Tag Archives: wall street journal

  Enraged about all of these things

Here Are 9 Wingnut Reasons For Charleston Murders That Aren’t Spelled R-A-C-I-S-M

What's left to say?
Dylann Storm Roof killed black people because he wanted to kill black people. Roof admitted this! But maybe it’s not about race. Let’s take another trip down Wingnut River to see why Roof’s nine victims — Rev. Clementa Pinckney, Tywanza Sanders, Susie Jackson, Cynthia Hurd, Sharonda Coleman-Singleton, DePayne Middleton-Doctor, Ethel Lee Lance, Myra Thompson, and Rev. Daniel Lee Simmons, Sr. REALLY died. Read more on Here Are 9 Wingnut Reasons For Charleston Murders That Aren’t Spelled R-A-C-I-S-M…
  Southern Man Better Keep Your Head

Alabama Cops Suspended Just For Being In Neo-Confederate Hate Group. How Is That Fair? (UPDATED)

Thank goodness racism is over
[Update: There have been new developments; please see end of post] Oh, look, it’s more Not Racial Transcendence, in a story that might have been huge if it hadn’t been overshadowed by Wednesday’s massacre in Charleston. Two cops in Anniston, Alabama, have been suspended after being outed as members of the neo-Confederate hate group the League of the South. The Southern Poverty Law Center’s Hatewatch blog identified Lt. Josh Doggrell and Lt. Wayne Brown as members of the white secessionist group Wednesday, and the city wasted little time in getting them off the street and putting them on administrative leave Wednesday afternoon. Not that there’s anything racist about the League of the South — they only want a white homeland, and while they don’t necessarily hate blacks, they don’t consider them actual Southerners. Read more on Alabama Cops Suspended Just For Being In Neo-Confederate Hate Group. How Is That Fair? (UPDATED)…
  Dirty Mortar Frackers

Good News! EPA Says Drinking Water Mostly Free Of Dirty Fracking Sludge

New Combustible Water: It's Antibacterial!
This story sponsored by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Fund for coverage of oil spills, fracking, and eew don’t drink that fracking fluid you don’t know what’s in it! Terrific news, corporate America! As the Wall Street Journal giddily announces, a new draft EPA study finds that hydraulic fracturing has had no “widespread, systemic impact on drinking water.” Time to drill, baby drill! Except that the actual report is a lot more cautious and sciencey than that, noting that while the agency’s review of scientific literature does find that there’s no widespread contamination of drinking water, there are indeed instances where drinking water has been contaminated, although the “number of identified cases … was small compared to the number of hydraulically fractured wells.” The study, like any good science paper, also identified several potential problems with its own methods that suggest caution before we all announce, “Whoopee, even the EPA says fracking’s harmless!” — a phrase you should expect to hear on Fox News and in internet comments from now until forever. Read more on Good News! EPA Says Drinking Water Mostly Free Of Dirty Fracking Sludge…
  War on boys

Oh Great, Now Michelle Obama Wants To Force Girls To Learn Stuff

Now she's going to strong-arm girls into learning? IMPEACH!
Will the assault on freedom never end? Unsatisfied with oppressing our children — of whom someone should please think — with vegetables and gardening and 10 seconds of exercise every other month, Michelle Obama is now launching an assault on girl brains around the globe, which are just fine as is, thank you very much. But oh no, not in the first lady’s opinion, which she expressed in that commie rag weekly, the Wall Street Journal: Read more on Oh Great, Now Michelle Obama Wants To Force Girls To Learn Stuff…
  If you're so silenced why can we still hear you?

Convicted Felon Dinesh D’Souza Calls Obama ‘Ghetto.’ From Jail.

D'Asshole
So there is this guy, Dinesh D’Souza, and he is a wingnut “writer” and “filmmaker” and philanderer and felon. And while he is sitting in his pretend prison halfway house for wayward wingnut felons — instead of being locked up in actual prison, where he belongs, for making illegal contributions in violation of federal campaign finance laws, which he pleaded guilty to, yet somehow insists he did nothing wrong, HUH — he is passing the time by tweeting really nuanced observations about President Obama. Read more on Convicted Felon Dinesh D’Souza Calls Obama ‘Ghetto.’ From Jail….
  eat the rich

Rich People Tired Of Living In Giant Mansions, Long For Merely Huge Mansions

They don't make butlers like Carson anymore.
Claudio Stivelman is a real estate developer whose corporate biography modestly alludes to his “prophetic vision to invest along the Northern coast of Miami-Dade County.” He got stupid-rich and built himself an “11,000-square-foot dream house,” only to find that living in a house with six bedrooms and a movie theater ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. The Wall Street Journal’s Candace Jackson — who may have responded to a job posting our new Jr. Editrix wrote about last year — gives us a glimpse into the Lifestyles of the Obscenely Wealthy and Modestly Famous. Read more on Rich People Tired Of Living In Giant Mansions, Long For Merely Huge Mansions…
  is failure to follow the narrative a crime?

