Tag Archives: voting

  Mad About A Thing

Congratulations, Texas! No Way Will This 101-Year-Old Lady Do Vote Fraud Now!

If you'd planned better, you wouldn't have gotten old.
San Antonio, Texas, just elected its first African-American mayor, Interim Mayor Ivy Taylor. That’s really exciting news, and while we don’t know how 101-year old Mary Lou Miller planned to vote, she sure wishes her vote could have counted. But thanks to Texas’s asinine voter ID law, Ms. Miller was excluded from casting a ballot, ending a voting career that goes back to 1934. We’re pretty Mad About this Thing, and urge you to go read Miller’s whole story so you can be mad, too. Read more on Congratulations, Texas! No Way Will This 101-Year-Old Lady Do Vote Fraud Now!…
  actuarial tables are so mean

GOP Full Of Olds Who Will Die Soon, Says Science

These ladies were never part of the GOP base.
According to an article in Politico, the GOP may have a bit of a problem going into the 2016 election, and it’s not that all their candidates are morons who frighten the American people, though that is also an issue. Rather, it’s that many of the people who make up their core voting base are Olds, which means statistically, they may die before they can bring Mike Huckabee the victory his heart desires: Read more on GOP Full Of Olds Who Will Die Soon, Says Science…
  ooh poll taxes!

Ohio Will Let You Vote For The Low, Low Price Of $8.50!

Ohio is even less expensive than Monopoly!
Ohio is on top of our nation’s massive problem with voter fraud. You know how Democrats do, during early voting, they vote 900 times, and then they vote 900 more times on Election Day, under the names of so many dead people. This is such a big problem that Ohio science studies show that 0.002397 percent of the votes cast in the 2012 election were bad, rude, fraudulent votes. So, we gotta tackle this! Thank goodness Ohio state Rep. Andrew Brenner is around, to put forth a new voter ID bill, Ohio HB 189, that, among other things, will charge voters $8.50, so they can get an ID for voting purposes. Poll taxes! So retro! Read more on Ohio Will Let You Vote For The Low, Low Price Of $8.50!…
  Why tinker with what ain't need fixin'?

Sen. Chuck Grassley: No Need To Fix Voting Rights Act, Blacks Already Vote Enough!

But definitely not racist restrictions, racism is over.
It was wonderful in 2013 when the Supreme Court finally decided that racism was over, and as a gesture of their goodwill, struck down Section 4 of the Voting Rights Act, the part that said states like Mississippi and Alabama have to ask permission before changing voting rules to hurt minorities, not that they would ever do anything like that. It’s not like those states (or any of the other states) have any sort of history of institutionalized racism or anything! Of course, the intention of that SCOTUS ruling was to have Congress go in and “update” that section, to bring it more in line with 2015 racism, as opposed to 1965 racism. Which brings us to Chuck Grassley, Republican senator of Iowa! Read more on Sen. Chuck Grassley: No Need To Fix Voting Rights Act, Blacks Already Vote Enough!…
  WSPR

The Weekend Stock Photo Report Resigned From Congress Before It Was Cool

In this installment of The Weekend Stock Photo Report with Weekend S. Photo, Aaron Schock will no longer be in Congress but is yes longer be in trouble with the Feds, Barack Obama thinks everyone should be required to vote for some reason, and Maine Gov. Paul LePage is pretty sure that Stephen King, who lives in Maine, doesn’t live in Maine. Missed last week’s Report? That’s because we didn’t do one and instead adopted a cat. Here’s the one we did the week before, though. Read more on The Weekend Stock Photo Report Resigned From Congress Before It Was Cool…
  and how'd you become king then?

King Obama To Give Citizens Choice Between Voting Or FEMA Camps, Thanks Obama!

It's good to be the king
From the wintry environs of Northeast Ohio on Wednesday, an Arctic wind did blast out across the land, chilling the hearts of freedom-loving patriots everywhere. For lo, the Dread Tyrant Obama did proclaim that all the citizenry be compelled under penalty of death to travel to the voting-booth and place the appropriate number of chicken heads in the ballot-basket in order to designate their chosen representative in the Parliaments of the States and the Nation (the Tyrant Obama will, of course, remain King for life). Read more on King Obama To Give Citizens Choice Between Voting Or FEMA Camps, Thanks Obama!…
  Wonksplaining why making gay jokes about Schock IS TOO okay

How We Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love Gay-Baiting Aaron Schock

The internet is abuzz with the resignation of fresh-faced congressbottom Aaron Schock, mired as he has been in allegations of ethics violation after ethics violation after gay ethics violation. We are sure we will find out more in coming weeks about exactly why he resigned now, as things continue to fall out of the closets of his Downton Abbey office, and we will write words about it when that happens. Read more on How We Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love Gay-Baiting Aaron Schock…
  Our Cold Dead Hands

