arbeit Macht Frei,” or “Work Makes You Free,” BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

You better believe that the St. Louis Rams drafting Michael Sam, the first openly gay football-flavored sportsball player, in the seventh round of the NFL draft, is one of the lead stories in today’s New York Times. The Times does its usual dispassionate bit of reporting about it, but if you’d like to tear up […]

It’s Tax Day, which means political entities everywhere are scrambling to graft their agendas onto something with the word “tax” in it, so people who are frantically asking their internets “what for i owe so much taxis?” will give them their email addresses. Us here, we got this nice thing in our email, says “TAXPAYERS DELIVER […]

We read a thing. A thing that is so stupid, we literally don’t know where to begin. It is from a sad little newspaper thingie, by Richard Pollock, their “senior watchdog reporter,” and it purports to compare health care plans from Walmart to those offered by Obamacare. So far so good! Except that it is […]

Here is a fun fact: when Poors have less money, they spend less money. Also, when you give people money, they spend more money. However, when you punish  poor people by withholding their money to spend on food they have less money to spend on food, so they spend less money on food. The end result is not, […]

Remember when Obama was going to singlehandedly fix everything that was wrong with America, with socialism? And everyone would feel a great awakening of consciousness, and all our old hatreds would vanish, and we’d all become One in a vast field of organic fair-trade ironic mustaches? That didn’t happen, but at least the National Labor […]

Happy Solstice, you ugly vile little snark mob! Welcome to yet another Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we steam-clean our browser tabs, clearing out a bunch of stories that weren’t worth a full post on their own, but too stoopid to ignore altogether. Then we serve up the resulting sludge up for you to […]

One of these days, a modern-day Charles Dickens is going to write A Christmas Carol for our times, and it will be based on this story of a Walmart in Ohio, where employees organized “a food drive – not for the community, but for needy workers.” Total Dickens, right? The noble poor (broken of body […]

Meet Nancy. Nancy has worked at McDonald’s for 10 years, but she cannot feed her children, because “$8.25 an hour,” and also probably just a terrible person we are guessing. It is even possible, though she doesn’t say so, that she is such a bad mother she would sign her kids up for a free […]

We were really excited when the GOP realized they no longer had any choice but to start flailing semi-earnestly in the direction of Hispanics, because we knew it would produce stuff like this, from the National Review: “What Wal-Mart Knows about Hispanics,” by Rachel Campos-Duffy, a mother of six (good job!) and the national spokesthing […]

Here is a number that has put District of Columbia Mayor Vincent C. Gray in the unenviable position of deciding who writes legislation for his city — Wal-mart, or the democratically elected city council: 12.50. See, the D.C. council, interested in shielding city residents from a cycle of endless poverty and government dependency, have voted for […]

This just in: Walmart, depressing as it is, would be an EVEN MORE depressing place to work if taxpayers weren’t subsidizing the low, low wages paid to Walmart employees. Yes, that’s right! You, me, and all the other taxpayers in the room are subsidizing the wages of Walmart workers. It’s almost like we are shareholders, […]

We’ll admit it’s no “Two Alligators, A Pole Dancer And Pot At Shooting Scene,” but it’s a close second: In Anchorage, Alaska, a double amputee named Daniel Pirtle got into a dispute with Walmart assistant manager Jason Mahi over whether Pirtle could bring his unleashed dog (named “Wookie,” because why not?) into the store. Manager […]