Thanksgiving is the day Americans very briefly pretend to be civilized family people as they gather around a table covered in once-a-year homemade food. The day after Thanksgiving — Black Friday — is when Americans return to their real selves. At 5 a.m. today, outside a Long Island Wal-Mart, a crazed mob busted through the doors and crushed a 34-year-old temporary employee. He died. Four lunatics were injured. [Reuters]

• A New Mexican jihadist paintball terror squad caused nine-hundred and eleven 9/11s on the Straight Talk Express. [Marc Ambinder]
• Confused ironist Sarah Palin used the secret alias “Tina Fey” to check into a hotel. [Top of the Ticket]
• Palin did this interview called “Question from a Third Grader,” in which she fielded technical, jargon-filled queries like “what does a Vice President do?” from journalistic heavyweight/eight-year-old Brandon Garcia, who’s interviewed every Vice President since Richard Nixon. It was classic Gotcha Journalism, and all Palin could do was talk about how her second husband Piper asks her that all the time and spit out some garbled, half-English nonsense about gettin’ in and helpin’. [Daily Kos]

  [WATCH THIS VIDEO, she will kill us all -- Ed.]

• Her husband’s infinity affairs was just one too many for Mrs. Terry Mahoney, who filed for divorce today. [TPMMuckraker]
• OPRAH, a radical voter fraud advocacy organization, is producing a teevee infomercial for Obama. [NRO The Corner]
• Here are Obama’s and McCain’s videos that will be subliminally advertised in Wal-Marts, to “Wal-Mart Moms,” a nonexistent demographic. Obama talks about the economy, and McCain runs grainy black and white footage of himself being tortured seventysome years ago. [The Caucus]
  

There’s a big VP debate watch party tomorrow night in Washington, D.C., at the James Hoban’s bar in Dupont Circle, and its guest of honor will be a gal named “Elizabeth.” Elizabeth, for those of you not IN-THE-KNOW, is the most famous celebrity in the world now, as she is “the only Wasilla resident living in Washington, DC.” Can you even imagine how rich she must be now? And yet, Elizabeth was kind enough to let your associate editor Gchat her in the middle of the day for an informal interview. Among other topics, we discuss Wasilla’s famed retail outlets, meth, moose guts, what Bristol Palin’s REALLY LIKE, and Palin’s years as Wasilla mayor. Does Elizabeth like her hometown VP candidate? Well, here’s a hint: this party tomorrow night is doubling as an Obama fundraiser. Interview below! MORE »

We should all thank the nation’s first black president, Bill Clinton, for one thing tonight: getting that whiny runt Obama to learn the use of “code words,” a great tool for defeating Republicans. MAYBE THIS IS BILL’S STRATEGY? MORE »

Finally, the terrorists have figured out the whole “fight them over there so we don’t fight them at home” strategy and started blowing up Wal-Marts with pool chemicals. MORE »

• Clint Eastwood knows that if George Allen was on that Iwo Jima hill he would’ve made sure it was the stars ‘n stripes flying, not the stars ‘n bars. Unless it was the ’70s, then whatever. [Hotline on Call]

• Julia Allison learns via NRSC press release that Rep. Harold Ford is just not that into her. [Julia Allison]
• Laura Bush and George Allen (The Organizer) evite supporters to a grand-per-head fundraiser that apparently does not include dinner. Luckily, all attendees already have the number for the Morton’s in McLean on their speeddial. [The Gaggle]
• Tony Snow channels his best Lawrence Fishburne, “You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.” [Whiskey Bar]
• Wal-Mart’s marketing firm is the Mark Foley of public relations. [Young Manhattanite]
• Overwhelming majority of Democrats feel the #1 issue in the midterm elections is, “What species of alien is Bush really?” [Radar, Hit & Run]
• Dana Milbank: truly in his element when interviewing candidates on how best to promote “man/boy love.” [Hit & Run]

• FBI examines Foley’s computers after Dennis Hastert calls out the Justice Department junkyard dogs. [NYT, WP, Roll Call [sub. req.]]

• Tom Reynolds (R-NY) will not be “thrown under a bus” by Hastert, over who-knew-what-when Foley info. [WP]
• Foley not totally evil, was after all, “one of the cool congressmen.” [NYT]
• “GOP Suburban Agenda” in full effect as Republicans push through small bills that embattled incumbents can use to show constituents they did something. [WP]
• Supreme Court enters second term, “that will define the new court in both substance and style.” [NYT]
• Wal-Mart: now hiring anyone who’ll work for 15 cents a day and no bathroom breaks. [NYT]
• Virginia worries its regal brand identity will be tarnished by one of the overtly racist candidates it plans to elect to the Senate — Leno, Stewart agree. [WP]

• White House compromises with McCain’s crew on terror suspect interrogation techniques. Geneva Convention “remains intact,” but CIA will still be knocking skulls, so “we’re all winners.” [WP, NYT, LAT, USAT, W$J]

• CDC now advocating routine testing for HIV among all patients aged 13 to 64. [WP, NYT]
• Wal-Mart will begin offering many generic drugs for $4. [WP, LAT, USAT]
• Republican offensive enters new phase with the old standby, “Democrats want to tax you into the poorhouse.” [NYT]
• Army to make larger use of National Guard to get more boots on the ground in Iraq and Afghanistan, “The biggest challenge is manpower.” [NYT]

• Racism Week started with a bang as George Allen decided there aren’t enough good derogatory terms for brown skinned people and blurted out “Macaca,” in reference to an opponent’s campaign staffer. We spent some time trying to figure out what the fuck that even meant, but as usual it’s Wonkette readers who have the final say.

• They don’t have to invent new racist words in Florida, as congressional candidate Tramm Hudson demonstrates with his “blacks don’t know how to swim” story.
• In the business world, unlike politics, giving an interview where you claim, “Jews, Arabs, and Koreans” rip off black shoppers will actually get you canned.
• Only a few more months of Katherine Harris’s antics are left, so get it while you can.
• Duke Cunningham has fallen far. So far, in fact, that he’s begun taking criminal pointers from The Big Lebowski.
• Even at the top, journalism is about selfless sacrifice in the name of news.
• Local basketball hero Lonny Baxter “practices shooting” in DC, ends up in the slammer.
• Yes, Fidel Castro is still alive, and he’s as fashionable as ever.
• Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad started blogging this week. So far, posts are what you’d expect. “Death to Israel” and “When is Vista really coming out?” kind of stuff.

Wal-Mart’s very own paid Civil Rights Leader/apologist Andrew Young abruptly resigned from his position yesterday after giving an interview in which he said his employer was good for the urban working class. Which is basically what he was being paid to say, except for the extra bit he added about the folks who aren’t so good: MORE »

* Short week, short review. First thing you need to know is: on Friday, Wal-Mart tried to answer the questions, “Why you acting shady? Why you ain’t callin’ me baby?”, by having Beyonce and Taylor Hicks perform at their shareholder meeting. CostCo admits they were served. MORE »