Tag Archives: videos

  parting is such sweet sorrow

RNC Offers Video Tributes To Ron Paul, Other Losers

Sorry you can’t be president Ron Paul! Also, sorry you didn’t win enough states (any states, the Virgin Islands is not a state) and thus couldn’t secure a speaking slot at the Republican National Convention! Also also, sorry they treated your delegates all mean and changed the delegate rules so you and people like you won’t get delegates ever again! But here, would you like a gauzy, high-production-values video tribute? Would that placate you and your angry, weirdo followers? Probably not, but we’ll show the video anyway after the jump, what harm could it do. Read more on RNC Offers Video Tributes To Ron Paul, Other Losers…
  and here and here and here

Andrew Breitbart Tribute Video ‘Breitbart Is Here’ Is Quite Something

Out of respect for the late Andrew Breitbart, it is not right to make fun of (the legacy of the ghost of) Breitbart as it pertains to this tribute video for Breitbart by one Chris Cassone, but the truth is, that is not even necessary, because the video itself is where the most Breitbart-ghost-legacy-related fun can be found…to make. “Breitbart Is Here” has so much to offer: disobedience of the basic laws of perspective, practiced by all self-respecting artists since the mid-15th century, an unhealthy but not at all unexpected penchant for rhyming, leading to curious and bad lyrics, an egregious amount of visual symbolism meant to convey puppets, talking heads, monkeys and such, and an overly literal portrayal of just where the spirit of Breitbart “is,” these days, as illustrated by Breitbart fliers, which in the video are affixed to visibly liberal real-world locations such as the New York Times building. And rather business-savvily, it looks like this video is the natural progression of the BREITBART IS HERE “brand,” which began with an “iconic” poster/t-shirt thing. So smart! Read more on Andrew Breitbart Tribute Video ‘Breitbart Is Here’ Is Quite Something…
  not what the nea had in mind

Man Writes Spectacularly Bad Song, ‘Stand With Governor Walker’

Glen Shulfer is an authentic, honest-to-god supporter of Wisconsin Governorish Scott Walker, but he is a musician first, and by first we mean, Oh my word, this guy has written songs: “Dog Bone Blues,” “You Never Do What I Say” and “Hidden Princess” are the titles of just three of Shulfer’s too, too many compositions, many of which sadly are not available on his website except in title form. What better way to honor victim of justice Walker than to write the man a song? Shulfer, in a local Wisconsin radio interview, says he’s been a fan of politics since he was “a young little boy,” and considers himself like, a hipster Scott Walker supporter: he was a fan of the guy before anyone else seemed to be, and endured a lot of adversity in showing his support. He was heckled and bullied by Walker haters “almost to the point of touching,” he says. The horror. This song, “Stand With Scott Walker,” should teach ’em. Read more on Man Writes Spectacularly Bad Song, ‘Stand With Governor Walker’…
  avoid the noid

Least Cool Person In America, Herman Cain, Decides Smoking ‘Is Not Cool’

Herman Cain is a pumpkin-headed creepy narcissist businessman who likes to repeat single-digit numbers and say stupid things. For reasons he cannot begin to explain, this Washington lobbyist and shit-food merchant allowed the release of a “web commercial” that shows a dirty old man saying weird things about Herman Cain and then melodramatically smoking a cigarette while making masturbation faces. Is the whole thing a stunt meant to sow confusion and insanity because modern life is a meaningless series of spectacles meant to jarringly punctuate the many daily transitions of the helpless worker into a fraudulently empowered consumer? Perhaps. But in the America of 2011, the self-proclaimed political leaders like Cain (who has never even held political office) are as confused by their motives as those compelled to watch these audio-visual abortions on the nation’s billions of computer screens. In other words, Herman Cain was asked if his idiotic web video was meant to promote death from smoking, and Herman Cain said no, of course not, because smoking cigarettes “is not a cool thing to do.” Read more on Least Cool Person In America, Herman Cain, Decides Smoking ‘Is Not Cool’…
  war is war is war

