Tag Archives: voter fraud

  bring out your dead

South Carolina Sadly Lacking In Zombie Voters

Zombies are all the rage these days, from the video games kids are playing to teevee shows and movies, you can’t go anywhere to escape them. Not even the voting booth, according to South Carolina lying liar Attorney General Alan Wilson. From the Columbia Free Times: For a while last year, you couldn’t turn on Fox News without seeing S.C. GOP Attorney General Alan Wilson saying things like, “We know for a fact that there are deceased people whose identities are being used in elections in South Carolina.” That’s right people – it was a FACT. Not a rumor, or gossip, or hearsay, or an educated guess based on circumstances, but a stone-cold FACT. If only some state agency would spend 18 months investigating this, so that Attorney General Alan Wilson could pimp a 500-page report to show how correct his statement about facts would turn out to be. A year and a half after a zombie voter fever fell over Republicans in campaign mode, a state police investigation found no indication that anyone purposefully cast a ballot using the name of a dead person in South Carolina. Man, this must be embarrassing for Attorney General Alan Wilson, huh? Let’s sexplore.  Read more on South Carolina Sadly Lacking In Zombie Voters…
  go to jail go directly to jail

86-Year-Old Minnesota Lady With Dementia Revealed As Vote Fraud Ringleader

Drudge Sirens! We have finally found some voter fraud! And we mean REAL voter fraud, unlike a GOP guy throwing away voter registration forms, GOP voter suppression efforts, an election worker adding GOP votes to blank absentee ballots, or idiot Fox News fans “testing” whether vote fraud was possible. No, by “voter fraud,” we mean “someone who wanted to vote for Obama (though it was actually just the primary).” Duh. Margaret Schneider, an 86-year-old woman in St. Peter, Minnesota, voted twice in the 2012 primary elections: once by absentee ballot on July 13, and a second time on election day, Aug. 14. The fraudster admits that she double-voted, but the liberal media merely winks at this crime against democracy with a lot of phony excuses, parroting some nonsense about her having been “diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease” and claiming that “dementia is one of her symptoms.” We believe that firmness is the only way to deal with sweet old ladies with degenerative neurological conditions, and we call upon elections officials nationwide to make sure this never happens again by requiring all voters to undergo DNA analysis and a colonoscopy before voting, and also by sending her to jail forever and ever the end amen. Read more on 86-Year-Old Minnesota Lady With Dementia Revealed As Vote Fraud Ringleader…
  i'm not racist you're the one who's racist

Maine GOP Chair: I See Black People

DId you know only about 1 percent of Mainers are of the African American variety of American? Did you know that adds up (every little bit counts!) to about 15,000 or so black Mainers? Well Maine GOP chair Charlie Webster apparently did not know that, because, as he told NBC, a whole bunch of black people showed up to vote on Election Day — dozens and dozens of them! — but Charlie Webster and his friends don’t know anyone who’s black! He’s not saying they vote frauded Maine … he is just sayin’. Read more on Maine GOP Chair: I See Black People…
  it's always obama in philadelphia

Fox Nation: Did Obama Voter Fraud All Of Philadelphia?

In fifty-nine Philadelphia voting divisions, Mitt Romney received zero votes. Fifty-nine. Zero. Italics. Fox Nation posts this Philadelphia Inquirer article, leaving their commentariat to worry that maybe Obama totally vote-frauded the city, and Romney would have won if not for Obama’s grand scheme to totally eliminate Republicans from 3.5% of the total precincts in Philadelphia, a city he won with 85% of the vote. Read more on Fox Nation: Did Obama Voter Fraud All Of Philadelphia?…
  sad trombone

Sad Republicans Will Be Unable To Steal Pennsylvania

Hey, remember that guy who bragged that the state of Pennsylvania would go for Miffed Romney — despite an unprecedented 142 percent polling gap — because they had implemented voter ID? It’s done, he said, and in tones similar to the whole Diebold “we are committed to delivering the state of Ohio for George W. Bush” claimed that voter ID had just gifted Romney the commonwealth. Well, sadly, yes it is done. Because now a judge has made some ruling or other (Atrios calls it a “clusterfuck,” but Atrios is very gloomy these days) saying, yeah, poll workers can still ask for ID, and then you say “I ain’t got one” and then they give you a ballot and then you vote! So what is the purpose of the poll workers asking in the first place? Well, you know, like, Solomon or something. Everyone loves half a baby! Still, this is a very, very good outcome for the almost 800,000 Pennsylvanians who were not going to be able to cast a vote because James O’Keefe once claimed to be dead. Read more on Sad Republicans Will Be Unable To Steal Pennsylvania…
  because ACORN

