Tag Archives: walmart

  maybe they can find the money in one of Alice Walton's shoes

Walmart Says Ugh, Fine, We Will Give People A Tiny Raise, Whatever

Walmart, the kindest, best place to work in America, has a long history of being A Total Dick about just about everything. The company famous for that stupid bouncing yellow dot, labor violations, and also for its employees’ annual food donation drives, for each other, because they cannot afford to put food on their families on Walmart paychecks, has announced that UGH FINE we will give everybody a little bit more money, if that will make them shut up: Read more on Walmart Says Ugh, Fine, We Will Give People A Tiny Raise, Whatever…
  a greeter in every camp

Fox’s John Stossel Will Turn Over All Disaster Relief To Our Benevolent Walmart Overlords

always with the props, dude
Insipid Libertarian Mario Brother John Stossel once again showed why he sits at the Smart Kids’ table on Fox News trips to Dave & Busters’. Speaking to Frozen Meatloaf scion Tucker Carlson, Stossel made the case that we’d all be much better off with a government small enough to drown in a bathtub, especially if our compassionate brothers and sisters at Walmart Inc. were tabbed to be first responders for all future drownings. Read more on Fox’s John Stossel Will Turn Over All Disaster Relief To Our Benevolent Walmart Overlords…
  Oh Also The Entire Premise of The Story Is False. Did We Mention That?

Texas Walmart Discriminates Against Shotgun Wedding Photo (With Actual Shotgun)

NOT EVEN LIBERAL BLOG WONKETTE is offended by this. Giggling at, yes. Offended, no.
Yr Wonkette likes to think we are firmly in the radical gun-grabbing kneejerk pantywaist big sissy liberal portion of the political spectrum, but once in a rare while we find ourselves reading about something that is so idiotic that Even the Liberal Blog Wonkette has to agree it’s just too stupid for words. For instance, this story from Dallas about a nice couple, Stephanie Wehner and her fiancé Mitch Strobl, who submitted a packet of engagement photos to Walmart for copying. The photos came back with one photo missing — a tender loving picture of the gal, the beau, and the beau’s first true love, a “12 gauge Ruger Red Label Shotgun,” the very first gun he bought himself. Read more on Texas Walmart Discriminates Against Shotgun Wedding Photo (With Actual Shotgun)…
  What you Gun Do?

BREAKING: Idaho Newspaper Trashes NRA, Has Not Yet Been Burned To Ground

Shopped? Probably not, but who knows?
Image from Larry Brown Sports Just thought you Wonkers should know that not everybody in Idaho is a raving open-carry gun-fondler, although that does tend to be the prevailing political view in the Gem State. Consider, for instance, this editorial from Sunday’s Twin Falls Times-News, in which the editorial board takes the National Rifle Association to task for its opposition to even the slightest hint of regulation of guns. Read more on BREAKING: Idaho Newspaper Trashes NRA, Has Not Yet Been Burned To Ground…
  santa is coming and he's pissed

Walmart Knows The Reason For The Season: Santa Cops!

Here is a “fun” picture from your friendly neighborhood Walmart, which shows the real reason for the season: Santa cracking down on crimers and thugs! Notice his North Pole penguin (because “magic”) with the radar gun. If you are a white crimer, you will get a speeding ticket. If you are a black crimer — but obviously we repeat ourself — then G_d only knows what will happen to you. Before you leave for work today, please kiss your mama and your wife. Read more on Walmart Knows The Reason For The Season: Santa Cops!…
  Not Sure I Agree With You 100% On Your Police Work There

Ohio Cops Who Killed Guy In Walmart Pretty Sure His Girlfriend Made Them Do It

A lotta police departments might base their interrogation on the facts of the case. Or not.
Remember John Crawford, shot to death by police in an Ohio Walmart for carrying a BB gun he’d picked up off the store’s shelf? For extra “fun,” we bring you The Guardian’s story on the interrogation of his girlfriend, Tasha Thomas, in an apparent attempt by police to prove that of course Crawford had it coming, don’t you know he was black? Read more on Ohio Cops Who Killed Guy In Walmart Pretty Sure His Girlfriend Made Them Do It…
  Brother can you spare some canned corn?

