Tag Archives: wall street journal

  We Have Always Been at War with Eastquestria.

Ghost Breitbart: Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal Now Part Of Obama’s Propaganda Machine

Hey guys! Did you know that there’s a vast left-wing conspiracy to cover up the TRVTH about what happened in Libya? Totally factual and documented — at least, inside what Wonkette’s BFF Rachel Maddow calls the conservative “media bubble where [there are no] neutral or contrasting points of view.” And so, when Rupert Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal, a press organ (huh-huh… “organ”) that is usually thought of as a reliable part of that bubble, runs a story falling outside the accepted conservative narrative about Benghazi, the only rational response is to declare the WSJ part of a pro-Obama spin campaign. Makes sense to us! Posting at Dead Andrew Breitbart’s Big Journalism site, AWR Hawkins says that the WSJ is one of many “Obama surrogates in the mainstream media” bent on “providing a smokescreen for U.S. Ambassador Susan Rice.” Read more on Ghost Breitbart: Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal Now Part Of Obama’s Propaganda Machine…
  i said nothing when they came for the axelrod

Wall Street Journal: To Use The Word ‘Liar Is To Kill Six Million Jews

Mitt Romney stated things during the debate last week that were often in direct contravention of both reality and things he had previously stated. If you’re wondering why I don’t use the L-word (“liar,” not “lesbian”), it’s because, as Daniel Henninger states at the Wall Street Journal today, “liar” is the linguistic harbinger of fascism. “Liar” is a potent and ugly word with a sleazy political pedigree. But “liar” is not being deployed only by party attack dogs or the Daily Kos comment queue. Mitt Romney is being called a “liar” by officials at the top of the Obama re-election campaign. That’s shameful! What are they doing? Politics isn’t beanbag, but politicians past had all sorts of devices to say or suggest an opponent was playing fast and loose with the truth. This week’s Obama TV ad, “How Can We Trust Mitt Romney?” would have been perfectly legit absent the Plouffe “liar” prepping. So, the problem isn’t saying that someone is an untruthful, anti-American piece of festering shit, just don’t call them a liar. But why? Read more on Wall Street Journal: To Use The Word ‘Liar Is To Kill Six Million Jews…
  people unclear on the concept

Jack Welch: People Making Fun Of Me Is Worse Than A Siberian Gulag

What is up with conservatives and the First Amendment? For years now, all those people who love the Constitution so much they carry it around in the breast pockets of their bespoke suits have had this totally sane and logical notion that criticising someone for being an idiot is the same as taking away their freedom of speech. Logic, it is what’s for dinner! But Jack Welch — the poor little billionaire who axed a hundred thousand jobs as head of GE and now has only his plum perches at CNN and Fortune to huff away from — has taken his case to the Wall Street Journal, noted comforter of the comfortable and afflicter of the afflicted, and raised it to a whole new crazy. Imagine a country where challenging the ruling authorities—questioning, say, a piece of data released by central headquarters—would result in mobs of administration sympathizers claiming you should feel “embarrassed” and labeling you a fool, or worse. Soviet Russia perhaps? Communist China? Nope, that would be the United States right now, when a person (like me, for instance) suggests that a certain government datum (like the September unemployment rate of 7.8%) doesn’t make sense. Oh. Oh my. Read more on Jack Welch: People Making Fun Of Me Is Worse Than A Siberian Gulag…
  a kiss for the dying

Peggy Noonan Cuts A Bitch

Mitt was down for the count. Bill and Brooksy had already taken their kicks to his ribs, while Peggy stood silent, unfiltered Camel in her claw. She watched, her snake lips thinning even further as they stretched across her skull for her “smile.” Just as Bill was about to deliver his boot to the back of Mitt’s head, Mitt’s jaw carefully opened and propped on the curb, Peggy finally spoke. “No,” she spat in her unmistakable goon-speak. “Let me.” Read more on Peggy Noonan Cuts A Bitch…
  sounds legit

Listen Up As Karl Rove Explains Why Seniors Will Flock To GOP To Kill Medicare For Them

Who among you supposed — nay, dreamed — way back in 2008 that Karl Rove, having completed his task of gifting George W. Bush to America, would take his balls and go home and stop messing around with democracy? Well, we hate to be the bearers of bad news, but not only does he have a $200,000,000 SuperPac to screw around with, he’s also been going on the Sunday morning yap shows to talk about Bush’s “accomplishments” and writing op-eds for the Wall Street Journal that misquote Bill Clinton. Now he’s back with ANOTHER op-ed, also in the Wall Street Journal, this one focusing on the fact that the GOP has a “Medicare advantage” over the Democrats. And surprise surprise, this one is as poorly sourced and given to hyperbole and obfuscation as the last one. But it’s Karl Rove, leader of the GOP Hive Mind, so we figure we should pay attention! Read more on Listen Up As Karl Rove Explains Why Seniors Will Flock To GOP To Kill Medicare For Them…
  funny vp watch

