America’s favorite humorist, National Review Online blogger Kathryn Jean Lopez, would like Little Miss Hot Slut Bristol Palin to know that this whole “sex” and “hookee” (?) thing is irresponsible for us unmarried gals, because it’s super hard to remember to take those birth-control pills every day. And what if the condom breaks? Did you know that condom is likely filled with a boy’s spermlings? “So glamorous,” writes K-Lo. Yeah, she would know! Wait, she wouldn’t know at all, right? MORE »

Citizens of Massachusetts’ 7th District, did you know what jackassery your elected representative Ed Markey is up to? Several days ago he held a Congressional hearing in Second Life, a specially designed “virtual world” for sociopaths, furries, and flying penis “avatars.” To commemorate this special event, Congressman Markey even crafted his own personal avatar: a virtual Congressman Markey who is cross-eyed with gayness. MORE »

You know how the entire U.S. and maybe Global Economy is collapsing, right now? That’s all because people like Countrywide CEO Angelo Mozilo came up with the brilliant idea of giving huge mortgages to people with no down payment and no income and no credit, and then he immediately sold the mortgages to investment banks and hedge funds that chopped up the loans and sold them again and again, so that basically the entire financial system was propped up on trillions of dollars worth of doomed loans that Countrywide knew were worthless, and this whole shell game caused a real-estate bubble that has since popped, wiping out half the house equity in the nation, and meanwhile these same chief executives were taking home hundreds of millions in bonuses for pulling off this fraud operation.

That’s why Virginia Congressman Tom Davis wants to make sure these subprime CEOs are treated very well during this difficult time. MORE »

* Justice Department tries to whack a wise guy to save Rudy and Hillary’s reputations. [HuffPo]
* Rich white assholes suspect John McCain might be “tainted, perhaps beyond repair.” [Club for Growth (PDF)]
* Second Iranian agent forsakes his homeland for burgers, baseball and big fake titties. [Newsmax]
* Congressman Mike Doyle thinks Pitchfork Media is the hipster equivalent of Fox News. [Tech Dirt]
* Bush edging ever closer to the all-time record for futility. [Political Arithmetik]
* So, you say you never ever want to get laid? [Political Insider]
* Fred Thompson’s new running mate is the other guy from Law & Order. Betcha didn’t see that coming. [Hotline on Call]
* Hurry! Only one day left to get your application in to spend the summer flip-flopping around the Hill and blowing Howard Dean. [Democrats.org]
* Dennis Miller is hosting Rudy’s fundraiser tonight, so, like with dinner, laugh before you go. [Suitably Flip]

• Congressman says Baghdad and Manhattan are twinsies, cites availability of goods on street corners and porno video stores as examples. [Think Progress]

• Rick Santorum continues to go after the “virgin vote,” appealing to their sensibilities by likening the Iraq war to Lord of the Rings. [Salon]
• John Boehner eulogizes PageFuckerGate, brandishes The Eternal Hammer of Tax Policy. [Hotline on Call]
• Gorby reiterates: they’re real, and they’re spectacular. [Goldenfiddle]
• Ain’t no Alabama Congressman gonna spend his time learnin’ bout no “mozlawms.” [Hullabaloo]
• Republican incumbent in Wyoming race sees lead slip to only 7 — actual voters, not percentage points. [Political Wire]
• Bill O’Reilly will make you hate yourself, one way or another. [Fishbowl DC]

Finally, a family-values Republican who takes that pledge seriously. Does raise some questions about the wife and kids, though. MORE »