Ahh, looks like that Bailout Compromise is going to pass in the House eas… ACK, it’s not going to pass. Well! The economy was fun while it lasted. You can watch exciting live footage of the vote at CNN.com. Now it’s 228 nay, 205 YAY. The Dow has dropped more than 600 points in the last few minutes. Seriously, buy canned goods. [CNN]

Here is a ballot from Pennsylvania. If this is a true thing — it comes from popular libtard discussion board Democratic Underground, so who the hell knows — then Hillary Clinton will for sure win this particular county. Good work, Hilz! And there are other “voting irregularities,” too! MORE »

Thanks for the e-mail, WALNUTS!, but do you know this man? This Mike… Mike “Christian”? Like Jesus, he probably doesn’t exist. But if John McCain wants me to vote for Mike Christian as a write-in candidate then sure, why not? That’s the only reason he would bring up Mike Christian’s story in one of his e-mails, correct?

One’s a Democrat, one’s a Republican, and together they’re Two Senators from Florida! Between that and the ’80s production values, maybe some Hollywood hotshot can round up a few writer scabs and turn this thing into the new Golden Girls. [YouTube]

There’s been some internet terrorist “chatter” in recent days over who won Tuesday’s Louisiana Republican caucus. John McCain is claiming victory, Paultards are freaking over their supposed second and Mittens came in third. Whatever. There’d be no point in mentioning this confusing, unimportant Louisiana delegate system if it weren’t for the real winner Tuesday: Hillary Clinton’s pesky Michigan rival, Uncommitted. And this time with a dash of abortion! MORE »

It is almost time, fellow citizens and concerned foreigners. In just a few hours, the very first results will be in from the very first attempt at actual voting in this long, terrible 2008 election season. Jim Newell and Liz Glover will continue freezing and taking Polaroids and avoiding the angry Paulian mobs. Here at Wonkette World Headquarters in the Second Life WTC, our team of analysts will be typing very quickly and just sort of guessing stuff, just like Chris Matthews, but you don’t have to look at our big pink heads. Go stock up at Ye Olde Liquor Marte and we’ll see you back at the computer at 8 p.m. sharp. (They end the voting at 8 p.m., is that right?)

Today, Congress is earning its keep exactly as the Founding Fathers intended: by saying Christmas is kinduva big deal. Iowa congressman Steve King — famous for hating poor, sick children — is introducing House Resolution 847, which officially will recognize “the importance of Christmas and the Christian faith.” Take that, teh Iraqz and health care crises of the world! Full text of the resolution, after the jump. MORE »

Are the moms of the world listening? Here’s an easier way for you to become an political protester than camping outside Bush’s house in Crawford, Texas: Get better at bridge. Then you can play in the world bridge championships, win, and post a sign expressing your geopolitical opinions! According to the New York Times, one sassy mom-type did just that in Shanghai last month. After winning some lady championship, the victorious American team held up a sign saying “We Did Not Vote For Bush,” in Paultardian budget fashion. And now everybody’s pissed off, up is down, black is white etc. etc. MORE »

Three of the worst things in the world — Paultards, New York City and Republicans — combined Tuesday in a digital fantasy world known as the “Metropolitan Republican Club” to vote in the New York State Republican Straw Poll. The results were announced yesterday, and it’s clear that some alien spambots must have hacked into the voting system. MORE »

As usual, the Liberal Main Stream Media wants to keep the dirty bloggers from getting the exit poll info. It’s so nice of them, to keep us in the dark until 11:28 p.m. or whatever. Also, fuck those people. MORE »