Wonkette

Meet General Wesley Clark, the secret GOP operative with the black, beady eyes of a born sociopath. (Or Jim Lehrer.) After spending four years windsurfing with John Kerry in Hell, he came back to remind America why he should never open his yap on the teevee. This weekend on Face the Nation, he said that John McCain’s experience riding in a fighter plane did not translate into preparation for executive office — which, while completely true, met with utterly predictable outrage. MORE »

Tran Trong Duyet is a Vietnamese retiree and “amateur ballroom dancer.” He’s one of those foreign folks that the Western press describes with such words as “sprightly,” like when, say, Barbara Walters interviews the Dalai Lama and calls him “cute” or “adorable.” Ha ha, wacky old Asian men! You just want to fold them into a sparkly lunchbox and take them home as a present for your kitty cat. But in Duyet’s case, he would proceed to beat the shit out of your cat, which is what he did to John McCain as head of the Hoa Lo prison — the “Hanoi Hilton” — during WALNUTS!’ famous Captivity. Let’s see what cute things he has to say! MORE »

Thanks to Wonkette hippie operative “Joe” for sending us a shot of this hippie protest sign, which is exactly correct. The hippies did save John McCain, so that he could come back to abandon his newly crippled wife.

SUNDAY AFTERNOON SABBATH READING: Here is today’s selection for Wonkette’s Sunday Afternoon Sabbath Reading, for you to enjoy after church and before your pot roast supper. It’s the tale of how John McCain married a swimsuit model in 1965, adopted her two children, had another child with her, and grew so bored with domestic life that he asked to fight in Vietnam. While in captivity, his wife became mildly crippled in a car accident, leading John McCain to cheat on her repeatedly when he returned, until finally he abandoned her — in a “mid-life crisis” that he had, yes, 28 years ago — for a young, gorgeous beer heiress whose father could make him a Congressman. Pissed about Hillary? Vote McCain! [Daily Mail]

Some dingbat state Republican leader says John McCain is “kind of like Jesus.” Because they were both born 2,000 years ago? No! It’s because, according to Georgia Republican Party chairwoman Sue Everhart, John McCain never denounced the United States when he was a war prisoner — just like Christ, when he was in ‘Nam. Ha ha, but McCain did denounce the United States. Explore the idiocy, after the jump. MORE »

This saucy minx is Becky Miller, the mayor of Carrollton, Texas, a Dallas suburb with 116,000 wonderful inhabitants. According to herself, she has dated and sung with all sorts of popular musicians from the 1970s, and her brother once died in Vietnam. But perhaps her crowning achievement is that she made all of this stuff up. MORE »

No matter who the Democrats nominate for the Presidency this fall, the candidate’s sure to be a slam dunk — because as much as they hate women and black people, most American citizens would rather chew off their own arms than elect a person over the age of 70. Thus John McCain will surrender to noble Defeat in November, the victim of a cruel public that hates him for his physical frailty and weak mind. MORE »

Once upon a time there was a war in a faraway magical place called Vietnam. This was before the Internet! (Well, the public internet at least. DoD geeks started building their internet in 1969. Manhunt was probably a lot hotter then!) And all the hippies made angry silkscreen posters against the war, and some of them were kind of awesome. You see, before the Internet, people had to print and distribute things as a means of communication. And there was a thing called “graphic design.” Smoke a bowl with Choire, after the jump.

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