Tag Archives: walmart

  The Second Amendment does not rest on Sundays sheeple

North Carolina Won’t Let You Hunt On Sundays, Thanks Obama

Yay, puns!
Did you know that in Obama’s America (okay, Obama’s North Carolina), you can’t wake up on Sunday morning and go hunting? No, seriously, this is a thing! Under current law, hunters, on their own property, or with the property owner’s permission, are not allowed to decide that Sunday is a good day to say “screw church” and set to the truly worshipful task of bagging a buck. So members of the North Carolina House are trying to fix that with HB 640. But who’s against it? Church people! Even though the law says you can’t hunt within 300 yards of a church, these obviously crazy people are worried about things like stray bullets hitting Nana while she’s singing “Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow,” like stray bullets even exist. Read more on North Carolina Won’t Let You Hunt On Sundays, Thanks Obama…
  Usually Kaili is mad about a thing but it's MY TURN BITCHEZ

Walmart Withholds Medicine From Lady Who Miscarried, Because She’s Probably A Sinner

Unfortunately, my religious beliefs prevent me from removing them.
Imagine you are a lady, and you are going through the sadness that comes with a miscarriage. This is one of those times in life, we imagine (as we are a dude), that you really don’t want to deal with any bullshit, just a guess? So you go to the doctor, and he gives you a prescription for Misoprostol, which will help your body pass the tissue, instead of having to go through an invasive, unpleasant procedure to extract it. Doc calls your scrip in to the friendly neighborhood Walmart, but the pharmacist refuses to fill it, because Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs. You see, this particular drug can ALSO cause an abortion, which is not a FUCKING PROBLEM if you have already miscarried, now is it? But that is exactly what happened to Brittany Cartrett of Milledgeville, Georgia: Read more on Walmart Withholds Medicine From Lady Who Miscarried, Because She’s Probably A Sinner…
  Clean-up on aisle six

Let’s Jizz All Over The Walmart: Your Florida Roundup

Dumber than a speeding bullet
Lots of hot, fresh Florida Man action this week! Let’s dive right in and see what trouble he’s gotten himself into this time. Cited For Inappropriate Usage Of Floridian Genitals So … ever been at a Walmart, seen a purrrty lady walk by, and decided you needed to choke the chicken right fucking there? No? Meet 20-year-old jerker-offer Taylor Davis, who flogged the bishop and then wiped the, um, byproduct on a couple of Hefty trash bag boxes: Read more on Let’s Jizz All Over The Walmart: Your Florida Roundup…
  Roll back ... discrimination?!

Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson Won’t Sign Anti-Gay Bill As Is, Reports Walmart

Having learned nothing from the PR disaster in Indiana this week, the Arkansas legislature passed its own Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA) on Tuesday, sending it to the desk of Republican Gov. Asa Hutchinson. The bill, HB 1228, is a close facsimile of the one signed by Gov. Mike Pence, and, just as in Indiana, has resulted in several corporations threatening to cease or reduce operations in the state. Read more on Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson Won’t Sign Anti-Gay Bill As Is, Reports Walmart…
  twits gotta twit

George Will: Income Inequality Is Good So Poors Should Shut Up

Suck it, people concerned that widening income inequality could lead to economic disruptions and social upheaval!
A cry rang throughout the home of bowtied wax statue George Will, and that cry was “Mother! Father got into the cooking sherry again! He’s locked in his study gibbering like a baboon! Bring me a butterfly net and some spring training box scores!” Read more on George Will: Income Inequality Is Good So Poors Should Shut Up…
  Aggravated Doing Unto Others

Christian End Times Family Band Gunfighting With Cops For The Lord

C'mon Get Raptured!
Several members of a Christian family band from Boise, Idaho, got into a brawl and gunfight with police in a Walmart parking lot in Cottonwood, Arizona, on Saturday night, leaving one member of the family dead and the rest in police custody. The group, which called itself “Matthew 24 Now” (GET IT???*) looked forward to the coming End Times, and apparently felt the need to hurry up the schedule a little when they attacked police and fired on them. Maybe they just loved the smell of cordite in the evening. Read more on Christian End Times Family Band Gunfighting With Cops For The Lord…
  better than new zealand maybe

Mind If We Grab Your Ass? Your Florida Roundup

Meth, baby
Florida. It’s a marvelous place, no? A place so resplendent that millionaire Major League Baseball players choose not only to call the state home, but to live in a camper behind a Florida Walmart, because Florida is just that fucking wonderful, even in a camper behind a Walmart. Read more on Mind If We Grab Your Ass? Your Florida Roundup…
  maybe they can find the money in one of Alice Walton's shoes

Walmart Says Ugh, Fine, We Will Give People A Tiny Raise, Whatever

Walmart, the kindest, best place to work in America, has a long history of being A Total Dick about just about everything. The company famous for that stupid bouncing yellow dot, labor violations, and also for its employees’ annual food donation drives, for each other, because they cannot afford to put food on their families on Walmart paychecks, has announced that UGH FINE we will give everybody a little bit more money, if that will make them shut up: Read more on Walmart Says Ugh, Fine, We Will Give People A Tiny Raise, Whatever…
  a greeter in every camp

Fox’s John Stossel Will Turn Over All Disaster Relief To Our Benevolent Walmart Overlords

always with the props, dude
Insipid Libertarian Mario Brother John Stossel once again showed why he sits at the Smart Kids’ table on Fox News trips to Dave & Busters’. Speaking to Frozen Meatloaf scion Tucker Carlson, Stossel made the case that we’d all be much better off with a government small enough to drown in a bathtub, especially if our compassionate brothers and sisters at Walmart Inc. were tabbed to be first responders for all future drownings. Read more on Fox’s John Stossel Will Turn Over All Disaster Relief To Our Benevolent Walmart Overlords…
  Oh Also The Entire Premise of The Story Is False. Did We Mention That?

