Tag Archives: video

  A victory for feminism!

Rand Paul: I Don’t Hate Women, I’m An Equal Opportunity Dick

He is genitals blind and will yell at ANYONE
Rand Paul has had a rough couple of days since he announced that he will be the next, LOL, president of these United States. He spent Day One being mocked ruthlessly on the intertubes for the disaster that is his campaign website, filled with misspelled words like “eductation,” ridiculous swag (hoodies and skull caps, Senator? Really?), and a page of “endorsements” from German stock photos. Read more on Rand Paul: I Don’t Hate Women, I’m An Equal Opportunity Dick…
  Here have some news n stuff

NFL Hires A Girl, Ruins Football

Nothing is sacred anymore
Here’s a tragedy for sportsball fans everywhere: The NFL officially hired Sarah Thomas as a line judge Wednesday, making her the league’s first full-time female official. […] Thomas had been working as a college football referee for eight years in Conference USA. She became the first woman to officiate a major college football game when she worked a contest between Memphis and Jacksonville State in 2007. We can hear wingnuts whining already that 10 years ago we had hope, jobs, and cash. Now we have no hope, jobs, or cash, and skirts are refereeing the NFL, which is supposed to be a manly game, for men, by men, sometimes men who beat their wives. It’s the feminizing of everything, waaaaaah. Read more on NFL Hires A Girl, Ruins Football…
  Gonna need a bigger reset button

Yup, Rand Paul F*cked Up His Second Day Running For President Too

Maybe not so ready after all
It’s Day Two of Rand Paul’s Excellent Presidential Adventure, and he is having a bad day. Again. He started his morning picking a fight with the “Today” show’s Savannah Guthrie because she didn’t ask him questions the way he thinks she should, and he followed that up with a quick explanation to the New York Times that when reporters ask him questions he doesn’t like, “That isn’t journalism.” (Side note: Waging war against reporters when you are running for president is a FANTASTIC strategy, and we encourage Paul to stick with that for sure.) Read more on Yup, Rand Paul F*cked Up His Second Day Running For President Too…
  Hush little lady don't say a word

Rand Paul Teaches Lady Reporter How To Talk To Him, Again

The next not-president from the great state of Kentucky, Rand Paul, has a bit of a lady problem. As in, he just doesn’t seem to like them very much. Especially when they step out of line and ask him questions he’d rather not answer. Read more on Rand Paul Teaches Lady Reporter How To Talk To Him, Again…
  The Gun Is Good. The Penis Is Better

Florida Pastor Has A Penis, Like Adam, Moses, Jesus, And All Real Leaders

Male supremacy: An idea whose time may at last be here
Meet Pastor Bill Lytell of the Gospel Baptist Church in Bonita Springs, Florida. He’s got a pretty fab new insight into how God wants things to work: Men should always be the boss of ladies, and not ever the other way around, because of God’s mighty penis and the hefty testicles of Adam, Moses, and Jesus (make no mistake though, they all lived at different times, and therefore their weighty mansacks never touched, so no homo). Read more on Florida Pastor Has A Penis, Like Adam, Moses, Jesus, And All Real Leaders…
  Iran Deal To Include NPR Tote Bags

Obama Teaches Republicans Lesson On Presidenting For Dummies

President Obama took a break from his golf game and general tyranny-ing to discuss with NPR the deal to contain Iran’s nuclear power program so we could perhaps avoid bombing the crap out of Iran in World War Whatever. It’s a deal conservatives started condemning even before there actually was a deal, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t all agree (except for Bill O’Reilly, wtf?) it was a bad idea because war is so much easier, isn’t it? Read more on Obama Teaches Republicans Lesson On Presidenting For Dummies…
  Pray the Cruz away

