Tag Archives: voting machines

  the pageant of democracy has no swimsuit competition

We Asked, You Told: Wonkers’ Election Day Reasonably Free Of Irregularities … THAT WE COULD SEE

This morning, we asked for your completely unscientific, anecdotal reportage on how the 2013 vote has been going. It would seem that the wheels of Democracy are turning fairly well, with only a few squeaky glitches here and there! Hurrah for the integrity of the process and all that. AS FAR AS WE CAN TELL. That said, a few of you encountered some definite oddness, including one touch-screen “miscalibration” that sounds a lot like the experience of the guy trying to vote for Terry McAuliffe whose story we led off with this morning. “D.H.” writes, I touched Northam for lieutenant governor, but on my summary page the machine indicated I had chosen E.W. Jackson … at least twice I went back and changed it to Northam on the lieutenant governor options page with the “x” unmistakably replaced in front of Northam; and, for sure both times my summary showed I’d chosen Jackson. On my last try I was incredulous. Fortunately, D.H. was able to get help from a poll worker who explained “it might not work if you hit the choice box directly, but hitting it a little above the box might,” which is what did the trick for Col. Morris Davis, too. But! Did D.H. consider the possibility that God was using the “malfunction” for a higher purpose, to elect Ew Jackson? Anyway, don’t worry. Everything’s fine. Read more on We Asked, You Told: Wonkers’ Election Day Reasonably Free Of Irregularities … THAT WE COULD SEE…
  welcome to the machines

Watch This Voting Machine Hilariously Refuse To Accept A Vote For Barack Obama (Probably Because It Is Racist)

Ahem. I initially selected Obama but Romney was highlighted. I assumed it was being picky so I deselected Romney and tried Obama again, this time more carefully, and still got Romney. Being a software developer, I immediately went into troubleshoot mode. I first thought the calibration was off and tried selecting Jill Stein to actually highlight Obama. Nope. Jill Stein was selected just fine. Next I deselected her and started at the top of Romney’s name and started tapping very closely together to find the ‘active areas’. From the top of Romney’s button down to the bottom of the black checkbox beside Obama’s name was all active for Romney. From the bottom of that same checkbox to the bottom of the Obama button (basically a small white sliver) is what let me choose Obama. Stein’s button was fine. All other buttons worked fine. Read more on Watch This Voting Machine Hilariously Refuse To Accept A Vote For Barack Obama (Probably Because It Is Racist)…
  sorry dave i can't do that

We Are Sure These Mysterious Vote Tally Changes In Broward County, Florida, Are No Problem At All

Hey remember the 2000 election, when Florida went to Bush by 538 votes after he got a bunch of rich douchebags to go fake a “riot” outside the Miami-Dade polling headquarters? Well turns out you can avoid all of that unpleasantness if you just change the vote tallies BEFORE the election! Why, just this week, revised tallies of Florida’s early voting results were posted and for some mysterious reason, over 500 votes disappeared. Surely it’s a coincidence that over a thousand votes disappeared from heavily black neighborhoods while white neighborhoods actually gained votes? Read more on We Are Sure These Mysterious Vote Tally Changes In Broward County, Florida, Are No Problem At All…
  open the pod bay door hal

Looks Like Tagg Romney Has Already Leaked Next Week’s ‘Election’ ‘Results’

It is time, once again, to PANIC! As you can see above, Unskewed Polls has released a new chart that at first blush doesn’t seem to have any basis in reality. So why would they post such a hilarious result? Well, you have not been keeping up with Your Wonkette. Let’s rectify that now! It is so that when they steal the election, they can point to this “polling” and say the results were in line, duh. As Doktor Zoom explainered with an assist from Harper’s, the GOPpies are ready and able to steal every precinct that doesn’t count paper ballots by hand. As Your Editrix explained a week or whatever ago, one of only six voting machine vendors is owned by former Bain employees. (The others, per Dok’s Harper’s article, are pretty much all owned by the Koch Brothers and run by actual felons, except for the ones that are owned by Tagg Romney.) And as some former NSA analyst explained (but we didn’t post on it, because “depressed”), the way they steal your votes is by siphoning them from the largest precincts. Oh yes, and as The Grio explained this week also too, they are already disappearing early votes from the totals in heavily African-American and Democratic Broward County precincts. But that one, first described as a “computer glitch,” was totally just a woman who couldn’t do numbers good and stuff. Read more on Looks Like Tagg Romney Has Already Leaked Next Week’s ‘Election’ ‘Results’…
  steal this vote

Meet Your New Diebold!

Hey, remember when they stole Ohio? Hahaha, yeah, good times. (Here is a quick story explainering the bizarre discrepancies between exit polls, which showed John Kerry winning handily, and the tabulated results, which flipped that. It has the special bonus of world’s greatest pollster Dick Morris musing that since exit polls are like never wrong, and are used in Third World countries to determine if an election’s been thieved, Occam’s Razor insists that the easiest answer is not that the machines were hacked, but that the liberal media fixed … the exit polls. To dissuade Bush voters from coming out. A man of fierce intellect, most certainly.) Right, so! It is time to meet your new Diebold machines, from H.I.G., a company of fine fellows who to the man have donated to Mitt Romney, and a full third of whose board of directors come from Bain? Oh yeah, them. Read more on Meet Your New Diebold!…
  machine politics

Philly Election Official: Everyone Quit Whining About Voting Problems

Fred Voight, the adorably rosy-cheeked Deputy Election Commissioner of Philadelphia, says that antsy-pantsy voters need to just “get a life” and wait in the rain for hours and hours to vote on a single not-broken machine on election day. And then he’s all, “do not get your knickers in a twist, Philadelphia’s 5-to-1 Democratic, so we know how this election will go anyway.” He is the most refreshingly candid public official since Joe Biden. [American News Project] Read more on Philly Election Official: Everyone Quit Whining About Voting Problems…
 

*HEY, YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE GETTING INTO:* It’s the one day every four years that Floridians vote in primaries, and by tradition this means that voters are reporting “technical glitches” with voting machines. We hear that one of these complainers, that was actually not a human but a famous blimp, said that when it tried to vote for Ron Paul, the machine’s robotic Fascist-arms stuffed it in a black burlap sack and threw it to the bottom of Lake Okeechobee. [Orlando Sentinel] Read more on …
 

Massive Fraudulent CIA-backed Voting Machine Conspiracy in SC

According to reports in Horry (ahem) County, South Carolina — where Myrtle Beach is — voting machines have been hijacked by merciless corporates smoking Cuban cigars, eating children malfunctioning. And if the machines don’t work, and officials don’t have any paper ballots on hand, then officials take their phone numbers and call them when new ballots come in. John McCain relies on huge voter turnout given his appeal to independents, so naturally he’s released some bullshit statement. Read more on Massive Fraudulent CIA-backed Voting Machine Conspiracy in SC…