Texas Walmart Discriminates Against Shotgun Wedding Photo (With Actual Shotgun)

NOT EVEN LIBERAL BLOG WONKETTE is offended by this. Giggling at, yes. Offended, no.
Yr Wonkette likes to think we are firmly in the radical gun-grabbing kneejerk pantywaist big sissy liberal portion of the political spectrum, but once in a rare while we find ourselves reading about something that is so idiotic that Even the Liberal Blog Wonkette has to agree it’s just too stupid for words. For instance, this story from Dallas about a nice couple, Stephanie Wehner and her fiancé Mitch Strobl, who submitted a packet of engagement photos to Walmart for copying. The photos came back with one photo missing — a tender loving picture of the gal, the beau, and the beau’s first true love, a “12 gauge Ruger Red Label Shotgun,” the very first gun he bought himself. Read more on Texas Walmart Discriminates Against Shotgun Wedding Photo (With Actual Shotgun)…
  What you Gun Do?

BREAKING: Idaho Newspaper Trashes NRA, Has Not Yet Been Burned To Ground

Shopped? Probably not, but who knows?
Image from Larry Brown Sports Just thought you Wonkers should know that not everybody in Idaho is a raving open-carry gun-fondler, although that does tend to be the prevailing political view in the Gem State. Consider, for instance, this editorial from Sunday’s Twin Falls Times-News, in which the editorial board takes the National Rifle Association to task for its opposition to even the slightest hint of regulation of guns. Read more on BREAKING: Idaho Newspaper Trashes NRA, Has Not Yet Been Burned To Ground…
  santa is coming and he's pissed

Walmart Knows The Reason For The Season: Santa Cops!

Here is a “fun” picture from your friendly neighborhood Walmart, which shows the real reason for the season: Santa cracking down on crimers and thugs! Notice his North Pole penguin (because “magic”) with the radar gun. If you are a white crimer, you will get a speeding ticket. If you are a black crimer — but obviously we repeat ourself — then G_d only knows what will happen to you. Before you leave for work today, please kiss your mama and your wife. Read more on Walmart Knows The Reason For The Season: Santa Cops!…
  Not Sure I Agree With You 100% On Your Police Work There

Ohio Cops Who Killed Guy In Walmart Pretty Sure His Girlfriend Made Them Do It

A lotta police departments might base their interrogation on the facts of the case. Or not.
Remember John Crawford, shot to death by police in an Ohio Walmart for carrying a BB gun he’d picked up off the store’s shelf? For extra “fun,” we bring you The Guardian’s story on the interrogation of his girlfriend, Tasha Thomas, in an apparent attempt by police to prove that of course Crawford had it coming, don’t you know he was black? Read more on Ohio Cops Who Killed Guy In Walmart Pretty Sure His Girlfriend Made Them Do It…
  Brother can you spare some canned corn?

Walmart Canned Food Drive For Its Own Employees Hits Alice Walton Right Where She Lives

What is wrong with this picture?
It’s that time of year again when the the magnanimous folks at Walmart ask the company’s hard-working employees to dig deep into their low-wage pockets to give, give, give to each other, on account of how hard-working employees of Walmart can’t even afford to eat that bargain Walmart food on their Walmart wages. Read more on Walmart Canned Food Drive For Its Own Employees Hits Alice Walton Right Where She Lives…
  Here have some news n stuff

Elizabeth Warren Is Being A Badass Again, Because It Is A Day

Elizabeth Warren for everything
By Twp [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons We sure do love us some Sen. Elizabeth Warren because ALL the reasons. She is always yelling at the too-big-to-fail banks and the sleazy credit card industry and the sleazier Republican Industrial Complex and the greedy bastards who think They Built That. And here she is again, telling it like it is again, which is why we love her all over again some more forever: Read more on Elizabeth Warren Is Being A Badass Again, Because It Is A Day…
  why don't they look?

Another Day, Another Loaded Gun Left In A Public Toilet Stall, At Walmart This Time

We may be getting a little jaded. We’re starting to wonder if this sort of thing is even news anymore: Some Responsible Gun Owner left his personal Second Amendment Solution behind on top of a toilet-paper dispenser in a Walmart men’s room in York, South Carolina, where it was found by another shopper on Sunday. The customer got a manager, who called police, and they found that the .38 caliber revolver was loaded, of course. Read more on Another Day, Another Loaded Gun Left In A Public Toilet Stall, At Walmart This Time…
  won't someone think of the porn star moms?

