wall street
Peggy Noonan Despairs That Elites Are Simply Too Decadent These Days
Crack! That blasted girl, that wench, had shattered her final highball glass as Peggy Noonan’s scullery maid. But Dame Noonan had not the spirit to dismiss her on this eve, so instead she conjured a weighty silence, an invisible pall under which this mousy strip of a girl would be permitted to clean the last […]
Wall Street Is Your New Landlord, Please Pay Your Rent Or The Economy Will Crash Again, Thanks!
How’s that vein in your forehead? Poppin’ fresh? No? You’re happy?! Well that won’t do at all! Here, read this story about how Wall Street firms are furiously buying up cheap homes, renting them out, refusing to treat infestations of vermin, threatening legal action against renters for things that aren’t their fault, and (of course) bundling monthly rent […]
Capitalist Running Dogs Rand Paul And Alan Greenspan Will Teach You Dumb Liberals About Capitalism
Gosh, we are such dumb liberals! We thought we knew all about capitalism, an economic system most of us have lived with our entire lives. We thought we knew all about private ownership, and free markets, and the commodification of labor, and investment, and consumption, and all that jazz! And we thought we knew about […]
AIG CEO Upset At Being ‘Lynched’ By Taxpayers, With Words
You know what’s hard? Being yelled at for being rich and kinda douchey. Sometimes, wittle fee-fees get boo-boos on them, ginormous egos might get an owwie, and the only thing to cushion the blow is millions of dollars to soak up the tears. For Robert Benmosche, the CEO who took over AIG in 2008 after […]
Chris Christie Won’t Be Mitt’s VP Because Chris Christie Knows A Loser When He Sees One
For months, political comedy aficionados everywhere have been demanding a Romney-Christie “Odd Couple” GOP ticket, where Chris Christie would leave his dirty socks all over the floor after a hard day of screaming abuse at schoolteachers, and Mitt Romney would pick them up with tongs while grinning mirthlessly. Sadly, this was not to be, and […]
Breaking: Goldman Sachs Did Not Break Any of Those Laws It Wrote
Good news, bankers! Our long national nightmare of no accountability and massive golden parachutes is behind us so let there be champagne, caviar, and get out of jail free cards for all because the entire financial crisis is forgiven and we can all go back to blaming Poors and Political Correctness for causing the housing […]
Everything About Rick Santorum Is Gross, Like His ‘Creamcup Trust’
Today’s Santorum scandal du jour — which means “a frothy mix, etc.,” in Santorum’s native language of Gay Obsessed — involves the various mansions he purchases through shady mortgages, in Virginia. But really, did he need to name his sketchy tax dodge “The Creamcup Trust,” and did he have to involve somebody named “James Sack”?
Corzine Basically Last Person on Earth Who Knows How He Lost $1.2 Billion
Look, guys, Jon Corzine was just as shocked to hear that $1.2 billion in customer funds went missing from Jon Corzine’s brokerage firm MF Global as people who weren’t in charge of that money. The last few days that he was in charge of the now-bankrupt firm were, in his words to a congressional committee […]
Oppressed Wall Streeters Do Not Care For These Mean Protesters
Here is video from Salon’s Justin Elliot of protesters having a merry little tussle this morning near the New York Stock Exchange, where cops have arrested as many as 75 protesters so far, for the crime of making it slightly more difficult for Wall Street employees to get to work, the most illegal thing in […]
Saturday Is Bank Transfer Day, So What Will You (We) Do?
It says a lot about the Internet that the first thing we saw about the November 5 Anti-Bank Action Day was a snide remark. Something along the lines of “Good job dumb hippies, banks are closed on Saturday.” First of all, not true at all! Bank headquarters are closed on Saturday, but most bank branches […]
Meet the Smart Anthropologist Anarchist Who Helped Launch #OWS
Here’s something we don’t say every day: This long, well-written profile in Bloomberg BusinessWeek is inspiring. It’s about David Graeber, “the Anti-Leader of Occupy Wall Street,” and he is just the kind of smart anthropologist that Florida criminal/governor Rick Scott must’ve been thinking about during that whole “shut down the teaching of anthropology” idiocy. Graeber […]
Don’t Be Silly, CIA Couldn’t Have Spied On Congress! It’s Against The Law! 