Wonkette operative hero “Dan the Man” sent us a powerful/artistic photo yesterday of a bunch of Christian nuts praying over a false bronze idol, the Wall Street Bull (or Bowling Green Bull for you dandies out there), asking God to nationalize the economy under the state of heaven so that they could pay for their porn subscriptions and fried NASCAR-themed dildos for a few more months. Well, “Dan” has come through again and sent us a video and a few more hilarious photos, such as the one above featuring, whoa, is that the Regina of Phoenician-Based Symbols Created To Represent Sounds, Madam Peggy Noonan of the Wall Street Journalshire? Scandal! MORE »

Did you know that some Christian dingbat has dubbed today the “Day of Prayer for the World’s Economies?” Well here they are, at the Wall Street bull statue thing, praying to Jesus for money. The dingbat has explained, “We are going to intercede at the site of the statue of the bull on Wall Street to ask God to begin a shift from the bull and bear markets to what we feel will be the ‘Lion’s Market,’ or God’s control over the economic systems.” Don’t they know that God taking over the economic systems would be SOCIALISM from SPACE? Also: God will be very mad that they are worshiping a bronze idol here, since his second commandment PROHIBITS THAT, duh? Thank you Wonkette operative “Dan the Man” for the sexy photo. [CBN]
UPDATE: We have more terrifying photos of this idolatry, plus frightening video!

Let’s take a breather from presidential politics for a moment and reflect on this glorious advertisement from the Jim Slattery campaign, which shows Kansas Senator Pat Roberts growing into a fifty-foot monster who urinates on people. This is amazing. ["Hosed"]

Well good morning to you! The Dow dropped over 660 points after opening, which is to say, it’s just another beautiful day on Wall Street. Our president, George W. Bush, will once again scurry out of his spider hole to choke out a few brief words about our flourishing economy before he glimpses his shadow and disappears for another six weeks. So of course we will liveblog all 90 seconds of his remarks, so stay tuned! [Yahoo Finance]

Well here is your updated Dow Jones thing, about which every “person on the Internet” today has been freaking. It went down like 350 points after a far greater initial plunge. This has baffled many, many people today, that this stock index fell triple-digits on a day when every remaining bank on Earth basically failed. MORE »

There were many frayed nerves Monday — about 777 frayed nerves, or more than $1 trillion in soiled panties — when the loopy House of Representatives voted against a giant government spending bill to help homeless Wall Street executives buy one of John McCain’s unwanted mansions. But everybody with money can rejoice again, because the Senate voted tonight, 74-25, to approve an even bigger spending bill that includes not only the original $700 billion blank check for Hank Paulson, but also a lot of those “earmarks.” John McCain voted YES, obviously. MORE »

The White House has been trying to rename the GREEDY WALL STREET MONEY GIFT a “rescue” plan today as a more palatable replacement for the common nomenclature, “bailout.” Now “bailout” is not a very marketable word, sure, so let’s test how “rescue” plays out: “The government wants to rescue Wall Street with billions of dollars in taxpayer money.” Somehow we are still skeptical! So here’s a free advertising tip, White House — avoid this structure: “The government wants to [ANYTHING WITH A POSITIVE CONNOTATION] Wall Street with billions of dollars in taxpayer money.” In fact, “rescue” may be even worse than “bailout” — “rescue” implies some actively exhausting and dangerous double-cover spy mission to Hell on which every taxpayer must embark; “bailout” sounds like you just have to cut a check and be done with it. We suggest they call the package an “iPod,” because everyone will pay for an iPod. [LA Times]

Here’s a new ad from those wacky jesters over at the RNC. It attacks Barack Obama for supporting the bailout that the House approved yesterday. Yes, that’s right: two (2) problems here. John McCain supported the bailout and, according to the man himself, made other House Republicans vote for it. And the bailout, as you may recall, didn’t pass. What gives? Oh that SILLY RNC: “The Republican National Committee’s new advertisement critical of the the Wall Street ‘bailout’ was produced and sent to television stations in key states before the package failed, officials at two stations said.” [YouTube, Ben Smith]

Okay so it’s nine days old, but you must read this very delightful article about the effects of the financial crisis on Greenwich, Connecticut, a town where rich people live. There had been three types of people in Greenwich, organized into a clear heirarchy: rich hedge fund managers, rich investment bankers, and lastly, filthy serfs. Then! Wall Street crashed! And the new arrangement is thus: rich hedge fund managers, slightly less rich ex-investment bankers, and even filthier serfs. This is a disaster of world-historical magnitude and Hank Paulson needs to buy Greeenwich’s “middle class” new Ferraris to avoid SYSTEMIC GLOBAL FINANCIAL DEFAULT FAILURE. MORE »

IMPORTANT NEW AP REPORT: “UNITED NATIONS - Michael Douglas had to field questions Wednesday about the financial turmoil shaking world markets from reporters recalling his role in the 1987 film ‘Wall Street.’” Numerous young I-bankers were seen masturbating to his responses. Wait. Why the hell is Michael Douglas at the United Nations? [AP]

It’s not really a factor, but then again OK, it is a HUGE factor, to keep in mind the type of horrific douchecocks that this bailout would keep in business most immediately. Your associate editor recently graduated with an English degree from a college known mostly for its business school and watched many of his… “colleagues” blindly take “safe” & high-paying & evil jobs at Lehman, Merrill Lynch, etc., and has been SO AMAZINGLY HAPPY to watch so many of them lose these same jobs recently. It’s absolutely the best part of this crisis. Because check out what this still-employed Merrill Lynch-cum-Bank of America person has to say: “I was in denial. You see, Merrill has a much better repuation than a commercial bank like Bank of America. I was shocked I would be joining a lower-tier commercial bank. There’s a feeling, ‘I didn’t go through this whole interview process to work at a commercial bank.’” This is the standard. So how about we only bail out these companies if they agree to fire all of their remaining shitsack employees, hmm? [IvyGate]