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Posts Tagged ‘vladimir putin’

Flying Penis Invades Russian Political Scene

Monday, May 19th, 2008

Here is “grand chessmaster” Garry Kasparov, who moonlights as the leader of the Other Russia movement, “a loose coalition of activists opposing Vladamir Putin and the current Russian government.” He gave a speech Saturday in Moscow when a FLYING HELICOPTER PENIS interrupted him, frightening the world, until some (gay?) dude swatted it down. Don’t believe us? Watch. [Sharenator, Waxy]


Putin Steps Down! And Then Steps Up!

Wednesday, May 7th, 2008

Womanizer in ChiefWhile America spent the day either dancing on Hillary Clinton’s grave or trying to jump into it, a very important event transpired in nation of Russia: as expected, Vladimir Putin departed his post as president. But now he will be the prime minister, and some stooge whose name Hillary mangled in a debate will be the “president” instead. This will allow Putin to continue to walk around topless and cavort with flexy gymnasts half his age while Dmitry Medvedev attends to important affairs such as poisoning spies. Exciting photos of President Medvedev’s swearing-in ceremony after the jump! MORE »


Meet The Hot Rhythmical Gymnast At Center Of Putin Love Triangle

Friday, April 18th, 2008

Trainers give her herring treatsChesty Russian President Vladimir Putin denies tabloid reports that he has thrown over his ancient, bloated wife for Russia’s most flexible woman: former Olympic gold medalist Alina Kabaeva, who won in the category of “rhythmic gymnastics.” She is just 24 years old and a member of the Russian Parliament, so this is basically Sarkozy-Bruni all over again except with a sinister KGB troll and a bendy little minx who lounges around in polyester-blend lingerie from the Dress Barn. MORE »


Sniper ‘Empties Intestinal Canal’ Instead Of Protecting George Bush!

Monday, April 7th, 2008

He is pissing on all of AmericaGeorge Bush visited Russian President Vladimir Putin this weekend and made all of his rented buses dismantle their back seats and put “strange black boxes” there. And when he arrived by plane, one of the snipers stationed around the airport to ward off gunfire from enemies did a surprising thing! MORE »


Putin Makes Weird Penis Joke About Hillary

Friday, February 15th, 2008

Putin also has these titties.Hillary Clinton was trying to prove she was a tough guy up in New Hampshire last month, so she mocked George W. Bush’s dumb line about looking into Vlad Putin’s sweet sweet soul. “He doesn’t have a soul,” she said of the beloved ex-KGB agent.

But Putin’s even colder and meaner than Hillary herself. Asked about her dumb line, Putin said, “At a minimum, a head of state should have a head,” Putin said. What exactly does this mean? We are pretty sure this is one of those misogynist Russian “ha ha the woman lacks a penis” jokes. [Politico]


John McCain Vaguely Indirectly Compares Putin to Hitler

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008

putintime.jpgFamous foreign policy candidate John McCain knows very little about foreign policy. At a speech today, he said, “I was in a conference in Germany over the weekend and President Putin of Germany gave one of the old Cold War style speeches.” This may have been a slip-up, or it may have been a swipe at Putin for beating American Gen. David Petraeus for Time’s Person of the Year. Probably, however, WALNUTS! is very drunk because he’s old. [WJNO]


Monday, January 7th, 2008

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? Hillary says Vladimir Putin “doesn’t have a soul.” [The Australian]


Putin Overcompensating Again

Friday, December 21st, 2007

friendly fighting i supposeThe news spread through Japan and Russia like a firestorm today that Russian President (and soon to be Prime Minister) Vladimir Putin had recorded an instructional judo video with Japanese judo champion Yasuhiro Yamasita. What would that look like? Oh, it’s gonna be good.

MORE »