Conservatives And Liberals Unite To Get Paul Ryan on Presidential Ticket

The Weekly Standard, the Wall Street Journal editorial page, and even ol’ Starburst are all engaged in furious last-minute lobbying to persuade Mitt Romney to select that nice young Boy Scout down the street who’s offered to fix our finances, Paul Ryan, as Vice President. The problem with such a selection is obvious: Romney would be picking someone recommended by the Weekly Standard, the Wall Street Journal editorial page, and even ol’ Starburst, instantly guaranteeing that it would be a colossal failure. Other problems: Paul Ryan wants to destroy all of the most popular government programs and is famous for wanting to do that? No matter, the conservatives say — it would be a serious campaign of Issues! The ‘merkin people will respect an “honest” view of the future! Again, these are all conservative arguments in favor of picking Paul Ryan. Read more on Conservatives And Liberals Unite To Get Paul Ryan on Presidential Ticket…
  rich old men

Wall Street Journal: Why Is Obama Siding With College Students Against These Poor Banks?

Yesterday, we learned a lot of fun facts about the one trillion dollar student loan bubble! Like the fact that student loans (unlike any other unsecured line of credit) cannot be discharged in bankruptcy, so the debt will never, ever go away,  not even if you die, and that banks will even garnish your social security checks to get their money. (Although the joke’s on THEM since we won’t even HAVE Social Security soon so ha!)  Even though the student loan bubble is actually slowing down the housing market and the rest of the economy along with it, the Wall Street Journal thinks that best course of action is to do absolutely nothing. See, that would be socialism! You wouldn’t want there to be socialism, would you? Of course not.  Also, these kids should be out creating JOBS, not trying to seek relief from the oppressive terms and conditions of their student loan obligations! If only “Uncle Sugar” wouldn’t be so focused on redistributing wealth, yadda yadda not hurting small businesses blah blah.  Actually we can’t figure that part out but the argument seems to be that helping debt burdened borrowers will hurt small businesses or something. We think? Read more on Wall Street Journal: Why Is Obama Siding With College Students Against These Poor Banks?…
  in this alternate economy superman is evil

Wall Street Journal Has New Theory About Alternate Economies, Universes, That Is Not Stupid at All

It is very confusing to keep up with conservative economic talking points philosophy, because one minute they’re all “deficits don’t matter!” and then a couple years later they turn around and decide that deficits will ruin the U.S. economy, unless the deficit came from tax cuts for the wealthy job creators, in which case they actually don’t matter anymore and might even be GOOD for the economy maybe! And even though conservatives used to yammer on about competition and the free market, Daniel Henninger at the Wall Street Journal has broken it to us that competition is bad too! But only if it’s between the “public economy” and the “private economy,” which we are pretty sure is a completely made up distinction that means absolutely nothing. Anyway, the  history of the “public economy” has something to do with Medicare, JFK, and the Voting Rights Act, and if Barack Obama wins in 2012 then the public economy will win and THEN the U.S. will no longer be the Greatest Country on Earth. Read more on Wall Street Journal Has New Theory About Alternate Economies, Universes, That Is Not Stupid at All…
  lucky duckies

Wall Street Journal Has Proper Priorities For Hungry Americans

The Wall Street Journal is shaking its cane regarding Congress’s unseemly refusal to reform food stamps. Why are Democrats uniting to stop hero Senator Jeff Sessions’ teeny-tiny $20 billion snip to the program? After all, going on the dole used to be shameful, and now food stamps go to people even if they live in a house and perhaps own a car! Yes, all these rich vulgar Americans are soaking the Department of Agriculture by getting help eating food. It is a national outrage and the Wall Street Journal will not rest in its whining until this gross practice stops. But is there another, more important thing on which Americans should be focused, rather than on giving milk, eggs, and cheese to women with children? Or subsidizing the non-starving of military families, and Wal-Mart workers? In fact, there is. A scourge far more important than hunger! What is it, you are dying to know? It is office workers with Bad Grammar, because because. Read more on Wall Street Journal Has Proper Priorities For Hungry Americans…
  everything's better with layoffs

Quirky Wall Street Journal Says Firing Government Workers May Lead To Higher Unemployment!

We are sorry, but we do not know what has gotten into the formerly sensible Wall Street Journal. Just listen to this Communist nonsense! One reason the unemployment rate may have remained persistently high: The sharp cuts in state and local government spending in the wake of the 2008 financial crisis, and the layoffs those cuts wrought. We are not buying it, Wall Street Journal! Everybody knows government jobs come at the expense of private-industry jobs, and that is why Mitt Romney said we should learn the lesson of Wisconsin and have fewer teachers before saying it was “absurd” that anyone would say he said we should have fewer teachers! Read more on Quirky Wall Street Journal Says Firing Government Workers May Lead To Higher Unemployment!…
  down on k street

Senior Officials, K Street: Terrorist Group Is Nice Now, Everybody!