How Is Bowe Bergdahl Failing To Be A Taliban Sympathizer Today?

Hey, America, remember how the entire rightwing media howler monkey brigade was telling us that not only did Bowe Bergdahl desert his post, he also willingly joined the Taliban and taught them how to build bombs after he was captured? And so we never should have bothered bringing him back to U.S. America? Oh, except now that he’s back on U.S. soil, Army investigators are satisfied that he actually didn’t engage in any misconduct during the five years he was held captive. This raises the obvious question: Why is the Army conducting an investigation that doesn’t take into account the exhaustive rumormongering done by rightwing bloggers? Read more on How Is Bowe Bergdahl Failing To Be A Taliban Sympathizer Today?…
  magnificent obsession

Dana Perino Begs Meteorologists Everywhere To Be As Dumb As Fox News, Yell About Benghazi

We all know that Fox News is nothing but faux-outrage over Benghazi — excuse us, BENGHAZI!111!!! — 24/7, but their certainty that everyone else is just as pretend-mad is one of the weirdest parts of their obsession. Today, cap-sleeve-wearing thought jumble Dana Perino is super mad that Bamz is going to go talk so some meteorologists about climate change because haha there is no climate change and also too they should ask him about Benghazi instead. Read more on Dana Perino Begs Meteorologists Everywhere To Be As Dumb As Fox News, Yell About Benghazi…
  lies damn lies and economics

Wall Street Journal: Obamacare Raised Incomes In January, So That Is Probably Bad Somehow

Would it be safe to characterize the Wall Street Journal as something other than a bastion of liberal rhetoric? We think that is probably a safe call, right? (Especially since it was made by Yr Editrix in the chatcave.) So let us just note that the Wall Street Journal, no bastion of liberal rhetoric, credits Obamacare with three-fourths of the rise in U.S. incomes this year. WSJ’s Jeffrey Sparshott escaped from being a bosun’s mate in a C.S. Forrester novel long enough to inform us that the law’s expanded coverage boosted Medicaid benefits by an estimated $19.2 billion, according to Commerce’s Bureau of Economic Analysis. The ACA also offered several refundable tax credits, including health insurance premium subsidies, which added up to $14.7 billion. Taken together, the Obamacare provisions are responsible for about three-quarters of January’s overall rise in Americans’ incomes. We’re pretty sure that’s what you’d have to call a pretty big effin’ deal Read more on Wall Street Journal: Obamacare Raised Incomes In January, So That Is Probably Bad Somehow…
  noonan 3724 self-awareness 0

Peggy Noonan Despairs That Elites Are Simply Too Decadent These Days

Crack! That blasted girl, that wench, had shattered her final highball glass as Peggy Noonan’s scullery maid. But Dame Noonan had not the spirit to dismiss her on this eve, so instead she conjured a weighty silence, an invisible pall under which this mousy strip of a girl would be permitted to clean the last remnants of broken glass from the obsidian tile of the Ennui Room and slip wordlessly away, oblivious to her fate. It is such a great burden being an elite, mused Our Lady of the Fifth of Peach Schnapps. So many lesser beings depended on her for employment, for prudent guidance, for a simulacrum of a kind of a sort of dignity. But Peggy had been feeling some curious vibrations of late — curious, and worrying. Her fellow elites, especially those in Washington, had grown decadent. Take, for example, the tele-vision bauble “House of Cards.” The dramatis personae of this diverting tragedy are despicable one and all, yet our political leaders ape them like gamboling fooles! But it’s all vaguely decadent, no? Or maybe not vaguely. America sees Washington as the capital of vacant, empty souls, chattering among the pillars. Suggesting this perception is valid is helpful in what way? Chattering among the pillars, good phrase, that. But what of our celebrated merchants, our masters of bourse, our Hanseatic princes? They, too, seem enraptured of their own reflections. They are America’s putative great business leaders. They are laughing, singing, drinking, posing in drag and acting out skits. The skits make fun of their greed and cynicism. In doing this they declare and make clear, just in case you had any doubts, that they are greedy and cynical. All of this is supposed to be merry, high-jinksy, unpretentious, wickedly self-spoofing. But it seems more self-exposing, doesn’t it? And all of it feels so decadent. Read more on Peggy Noonan Despairs That Elites Are Simply Too Decadent These Days…
  Join Ovulation Nation Today!

