Tag: wall street journal

Can Somebody Please Give Sean Hannity A Pacifier Or A Buttplug, For His Mouth?

How fundamentally stupid is Sean Hannity? LET'S WONKSPLORE!

Fine, Loretta Lynch Has Better Things To Do Than Read Hillary’s Dumb Emails Anyway

Loretta Lynch and Bill Clinton ran into each other at the airport. BURN HER!

Starbucks Bravely Kind Of Sort Of Speaks Out Against Trump A Little Bit

Guess which corporation is throwing its hat into the 2016 political thunderdome?! OHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHH, it's Starbucks, geared up and ready to take a stand ... for vague, pleading platitudes that don't involve calling anyone out by name, if you don't...

Evil Carl’s Jr. CEO Can Hardly Wait To Replace Workers With Robots

Are you ready to meet the most dickheaded CEO in the fast food game today? Well, tough noogies, you're going to anyway, because this a-hole deserves to be recognized. One of the arguments opponents of a minimum wage hike LOOOOOOOOVE...
No, YOU'RE the one with the broken brain.

Dr. Ben Carson Says Republicans’ Brains Are Broken

Did God drop Ben Carson on his head at some point? Maybe sometime after He provided the answers for Carson's chemistry final? Honest question. Because for a man who's dropping in the polls, perhaps because he's so dumb on...

GOP Losers Suck So Hard They’ve All Been Demoted To Kids’ Table Debate

Thanks to some weirdass combination of math and poll-skewing, Fox Business Network (Motto: "Just As Loathsome But With Lower Ratings") announced some major shakeups in the lineup for the next Republican debates. Yes, the seating arrangement for the clown...
They call themselves His People. Weird.

Here Are 9 Wingnut Reasons For Charleston Murders That Aren’t Spelled R-A-C-I-S-M

Dylann Storm Roof killed black people because he wanted to kill black people. Roof admitted this! But maybe it's not about race. Let's take another trip down Wingnut River to see why Roof's nine victims -- Rev. Clementa Pinckney, Tywanza...
Thank goodness racism is over

Alabama Cops Suspended Just For Being In Neo-Confederate Hate Group. How Is That Fair? (UPDATED)

Oh, look, it's more Not Racial Transcendence, in a story that might have been huge if it hadn't been overshadowed by Wednesday's massacre in Charleston. Two cops in Anniston, Alabama, have been suspended after being outed as members...
New Combustible Water: It's Antibacterial!

Good News! EPA Says Drinking Water Mostly Free Of Dirty Fracking Sludge

This story sponsored by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Fund for coverage of oil spills, fracking, and eew don't drink that fracking fluid you don't know what's in it! Terrific news, corporate America! As the Wall Street Journal giddily...
Now she's going to strong-arm girls into learning? IMPEACH!

Oh Great, Now Michelle Obama Wants To Force Girls To Learn Stuff

Will the assault on freedom never end? Unsatisfied with oppressing our children -- of whom someone should please think -- with vegetables and gardening and 10 seconds of exercise every other month, Michelle Obama is now launching an assault on girl...
D'Asshole

Convicted Felon Dinesh D’Souza Calls Obama ‘Ghetto.’ From Jail.

So there is this guy, Dinesh D'Souza, and he is a wingnut "writer" and "filmmaker" and philanderer and felon. And while he is sitting in his pretend prison halfway house for wayward wingnut felons -- instead of being locked...
They don't make butlers like Carson anymore.

Rich People Tired Of Living In Giant Mansions, Long For Merely Huge Mansions

Claudio Stivelman is a real estate developer whose corporate biography modestly alludes to his "prophetic vision to invest along the Northern coast of Miami-Dade County." He got stupid-rich and built himself an "11,000-square-foot dream house," only to find that...

How Is Bowe Bergdahl Failing To Be A Taliban Sympathizer Today?

Hey, America, remember how the entire rightwing media howler monkey brigade was telling us that not only did Bowe Bergdahl desert his post, he also willingly joined the Taliban and taught them how to build bombs after he was...

Dana Perino Begs Meteorologists Everywhere To Be As Dumb As Fox News, Yell About Benghazi

We all know that Fox News is nothing but faux-outrage over Benghazi -- excuse us, BENGHAZI!111!!! -- 24/7, but their certainty that everyone else is just as pretend-mad is one of the weirdest parts of their obsession. Today, cap-sleeve-wearing...

Wall Street Journal: Obamacare Raised Incomes In January, So That Is Probably Bad Somehow

Would it be safe to characterize the Wall Street Journal as something other than a bastion of liberal rhetoric? We think that is probably a safe call, right? (Especially since it was made by Yr Editrix in the chatcave.)...

Peggy Noonan Despairs That Elites Are Simply Too Decadent These Days

Crack! That blasted girl, that wench, had shattered her final highball glass as Peggy Noonan's scullery maid. But Dame Noonan had not the spirit to dismiss her on this eve, so instead she conjured a weighty silence, an invisible pall...