Ted Cruz Will Repeal Supreme Court, Replace It With His Dad

just lyin' with my mouth
Practically President Already Ted Cruz spent most of last week sadding over the decision by Arkansas and Indiana to amend their gay-hatin’ bills to say “but we don’t really hate The Gay, wink.” At a campaign event in Iowa, Cruz talked about how disappointed he is that those states’ RINO governors decided to give in to The Gay Agenda, and he also worried that the Supreme Court is going to do the same thing later this year (which it is),  insisting again that the Court does not have the authority to do that: Read more on Ted Cruz Will Repeal Supreme Court, Replace It With His Dad…
  It's Getting Hot In Herre

Republican Senators: Can You Explain Climate Change To Us, EPA, So We Can Not Believe You Some More?

Gina McCarthy: Suspiciously cozy with Big Science
Gosh, this ought to go well: Some of the biggest climate deniers in the Senate want the EPA to school them on how climate modeling works. No doubt this is so they can gain a greater appreciation of just how complex science is, so they can marvel at how great our understanding of the natural world is. That, or they’re looking for stuff they can cherry-pick out of context to claim that global warming is a hoax, and we should start burning all the coal we can dig up before Jesus comes back. Read more on Republican Senators: Can You Explain Climate Change To Us, EPA, So We Can Not Believe You Some More?…
  Sexxxy Nice Time

Inspiring! These Pandas F*cked Each Other For Almost Eight Whole Minutes!

What a thrilled zookeeper that must be, peeping in the background!
Move over, all you other panda dudes who think you’re hot shit or something. This Chinese panda bear studmuffin has set a whole new sex record that will leave you feeling downright flaccid and Not Good Enough. His name is Lu Lu, and all the panda ladies and the gay panda bois can’t stop talking about him because, according to the Daily Mail, he fucked this one panda, name of Zhen Zhen, for seven minutes and forty-five seconds, which is a very long time for panda sex! Read more on Inspiring! These Pandas F*cked Each Other For Almost Eight Whole Minutes!…
  Just What The Doctor Ordered

Ted Nugent Unravels Veteran Suicide Epidemic: Obama Did It

Why is he flashing Muslim gang signs?
Remember how a couple months back, Congress finally accomplished something weird and passed, unanimously, the Clay Hunt Suicide Prevention for American Veterans Act — named after a veteran who killed himself in 2011 — which President Obama signed into law early in February? The bill could have passed sooner, but retiring Sen. Tom Coburn personally blocked it until he finally left the Senate at the beginning of the new congressional term. It was a rare moment of bipartisan agreement, expanding outreach, mental health services, and peer support for Iraq and Afghanistan vets suffering from PTSD, traumatic brain injuries, unemployment, and other issues that contribute to an appalling suicide rate of approximately 22 vets daily. Read more on Ted Nugent Unravels Veteran Suicide Epidemic: Obama Did It…
  Non Sequiturd

Sen. Tom Cotton Says Gays Should Be Glad They’re Not Hung

We could just drop gays on Iran. Or Tom Cotton.
Arkansas Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Logan Act) has just about had it up to here with people fussing about “religious freedom” bills in Indiana and Arkansas, when we have far more important fish to fry, like undercutting the President on nuclear negotiations with Iran. Or, probably, Benghazi (Never Forget!). Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Says Gays Should Be Glad They’re Not Hung…
  the effluent society

Nebraska Guy To Regulators: Here, Have A Cold Glass Of Delicious Fracking Juice!

I'm so sorry I forgot to bring a bag of dicks to go with this...
This post sponsored by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for coverage of oil spills, fracking, and mystery fluids Public hearings don’t generally make for exciting video, short of the occasional outburst by fans of black helicopters or people worried about buttsex enzymes, but they can also be enlivened by an activist with a good visual aid. For example, here’s a Nebraska man inviting members of the state’s Oil and Gas Conservation Commission to drink glasses full of a mystery chemical mix, to make the point that he’s not so crazy about a proposal to pump other states’ fracking wastewater into wells in Nebraska. Read more on Nebraska Guy To Regulators: Here, Have A Cold Glass Of Delicious Fracking Juice!…
  Why has God forsaken him again?