RNC Shocked That Firm Known For Voter Fraud Was Doing Voter Fraud For RNC

Back in 2004 and 2008, GOP operative Nathan Sproul was constantly being accused of voter registration fraud — including having his workers misrepresent themselves as nonpartisan, and then having them throw away or destroy registration forms turned in by Democrats. (One Utah Republican noted, “the difference between ACORN and Sproul is that ACORN doesn’t throw away or change registration documents after they have been filled out.”) But back in 2004 and 2008, Republicans hadn’t spent a year trying to disenfranchise olds, poors, youngs and minorities with voter ID laws, so so what, who cayuhs? Now the RNC is shocked — shocked! — that the man they’ve paid $2.9 million to so far this year to conduct voter registration in five battleground states has apparently been caught turning in voter registration forms for dead people in Florida. No really, they’re shocked. They have totally fired him, and he’s super-blacklisted until Karl Rove’s Crossroads or the Koch Brothers’ AFP puts him on the payroll. (Or until, like Blackwater, he changes his firm’s name.) So we figure he’ll still be blacklisted until at least next Tuesday. Read more on RNC Shocked That Firm Known For Voter Fraud Was Doing Voter Fraud For RNC…
  lazy like a fox!

Pennsylvania Voter ID Sponsor Simply Does Not Care For Lazy 47% ID-Less Bums

We handily explained Pennsylvania’s voter ID law to you earlier this week, so we will make that up to you by informing you of someone being a shithead about the whole thing. You see, hundreds of thousands of otherwise eligible Pennsylvania voters may not be able to get IDs, and there is a reason for that. State Rep. Daryl Metcalfe, speaking to KDKA Radio, has determined that is is just lazy olds and blacks being unwilling to do the work necessary to assure him they aren’t committing voting fraud. HOST: Are you absolutely convinced…that the methods to implement this law are effective and will in fact make sure no legitimate voter will be disenfranchised? METCALFE: I don’t believe any legitimate voter that actually wants to exercise that right and takes on the according responsiblity that goes with that right to secure their photo ID will be disenfranchised. As Mitt Romney said, 47% of the people that are living off the public dole, living off their neighbors’ hard work, and we have a lot of people out there that are too lazy to get up and get out there and get the ID they need. If individuals are too lazy, the state can’t fix that. Read more on Pennsylvania Voter ID Sponsor Simply Does Not Care For Lazy 47% ID-Less Bums…
  get in line at the dmv now

Pennsylvania Judge: Voter ID Law Might Not Disenfranchise Like 700,000 Poor People, So, Upheld!

Pennsylvania passed a new voter ID law without an actual reason why they needed it, which led to the meanies at the ACLU suing because they hate partial democracy with largely arbitrary requirements. Today, a Pennsylvania state judge upheld the law. Commonwealth Judge Robert Simpson said the individuals and civil rights groups challenging the law had not met the heavy burden of proving that it so clearly violated the state constitution that it should not be implemented. He said there was still time for those without proper ID to acquire it. “Petitioners did not establish . . . that disenfranchisement was immediate or inevitable,” Simpson wrote, adding, “I was convinced that Act 18 will be implemented by Commonwealth agencies in a nonpartisan, evenhanded manner.” Sure, that sounds likely! Read more on Pennsylvania Judge: Voter ID Law Might Not Disenfranchise Like 700,000 Poor People, So, Upheld!…
  the dmv is in charge what could go wrong

Rick Scott Bravely Purges 91-Year-Old War Hero Criminal From Voting Rolls

Oh look, there they go again! By “they” we mean the Democrats, always crying about voter suppression. Look, is it our fault that their supporters are all vicious thugs, pot smokers, illegal immigrants, white slavers, people whose names end in vowels or “z,” vicious illegal immigrant thugs, and liberals? Only Rick Scott is man enough to delegate to various bureaucratic state agencies the important task of removing these scumbags from the voter registration database, leaving Democracy in the hands of the people who invented it (white people, for the most part). And now the liberal media in liberal Miami are pouncing on one of the purge’s greatest successes — the removal of an admitted criminal from the voting rolls — like it’s a bad thing! Read more on Rick Scott Bravely Purges 91-Year-Old War Hero Criminal From Voting Rolls…
  dead man walking