Gun Dealers, Porn Stars & Payday Lenders: Darrell Issa’s Sexy Summer Break

If you are a DC politician, you are duty-bound to spend as much of the summer outside the city as possible. If you’re stuck in the swamp, you can at least take advantage of the hollowed-out Capitol and switch up your normal routine. Take a zealously investigated page from Republican Congressman Darrell Issa! In a change of pace after all that mikey-cutty stuff with Elijah Cummings (D-BADASS) during this spring’s comedic roast of Lois Lerner, Darrell is indulging in a little light summer outrage and sounding the alarm on the latest “unprecedented abuse of power”TM by the Obama-Industrial Complex. Darrell took a field trip to the Cato Institute for a show-and-tell about Operation Choke Point, a program at the Department of Justice that he says is limiting access to vital banking services, including funds transfer and credit card payment processing, for legal but “unpopular” businesses. Cato claims the DOJ is using Choke Point to harass gun dealers and porn stars, but we soon found out that none other than our most beloved American industrialists, the Koch brothers, could have their points choked at any moment. Read more on Gun Dealers, Porn Stars & Payday Lenders: Darrell Issa’s Sexy Summer Break…
  today we are all sportsball fans

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special NFL Crams Michael Sam Down America’s Throats Edition

You better believe that the St. Louis Rams drafting Michael Sam, the first openly gay football-flavored sportsball player, in the seventh round of the NFL draft, is one of the lead stories in today’s New York Times. The Times does its usual dispassionate bit of reporting about it, but if you’d like to tear up a bit about the whole thing, go watch the video (ESPN had cameras at Sam’s house) of Sam tearing up and hugging and kissing his boyfriend. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special NFL Crams Michael Sam Down America’s Throats Edition…
  whose walmart?

Vigilante Tax Collectors Demand $7.8 Billion From Walmart At Walton Family’s Desert Fortress

It’s Tax Day, which means political entities everywhere are scrambling to graft their agendas onto something with the word “tax” in it, so people who are frantically asking their internets “what for i owe so much taxis?” will give them their email addresses. Us here, we got this nice thing in our email, says “TAXPAYERS DELIVER $7.8 BILLION TAX BILL TO WALMART CHAIRMAN”. And they did! The taxpayers went to Rob Walton’s compound in Paradise Valley, AZ, with a piece of paper, and now you are reading about it, so they did a good job. The $7.8 billion that Walmart “owes” is a figure from a report by Americans for Tax Fairness (pdf). It includes billions in welfare payments to low-wage Walmart workers, as well as money saved by exploiting accounting loopholes. Nobody would probably care much about this, except “Walmart made a $16 billion profit in 2013, and the six Walton heirs, who own more than 50 percent of Walmart shares, saw their wealth grow to $148.8 billion—more wealth than 49% of American families combined.” So there’s that. Read more on Vigilante Tax Collectors Demand $7.8 Billion From Walmart At Walton Family’s Desert Fortress…
  your article is bad and you should feel bad

Have We Found The Stupidest ‘Obamacare’ Story Yet? Maybe!

We read a thing. A thing that is so stupid, we literally don’t know where to begin. It is from a sad little newspaper thingie, by Richard Pollock, their “senior watchdog reporter,” and it purports to compare health care plans from Walmart to those offered by Obamacare. So far so good! Except that it is mentally disabled. The thesis is that Walmart’s employee insurance plan is not terrible — we are not actually a healthcare reporter, so maybe that is even true! And if Richard Pollock, senior watchdog reporter, had stuck with that thesis, he might have even been able to convince us! But watching him struggle through cherrypicked, conflated, and shockingly false data has left us with the teeny impression that since every word out of this guy’s fingers is a lie, we will probably not believe him about the Walmart plan either. Here is his “nut graf” (journalism!): But a Washington Examiner comparison of the two health insurance programs found that Walmart’s plan is more affordable and provides significantly better access to high-quality medical care than Obamacare. Really? Is it more affordable than “zero dollars”? Because that is what a lot of people are paying for their healthcare under Obamacare. This is called “subsidies,” and it is rather a major portion of the act. We will get back to costs later. First, let us skip around and find all Richard Pollock, senior watchdog reporter’s, evidence that Walmart’s plan is of higher medical quality than “Obamacare.” (Hint: one slight problem with this watchdog reporting is that “Obamacare” is not actually just one plan! There’s, like, at least three.) Read more on Have We Found The Stupidest ‘Obamacare’ Story Yet? Maybe!…
  i will work harder!

Food Stamp Cuts Reduce Wal-Mart Profits And We’re Not Even Talking About Its Employees, LOL

Here is a fun fact: when Poors have less money, they spend less money. Also, when you give people money, they spend more money. However, when you punish  poor people by withholding their money to spend on food they have less money to spend on food, so they spend less money on food. The end result is not, as Rand Paul argued, “less slavery,”  but rather less food being sold.  Read more on Food Stamp Cuts Reduce Wal-Mart Profits And We’re Not Even Talking About Its Employees, LOL…