Tag Archives: voter fraud

  actuarial tables are so mean

GOP Full Of Olds Who Will Die Soon, Says Science

These ladies were never part of the GOP base.
According to an article in Politico, the GOP may have a bit of a problem going into the 2016 election, and it’s not that all their candidates are morons who frighten the American people, though that is also an issue. Rather, it’s that many of the people who make up their core voting base are Olds, which means statistically, they may die before they can bring Mike Huckabee the victory his heart desires: Read more on GOP Full Of Olds Who Will Die Soon, Says Science…
  ooh poll taxes!

Ohio Will Let You Vote For The Low, Low Price Of $8.50!

Ohio is even less expensive than Monopoly!
Ohio is on top of our nation’s massive problem with voter fraud. You know how Democrats do, during early voting, they vote 900 times, and then they vote 900 more times on Election Day, under the names of so many dead people. This is such a big problem that Ohio science studies show that 0.002397 percent of the votes cast in the 2012 election were bad, rude, fraudulent votes. So, we gotta tackle this! Thank goodness Ohio state Rep. Andrew Brenner is around, to put forth a new voter ID bill, Ohio HB 189, that, among other things, will charge voters $8.50, so they can get an ID for voting purposes. Poll taxes! So retro! Read more on Ohio Will Let You Vote For The Low, Low Price Of $8.50!…
  Accurate reporting is a liberal conspiracy!

Mean Federal Judge Won’t Let James O’Keefe Sue For Libel Just Because He Wasn’t Libeled, Unfair!

Behind that mask is a very sad face.
Rightwing dildo-lube-boat-enthusiast James O’Keefe is being oppressed again by activist judges and the mean liberal media. An obviously terrible judge has struck down his libel case arising from his infamous (failed) attempt to pretend to be a phone company worker for the purposes of sneaking into then-Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu’s office so O’Keefe could, we don’t know … bug it? Mess with her phone lines? Kidnap the senator and take her on a dildo lube boat ride to hell? You never know with “journalists” like O’Keefe! Whatever it was, O’Keefe and his rarely sexed pals were charged with tampering with phone lines, and they pleaded out on a lesser misdemeanor charge of simply trying to get into a federal facility using the age-old tactic of lying. Read more on Mean Federal Judge Won’t Let James O’Keefe Sue For Libel Just Because He Wasn’t Libeled, Unfair!…
 

Obama Mentions Voting Rights At Selma, Conservatives Outraged Of Course

it's not playing the
On Saturday, your blackest president ever, Barack Obama, traveled to Selma, Alabama, to speak at the 50th anniversary commemoration of “Bloody Sunday,” when civil rights protesters were beaten by police when they walked across the Edmund Pettus Bridge. The events of Bloody Sunday and other protest marches in Alabama led directly to the passage of the Voting Rights Act of 1965, so this is an excellent event to solemnly celebrate, and we are very happy that both Republicans and Democrats joined in attending the event, including former President George W. Bush and many congressional Republicans. Read more on Obama Mentions Voting Rights At Selma, Conservatives Outraged Of Course…
  voting is a right. not a crime (but possibly a civil penalty)

Man Learns Voting Is Its Own Reward, Too Bad Reward Is A $1000 Fine

Aubry Wilhoite. Enemy within.
Conservatives looking for the newest fad in voter suppression need to flip off the Drudge Sirens and stealthily motor on down to Tennessee. Last year, 58-year old Aubry Wilhoite voted early in the primary for Bedford County Commissioner. Since no one was on his ballot for this office, he wrote in his own name because democracy sometimes seems quaint. But this is America and Wilhoite is now on the hook to the State of Tennessee for $1,000. So put that in your pipe and teach it to your AP American Exceptionalism class. Read more on Man Learns Voting Is Its Own Reward, Too Bad Reward Is A $1000 Fine…
  Fraught With Fraud

Wingnut Group’s Exciting ‘Vote Fraud’ App Discovers Black Woman In Polling Place

The tech-savvy wingnuts at True The Vote (a group inalterably opposed to both truth and voting) had a brilliant idea to allow their supporters to document all the dirty shenanigans and voter fraud that they just knew for sure was going on in the election this year: A week before the election, they released a cool smartphone app so people could be all crowdsourcey and make sure that no fraud went unreported. The app allowed people to report all sorts of chicanery that had to be happening at their polling places: Read more on Wingnut Group’s Exciting ‘Vote Fraud’ App Discovers Black Woman In Polling Place…
  Unicorns are also real

Nope, Still No Voter Fraud In Colorado

It's super easy to do
Are you still worried that Colorado is a hotbed of voter fraud? You’re supposed to be, according to convicted criminal “journalist” James O’Keefe, who went there to prove that Democrats are totally stealing all the ballots. (Spoiler: He did not prove that.) And there’s also been some Olympic-level concern trolling by Colorado’s Republican Secretary of State Scott Gessler, who insisted that the United States Postal Service is “the greatest vehicle for disenfranchisement in the country.” Read more on Nope, Still No Voter Fraud In Colorado…
  Wonkette Guide to Electoral Shenanigans

Here’s Your Complete Guide To Frauding The Vote On Election Day

  When it comes to threats against fair elections in America, voter fraud is the new Black Panthers. The way everyone’s talking about electoral integrity this fall, people must be fake-voting coast to coast! With the midterm elections coming up on Tuesday, it’s time to ask: Is voter fraud right for you? Read more on Here’s Your Complete Guide To Frauding The Vote On Election Day…
  Ballot Battle 2014

James O’Keefe Looks For Voter Fraud In Colorado, Finds Nothing. Again.