This White Lady In Body Armor Shot All Her Neighbors And Lived To Tell! Your Gun Fun Holiday Roundup!

awwwwwww
Time for another of our periodic check-ins with the good guys what carry guns and keep us safe from tyranny with their steadfast devotion to Responsible Gun Ownership. First off, we have an inspiring tale from Texas, where Friend of Liberty Martin Gaytan regularly posted about his love of guns on Facebook, including a June repost of this inspiring and irrefutable case for why every American needs a gun: Read more on This White Lady In Body Armor Shot All Her Neighbors And Lived To Tell! Your Gun Fun Holiday Roundup!…
  Bow Your Head With Great Respect And Genuflect Genuflect Genuflect

Crazy Domino’s Pizza Catholic Founder Guy Has Super Interesting Ideas About Slut Pills

Hey, what if Rover's not a weather balloon? What if it's a big communion wafer?
How’s this for a description of heaven on Earth? Take a look at Ave Maria, Florida, a privately owned town — built to go along with private college Ave Maria University — where, as the website says, everything is nigh-perfect to raise a family: Read more on Crazy Domino’s Pizza Catholic Founder Guy Has Super Interesting Ideas About Slut Pills…
  I Hear America Derping

Facebook Gun Hero Explains Assassinatin’ Beats Voting Every Time

Other than *that* it's a pretty compelling argument
From the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence Facebook page comes the above screenshot of a cheerful Election Day message from a pro-gun, pro-insurrection Facebook thing. The Facebook group is still up, though they’ve removed the image and the accompanying text, which read: Read more on Facebook Gun Hero Explains Assassinatin’ Beats Voting Every Time…
  Ballot Recital

Latino Guy Delivers Absentee Ballots In Arizona. You’ll Never Guess What Happens Next.

It's almost as if he thought he wasn't breaking the law or something!
Finally, the right has incontrovertible evidence of voting fraud! Democrats say it’s rare, but here is the video that proves just how real and scary it is: “Liberal activist caught on video stuffing hundreds of ballots.” Or, from some of the more responsible rightwing sites who are pretending to hedge a little, “This Video Appears To Show A Guy Stuffing Hundreds Of Ballots Into A Ballot Box.” Read more on Latino Guy Delivers Absentee Ballots In Arizona. You’ll Never Guess What Happens Next….
  Your Morning Maddow

Rachel Maddow: Voting Is A Right, Just Like Gay Marriage (Video)

Pennies from heaven...
Monday night, Rachel Maddow was positively giddy about the Supreme Court’s decision to let stand lower courts’ pro-marriage equality rulings. By Tuesday, she was wondering whether federal courts would figure out that voting is supposed to be a fairly absolute right as well. Read more on Rachel Maddow: Voting Is A Right, Just Like Gay Marriage (Video)…
  sweet home

Gun Humpers Fight For Their Right To Shoot Up All The Polling Places, For Freedom

Remember when history’s greatest and most pervasive monsters, the New Black Panther Party, showed up with a whopping two dudes or so in Philly in 2008 and stood around intimidating little old white ladies by holding doors open for them and everyone over at The Daily Blaze Glenn Caller Beck Show whined all the whines in the world? We’d so like to line up those crybabies to chat a wee bit about yesterday’s voting in Alabama, which was basically nothing but GunNutPalooza, with living stereotypes demanding to tote their guns from the pickup truck to the voting booth like Jesus and America said they could, and then wailing SO HARD if they couldn’t. Read more on Gun Humpers Fight For Their Right To Shoot Up All The Polling Places, For Freedom…
  why didn't you go before we left?

If You Want To Vote In Miami-Dade County, You’re Going To Need Excellent Bladder Control

So let’s say you are a well-populated county (just go with it, please) and people express concern that the bathrooms available at your polling places — where people sometimes wait for HOURS to vote — are not sufficiently accessible to those with disabilities. Do you (a) retrofit the existing bathrooms to ensure accessibility? (b) build new accessible bathrooms? (c) close ALL the bathrooms at polling places so you don’t have to address the accessibility issue? If you are Miami-Dade County, you pick (c) because what the hell is wrong with you? Read more on If You Want To Vote In Miami-Dade County, You’re Going To Need Excellent Bladder Control…
  the pageant of democracy has no swimsuit competition

We Asked, You Told: Wonkers’ Election Day Reasonably Free Of Irregularities … THAT WE COULD SEE

