Tag: wall street journal

New Combustible Water: It's Antibacterial!

Good News! EPA Says Drinking Water Mostly Free Of Dirty Fracking Sludge

This story sponsored by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Fund for coverage of oil spills, fracking, and eew don't drink that fracking fluid you don't know what's in it! Terrific news, corporate America! As the Wall Street Journal giddily...
Now she's going to strong-arm girls into learning? IMPEACH!

Oh Great, Now Michelle Obama Wants To Force Girls To Learn Stuff

Will the assault on freedom never end? Unsatisfied with oppressing our children -- of whom someone should please think -- with vegetables and gardening and 10 seconds of exercise every other month, Michelle Obama is now launching an assault on girl...
D'Asshole

Convicted Felon Dinesh D’Souza Calls Obama ‘Ghetto.’ From Jail.

So there is this guy, Dinesh D'Souza, and he is a wingnut "writer" and "filmmaker" and philanderer and felon. And while he is sitting in his pretend prison halfway house for wayward wingnut felons -- instead of being locked...
They don't make butlers like Carson anymore.

Rich People Tired Of Living In Giant Mansions, Long For Merely Huge Mansions

Claudio Stivelman is a real estate developer whose corporate biography modestly alludes to his "prophetic vision to invest along the Northern coast of Miami-Dade County." He got stupid-rich and built himself an "11,000-square-foot dream house," only to find that...

How Is Bowe Bergdahl Failing To Be A Taliban Sympathizer Today?

Hey, America, remember how the entire rightwing media howler monkey brigade was telling us that not only did Bowe Bergdahl desert his post, he also willingly joined the Taliban and taught them how to build bombs after he was...

Dana Perino Begs Meteorologists Everywhere To Be As Dumb As Fox News, Yell About Benghazi

We all know that Fox News is nothing but faux-outrage over Benghazi -- excuse us, BENGHAZI!111!!! -- 24/7, but their certainty that everyone else is just as pretend-mad is one of the weirdest parts of their obsession. Today, cap-sleeve-wearing...

Wall Street Journal: Obamacare Raised Incomes In January, So That Is Probably Bad Somehow

Would it be safe to characterize the Wall Street Journal as something other than a bastion of liberal rhetoric? We think that is probably a safe call, right? (Especially since it was made by Yr Editrix in the chatcave.)...

Peggy Noonan Despairs That Elites Are Simply Too Decadent These Days

Crack! That blasted girl, that wench, had shattered her final highball glass as Peggy Noonan's scullery maid. But Dame Noonan had not the spirit to dismiss her on this eve, so instead she conjured a weighty silence, an invisible pall...

How To Stop Being Such A Dumb Slut And Get Your Hooks Into A Man, By A Lady (And The Duggars)

Since it's been at least four seconds since some dimwitted dimwit offered us single ladies some unsolicited advice on how to not be single ladies and why it's all our fault and how we are TERRIBLE THE WORST...

WSJ Columnist Wants Drunk Ladies To Stop Raping All Those Men

We don't check in over at the Wall Street Journal's opinion page all that often because of the paywall and also, too, because it is the Wall Street Journal, but we really couldn't resist reading James Taranto's latest bit...

Wall Street Journal Loves Poor People So Much It Wants To Make More Of Them

So you know how President Obama called for a minimum wage of $10.10 in the State of the Union? Well, that is a great plan if you HATE THE POORS. But if you love the poor, if you have...

Tech Bazillionaire Tom Perkins Warns Of New Holocaust: People Complaining About Google Buses

Meet Tom Perkins. He is an uber-gazillionaire tech dude who once killed a man with his yacht. But that's just an interesting footnote to his biography. See, Tom Perkins is apparently hiding in an attic in San Francisco just...

Income Inequality Called A ‘Problem’ In Wall Street Journal, Temperature In Hell Dropping Rapidly

Hidebound banking pamphlet The Wall Street Journal's entire reason for existing is to endorse the view that there is no such thing as a problem caused by rich people. So it was jarring to read this on their blog: The...

Shutdown Saga: Obama Administration Desperately Trying To Pull Defeat From Jaws Of Victory

Well, kids, we certainly have had fun mocking the Republicans for a series of stupid quotes about how Obamacare will rape your daughter,  or yelling at people doing their jobs, or 9/11, and we could go on and on...

Want To Write About Rich People And Their Rich People Mansions? The Wall Street Journal Wants YOU!

Hey, Serious Journamalists, are you looking for a new challenge? Maybe you've done your embedded time in the Iraq or the Afghanistan, and you've done your fair share of reporting on blowed up limbs and now you're like, meh,...

Someone Tell Peggy Noonan The Fake IRS Scandal Ended Weeks Ago, Or Maybe Don’t, It’s Not Like She Matters

You might think Peggy Noonan has so thoroughly self-discredited by now that her only remaining role in public discourse is to memorialize the simpleton biases and transparent lie-gospels of the anachronistic, bubble-dwelling conservative “elites” who are the Wall Street...