Something is very wrong with this Tom DeLay appearance on Dancing With The Stars, beyond the surreal fact that it’s even happening, in real life. Some folks have sent us an e-mail to the “Dancing With Delay” mailing list from DeLay’s daughter, Dani DeLay Ferro, who, like her father, does not exactly have a saint’s background. Ferro sends very explicit directions about how to vote for her father EIGHT TIMES, tonight. “Similar to the House of Representatives, the rules are a bit peculiar, so I’ve outlined them below,” she writes, irritatingly. What must these two crooks be plotting, by caring about this so much? MORE »

Virginia sure is a hot ticket today! Ha ha, Terry McAuliffe’s a nut. Let’s check out a few more photos our lovely Virginia operatives sent in of the most important local Democratic gubernatorial primary since Doug Duncan went insane and dropped out against Martin O’Malley in Maryland in 2006!!!!! MORE »

Hmm, what is this mysterious image? Is it the famous Flesh Monster of Crystal City, lumbering toward an empty polling location? Nope it is just the wrist of friendly tipster “Ben H.,” who was assaulted by a giant mosquito on the way to the polls. “A huge DC swamp mosquito drank like 2 pints of my blood — maybe he wanted to vote too? — I tried to take his picture but as you can see from my bugless wrist there he flew away when I tried.” This is a metaphor, of course, for America. MORE »

Folks are writing in from all over Virginia with CRAZY TALES of, uh, empty polling places and votin’ spots where the only people bothering to cast a ballot are the elections officials who are stuck there all day anyway. Catch the fever! This exciting photo comes via Spotsylvanian Suffrage Sleuth mathewbrooks, who was nearly murdered by seething crowds before taking a snap of these empty voting cubicles.

Hello friends! Your editors need to go gather supplies (guns, liquor) and walk our various beasts in the fields, and otherwise prepare for what begins at 7 p.m. Eastern. So enjoy this picture of a patriotic apple-o-bama pie by Ruth D., and tell us your election/voting tales of fun and horror, inside, in the comments. (ALSO: What is wrong with McCain’s website??!) MORE »

We are squeezing in as many Sarah Palin stories as we can today, in the hopes that we will never have to type out her name again, whee! She voted this morning, in Wasilla, but refused to tell reporters who she’d voted for. Is she in the tank??? MORE »

Here’s an exciting video of Michelle and Barack Obama voting at their Chicago polling station for an actual century. Just cold goin’ down that ballot and pickin’ winners. Really, though, it’s just Michelle who takes so goddamn long; Barry finishes his ballot in normal human time, and then he and the children mock her for being weird. Clearly elitist Michelle Obama doesn’t understand how real ‘merkins vote: pick the president who has the most signs everywhere and then write-in “DONKEY SEX” for the remaining contests. [YouTube, The Page]

Well folks, there won’t be any real “news” for hours and hours today, and you keep in sending your nice reports, so we will just cut and paste and get to the drinking early. Here we have EXCLUSIVE ON-THE-GROUND EYEWITNESS REPORTS regarding a sassy lady on the bus in Bed-Stuy, an angry old Irish broad in Bethesda who will move back to the home country for John McCain, and an actor from “Prison Break”! MORE »

Do you still believe? Will you rise up, with fists? Let’s have a musical night of music posts, all chosen by your editor, for theme time election night hour. MORE »

Looky The Economist has a nifty Interactive Feature that shows, conclusively, the only place in the world where people like John McCain is in sub-Saharan Africa! (Namibia is known, colloquially, as “the West Virginia of Africa.”) Iraq or Cuba would also take him, but we doubt he’d accept the offer. MORE »