Tag Archives: vote

  No Erasies White Magic Also Too

VA Legislators Call Backsies, Black Magic, 123 No Takebacks On Gun Bill

Not related to the story but CUTE.
Should stalkers, domestic abusers, and sexual batterers be allowed to buy and own guns? For several Republicans on the Virginia Senate Courts of Justice Committee, the answer is a resounding NO, followed by a YES, then a WHOOPS, then NO again: Read more on VA Legislators Call Backsies, Black Magic, 123 No Takebacks On Gun Bill…
  Das Vote

Eric Holder Sending Black Panthers To Steal All The Elections Again

You can tell they hate America since they don't have guns
The Department of Justice is sending federal monitors to observe elections in 18 states, and the Wingnuttosphere is pretty darned cheesed about it, because this can only lead to tyranny and the UN taking over and — worst of all — black people voting, many of them as often as once!!! According to The Hill: Read more on Eric Holder Sending Black Panthers To Steal All The Elections Again…
  fox news unamerican committee strikes again

Allen West, Fox & Friends Expose Muslim Plot To Jihad America With Votes

You guys, there is some serious UN-AMERICAN activity happening, and we bet you don’t know about it! According to Allen West on Fox & Friends, there is a secret Muslim plot in America to… wait for it… become politically organized in order to push for policies that are more friendly towards Muslims. Now is the appropriate time to FREAK THE FUCK OUT. Seriously, freak out, dammit. What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you freaking out! Did you not click on that video? Did you not see the graphic of “Islamic Extremism on the Rise,” with totally not-racist pictures of men in turbans wielding rocket-launchers? This threat will ruin American civilization and likely cause the death of all kittens, because it is THAT BAD. If your hands aren’t shaking too much, let’s scaresplore this threat to life, liberty, and religious freedom the American way.  Read more on Allen West, Fox & Friends Expose Muslim Plot To Jihad America With Votes…
  won't anybody think of the rich and powerful?

Poor Persecuted Bazillionaire Tom Perkins Proves Critics Wrong: He *Can* Be A Bigger Dick

So you all remember Tom Perkins, right? He is the bazillionaire who is afraid that all the little people will go full-Nazi and holocaust all the rich people, because it was his turn to make the “just like Hitler” reference of the day. While he has since said that maybe, perhaps, the holocaust analogy went just a smidge over the line, he still feels that the rich are constantly getting dicked over by all the little people. In order to hammer home the point, he decided to go full-47%, a la Mitt Romney, and take aim at the takers: Tom Perkins suggested Thursday that only taxpayers should have the right to vote — and that wealthy Americans who pay more in taxes should get more votes. Clearly, Perkins is unimpressed with the current GOP efforts to block poor people from voting. Let’s explore the merits of One Dollar, One Vote, shall we?  Read more on Poor Persecuted Bazillionaire Tom Perkins Proves Critics Wrong: He *Can* Be A Bigger Dick…
  it's morning in america

It’s Election Day! Never Forget

Hooray, it’s Election Day! America finally gets to vote out the Democrats, even though voters have a more favorable opinion of Democrats than of Republicans. (Wait, what?) Erick Erickson is already gloating and offering to help you with your resume, because tomorrow John Boehner is going to fire everyone. (Unless you roll cigarettes/work at the orange spray paint factory. Your job is safe and sound. Actually, you get a raise.) Meanwhile, Tea Baggers all over America are already moshing hard, so if you can you should go party/wave Made in China flags with them. Anyway, you should also probably go vote? Share your traumatic voter fraud stories in the comments and/or send hawt polling station pix to tips at wonkette dot com! [NYT/WaPo/Go Vote] Read more on It’s Election Day! Never Forget… Read more on It’s Election Day! Never Forget…
  vaginas

Happy Belated Vote Birthday, Slatterns!

How the fuck did your Wonkette miss the fact that yesterday was the 90th anniversary of the day bitches got the right to fondle hanging chads? Sadly, half of your daily Wonkette Ladyteam is a Known Bad Feminist, and the other half is an ethereal artist who dwells in a secret elven workshop in Chicago, a city in which women have been forbidden from leaving the home since Mrs. O’Leary funded an act of fiery bovine terrorism. Read more on Happy Belated Vote Birthday, Slatterns!…
  hail mary

World Collapsing Rapidly

Ahh, looks like that Bailout Compromise is going to pass in the House eas… ACK, it’s not going to pass. Well! The economy was fun while it lasted. You can watch exciting live footage of the vote at CNN.com. Now it’s 228 nay, 205 YAY. The Dow has dropped more than 600 points in the last few minutes. Seriously, buy canned goods. [CNN] Read more on World Collapsing Rapidly…
 

