Remember when America was American as APPLE PIE, when you could call your congressman’s office and enjoy the patriotic vibrations of MICHELE BACHMANN’S iTunes playlist while you were put on hold? Those days are over, because Caliph of the House NANCY PELOSI has decreed strict Sharia law: Henceforth, all music is forbidden in congressional offices, the obvious exception being KENNY G’S “The Moment,” since that was the Mujahideen’s theme song. But if Nancy is so in love with the TALIBAN, why has she trimmed her beard? Curious gossip mongers want to know … MORE »

The problem with today’s world is you’ve never got enough interrogators to torture everybody, because there are so many freakin’ people! Luckily, mad scientists at the Pentagon are developing a new Vomit Ray Gun that makes people so nauseous that they fall over and puke. MORE »

* Have ridiculous political views? Dying for attention? Don’t waste time starting a blog — call C-SPAN and loudly hurl insults at Jimmy Carter. [Think Progress]
* Brooklyn hipsters who spot Barbara Bush out drinking can’t decide between whether to “vomit on” or “hate fuck” her. [Williamsboard]
* Giant pink house conspires with illegal Guatemalans to keep Mitt Romney out of giant White House. [DCeiver]
* Bloggers who post their “enemies list” — including recently elected members of Congress who haven’t had a day on the job yet — need to switch to decaf. [The Blogometer]
* The Corner bloggers’ had the delusional idea that Rick Santorum will replace Bolton. [The Corner]
* Hank Paulson: administration coffin nailer. [Robert Reich]

• North Korean bomb was mad ghetto, their “nuclear scientists are now officially the worst ever.” [Defense Tech]

• Yup, it’s definitely gonna happen: Stewart-Colbert ‘08. [Comedy Central Insider]
• They’ve got our vote, even if Jon refuses to admit how much he really, really loves us. [Above The Law]
• Voting machines nationwide will have the election results pre-entered by the Secretaries of State, so might as well learn their names. [Hullabaloo]
• Grassroots get-out-the-vote tactics using celebrities from the B,C, and D lists. [Democratic Party Blog]
• Ray Nagin endorses William Jefferson, calls him a “black Clyde Barrow dude.” [KATC News via MoJo Blog]
• Washington state: where all the state representatives wear sombreros, and “puke ‘n rally” is a given. [Shakespeare's Sister, The Stranger]
• Ah, the mushroom cloud photoshop gags — funny until they’re not. [Sanctuary]
• Happy Canadian Thanksgiving! It’s like 9/11 and Halloween all rolled into one. NEVER FORGET

This morning’s Craigslist mailbag offers this gem: MORE »