Your Wonkette has been kept awake at night, dear readers, upon learning that national treasures like official mayor-of-all-things 9/11 Rudolph Guiliani, former attorney general Michael Mukasey, former intelligence official Michael V. Haydn, and a bunch of very important K-street lobbying firms were under investigation due to their advocacy for the terrorist group Mujahedeen Khalq (or MEK). Luckily, however, the federal investigation of MEK bypassed K-street lobbyists in March and now, rather than indict anyone for materially supporting terror, the state department appears ready to do the Right Thing and take the MeK off the list of terrorist groups. Read more on Senior Officials, K Street: Terrorist Group Is Nice Now, Everybody!…
  concern troll is concerned

Peggy Noonan Knows That Even Democrats Will Not Be That Sad When Obama Loses

What ho, a missive from Ol’ Whatsername, the Dowager Countess, Peggeth Blah Blah Etc. (PEGGY NOONAN. HER NAME IS PEGGY NOONAN AND SHE WOULD LIKE TO SMOKE SOME MARIJUANA.) Peggy Noonan is sorry — really, you can feel her tender concern — at Barack Obama’s stubborn insistence on dividing the country and making Republicans hate him. It is his fault, though; he did insist on being and winning election as a Democrat, and a “suntanned” one at that. But Peggy has a particular bill of charges against His Excellency The Great Usurper, and if the bailiff would read them now: Read more on Peggy Noonan Knows That Even Democrats Will Not Be That Sad When Obama Loses…
  we can rebuild him

Romney Camp Saddened $100,000,000 Retirement Fund To Be Taxed At Rate Paid By Plebes

Hey, Mittster, why the long face? What? Your retirement account holding somewhere between $21 and $100 million will be taxed at the same 35 percent rate the rest of us pay, instead of the 15 percent rate for “job creators”? THOSE FUCKERS! How do you even live??? ThinkProgress noted this peach of a story in The Wall Street Journal, which is mostly about funny ways Bain Capital made like 500 percent gains on its employees’ IRAs or something, so what who cayuhs, but it does also have this golden nugget: One news item, cited approvingly on Mr. Fleischer’s blog, said Mr. Romney didn’t appear to be engaged in an aggressive strategy to use charitable contributions of stock to lower his taxes. Mr. Romney gave $4 million to charity last year, exceeding his tax bill. Yeah, haha, we almost forgot that Romney is paying $6 million in taxes on $45 million in income (that’s two years’ worth). Don’t know why we would forget something like that; it’s not like he doesn’t keep trying to remind us. Anyhoo, learn something about real sadness, in the form of Romney’s IRA tax problem, after the jump! Read more on Romney Camp Saddened $100,000,000 Retirement Fund To Be Taxed At Rate Paid By Plebes…
  not leftist enough

WSJ Surveys #OWS, Finds Dangerous Radicals (Meaning, Democrat Voters)

Here’s a pre-tangled mess of shitty intestines to unravel: Michael Bloomberg’s pollster arranged a survey of the Occupy Wall Street campers and published his paranoid/fearmongering results in the Wall Street Journal. The pollster/WSJ columnist, Douglas Schoen, then objectively described the #OWS protesters as “dangerously out of touch with the broad mass of the American people” and said the protesters are all “bound by a deep commitment to radical left-wing policies.” This proves something, probably about Obama, and even if the results of the survey are completely contrary to Schoen’s pre-written conclusions. Read more on WSJ Surveys #OWS, Finds Dangerous Radicals (Meaning, Democrat Voters)…
  the oppressed rich

Ungrateful NYC Panhandler Reminds Wall Street CEO of Barack Obama

What on earth is America come to these days? Wall Street CEO David Moore is just aghast — aghast! — from a thoroughly horrid recent encounter where not only did a New York City street beggar refuse a charitable one-dollar bill that Moore proffered to him, but the beggar (really, you will not believe this) even threw the dollar on the ground! The insolence! Well, this will not do. Rude manners can hurt millionaires’ feelings too, you know! Oh, and these feelings shall not go quietly into the night, no, not this time. Moore must bravely recount his story to local country club bulletin the Wall Street Journal, so that all may ponder and shake their heads. Wherefore the panhandler’s venom against the rich man? Most certainly it is an unprecedented incident in the history of New York City, just as surely as someone put the poor man up to it. The culprit? If you guessed, “Barack Obama made him do it,” keep reading! Read more on Ungrateful NYC Panhandler Reminds Wall Street CEO of Barack Obama…
  occupy the wall street journal