Stop The Presses: There May Be Factual Inaccuracy In Latest James O’Keefe Masterpiece

Oh dear, it seems James O’Keefe’s latest masterpiece on vote fraud, in which he totally caught University of North Carolina not finking on “Democrat-friendly election fraud” when faced with GOP kids bragging about how they double-voted GOP, may have just the teensiest inaccuracy in it: dude O’Keefe said was dead, and whose ballot his henchman was given anyway, is not in fact dead, because zombie voodoo. How do the fine folks at MediaMatters know this? Oh, it was in the unedited version of the video is all. O’KEEFE: We found ballots being offered out in the name of the dead. One man, Michael Bolton, had died April 23, but apparently the Board of Elections didn’t get the memo, and his ballot was offered to us on May 8. In the ensuing video clip, an O’Keefe operative at a polling place tells a poll worker, “The name is Michael G. Bolton.” There is then a jump cut, and in the next clip the poll worker is telling the operative to sign or make an mark in the pollbook to affirm his identity. The operative then says he would feel more comfortable if he could show his photo ID, and leaves. Something very important happens during that jump cut. As the raw video reveals, the poll worker says, “You must be a junior? … Michael G. Bolton, Jr.?” to which O’Keefe’s operative responds: “That would be correct.” Read more on Stop The Presses: There May Be Factual Inaccuracy In Latest James O’Keefe Masterpiece…
  the negro problem

Texas Totally Over This Whole Voting Rights Act Thing, Y’all

Howdy, Merka! Big ol’ state o’ Texas don’t care to get told nothin’ no more from no Justice Department sumbitches yehaa an’ ‘cetera. That’s why they’re takin’ a breather from breakin’ their fillies and havin’ a gander at what they can do ’bout their nigra and Messican problems instead. First up, they maybe wouldn’t like ’em to vote so much, an’ if the D-O-J got a problem with it, the D-O-J knows where it can go! Texas AG Greg Abbott wants to take the Department of Justice all the way up to the Soopreme Court about it, and he’s got a right-purty new argument: The Voting Rights Act is un-Constitootional, that’s what, and nobody tellin’ him no different! Read more on Texas Totally Over This Whole Voting Rights Act Thing, Y’all…
  sweet judy blue eyes

Gretchen Carlson All Hung Up on Her Right to Buy Sudafed

With her eyes bugging out of her head just so — that’s how you know when she means BIZNESS! — Gretchen Carlson took a whack or 40 at Eric Holder, the Justice Department, and anybody in the world who would, say, see terrible stories about 96-year-old ladies being denied the ID they’d need to vote because they were born before birth certificates or something, and think ‘Hmmm, I would not like that to happen to my own 96-year-old mother, and is voter fraud even really a problem anyway, it probably isn’t since James O’Keefe says it is.’ Hold it right there, SIR! Gretchen Carlson has a thing or five to yell at you! Read more on Gretchen Carlson All Hung Up on Her Right to Buy Sudafed…
  worst zombie movie ever

Zombie Voters Latest Scourge to Terrorize SC GOP’s Imagination

We all know that Democrats are forever trying to let poor and minority people be allowed to vote, which, you know, huge SCANDAL already right there, but have you heard about the latest Republican voter “fraud” outrage du jour? ZOMBIES, VOTING! (Vampires: so last year.) South Carolina’s DMV director Kevin Shwedo, a Nikki “what massive state unemployment rate” Haley appointee, produced a list of 957 dead people who he claims managed against all odds to vote in South Carolina’s primary last weekend. This conclusively proves the need for a voter ID, in order to help poll workers better determine whether the person standing before them at the registration desk is or is not a member of the undead. Shwedo won’t let anyone from the state’s election commission see the list of names, of course, maybe because the whole six names he did hand over to the commission were investigated and did not turn out to be cases of fraud at all? Read more on Zombie Voters Latest Scourge to Terrorize SC GOP’s Imagination…
  your new nelson mandela

