Hark, fellow peasants, the House of Lords hath charitably queried its masters and shall permit a rather uncouth “bill of laws” to sully the golden carpets and golden chairs of its exclusive bordello of gold and money and diamonds. We are not worthy recipients of your showerings of mercy, ye angels! MORE »

CANCEL YOUR DISCO DANCING PLANS! Whoa it’s a Drudge Siren, who died and what was the hooker’s name? No, damnit, this is a health care update! Harry Reid has filed a motion to proceed with debate on his Senate health care bill, and a cloture vote is scheduled for 8 p.m. this Saturday. This will be the first of two procedural votes requiring 60 votes before a vote on the final bill. Joe Lieberman has said he’ll vote for this one, but three other self-centered liars from “Real America” are still thought to be Wavering. They should come around. If not, your Wonkette will type unusually mean things about them, every day, until they’re voted out of office. [TPM]

• UNEMPLOYED WILL SOON BE THE RICHEST OF ALL! The Senate just passed a procedural motion to bring a bill extending unemployment benefits to a floor vote, finally, after weeks of terrible Republican ACORN amendment obstruction. Just stave off the starvation a little bit longer, welfare queens, because soon enough you’ll be able to eat those fine mink coats that you’ll buy with your unemployment money! The procedural motion passed 97 to 1. Try to guess the asshole before clicking. [CQ]

• NOW WE WILL ALL DRIVE TREES! Whoa hey they managed to do it, the Democrats did, passing the Waxman-Markey American Clean Energy and SECURITY Act, 219-212 — eight Republicans voting Yea, 44 Democrats voting Naw. This sure is a “big victory” for Barack Obama! Except that it has to go to the Senate now and requires 60 votes, for being big, meaning 99% of it will be stripped out an hour before voting just to get one of those Maine ladies on board, resulting in just enough funding to give 5-7 Americans surgical masks, for the End Times… Ha ha, the future of Earth could rest on comedian Al Franken’s ability to cast a U.S. Senate vote. [AP]

• IOWAN-STYLE GAY MARRIAGE COMES TO VERMONT: Activist legislators have introduced mandatory gay marriage in the seat of our democracy, the tiny rural New England state of Vermont. With heterosexual marriage officially Under Peril, we will leave it to Vermont’s judges to enforce the will of the people. [AP]

Cable news anchors, you are all fired, except for Chuck Todd. You freak out for weeks about all the crazy doomsday scenarios in which Hillary Clinton might be able to WREST the nomination from Captain Hope, and finally at 2 a.m. you’re like, “Oh, but the math.” This is a photograph of Hillary Clinton also thinking about math. [New York Observer]

This Nancy Pelosi character is a real piece of work. The Speaker of the House keeps offering opinions on what to do about the Democratic nomination for president, and every time it’s some version of “Oh well, things will work themselves out P.S. VOTE FOR OBAMA. OR CLINTON, IF YOU WANT.” First she says she doesn’t think Democratic superdelegates will go against the popular vote at the convention — meaning that Pelosi is just another Obama freak riding the Hope Express all the way to President McCain’s inauguration day. But then today on Good Morning America she says pretty much the opposite thing! MORE »

You almost feel sorry for Rudy when he’s trying to explain his less-than-palatable libtard history to the Republican base. And then you remember that he’s Dick Cheney on a higher dosage of vengeance pills. And while he can’t shake away questions about his support for the rampant annihilation of fetuses or his nurturing of the taco taco Mexicans in NYC, the explanation he offers for his McGovern vote in ‘72 should keep the naysayers at bay: I voted for McGovern, but I wanted to vote for Nixon. MORE »

Those South Carolina Democrats be getting vehdy vehdy tricksey! As it happens, the state executive committee that voted 13-3 last week to keep Stephen Colbert off of its state primary ballot was taking heat from supporters of Malawian candidate Barack Obama. And who said South Carolinians hated teh Negroes? MORE »

The Senate Judiciary Committee voted to advance Attorney General nominee Michael Mukasey to the Senate floor, where more Democrats will say “waterboarding is bad” and then probs vote for him. The vote was 11-8 after senators Chuck Schumer and Dianne Feinstein, the new Joey Liebs, supported the nomination. [CNN/AP]

• The Supreme Court strikes down the Bush Administration’s plan to try Guantanamo detainees before military commissions, as violative of both U.S. law and the Geneva Conventions. [NYT, WSJ, USAT, WP]

• The Court’s ruling places constitutional limits on Bush’s use of executive power in the war on terror and raises questions concerning how the Guantanamo Bay detainees’ cases should now be handled. Republicans are hoping to craft a legislative fix. [WP, NYT, LAT]
• As midterm elections approach, Senate Republicans are trying to figure out how to move forward on immigration reform and reach a compromise with their colleagues in the House. [WP]
• The House Republicans’ aggressive stance on immigration may harm Bush’s effort to improve the GOP’s standing with Latino voters. [WP]

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