Wall Street Journal Caught Padding European Circulation By Nearly Half

Shrunken cliche Rupert Murdoch’s empire of shit continues to stink, with his “rogue corporation” caught in yet another amoral activity — this time, managers of his Wall Street Journal have been caught inflating the paper’s European circulation by 41%. So the big corporations paying top dollar to reach the coveted 1% who supposedly read the WSJ while shopping in Paris or whatever were instead paying to have 31,000 daily copies bought for a nickel apiece and dumped. Worse, the paper printed a bunch of bogus endorsements and features on the shell companies involved in the criminal scheme. Read more on Wall Street Journal Caught Padding European Circulation By Nearly Half…
  walnuts! needs a nap

Confused Walnuts Starts ‘Lord of the Rings’ Debt Ceiling Fight Meme

Oh God, John McCain, he is getting more senile by the hour. Somebody handed Walnuts a copy of the Wall Street Journal, which, in the paper’s effort to fill all of its blank pages with words about anything besides disgraced overlord owner Rupert Murdoch, said let’s type words comparing Tea Party people to hobbits. Uh, sure! Hobbits are of course the most topical fantastical children’s story character for a columnist to choose this summer, but old Walnuts thought this was hilarious and appropriate and so he marched onto the Senate floor with this editorial in hand and read it aloud, to make his point about everyone in the Tea Party being insane.  And now magically everyone is super upset including Sharron Angle (?) and Rand Paul and Discover magazine, who will naturally all respond with more “Lord of the Rings” references. Read more on Confused Walnuts Starts ‘Lord of the Rings’ Debt Ceiling Fight Meme…
  journamalism

WSJ To Obama: Some Poor Rich People Can’t Even Afford Private Jets At All

Does anyone seem to understand the fact that there are some very poor rich people out there who are not even wealthy enough to be able to afford a corporate jet? DOES ANYONE? Conservative tabloid The Wall Street Journal is not convinced that even the President of the United States knows this, so they typed out some important journalism that was titled, “Obama Calls People Making $250,000 a Year ‘Jet Owners.'” That’ll show him! Just more of the WSJ‘s typical Pulitzer-prize winning reporting, a job well done. EXCEPT THAT Obama never actually said this, at all, ever. Someone eventually noticed this and now the blog post is just titled with a dumb tip: “Note to Obama: $250,000-a-Year Earners Can’t Afford Jets.” Uh, thanks? Obama will try to remember not to close the tax loopholes on these peoples’ imaginary jets. Read more on WSJ To Obama: Some Poor Rich People Can’t Even Afford Private Jets At All…
  9/11 is only for the pure of heart

WSJ Writer Says Obama Is Allowed To Visit Ground Zero Now

“President Barack Obama will visit Ground Zero in New York City on Thursday for the first time as president,” starts off Carol E. Lee in the Wall Street Journal. Okay, sure, that makes sense! Troops just killed Osama bin Laden under Obama’s command. Probably as fair a time as any to drop by there. But then: “Mr. Obama has been a controversial figure in what many consider hallowed ground.” A controversial figure? He’s the president of the fucking United States. He didn’t fly a plane into the buildings, did he? Last time we checked, he did not, but it’s been a while since we checked, as that subject is pretty depressing. Obama is really lucky he killed Osama bin Laden, because if he hadn’t, the security team at the Wall Street Journal was not going to let him into this particular construction site in Manhattan. YOU MUST PROVE YOUR WORTH IF YOU WISH TO EXPERIENCE THE MAGICAL LAND OF 9/11, ELOQUENT TRAVELER. Read more on WSJ Writer Says Obama Is Allowed To Visit Ground Zero Now…
  alternate spring break

Wall Street Journal Going To End This Wisconsin Standoff Itself

Times are tough for journalists covering the standoff over collective bargaining in Wisconsin. Just how many days in a row are you supposed to write this “There are still protests and the state senators are still floating on a lazy river at some hotel in Illinois” story? The protestors and the legislators may be able to stick to their guns, but there’s a limit to reporters’ ethics and how much they can stand of this before they just start making stuff up and hope it comes true. Thus, we get the headline “Democrats to End Union Standoff” from the Wall Street Journal. Okay! Here comes a flood of pageviewz! Everything is all over! Except these Democrats say they’re not actually giving up and returning to the state. Read more on Wall Street Journal Going To End This Wisconsin Standoff Itself…
  zeitgeist

Journalists Risk Life and Limb To Bring You Latest Floating Reptile News

Wonkette operative Jon writes: “Journalism. This is it.” C’mon, Jon. That is so insulting to the crackerjack reporters at the Wall Street Journal, who just released a fine piece of muckraking journalism with the earth-shattering headline, “So, Did Spam Ever Leave the Cans? A Meaty Mystery Is Making Waves — Cruise Line Says It Served None; Passengers Winced Over ‘Pink Chunks’.” See? Read more on Journalists Risk Life and Limb To Bring You Latest Floating Reptile News…