Tag: wa food

Fighting Obesity With Sophisticated Lard

Were you worried about the fate of upscale donuts? True, in D.C., they already come topped with bacon, or dipped in gold and stuffed with foie gras and whatnot, but this will not suffice. There is...

When the Internet Isn’t Busy Starting Revolutions, It Delivers Sandwiches

Now that we're all destined to become fat sacks of trash, it's especially important that Washingtonians be able to easily access their beloved foodstuffs. Whereas in Real America, finding nutrient dense cow anus is as simple as following the...

Not Groundbreaking News: Americans Are Fat

Just eat less?: News alert: Because we are a nation of fat slobs, our government would like us to drink less sugar filled poison and stop eating spoonfuls of nitrates, lard and cat litter, even if it tastes good. ...

Celebrate America’s Newest National Holiday: Chinese New Year

In who knows how long (two, three years depending on Egypt?) our Chinese overlords will have complete control of America and only those who love pandas and have nimble fingers will survive. This is why it is essential that...

Winning the Future: Beer and Liquor Edition

Wednesday, January 26: SOTU hangover? You want more Facebook and salmon? Alcohol is known to breed innovation, so GET OUT OF YOUR HAMMOCK and start drinking. Try Recessions, where drinks are half off every week night from 5-8PM. And thanks...

DC’s Other Christmas: It’s State of the Union Time

The State of the Union address is tonight! Hooray! It's been a whole year since Obama screamed TAXCUTSTAXCUTSTAXCUTS and swore that we could all live in bipartisan glory. But this spectacle remains a favorite of Washingtonians who love any...

DC Has Crawfish, NYC Does Not

Here's a tale you can tell your grandkids when they ask you what it was like to live in D.C. during the Chinese occupation: You can tell them that a restaurant made famous thanks to the eating habits of...

It Was Only A Matter Of Time Before You Were Drinking With Your iPhone

Wednesday, January 19: The news that America is fated to become a Nation of Whores couldn't have come at a better time for Washingtonians: Tonight you can attend the "How To Be Successful at Internet Dating" event at ...

Tales In New York-ification: U Street Has a New Beer Dispenser

Oh hey there, kids. Your Wonkabout disappeared for about a month or so to go to Thailand, but she's now back at Wonkette Headquarters. What important developments happened in D.C. during her absence? H Street's white people transporter was...

Happy New Year, Washington (Be Nice To Your Liver!)

Because everyone spent 2010 impoverished and hungry, watching luscious BP oil spill into the Gulf and belittling America by enjoying a sport loved by Latinos, New Year's festivities this year may be a little less exciting. But as 2010 could very well...

D.C. Sans People: A Christmas Miracle!

Wednesday, December 22: The best thing about spending the days before Christmas in D.C. is that no one is here (including those who probably should still be here, to pass bills and such). The city is so pleasant and...

Make the Most Out of 2011 Before It All Goes to Hell

Thanks to all the limbless gay soldiers, 2011 could very well be the last full year our great earth exists. It's a shame, really, considering how much we've invested in soldiers (even the gay ones) over the years. It’s...

Gratuitous Celebrations of Jesus

For most Americans, Christmas is that special time when you gather your remaining pennies, find your way to the local 7-Eleven to finish your Christmas shopping and pray that, when you return home, the Baby Jesus left a job/house/car...

A Booze-Filled Countdown To Jesus’s Birth

Thursday, December 16: Generation Obama-D.C. seems to have missed the part where Obama turned Republican and told his minions that he no longer loves them: At what could be the least merry holiday party EVER, they will be gathering...

Post-Tax-Cut-Deal D.C. Winter Survival Guide

With Pissed-Off Obama desiring to completely alienate his base, it’s only a matter of time before we’re forced to start compromising everything we believe in. Soon Washingtonians will be eating turkey bacon and healthy foodstuffs, and maybe even...

New York Beats D.C. With a Fat Stick

The New York Times did some superb journalism and wrote yet another article about how D.C. is all growed up! What did they focus on this time? That gay people live in D.C.? That a group of 20-somethings effectively...