Walmart Canned Food Drive For Its Own Employees Hits Alice Walton Right Where She Lives

What is wrong with this picture?
It’s that time of year again when the the magnanimous folks at Walmart ask the company’s hard-working employees to dig deep into their low-wage pockets to give, give, give to each other, on account of how hard-working employees of Walmart can’t even afford to eat that bargain Walmart food on their Walmart wages. Read more on Walmart Canned Food Drive For Its Own Employees Hits Alice Walton Right Where She Lives…
  Here have some news n stuff

Elizabeth Warren Is Being A Badass Again, Because It Is A Day

Elizabeth Warren for everything
By Twp [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons We sure do love us some Sen. Elizabeth Warren because ALL the reasons. She is always yelling at the too-big-to-fail banks and the sleazy credit card industry and the sleazier Republican Industrial Complex and the greedy bastards who think They Built That. And here she is again, telling it like it is again, which is why we love her all over again some more forever: Read more on Elizabeth Warren Is Being A Badass Again, Because It Is A Day…
  why don't they look?

Another Day, Another Loaded Gun Left In A Public Toilet Stall, At Walmart This Time

We may be getting a little jaded. We’re starting to wonder if this sort of thing is even news anymore: Some Responsible Gun Owner left his personal Second Amendment Solution behind on top of a toilet-paper dispenser in a Walmart men’s room in York, South Carolina, where it was found by another shopper on Sunday. The customer got a manager, who called police, and they found that the .38 caliber revolver was loaded, of course. Read more on Another Day, Another Loaded Gun Left In A Public Toilet Stall, At Walmart This Time…
  won't someone think of the porn star moms?

Gun Dealers, Porn Stars & Payday Lenders: Darrell Issa’s Sexy Summer Break

If you are a DC politician, you are duty-bound to spend as much of the summer outside the city as possible. If you’re stuck in the swamp, you can at least take advantage of the hollowed-out Capitol and switch up your normal routine. Take a zealously investigated page from Republican Congressman Darrell Issa! In a change of pace after all that mikey-cutty stuff with Elijah Cummings (D-BADASS) during this spring’s comedic roast of Lois Lerner, Darrell is indulging in a little light summer outrage and sounding the alarm on the latest “unprecedented abuse of power”TM by the Obama-Industrial Complex. Darrell took a field trip to the Cato Institute for a show-and-tell about Operation Choke Point, a program at the Department of Justice that he says is limiting access to vital banking services, including funds transfer and credit card payment processing, for legal but “unpopular” businesses. Cato claims the DOJ is using Choke Point to harass gun dealers and porn stars, but we soon found out that none other than our most beloved American industrialists, the Koch brothers, could have their points choked at any moment. Read more on Gun Dealers, Porn Stars & Payday Lenders: Darrell Issa’s Sexy Summer Break…
  today we are all sportsball fans

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special NFL Crams Michael Sam Down America’s Throats Edition

You better believe that the St. Louis Rams drafting Michael Sam, the first openly gay football-flavored sportsball player, in the seventh round of the NFL draft, is one of the lead stories in today’s New York Times. The Times does its usual dispassionate bit of reporting about it, but if you’d like to tear up a bit about the whole thing, go watch the video (ESPN had cameras at Sam’s house) of Sam tearing up and hugging and kissing his boyfriend. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special NFL Crams Michael Sam Down America’s Throats Edition…
  whose walmart?

