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Tag: wall street

happy holidays

Wells Fargo Apologizing For All The Fraud By Killing Customer Lawsuits

Wells Fargo SO regrets that its terrible local bankers stole from its customers by setting up unauthorized accounts for them, replete with all those yummy fees. The old CEO is sorry. The new CEO is sorry. Everyone is fucking...

Let’s Watch Hillary Clinton, Cry Like A Girl

We're not crying, you're crying.

You’ve Never Had A Day As Good As Hillary Clinton’s Friday

If you were too busy losing your entire mind over "grab them by the pussy" yesterday, you might have missed that Wikileaks published what they allege to be partial transcripts of Hillary's paid speeches to Goldman Sachs and other Wall Street firms. I'll...
please raise your wronged hand

Everybody So Mean To Poor, Criminal Wells Fargo. Thank God Mitch McConnell Is Making It Right!

It wasn't long ago when Wells Fargo purged its payrolls of industrious retail bankers who opened up unauthorized accounts for their customers. Following government investigations, Wells Fargo, which totally didn't know about any of this, they swear, fired thousands...

Here’s Elizabeth Warren Yelling At A Wall Street Bankster, Because You Love That Crap

She's doing what she does best, and OH, it is some quality viewing!
"hello, beautiful"

Wall Street Traders May Soon Have To Live On Burger King ‘Whopperitos.’ The Horror.

Guys, big banks just need a few more years to figure out how to add more loopholes to financial rule Esteemed Wall Street banks are on their knees asking the Fed for five more years to comply with the Volcker...
What's Pony Hillary drinking? A Bloody Mare-y, of course.

Deleted Comments: Stupid Establishment Shills Should Support The Anti-War Guy, Donald Trump

Our Deleted Comments column attempts to fathom the idea that Donald Trump is a pacifist.

There Goes Barack Obama, Kicking Donald Trump In The Nads Again

Your president is LOLing at the idea that Donald Trump is a 'good businessman.'
You too can scam your way to the Republican nomination. Ask me how!

Moody’s: Donald Trump Would Be ‘Bad’ For The Economy, Is That Even Possible?

Moody's analyzed Donald Trump's economic plans. They are very bad, if what you want is "an economy."

Whiny Wall Street Babies Preemptively So Mad At Vice President Elizabeth Warren

Anonymous hedge fund managers want to know: Why won't Elizabeth Warren stop breaking the economy?
And we're going to reclaim 'Tea Party' for girls, dammit

Let’s Take A Breather And Treat Ourselves To The Whimsical Stylings Of Maureen Dowd, Oh Sweet Jesus

Maureen Dowd ate another pot brownie and had a fever sex dream about Elizabeth Warren and Hillary Clinton. It was a very stupid fever sex dream.
It wasn't his case, but 9/11

9/11-Humper Rudy Giuliani So Mad At Hillary For Starting ISIS

Hillary Clinton is guilty of many things. She does emails to Sidney Blumenthal about what a gas it would be to do Benghazi a whole bunch maybe after brunch next Tuesday. She does secret speeches to Wall Street where...

Classy Donald Trump Suggesting Ted Cruz’s Wife Is Dirty Girl With Dirty Secret

World famous terrific businessman and frontrunner for the Republican presidential nomination (LOL) Donald Trump took a break Tuesday night from saying shit-ass things about the Brussels attacks to defend a woman's honor. Specifically, he needed to defend the honor...
BRING IT, SUCKER

GOP Congressdude Wants To Chop Off Elizabeth Warren’s Balls

Know what's a Not Nice thing to say to a human lady who ain't got no boy testes? That you want to "neuter" her. It's not even scientifically accurate, #ScienceFact! But that's what some grass-chewing congressdick from Missouri named...
on earth as it is in heaven

Walmart Ordered To Re-Hire Striking Workers, Dignity And Respect Still Optional

Hey Walmart, what's good?! It's been like two whole weeks since we saw you were being a Big Dumb Walmart and bullying a former employee. Let's check in with our most infamous Corporate person and make sure it isn't...

The First Rule Of Hillary And Bernie Fight Club Is MOMMY AND DADDY, STOP FIGHTING!

Thursday night's Democratic debate was fun! As usual, it featured grown-ups saying brain thoughts to each other, as opposed to the poo-flinging zoo creatures on the crowded GOP debate stage. But this time the grown-ups' faces got all red...