Who is this “BA-RAK” you speak of, Sir Paul? Think you can use the fancy French lyrics to get a First Lady? That only works in France. [Big 100.3]

Did you see Sarah Palin’s goodbye speech? Neither did we! But we heard it was “special,” and that she even wrote it herself (which explains everything). Here’s Star Wars hero Dr. Spock reciting Palin’s mumbo-jumbo, with bongo accompaniment! [Conan O'Brien]

Jesus fuck is this even America anymore? First we elect a black president, and now the Twitter is shut off in the White House? And we don’t want to hear any of this “Security concerns” balderdash, because when we last had a real American president (that fat white sack of shit Dick Cheney), and he needed to get around the “law” or whatever, he just ran his own private email servers with Karl Rove from some Tennessee pedophile listserv. [The Hill]

Simple question for Michael Steele, leader of the Republican Party — the party dedicated to the defeat of Obama’s health-care plan, because they want to make it “his Waterloo” — do the Republicans support an individual requirement to get coverage? Steele’s reply: “Uhh.” MORE »

It’s Liz Glover! Hi Liz, to whom are you speaking to on the videophone today? Ah, it is Questlove from The Roots, in DC for the Rock the Bells deal, with some important conspiracy theories about Sarah Palin and the RNC! MORE »

Fox & Friends’ Brian Kilmeade made a terrible buffoon of himself on the television this morning! You know why the Olds get Dementia and Alzheimer’s, in America? This is why: “We are — we keep marrying other species and other ethnics and other … See, the problem is the Swedes have pure genes. Because they marry other Swedes …. Fins marry other Fins, so they have a pure society.” Meaning: Ronald Reagan was a mulatto. [Salon, Gawker]

Your Wonkette editors were just jabbering in our secret sex-chat room and the popular 1970s redneck program Hee-Haw was mentioned and a YouTube search ensued, for “Hee Haw skits,” and this, we promise, was the first thing to come up. Jesus. [YouTube]

Here’s some funny-in-retrospect advice to Hillary Clinton from Sarah Palin! She was at some conference thing in March 2008, five months away from McCain’s doomed decision to make her his running mate, when Karen Breslau of Newsweek asked her about Hillary getting beat up in the primary battle against Obama. MORE »

Sam the American Eagle was, of course, both the first blogger and the first warblogger, a creature so deeply patriotic that he figured out how to make his youtubes only appear on the American Wide Web. Yes, it’s almost the three-day Holiday Weekend, so let’s enjoy some cheap video clips to make us want to move to Canada all over again. MORE »

Watching this weirdly edited video clip makes us feel like we just downed a coffee mug full of Liquid Vicodin, but perhaps you people will get something deeper, or maybe your heads will explode, just like poor Al Franken’s … or, Senator Al Franken’s head, right? [The Connecticut Forum]

Here we have excerpted the traditional “red meat” portion of a Barack Obama press conference, in which we hear from all three network news correspondents, consecutively. Why does Obama cave to John McCain and Lindsey Graham and hate Iranian people and lie about other things such as health and money care? Health care and money? Health care and money care and Iran and John McCain and queers? MORE »