Ever since we heard the news that James O’Keefe had launched a voter fraud scavenger hunt in Colorado, we’ve been eagerly waiting, as we’re sure you have, Wonketteers, for his latest video to drop. Now that we’ve had a chance to see the highlight reel of O’Keefe’s Rocky Mountain Mustache Caper,  purporting to show Democratic Sen. Mark Udall’s “advocates” standing by while an army of fraudulent voters gear up to steal the election, we have to say we’re a little disappointed. Read more on James O’Keefe Looks For Voter Fraud In Colorado, Finds Nothing. Again….
  playing dress-up

Poor James O’Keefe Can’t Even Trick Dumb Dems Into Committing Voter Fraud

Image via YouTube James O’Keefe’s fault — if he has a fault — is that his flair for the dramatic can sometimes get in the way of his top-secret undercover investigations. Subtlety is not something that comes naturally to the wunderkind who rose to conservative fame on the strength of his downmarket Huggy Bear impression. During his most recent operation in Colorado, however, things took a turn for the intellectual. O’Keefe’s new approach to expose all those left-wing ballot bandits: pass himself off as a liberal academic with the help of a young sidekick, grownup facial hair and, presumably, some leather elbow patches. Read more on Poor James O’Keefe Can’t Even Trick Dumb Dems Into Committing Voter Fraud…
  GOP will put a stop to all this GOP voter fraud

Voter Fraud Is Real, And It’s All Republicans

Sometimes you just forget you already did that
Republican governors and secretaries of state are determined to stop the scourge of Voter Fraud, by ensuring that the wrong kind of people can’t vote. (Poors, minorities, Democrats — you know the type.) Sure we laugh at them, but it’s no laughing matter. Voter fraud is a real problem. Among Republicans, anyway. Read more on Voter Fraud Is Real, And It’s All Republicans…
  I went back to Ohio and my precinct was gone

Supreme Court Murders Early Voting In Ohio, Oh Well

Don't be ridiculous. Of course you didn't
Oh hi, Ohio, were you getting ready to start early voting tomorrow? Yeah, you can go ahead and cancel those plans. The Supreme Court decided — in a SHOCKING! 5-4 split, and you will probably never be able to guess who voted how* — that’s on hold for now: Read more on Supreme Court Murders Early Voting In Ohio, Oh Well…
  I want a Senate seat NOW!!!!

Sore Loserman Chris McDaniel Demands Mississippi GOP Give Him Senate Seat, Because

Actual picture of Chris McDaniel
Remember that time waaaaay back in June when Mississippi Republicans had a Senate primary race, and the teabagger favorite, state Sen. Chris McDaniel — who sure is an interesting fella with really nice, totally-not-racist supporters — lost to sitting Sen. Thad Cochran, and everyone said, “Yup, that’s what we thought would happen,” and moved on with their lives? Read more on Sore Loserman Chris McDaniel Demands Mississippi GOP Give Him Senate Seat, Because…
  we all have our special talents

This Wisconsin GOP Donor Is The Very Bestest At Voter Fraud

We have listened to the ceaseless drumbeat of voter fraud allegations for SO GODDAMN LONG and we honestly did figure that their overzealous searching would eventually turn up some minor thing somewhere, and then based on that minor thing, they could crow about how they were right that Demoncraps were bussing truckloads of Messicans to vote for Obama. Well, all that looking for fraud did indeed locate some fraudliness, but it probably wasn’t what they’d hoped. Let’s get to know one Robert Monroe, Wisconsin Republican donor and multiple ballot-caster. Read more on This Wisconsin GOP Donor Is The Very Bestest At Voter Fraud…
  welcome to post-racial america

Whoops, Looks Like Tennessee Forgot To Stop Racisming

You know what’s wonderful? Living in a post-racial America, where everyone is judged based on the content of their character and not the color of their skin. For example: Tucker Carlson is a dick not because of his race, but because he is a cosmic turd wrapped in leaking anal polyps sent here to punish us for some unknown sin. Hell, racism is so far in The Past that John Roberts and SCOTUS said we don’t need no stinkin Voting Rights Act. But apparently Tennessee never got the memo: Read more on Whoops, Looks Like Tennessee Forgot To Stop Racisming…
  still obtuse