Barack Obama Will Likely Lose On This Ballot, Because He’s Not On It

Here is a ballot from Pennsylvania. If this is a true thing — it comes from popular libtard discussion board Democratic Underground, so who the hell knows — then Hillary Clinton will for sure win this particular county. Good work, Hilz! And there are other “voting irregularities,” too! Read more on Barack Obama Will Likely Lose On This Ballot, Because He’s Not On It…
 

Vote For McCain, Because Some Other Guy Was Also Tortured

Thanks for the e-mail, WALNUTS!, but do you know this man? This Mike… Mike “Christian”? Like Jesus, he probably doesn’t exist. But if John McCain wants me to vote for Mike Christian as a write-in candidate then sure, why not? That’s the only reason he would bring up Mike Christian’s story in one of his e-mails, correct? Read more on Vote For McCain, Because Some Other Guy Was Also Tortured…
 

Florida Fat Cats Pulling Out All Stops For Voter Turnout

One’s a Democrat, one’s a Republican, and together they’re Two Senators from Florida! Between that and the ’80s production values, maybe some Hollywood hotshot can round up a few writer scabs and turn this thing into the new Golden Girls. [YouTube] Read more on Florida Fat Cats Pulling Out All Stops For Voter Turnout…
 

Louisiana Caucus Is Stupid, Inane Ritual

There’s been some internet terrorist “chatter” in recent days over who won Tuesday’s Louisiana Republican caucus. John McCain is claiming victory, Paultards are freaking over their supposed second and Mittens came in third. Whatever. There’d be no point in mentioning this confusing, unimportant Louisiana delegate system if it weren’t for the real winner Tuesday: Hillary Clinton‘s pesky Michigan rival, Uncommitted. And this time with a dash of abortion! Read more on Louisiana Caucus Is Stupid, Inane Ritual…
 

Live New Hampshire Primary Results Super Team Coverage Alert!

It is almost time, fellow citizens and concerned foreigners. In just a few hours, the very first results will be in from the very first attempt at actual voting in this long, terrible 2008 election season. Jim Newell and Liz Glover will continue freezing and taking Polaroids and avoiding the angry Paulian mobs. Here at Wonkette World Headquarters in the Second Life WTC, our team of analysts will be typing very quickly and just sort of guessing stuff, just like Chris Matthews, but you don’t have to look at our big pink heads. Go stock up at Ye Olde Liquor Marte and we’ll see you back at the computer at 8 p.m. sharp. (They end the voting at 8 p.m., is that right?) Read more on Live New Hampshire Primary Results Super Team Coverage Alert!…
 

HR 847 To Save Santy Claus

Today, Congress is earning its keep exactly as the Founding Fathers intended: by saying Christmas is kinduva big deal. Iowa congressman Steve King — famous for hating poor, sick children — is introducing House Resolution 847, which officially will recognize “the importance of Christmas and the Christian faith.” Take that, teh Iraqz and health care crises of the world! Full text of the resolution, after the jump. Read more on HR 847 To Save Santy Claus…
 

OK, So Maybe Some Bridge Players Are Cool

Are the moms of the world listening? Here’s an easier way for you to become an political protester than camping outside Bush’s house in Crawford, Texas: Get better at bridge. Then you can play in the world bridge championships, win, and post a sign expressing your geopolitical opinions! According to the New York Times, one sassy mom-type did just that in Shanghai last month. After winning some lady championship, the victorious American team held up a sign saying “We Did Not Vote For Bush,” in Paultardian budget fashion. And now everybody’s pissed off, up is down, black is white etc. etc. Read more on OK, So Maybe Some Bridge Players Are Cool…
 

Ron Paul Wins NY Straw Poll, NY a Stupid State

Three of the worst things in the world — Paultards, New York City and Republicans — combined Tuesday in a digital fantasy world known as the “Metropolitan Republican Club” to vote in the New York State Republican Straw Poll. The results were announced yesterday, and it’s clear that some alien spambots must have hacked into the voting system. Read more on Ron Paul Wins NY Straw Poll, NY a Stupid State…
 

Send Us Leaked Exit Poll Reports!

As usual, the Liberal Main Stream Media wants to keep the dirty bloggers from getting the exit poll info. It’s so nice of them, to keep us in the dark until 11:28 p.m. or whatever. Also, fuck those people. Read more on Send Us Leaked Exit Poll Reports!…