Vigilante Tax Collectors Demand $7.8 Billion From Walmart At Walton Family’s Desert Fortress

It’s Tax Day, which means political entities everywhere are scrambling to graft their agendas onto something with the word “tax” in it, so people who are frantically asking their internets “what for i owe so much taxis?” will give them their email addresses. Us here, we got this nice thing in our email, says “TAXPAYERS DELIVER $7.8 BILLION TAX BILL TO WALMART CHAIRMAN”. And they did! The taxpayers went to Rob Walton’s compound in Paradise Valley, AZ, with a piece of paper, and now you are reading about it, so they did a good job. The $7.8 billion that Walmart “owes” is a figure from a report by Americans for Tax Fairness (pdf). It includes billions in welfare payments to low-wage Walmart workers, as well as money saved by exploiting accounting loopholes. Nobody would probably care much about this, except “Walmart made a $16 billion profit in 2013, and the six Walton heirs, who own more than 50 percent of Walmart shares, saw their wealth grow to $148.8 billion—more wealth than 49% of American families combined.” So there’s that. Read more on Vigilante Tax Collectors Demand $7.8 Billion From Walmart At Walton Family’s Desert Fortress…
  your article is bad and you should feel bad

Have We Found The Stupidest ‘Obamacare’ Story Yet? Maybe!

We read a thing. A thing that is so stupid, we literally don’t know where to begin. It is from a sad little newspaper thingie, by Richard Pollock, their “senior watchdog reporter,” and it purports to compare health care plans from Walmart to those offered by Obamacare. So far so good! Except that it is mentally disabled. The thesis is that Walmart’s employee insurance plan is not terrible — we are not actually a healthcare reporter, so maybe that is even true! And if Richard Pollock, senior watchdog reporter, had stuck with that thesis, he might have even been able to convince us! But watching him struggle through cherrypicked, conflated, and shockingly false data has left us with the teeny impression that since every word out of this guy’s fingers is a lie, we will probably not believe him about the Walmart plan either. Here is his “nut graf” (journalism!): But a Washington Examiner comparison of the two health insurance programs found that Walmart’s plan is more affordable and provides significantly better access to high-quality medical care than Obamacare. Really? Is it more affordable than “zero dollars”? Because that is what a lot of people are paying for their healthcare under Obamacare. This is called “subsidies,” and it is rather a major portion of the act. We will get back to costs later. First, let us skip around and find all Richard Pollock, senior watchdog reporter’s, evidence that Walmart’s plan is of higher medical quality than “Obamacare.” (Hint: one slight problem with this watchdog reporting is that “Obamacare” is not actually just one plan! There’s, like, at least three.) Read more on Have We Found The Stupidest ‘Obamacare’ Story Yet? Maybe!…
  i will work harder!

Food Stamp Cuts Reduce Wal-Mart Profits And We’re Not Even Talking About Its Employees, LOL

Here is a fun fact: when Poors have less money, they spend less money. Also, when you give people money, they spend more money. However, when you punish  poor people by withholding their money to spend on food they have less money to spend on food, so they spend less money on food. The end result is not, as Rand Paul argued, “less slavery,”  but rather less food being sold.  Read more on Food Stamp Cuts Reduce Wal-Mart Profits And We’re Not Even Talking About Its Employees, LOL…
  Workers of Walmart Unite!

Feds Charge Wal-Mart With Labor Violations; Morose Liberals Too Busy Hating Obama To Notice

Remember when Obama was going to singlehandedly fix everything that was wrong with America, with socialism? And everyone would feel a great awakening of consciousness, and all our old hatreds would vanish, and we’d all become One in a vast field of organic fair-trade ironic mustaches? That didn’t happen, but at least the National Labor Relations Board is finally charging Wal-Mart with violating labor laws!  Read more on Feds Charge Wal-Mart With Labor Violations; Morose Liberals Too Busy Hating Obama To Notice…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Stocking Stuffer Of Stoopid

Happy Solstice, you ugly vile little snark mob! Welcome to yet another Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we steam-clean our browser tabs, clearing out a bunch of stories that weren’t worth a full post on their own, but too stoopid to ignore altogether. Then we serve up the resulting sludge up for you to choke down as best you can (Protip: Add liquor). Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Stocking Stuffer Of Stoopid…
  i will work harder!