Sharron Angle Pretty Sure She Is The Senior Senator From Nevada, Actually

We all had a bit of a sad when crazy Sharron Angle and her Second Amendment solutions lost her challenge to Harry Reid back in 2010. Oh, sure, Harry’s competent and an effective Majority Leader and, significantly, not full-bugfuck crazy. But Sharron Angle was entertaining, with her nutso call — long before the election of course, not after — for armed insurrection if she lost, and her fear that Harry Reid would unleash cocaine-crazed monkeys upon the populace, and her charmingly casual ethnic slurs about those Messican kids who look Asian to her. Happily, she’s just as unhinged as ever, and in an appearance on the Nevada Newsmakers teevee show Thursday insisted that voter fraud is rampant, just completely rampant in U.S. America, and for all she knows, maybe she really won in 2010. It’s just a rhetorical question, mind you. But maybe that happened? Because even though study after study shows that voter fraud is extremely rare, she knows better than to trust studies, because for one thing, they downplay all the voter fraud she just knows is out there. Read more on Sharron Angle Pretty Sure She Is The Senior Senator From Nevada, Actually…
  the padded room is right this way dear

Just Because ‘True The Vote’ People Are Paranoid Doesn’t Mean IRS, FBI And ATF Aren’t Out To Get Them

Wonkamigos and wonkiritas, we have a problem. It seems that some piece of shit Tea Party group has decided that it is perfectly appropriate to attack our beloved 2013 Legislative Badass of the Year, Elijah Cummings (D-Pure Awesomesauce). And they did not only attack him, but they did so in a Congressional hearing. Yep, the GOP Majority, in their infinite wisdom, decided to invite these wackjobs to testify before Congress, which used to mean something. But apparently no one thought to give them basic lessons in How Not To Be A Asshole. Take it away, Politico: A conservative group claiming it was targeted by the Internal Revenue Service stole the show at a congressional hearing on Thursday when it veered off topic and accused top panel Democrat Rep. Elijah Cummings of harassment. We recently covered the bullshit IRS butthurt, but this takes it to a whole new level. Let’s wonksplore.  Read more on Just Because ‘True The Vote’ People Are Paranoid Doesn’t Mean IRS, FBI And ATF Aren’t Out To Get Them…
  guns still easy to buy

Texas Voter ID Law Will Work Just Fine. Except for 200,000 People. In One County.

Nobody needs to worry about Texas’s new voter ID law — at least, nobody except for the god-knows-how many people who end up in long lines while poll workers help people sort through the problems resulting from the new voter ID law. Just to be on the safe side, the Dallas County elections department mailed notices to roughly 200,000 voters to inform them that they may face problems at the polls, since their names on the voting rolls don’t exactly match the names on their state-issued photo IDs. And that’s just one county. But even if that results in some voters deciding to give up in response to long lines and delays, that’s a small price to pay to prevent vast numbers of acts of voter fraud, which may number in the high single digits. Read more on Texas Voter ID Law Will Work Just Fine. Except for 200,000 People. In One County….
  nice time!

Quick, Let’s All Do Frauds On PA Elections

Mitt Romney’s chances of winning Pennsylvania’s electoral votes were dealt a serious blow on Friday as a Commonwealth Court judge issued a permanent injunction against the enforcement of PA’s strict voter ID law. In the ruling, Judge Bernard L. McGinley noted that, despite compelling evidence that the law would disenfranchise hundreds of thousands of eligible voters, the state did a poor job of explaining why the law was necessary, in the sense that they did not even attempt to do so: Respondents stipulated that the reason [for the law] was not predicated upon in-person voter fraud, and that there were no specific incidents of voter fraud underlying passage of the Voter ID law. Oh sure, they expect us to believe that Democrats were winning all those elections because people were legally voting for them. Read more on Quick, Let’s All Do Frauds On PA Elections…
  that's so cheney

Liz Cheney’s Husband Sees Voter Fraud Every Time He Looks In A Mirror

Wyoming’s Own Liz Cheney is very from Wyoming, and probably so is her husband Phil Perry, who “continues to practice law in Washington,” and “has been registered to vote in both Virginia and Wyoming for the past nine months, even though he signed a document in Wyoming saying he was not registered elsewhere,” which is such a Wyoming thing to do, right? We don’t know, honestly, that’s why we’re asking. You see, we are not as from Wyoming as Liz Cheney and her husband who practices law in Washington and isn’t from Wyoming but is registered to vote there AND in Virginia, because he’s from Wyoming. Let’s look at Wyoming’s voter registration form (.pdf) to see what kind of fraud that high-powered Washington lawyer and Liz Cheney spouse Phil Perry committed in the name of being Mr. Mrs. Wyoming: Read more on Liz Cheney’s Husband Sees Voter Fraud Every Time He Looks In A Mirror…
  bring out your dead

Zombies Find Cashing In On Farm Subsidies More Lucrative Than Voting

So the GOP has been on a tirade about combating voter fraud by dead people, even though after spending millions of dollars like the folks in South Carolina, they find out that dead people aren’t voting, because they are dead and zombies aren’t real. However, we now learn that dead people are storing up treasures in heaven, apparently, because they are totally cashing in money from farm subsidies! According to The Hill: Read more on Zombies Find Cashing In On Farm Subsidies More Lucrative Than Voting…