Hey, That Obama Address Sounded a Lot Like Bush Declaring War

Look at the fun video we made! We have to admit, this war in Libya, at the moment, doesn’t seem so bad. The rebels are being protected, Gaddafi may eventually fall, and Libya could one day wind up a liberal democracy, a free country that emits shining Hope Rays to the rest of the dank, unfreedomed region. But if he isn’t deposed in the coming days, will Obama invade? Even if Gaddafi does fall, there are signs American ground troops could be headed into Libya. Is that why it was so easy to make this video? We’re not even that good at making these little videos. Why does Obama sound so much like Bush announcing the start of the Iraq War? Read more on Hey, That Obama Address Sounded a Lot Like Bush Declaring War…
  sandy cohen cannot be pleased

Here Are a Bunch of People Yelling At Muslim Kids Going To a Charity Event

Last month, a Muslim group was hosting an event to raise money for women’s shelters and fighting homelessness in Orange County. Protestors showed up to the event because they hate battered women and homeless people because they hate Muslims because two men involved with the event are controversial; one was once listed as a co-conspirator in 1993 World Trade Center bombing, and the other once said he supports Hezbollah. But as you can see, when the protestors saw Muslim families walking to the event, they couldn’t help themselves and dropped their protest of the two men to spew vile, bigoted things through megaphones at the families instead. Just disgusting. Read more on Here Are a Bunch of People Yelling At Muslim Kids Going To a Charity Event…
  axis of imovie

North Korea Acquires Video-Transition Weapons

“Comrade, we do not care for this individual. He is threatening the breathtaking glory of our motherland. How shall we defeat him?” “Have we finished our work on the top-secret spinning photo technology?” “Yes, the Libyans supplied the resources.” “Then use it.” “But sir, the horror of—” “USE IT.” It would appear from North Korea’s YouTube account that they have acquired key video-transition weapons, and they are deploying ALL OF THEM. What’s Obama doing about this? Just sitting around waiting for photo-going-down-the-drain effect to be used on us? Well, their propaganda cartoons about children blowing up American ships with their geometry homework still look like they were made in the 1950s, so maybe it’s not time to worry. YET. Read more on North Korea Acquires Video-Transition Weapons…
  sausage making

BREAKING: POLITICO FINDS OUT ABOUT BEN QUAYLE’S MUSCLES

Guess what? Politico got to talk to Ben Quayle! Ooh, what is he like? Do you think he’ll like Politico? Will he want to be friends with them and stuff? He’s so cool because he’s the only member of Congress who hasn’t had at least one bout with prostate cancer in his life so far. Everything about this is disgusting. Who are these people? Is Ben Quayle lying about having a dog now? Has Mike Allen ever had a better orgasm than the one he has when Ben Quayle tells him he reads his 3 am newsletter? Read more on BREAKING: POLITICO FINDS OUT ABOUT BEN QUAYLE’S MUSCLES…
  al qaeda has trout btw

President Obama’s State of the Salmon Address

We thought it was odd the American public described Obama’s speech on Tuesday as “salmon.” But you know what? We looked back at the video, and it’s true. That whole thing was about salmon. Read more on President Obama’s State of the Salmon Address…
  winning the future

Man With Pencil: Christians Should Abandon Democracy, Support Dictator

Look, sooner or later, the evangelical Christians were going to lose out on this democracy thing. There’s just not enough of them for their views to supersede the desired liberties of the majority. If they want to hold on to power, they’re going to have to return to their roots by supporting a new dictatorship. And the man with the pencil will be just the one to do it. Read more on Man With Pencil: Christians Should Abandon Democracy, Support Dictator…
  hollywood librul production values

Tim Pawlenty Re-Engineering Humanity, With Book Nobody Read

What do you do when you’re trying to run for president but you’re bland and nobody will buy your book? Release a “trailer” video for it to scare old people into thinking you’re going to fly huge screaming jets personally into their insecurities. Broaden it to include all of humanity, even though you’re a powerless former governor nobody cares about. And then juxtapose this with clips of yourself going to the National Press Club one time, when people noticed you were there. “This Summer: Brute Competence Rides In an Elevator. White Guys Are Back, and They’re Gonna Save the Day.” Read more on Tim Pawlenty Re-Engineering Humanity, With Book Nobody Read…
  sorry jews

Oh No! Sarah Palin Removed Her Jew Blood Video! (UPDATE: It’s Back Up)

