December 9, 2013
Sorry you can’t be president Ron Paul! Also, sorry you didn’t win enough states (any states, the Virgin Islands is not a state) and thus couldn’t secure a speaking slot at the Republican National Convention! Also also, sorry they treated your delegates all mean and changed the delegate rules so you and people like you [...]
Out of respect for the late Andrew Breitbart, it is not right to make fun of (the legacy of the ghost of) Breitbart as it pertains to this tribute video for Breitbart by one Chris Cassone, but the truth is, that is not even necessary, because the video itself is where the most Breitbart-ghost-legacy-related fun [...]
Glen Shulfer is an authentic, honest-to-god supporter of Wisconsin Governorish Scott Walker, but he is a musician first, and by first we mean, Oh my word, this guy has written songs: “Dog Bone Blues,” “You Never Do What I Say” and “Hidden Princess” are the titles of just three of Shulfer’s too, too many compositions, [...]
Herman Cain is a pumpkin-headed creepy narcissist businessman who likes to repeat single-digit numbers and say stupid things. For reasons he cannot begin to explain, this Washington lobbyist and shit-food merchant allowed the release of a “web commercial” that shows a dirty old man saying weird things about Herman Cain and then melodramatically smoking a [...]
TIM PAWLENTY 2012! Sorry, NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER!
Look at the fun video we made! We have to admit, this war in Libya, at the moment, doesn’t seem so bad. The rebels are being protected, Gaddafi may eventually fall, and Libya could one day wind up a liberal democracy, a free country that emits shining Hope Rays to the rest of the dank, [...]
Last month, a Muslim group was hosting an event to raise money for women’s shelters and fighting homelessness in Orange County. Protestors showed up to the event because they hate battered women and homeless people because they hate Muslims because two men involved with the event are controversial; one was once listed as a co-conspirator [...]
“Comrade, we do not care for this individual. He is threatening the breathtaking glory of our motherland. How shall we defeat him?” “Have we finished our work on the top-secret spinning photo technology?” “Yes, the Libyans supplied the resources.” “Then use it.” “But sir, the horror of—” “USE IT.” It would appear from North Korea’s [...]
Oh, other people shouted stuff at Dick Cheney yesterday at CPAC. Don’t think you’re safe from a little underground bunker torture, Paultards. He’s still alive, you know.
Yeah, that’s exactly what it looks like. Tea Party News Brief, starring Ava. Because Fox News seemed suspiciously lucid and organized.
Guess what? Politico got to talk to Ben Quayle! Ooh, what is he like? Do you think he’ll like Politico? Will he want to be friends with them and stuff? He’s so cool because he’s the only member of Congress who hasn’t had at least one bout with prostate cancer in his life so far. [...]
We thought it was odd the American public described Obama’s speech on Tuesday as “salmon.” But you know what? We looked back at the video, and it’s true. That whole thing was about salmon.
Look, sooner or later, the evangelical Christians were going to lose out on this democracy thing. There’s just not enough of them for their views to supersede the desired liberties of the majority. If they want to hold on to power, they’re going to have to return to their roots by supporting a new dictatorship. [...]
What do you do when you’re trying to run for president but you’re bland and nobody will buy your book? Release a “trailer” video for it to scare old people into thinking you’re going to fly huge screaming jets personally into their insecurities. Broaden it to include all of humanity, even though you’re a powerless [...]
Just moments after the Anti-Defamation League released a statement about her “blood libel” comment, it looks like Sarah Palin has removed from these fine internets her inaugural address on being the person who loves and cares the most about the people who were shot in Arizona. What went wrong? Isn’t this the kind of attention [...]