Tag: wall street journal

Dame Peggington Noonington Endorses Own Vivid Imagination For President

Peggy Noonan hallucinates a world where Donald Trump is sane. Then she hallucinates some more, for why not?
Look at 'em schemin'!

Hillary Clinton Attended Birthday Party Of Clinton Foundation Official Bill Clinton! GO TO JAIL!

OMG, you guys, the noose is definitely tightening around the many foul crimes Hillary Clinton committed while Secretary of State, when she did all kinds of rotten stuff that would simply shock you, and which any ordinary American would...

New Democratic Ad Is Just People Reading Gross Breitbart Headlines, Because Breitbart Is Gross

What is YOUR favorite disgusting, racist, homophobic, misogynistic Breitbart headline? The Democrats want to know!

Can Somebody Please Give Sean Hannity A Pacifier Or A Buttplug, For His Mouth?

How fundamentally stupid is Sean Hannity? LET'S WONKSPLORE!

Fine, Loretta Lynch Has Better Things To Do Than Read Hillary’s Dumb Emails Anyway

Loretta Lynch and Bill Clinton ran into each other at the airport. BURN HER!

Starbucks Bravely Kind Of Sort Of Speaks Out Against Trump A Little Bit

Guess which corporation is throwing its hat into the 2016 political thunderdome?! OHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHH, it's Starbucks, geared up and ready to take a stand ... for vague, pleading platitudes that don't involve calling anyone out by name, if you don't...

Evil Carl’s Jr. CEO Can Hardly Wait To Replace Workers With Robots

Are you ready to meet the most dickheaded CEO in the fast food game today? Well, tough noogies, you're going to anyway, because this a-hole deserves to be recognized. One of the arguments opponents of a minimum wage hike LOOOOOOOOVE...
No, YOU'RE the one with the broken brain.

Dr. Ben Carson Says Republicans’ Brains Are Broken

Did God drop Ben Carson on his head at some point? Maybe sometime after He provided the answers for Carson's chemistry final? Honest question. Because for a man who's dropping in the polls, perhaps because he's so dumb on...

GOP Losers Suck So Hard They’ve All Been Demoted To Kids’ Table Debate

Thanks to some weirdass combination of math and poll-skewing, Fox Business Network (Motto: "Just As Loathsome But With Lower Ratings") announced some major shakeups in the lineup for the next Republican debates. Yes, the seating arrangement for the clown...
They call themselves His People. Weird.

Here Are 9 Wingnut Reasons For Charleston Murders That Aren’t Spelled R-A-C-I-S-M

Dylann Storm Roof killed black people because he wanted to kill black people. Roof admitted this! But maybe it's not about race. Let's take another trip down Wingnut River to see why Roof's nine victims -- Rev. Clementa Pinckney, Tywanza...
Thank goodness racism is over

Alabama Cops Suspended Just For Being In Neo-Confederate Hate Group. How Is That Fair? (UPDATED)

Oh, look, it's more Not Racial Transcendence, in a story that might have been huge if it hadn't been overshadowed by Wednesday's massacre in Charleston. Two cops in Anniston, Alabama, have been suspended after being outed as members...
New Combustible Water: It's Antibacterial!

Good News! EPA Says Drinking Water Mostly Free Of Dirty Fracking Sludge

This story sponsored by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Fund for coverage of oil spills, fracking, and eew don't drink that fracking fluid you don't know what's in it! Terrific news, corporate America! As the Wall Street Journal giddily...
Now she's going to strong-arm girls into learning? IMPEACH!

Oh Great, Now Michelle Obama Wants To Force Girls To Learn Stuff

Will the assault on freedom never end? Unsatisfied with oppressing our children -- of whom someone should please think -- with vegetables and gardening and 10 seconds of exercise every other month, Michelle Obama is now launching an assault on girl...
D'Asshole

Convicted Felon Dinesh D’Souza Calls Obama ‘Ghetto.’ From Jail.

So there is this guy, Dinesh D'Souza, and he is a wingnut "writer" and "filmmaker" and philanderer and felon. And while he is sitting in his pretend prison halfway house for wayward wingnut felons -- instead of being locked...
They don't make butlers like Carson anymore.

Rich People Tired Of Living In Giant Mansions, Long For Merely Huge Mansions

Claudio Stivelman is a real estate developer whose corporate biography modestly alludes to his "prophetic vision to invest along the Northern coast of Miami-Dade County." He got stupid-rich and built himself an "11,000-square-foot dream house," only to find that...