Just moments after the Anti-Defamation League released a statement about her “blood libel” comment, it looks like Sarah Palin has removed from these fine internets her inaugural address on being the person who loves and cares the most about the people who were shot in Arizona. What went wrong? Isn’t this the kind of attention she loves? Must be a Jewish conspiracy. UPDATE: It’s been put back up now. May the Jews for Jesus reign victorious. Read more on Oh No! Sarah Palin Removed Her Jew Blood Video! (UPDATE: It’s Back Up)…
  the girl cut from debate club returns

Sarah Palin Delivers Annual State of Hateful Charlatan Provocation Address

And there she is, Sarah Palin, the president of having no real job outside of making certain Americans afraid of everything but themselves for money, walking down the aisle. She shakes hands with leaders of both sides, the one that wants to kill all Muslim Americans and the one that just wants to take away all their rights. Now she makes her way up and sits on the speakin’ fireplace, flanked by Vice President of Victimhood Trig Palin and Speaker of the What Stephen Baldwin. Let’s listen in as she delivers her address. Read more on Sarah Palin Delivers Annual State of Hateful Charlatan Provocation Address…
  in the navy

USS Enterprise Commander Stars In Series of Gay-Joke Wank Videos

As Wonkbot (the dean of the military masturbation-joke press corps) first reported, the Navy has opened an investigation into a series of instructional videos made by the former Executive Officer of the USS Enterprise, Captain Owen Honors, after The Virginian-Pilot got its hands on this guy’s clip show of favorite moments. And wow, this guy really is the world’s greatest sketch comedian! Why did he ever decide to be in the military? He could have created the world’s best selling line of “these two Navy ladies are pretending to take a shower together but aren’t really!” DVDs. Sailors on this important Iraq-shooting boat were audience to the best in comedy, from mock masturbation to mock sodomy to mock dick shots to mock donkey sex to mock semen (seamen semen!). Comedy gold after the jump! Read more on USS Enterprise Commander Stars In Series of Gay-Joke Wank Videos…
  today we are all beowulf

Scary Environmentalist ‘Dragon’ Also Trying To Destroy Christianity

Here is something for your church to purchase! “Leading Christian experts” will teach you to “resist the Green Dragon.” Our political leaders are using scare tactics to force poor people to drink bleach, remove fetuses from every woman’s womb and turn them into terrorists, and, certainly, destroy your local well-funded, VHS-purchasing evangelical church, and some brave Christians have assembled to fight this with scare tactics of their own. These evil environmentalists are a veritable GREEN DRAGON (because “Godzilla” was trademarked). Read more on Scary Environmentalist ‘Dragon’ Also Trying To Destroy Christianity…
  blue balls

Glenn Beck’s Fanzine Criticizes Obama For Stealing Glenn’s Chalkboard

America needs blue balls, not red balls, according to this new video the White House put up today featuring new Obama economic bro Austan Goolsbee. According to their blog, this whiteboard video approach is something they’re going to do from now on, because Americans are dumb and visual aids are the only thing they can understand. The Blaze, which is basically just an Internet treehouse of children who tell stories about how cool Glenn Beck is, saw this and decided this was STOLED from Glenn Beck, who uses a chalkboard, which is a similar kind of board. Read more on Glenn Beck’s Fanzine Criticizes Obama For Stealing Glenn’s Chalkboard…
  bring me your semis your corvettes your huddled scooter masses

New SarahPAC Video Announces Palin Is Commanding General of Teabaggers

“Sarah Palin Really Likes Flags,” says The Awl. Yeah, but too much. How did this split-second MUSLIM flag get into this video? The video editor must have accidentally hit the “Sharia” button on the editing machine. Anyway, as you can see, this video released by SarahPAC is about Teabaggers. Whereas the group’s first video declared Palin the leader of all wingnut women, with emotional, motherly music, this video declares Palin the leader of all Teabaggers — so it employs militaristic music sure to touch the insurrectionist hearts of those folks. Read more on New SarahPAC Video Announces Palin Is Commanding General of Teabaggers…
  the founders had no youtube

Here’s the Stupid 9/12 Video!

If you want to get a feel for what the 9/12 rallies in Washington, Sacramento, and St. Louis were like, just take your laptop to the nearest Old Country Buffet, flip it open next to the meat bar, and watch this video that the Tea Party Patriots made especially for the trifecta-occasion. Read more on Here’s the Stupid 9/12 Video!…