Walmart Associates Run Thanksgiving Donation Drive So Co-Workers Can Eat People Food

One of these days, a modern-day Charles Dickens is going to write A Christmas Carol for our times, and it will be based on this story of a Walmart in Ohio, where employees organized “a food drive – not for the community, but for needy workers.” Total Dickens, right? The noble poor (broken of body but not of spirit), the historical significance, the double-talking bureaucratic fig leaf for the Establishment, even: “It is for associates who have had some hardships come up,” [Kory Lundberg] said. “Maybe their spouse lost a job. “This is part of the company’s culture to rally around associates and take care of them when they face extreme hardships,” he said. We feel pretty confident that “rally around associates” and “take care of them when they face extreme hardships” are NOT IN FACT the first things most people think of when they ponder Walmart’s “company culture.” We will say this without citing anything, because honestly it has reached the point with Walmart that we don’t have to. Which is a powerful indictment in itself, shut up it is too. Read more on Walmart Associates Run Thanksgiving Donation Drive So Co-Workers Can Eat People Food…
  that damn 47 percent strikes again

Very Nice, Helpful McDonald’s Helpline Lady Explains To Employee How To Grift Off The Government

Meet Nancy. Nancy has worked at McDonald’s for 10 years, but she cannot feed her children, because “$8.25 an hour,” and also probably just a terrible person we are guessing. It is even possible, though she doesn’t say so, that she is such a bad mother she would sign her kids up for a free school breakfast, in which case, we should probably put her children in foster care, because of how we love Jesus. But is there help for Nancy? Is there ever! She called the McDonald’s “helpline,” and the very nice lady there told her to grift her some Medicaid and SNAP! Why is that helpful lady at the McDonald’s helpline giving free advertising to Dictator Obama’s Food Stamps and Socialism Emporium To Make Us All Slaves? Dunno. She is probably on Nobummer’s payroll. Read more on Very Nice, Helpful McDonald’s Helpline Lady Explains To Employee How To Grift Off The Government…
  i will work harder!

National Review: Hispanics Triumph In American Dream Of Lifetime Working At Walmart

We were really excited when the GOP realized they no longer had any choice but to start flailing semi-earnestly in the direction of Hispanics, because we knew it would produce stuff like this, from the National Review: “What Wal-Mart Knows about Hispanics,” by Rachel Campos-Duffy, a mother of six (good job!) and the national spokesthing for a thing called The LIBRE Initiative. LIBRE is a 501(c)(4) non-profit dedicated to fooling Hispanics into voting for people who openly despise them, and as a 501(c)(4), LIBRE doesn’t have to disclose donor information. Well, obviously! We wouldn’t want anyone to know how awesome and generous we are, either. If you fondly remember when Peggy Noonan saw a Mexican, you’ll love this: Read more on National Review: Hispanics Triumph In American Dream Of Lifetime Working At Walmart…
  only commies want their workers off food stamps

DC Approves Living Wage Bill Despite Wal-Mart’s Threat To Take Its Ball And Go Home

Here is a number that has put District of Columbia Mayor Vincent C. Gray in the unenviable position of deciding who writes legislation for his city — Wal-mart, or the democratically elected city council: 12.50. See, the D.C. council, interested in shielding city residents from a cycle of endless poverty and government dependency, have voted for a living wage law mandating that retailers with indoor premises of over 75,000 sq feet and $1 billion in annual revenue pay their employees at least $12.50 per hour. Walmart is threatening to leave DC if the mayor does not veto the bill, saying it cannot possibly afford to pay employees at least $12.50 per hour, given that it can only afford to pay its CEO a paltry $20.7 million per year and is the number 2 company in the Fortune 500 list. Via the Washington Post: Read more on DC Approves Living Wage Bill Despite Wal-Mart’s Threat To Take Its Ball And Go Home…
  walmerica's greatest heroes

Walmart is Just Fine With All Those Taxpayer Subsidies, Says Walmart

This just in: Walmart, depressing as it is, would be an EVEN MORE depressing place to work if taxpayers weren’t subsidizing the low, low wages paid to Walmart employees. Yes, that’s right! You, me, and all the other taxpayers in the room are subsidizing the wages of Walmart workers. It’s almost like we are shareholders, except we reap no financial benefits (indirectly or otherwise) and exert no real control over its board of directors, prices, management, or day-to-day operations (indirectly or otherwise). Isn’t that a nice arrangement? Read more on Walmart is Just Fine With All Those Taxpayer Subsidies, Says Walmart…