This morning, we asked for your completely unscientific, anecdotal reportage on how the 2013 vote has been going. It would seem that the wheels of Democracy are turning fairly well, with only a few squeaky glitches here and there! Hurrah for the integrity of the process and all that. AS FAR AS WE CAN TELL. That said, a few of you encountered some definite oddness, including one touch-screen “miscalibration” that sounds a lot like the experience of the guy trying to vote for Terry McAuliffe whose story we led off with this morning. “D.H.” writes, I touched Northam for lieutenant governor, but on my summary page the machine indicated I had chosen E.W. Jackson … at least twice I went back and changed it to Northam on the lieutenant governor options page with the “x” unmistakably replaced in front of Northam; and, for sure both times my summary showed I’d chosen Jackson. On my last try I was incredulous. Fortunately, D.H. was able to get help from a poll worker who explained “it might not work if you hit the choice box directly, but hitting it a little above the box might,” which is what did the trick for Col. Morris Davis, too. But! Did D.H. consider the possibility that God was using the “malfunction” for a higher purpose, to elect Ew Jackson? Anyway, don’t worry. Everything’s fine. Read more on We Asked, You Told: Wonkers’ Election Day Reasonably Free Of Irregularities … THAT WE COULD SEE…
  bite the ballot

Send Us Your Anecdotal Reports Of Isolated Voting-Day Irregularities, America!

We’re completely certain that this tweet from Col. Morris Davis is an isolated incident of a minor technological glitch. Has to be, right? Davis was sure it was only a glitch, but also thought it was a good reminder to voters that they should double-check before pressing “submit.” Wonder how a nice strict Voter ID law would keep this sort of thing from happening? Read more on Send Us Your Anecdotal Reports Of Isolated Voting-Day Irregularities, America!…
  the voting whites act

Tyrannical Justice Department Will Sue To Force Its ‘Let Everybody Vote’ Agenda on North Carolina

The U.S. Department of Justice will sue to block North Carolina’s terrible new voter suppression laws, according to the Associated Press. Attorney General Eric Holder seems to think that even after the Supreme Court threw out part of the 1965 Voting Rights Act, the rest of it still remains in effect and the federal government has an interest in ensuring that blacks and poors can vote, so he will ram equality down North Carolina’s throat. Why is Holder so indifferent to the state legislature’s perfectly legitimate desire to engineer a voting advantage for the Republican party? Read more on Tyrannical Justice Department Will Sue To Force Its ‘Let Everybody Vote’ Agenda on North Carolina…
  si se puede

Supreme Court Makes It Easier to Vote, Much to the Dismay of Conservatives Everywhere

Unless you have been living under a rock over the last few years, you know that the GOP has a not-so-new idea to try to win elections: prevent those who would vote against them from being able to vote, in the name of stopping voter fraud, which doesn’t really exist in any meaningful way, but is good for scaring wingnuts. Because why bother changing your core beliefs when you can just keep folks you don’t like (read: minorities) from voting? Yay democracy! Well, the Supreme Court (we say SCOTUS for our nerd cred, of course) has now weighed in, and decided to put the brakes on some states’ efforts to make it harder to vote. Since this is kinda a BFD, let’s Wonksplain, shall we? Read more on Supreme Court Makes It Easier to Vote, Much to the Dismay of Conservatives Everywhere…
  tackle box

Do Not Mess With This D.C. Lady’s Signs, She Will Wreck You

Just so you know, D.C. Advisory Neighborhood Commission candidate Grace Daughtridge is NOT MESSING AROUND. Not only has she “reestablished” the 11th-largest tree in the District, but she was at a polling place today, and saw a dude futzing with one of her campaign signs, and, if the allegedlies have it right, she took that dude out. NBC Washington brings us the nitty-gritty: Grace Daughtridge allegedly tackled a man in his 40s outside the King Greenleaf Recreation Center in Southwest around 11:15 a.m., claiming he was tampering with some of her campaign signs. Wham-bam! It’s just like how she says she’s been “preventing thieves from stealing rims and tires”! She takes this stuff serious-like. But this sign stuff… maybe… too serious-like? Read more on Do Not Mess With This D.C. Lady’s Signs, She Will Wreck You…
  yay

Cheers For This Illinois Lady Who Voted On Her Way To Give Birth

Hey, kids, let’s take a break from all the worry about voter suppression and screwy voting machines and give a big round of applause to Galicia Malone, 21, who, despite having labor contractions 5 minutes apart, stopped by her local polling place in the Chicago suburb of Dolton to cast her first-ever vote in a presidential election, before continuing on to the hospital. Congrats to Mom and baby! Read more on Cheers For This Illinois Lady Who Voted On Her Way To Give Birth…
  and you go downtown

A Children’s Treasury Of People Voting At The Union Rescue Mission In Los Angeles’s Skid Row, As If That Is Even Legal

Look at this awesome guy! You would think they would have thrown him out of the polling place at Los Angeles’s Union Rescue Mission, on Skid Row, for electioneering. And yet they did not! What is our world even coming to? Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of People Voting At The Union Rescue Mission In Los Angeles’s Skid Row, As If That Is Even Legal…