How To Stop Being Such A Dumb Slut And Get Your Hooks Into A Man, By A Lady (And The Duggars)

Since it’s been [checks watch] at least four seconds since some dimwitted dimwit offered us single ladies some unsolicited advice on how to not be single ladies and why it’s all our fault and how we are TERRIBLE THE WORST for being single, the Wall Street Journal (of course) brings us these words of derpdom from Susan Patton — who is, shockingly, not Suzanne Venker, niece of lady-hating Phyllis Schlafly and professional pontificator on How And Why Women SuckTM. Yeah, we’re shocked too. No, we’ve never heard of this Patton person, but apparently she has written an entire book about how dumb we ladies are, so we should heed her advice before our ovaries shrivel up and kill us from the inside. Let’s “smarten up,” as Mrs. Patton advises in the very first paragraph — we assume she’s a Mrs. because why else would she be single-shaming us and publishing a book of tips on how to get hitched Right Fucking Now? — and find out what we’re doing wrong. Besides everything, obviously, as we women do. Read more on How To Stop Being Such A Dumb Slut And Get Your Hooks Into A Man, By A Lady (And The Duggars)…
  bigmouth strikes again

WSJ Columnist Wants Drunk Ladies To Stop Raping All Those Men

We don’t check in over at the Wall Street Journal’s opinion page all that often because of the paywall and also, too, because it is the Wall Street Journal, but we really couldn’t resist reading James Taranto’s latest bit of hateful nonsense, because we are gluttons for punishment and also because the Editrix made us. Taranto, if you are not familiar, critically lacks both empathy AND intelligence, so of course he decided to tackle the thorny issue of date rape. Except of course it is not at all a thorny issue for Taranto, because he pretty much cuts right to how there would be no rapes if women would just stop getting raped and also being such drunk sluts. Read more on WSJ Columnist Wants Drunk Ladies To Stop Raping All Those Men…
  ensuring that the poor will always be with you

Wall Street Journal Loves Poor People So Much It Wants To Make More Of Them

So you know how President Obama called for a minimum wage of $10.10 in the State of the Union? Well, that is a great plan if you HATE THE POORS. But if you love the poor, if you have compassion in your heart and a soul full of goodness, then you know that best way to help the poor is to lower the minimum wage! Where, oh where, would such brilliant logic come from? Robert Strayton, some former executive vice president of a big ol fancy company, put forth his magnum opus in the pro-poor pages of the Wall Street Journal: I have come to believe that the most effective step we can take to ameliorate poverty, kick-start job growth and invigorate hope in every social stratum is to experiment with a $5 minimum wage. That’s right. Instead of making more money, we need to make sure that the poor make less money. And that will solve everything! This guy is like modern-day Monica Lewinsky, except he is blowing minds. And we just stained his blue blazer. Let’s hear him richsplain to all the poors how making less money will be good for them.  Read more on Wall Street Journal Loves Poor People So Much It Wants To Make More Of Them…
  Night of broken Google Glass

Tech Bazillionaire Tom Perkins Warns Of New Holocaust: People Complaining About Google Buses

Meet Tom Perkins. He is an uber-gazillionaire tech dude who once killed a man with his yacht. But that’s just an interesting footnote to his biography. See, Tom Perkins is apparently hiding in an attic in San Francisco just like Anne Frank, where he was somehow able to smuggle out this secret diary entry to the Wall Street Journal to warn of the coming Holocaust: Writing from the epicenter of progressive thought, San Francisco, I would call attention to the parallels of fascist Nazi Germany to its war on its “one percent,” namely its Jews, to the progressive war on the American one percent, namely the “rich.” In case you’re thinking that sounds a tad hyperbolic, rest assured, Perkins has EVIDENCE that the progressive war on wealth inequality is pretty much exactly like Nazi Germany: Read more on Tech Bazillionaire Tom Perkins Warns Of New Holocaust: People Complaining About Google Buses…
  peggy noonan is spinning in her grave

Income Inequality Called A ‘Problem’ In Wall Street Journal, Temperature In Hell Dropping Rapidly

Hidebound banking pamphlet The Wall Street Journal‘s entire reason for existing is to endorse the view that there is no such thing as a problem caused by rich people. So it was jarring to read this on their blog: The trouble is the nation’s affluent, who have isolated themselves over the past 40 years more than the poor, hold the lion’s share of its resources: As of 2010, America’s top 10% of families controlled nearly 50% of all income, the researchers note. Occupy Wall Street Journal! Read more on Income Inequality Called A ‘Problem’ In Wall Street Journal, Temperature In Hell Dropping Rapidly…
  stfu

Shutdown Saga: Obama Administration Desperately Trying To Pull Defeat From Jaws Of Victory

Well, kids, we certainly have had fun mocking the Republicans for a series of stupid quotes about how Obamacare will rape your daughter,  or yelling at people doing their jobs, or 9/11, and we could go on and on … hell, we kinda did. And miraculously, the White House has managed to not brain-fart something stupid…. Until now, per the Wall Street Journal: Said a senior administration official: “We are winning…It doesn’t really matter to us” how long the shutdown lasts “because what matters is the end result.” Are you for serious here? Someone at the White House needs to go into the post-9/11 emergency closet, pull out the duct tape and tape this guy’s mouth shut until the end of time.  Read more on Shutdown Saga: Obama Administration Desperately Trying To Pull Defeat From Jaws Of Victory…