Tom DeLay’s Kid Begs People To Vote Eight Times For Her Dad
Monday, September 21st, 2009
Something is very wrong with this Tom DeLay appearance on Dancing With The Stars, beyond the surreal fact that it’s even happening, in real life. Some folks have sent us an e-mail to the “Dancing With Delay” mailing list from DeLay’s daughter, Dani DeLay Ferro, who, like her father, does not exactly have a saint’s background. Ferro sends very explicit directions about how to vote for her father EIGHT TIMES, tonight. “Similar to the House of Representatives, the rules are a bit peculiar, so I’ve outlined them below,” she writes, irritatingly. What must these two crooks be plotting, by caring about this so much? MORE »











Virginia sure is a hot ticket today! Ha ha, Terry McAuliffe’s a nut. Let’s check out a few
Hmm, what is this mysterious image? Is it the famous Flesh Monster of Crystal City, lumbering toward an empty polling location? Nope it is just the wrist of friendly tipster “Ben H.,” who was assaulted by a giant mosquito on the way to the polls. “A huge DC swamp mosquito drank like 2 pints of my blood — maybe he wanted to vote too? — I tried to take his picture but as you can see from my bugless wrist there he flew away when I tried.” This is a metaphor, of course, for America.
Folks are writing in from all over Virginia with CRAZY TALES of, uh, empty polling places and votin’ spots where the only people bothering to cast a ballot are the 

We are squeezing in as many Sarah Palin stories as we can today, in the hopes that we will never have to type out her name again, whee! She voted this morning, in Wasilla, but refused to tell reporters who she’d voted for. Is she in the tank???
Well folks, there won’t be any real “news” for hours and hours today, and you keep in sending your nice reports, so we will just cut and paste and get to the drinking early. Here we have EXCLUSIVE ON-THE-GROUND EYEWITNESS REPORTS regarding a sassy lady on the bus in Bed-Stuy, an angry old Irish broad in Bethesda who will move back to the home country for John McCain, and an actor from “Prison Break”!
Looky The Economist has a nifty Interactive Feature that shows, conclusively, the only place in the world where people like John McCain is in sub-Saharan Africa! (Namibia is known, colloquially, as “the West Virginia of Africa.”) Iraq or Cuba would also take him, but we doubt he’d accept the offer.