Wonkette

Finally, John McCain has his own hit Free.Willy a.m. video viral hit, “John I Am.” Who knew his senile jabbering would sound this stupid and crazy set to music, too? [YouTube/Election08]

All your dirty dreams are coming true: Here’s sexy foreign correspondent Lara Logan interviewing sexy foreign president Barack Obama, on video. Whew, it’s hot in Afghanistan. [CBS/YouTube]

Comical old person John “WALNUTS!” McCain appeared on a popular late-night television show on Friday. He was so funny! His jokes are unstoppable. He pretended to fall asleep in Conan’s lap! So funny! Oh and jeez what’s in his mouth now??? Ahhhhhhggg! [Boston Globe/Top of the Ticket]

Maybe it’s true! After all, Osama bin Laden would’ve never known about New York’s big Jewish population had Jesse not called it “Hymietown.” EVERYBODY WILL BE ISSUED NEW NAMES AT THE CONVENTIONS. [Morning Joe/MSNBC] UPDATE: Oh what the hell, Newell posted this like twelve hours earlier. Oh well, no way to take the post down now ….

The first verse is “The Democrat secular progressive move, political correctness is killing us too. They want to take the money from the hard workin man, and give it to the lazy folks that don’t give a damn.” The opening image of the video is, of course, a fat slob sitting on a tractor. Jesus wept. MORE »

Barack Obama is giving a speech about Iraq now, but we imagine it’s (a) a fancier version of this and (b) impossibly unfunny. Ugh, this guy. Jesus was a messiah too, you know, but at least he presented a mockable stereotype of himself — “God’s son,” ha ha. So instead we’ll tackle his new ad, in which he talks to a bunch of old white people about that time he worked with some old white man to prevent nuclear weapons from falling into the hands of browns. [YouTube]

Here’s your latest “Miss USA,” falling on her ass during the Miss USA Show, just like the last Miss USA, who fell on her ass last year. But this one starts seal-clapping for herself after tumbling, which is kind of … repugnant? She was taken out back and executed immediately after the program. [News.com.au/AFP]

What motivates Senator Patrick Leahy? Money? Sex? Sex for money? Public service or whatever? No. No. No. It is Batman, and only the Batman, that gives Pat Leahy the will to live, in Washington. He was briefly seen (but not heard) in the Batman and Robin movie of a few years ago — the one with George Clooney’s chilly nipples. And last August, we reported that Leahy was set for a speaking role in The Dark Knight. See the exclusive & terrifying video, after the jump. MORE »

Did you miss the daytime teevee shows because you have to “work” somewhere? Don’t worry, just relax with a dough-nut or whatever and enjoy this charming interview with the whole Obama family, including rarely seen stepson “Urkel.” When you’re done with the video, remember to check out the “Top 10 Weird Animals.” Platypus, wtf? [Today Show]

Here’s Washington Post “local color” writer Dana Milbank drinking somewhere and talking about Wonkette, for some reason, and how he doesn’t read it. And then he gets spooked, because what if Wonkette is actually there, videotaping him, in the form of Our Liz Glover? [Liz Glover]