James O’Keefe ‘N Friends Maybe Going To Prison, For Being Idiots

Doofus dildo monster James O’Keefe’s Project Veritas has irrevocably proven that activists with his group were able to obtain a few ballots in the New Hampshire primary under false pretenses by assuming the identities of very recently deceased people whose names still appeared on the rolls, which is VOTER FRAUD. See how easy it was to cast a fraudulent ballot without an ID in this isolated type of instance? They filmed it, in order to prove just how easily they were able to commit fraud. Look, here is the video that shows them doing the fraud! They put it on the Internet! Here world, we’ve committed a felony! And now the video is being investigated by the New Hampshire state Attorney General’s office, and local election officials want them prosecuted, and James O’Keefe can’t understand why he hasn’t preemptively been awarded next year’s Pulitzer yet. Read more on James O’Keefe ‘N Friends Maybe Going To Prison, For Being Idiots…
  civics teachers: the invisible enemy

Florida Teacher Somehow Broke Law By Registering Students To Vote

Grim hairless weasel Rick Scott’s idea of defending democracy is to pass a hated law to make sure that minorities and students (read: dangerous liberals) in Florida are never again allowed to participate in the electoral process, which means that a high school civics teacher who organized a run-of-the-mill voter registration drive at her school is now technically a criminal. Jill Cicciarelli was unaware that it is currently illegal to go around freely teaching young people to give a shit about politics without the permission of the state, so she will face a fine or be forced to rub Rick Scott’s greasy devil noggin or something, as punishment for Caring. Read more on Florida Teacher Somehow Broke Law By Registering Students To Vote…
  chaos and anarchy

Hooray, Fraud Everywhere Envelops Looming Wisconsin Recall Elections!

Wisconsin’s critical elections to recall six Republican legislators and regain control of the state senate take place next week on August 9, which means it is time for the privately-funded organisms of Terror and Death to hurl into action with all their vote-inhibiting might. We have pictured here an actual Voter Deception mailer blingee courtesy of the Koch Brothers front-group Americans For Prosperity, who were caught sending out these “save the date” invitations to potential voters with, hoh boy, THE WRONG DATE! Read more on Hooray, Fraud Everywhere Envelops Looming Wisconsin Recall Elections!…
  dead people are the real silent majority

Teabaggers Protect Dead People From Evil Liberal Voter Fraud

Look out your window: Is there a stampede of wretched liberals flailing their arms and making wild animal sounds? Those liberals are running as fast as they can to the “local municipal court house,” so that they can pick up a copy of the “death roll” and then vote bazillions of times using False Dead People Identities. This is manipulative and wrong on so many levels, because most dead people write in their obituaries that they hate Democrats. You awful liberals couldn’t really care less though, huh? Well, the Tea Party Paranormal Society isn’t going to let you get away with this bullshit. Not this time. They made a video that will stop you. Read more on Teabaggers Protect Dead People From Evil Liberal Voter Fraud…
  it's morning in america

Peace In, Democracy Out In Afghanistan

NATO is escorting some high-level Taliban leaders that they were previously trying to kill to Kabul so that they will make nice with Hamid Karzai and the Afghan government and we can all go home, hooray! “High-level” does not include Mullah Omar, who is apparently a “prisoner” of the Pakistani ISI spy agency. Oh, and the ISI — which, we should emphasize, is the spy agency of one of our allies — will kill any Taliban leaders who try to make peace, because, uh, it’s complicated! Read more on Peace In, Democracy Out In Afghanistan… Read more on Peace In, Democracy Out In Afghanistan…
  it's morning in america

Business As Usual In Afghanistan, Iraq

What’s the latest news from America’s favorite man-made disaster, Afghanistan? At least two dozen people were killed at the polls during the latest and almost certainly rigged parliamentary elections. Officials are already reporting “sales of fake voter cards printed in Pakistan, intimidation by local power barons and the absence of a national voter list.” Meanwhile, the Louis Berger Group and other awful corporations are still receiving sweet no-bid contracts to pretend to build power plants in Iraq and Afghanistan. And yes, these monsters are probably still overcharging the U.S. government. [McClatchy] Read more on Business As Usual In Afghanistan, Iraq… Read more on Business As Usual In Afghanistan, Iraq…
  election canceled due to inclement weather

Pat Buchanan Has A Hearty Chuckle Over Disenfranchising Black Voters

Oh Pat Buchanan! He may be a cranky old racist fraud, but at least he’s an honest one who knows how to enjoy himself instead of being all dour and righteous about it. Toward the end of last night’s Special Emergency Weekend Edition of Hardball, Buchanan says his methods for encouraging black turnout would include radio ads telling people the election’s on Friday. Even Eugene Robinson has to laugh. Funnies start around the 7:20 mark. [MSNBC] Read more on Pat Buchanan Has A Hearty Chuckle Over Disenfranchising Black Voters…