My God, My God, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Bill O’Reilly’s Dumb Jesus Movie?

And Al Franken -- he's just like Judas. Or Barrabas, take your pick.
Bill O’Reilly “wrote” a “book” about killing Jesus — it is cleverly called Killing Jesus — and someone thought it would be a good idea to turn it into a teevee movie, because no one has ever made a Jesus snuff flick before. Read more on My God, My God, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Bill O’Reilly’s Dumb Jesus Movie?…
  Video Nice Time!

Here’s Neil DeGrasse Tyson On Space Aliens To Make Your Monday All Better (Video)

Neil explains how it all works.
Neil deGrasse Tyson is our favorite science dude — on the teevee, at least, because Oliver Sacks mostly sticks to books — and here is a video of 23 minutes of Tyson Being Tyson, explaining the problem with UFOs: once you’ve got that “Unidentified” part taken care of, that’s where you should just stop. It doesn’t follow that it’s a spaceship from another planet (or dimension or timeline…). The fun, of course, is in the explanation: Forget Roswell, says Tyson, because Read more on Here’s Neil DeGrasse Tyson On Space Aliens To Make Your Monday All Better (Video)…
  grifter gotta grift

James O’Keefe Totally Pwns Catholic College For Loving ISIS And Terrorism. Obviously.

Who wants to take one for the team, ladies?
Whey-faced adult virgin James O’Keefe (or his publicist) has been spamming us to take a look at his latest video allegedly exposing another college campus for being a hotbed of ISIS-supporting terrorist love. That way, he can fundraise by saying “Liberal blog Wonkette is attacking us because they are afraid of the truth that Project Veritas reveals yarrrrgle blargle poop!” Well, us liberals love to help out losers and their lost causes, so let’s give him a boost! Read more on James O’Keefe Totally Pwns Catholic College For Loving ISIS And Terrorism. Obviously….
  Sooo the next senator from Illinois

Tammy Duckworth Will Kick GOP Ass With Her Robot Feet All The Way To U.S. Senate

Genuine Iraq war hero and super-bad badass Tammy Duckworth, the Democratic Illinois representative who had the distinct pleasure of kicking Deadbeat Loser Joe Walsh’s ass in 2012 — with her robot feet! — officially announced on Monday that she’s ready to do even more ass-kicking to become her state’s next senator. Are we excited? Of course we are, and not just because Deadbeat Joe has been dropping not-so-subtle hints that he just might decide to primary Sen. Mark Kirk, from the teabag wing of the Republican Party, which would mean, awwwwwwww yeah, REMATCH! (Which Duckworth would win, OBVIOUSLY.) Read more on Tammy Duckworth Will Kick GOP Ass With Her Robot Feet All The Way To U.S. Senate…
  She was quite a success if you don't look at the failure

Epic Failure Businesslady Carly Fiorina To Do For America What She Did For Hewlett Packard: Almost Kill It

Carly Fiorina, who will never be president but who is still putting on quite the show of pretending she just might be — said on “Fox News Sunday” there’s a “higher than 90 percent” chance she’ll run in 2016, which means there’s a higher than 90 percent chance we should all gird our loins in giddy anticipation of “Demon Sheep II: The Sheepening.” Read more on Epic Failure Businesslady Carly Fiorina To Do For America What She Did For Hewlett Packard: Almost Kill It…
  Here have some news n stuff

Senate Can’t Find Time To Get Anything Done, Goes On Spring Break For Two Weeks

Homer Simpson for Senate Majority Leader?
Being a member of Congress really is the sweetest gig. You can suck at your job, get nothing done at all, collect a six-figure salary plus great benefits, and then take a vacation, because hey, you just worked so hard at not getting anything done, you’ve earned that break. Again: Read more on Senate Can’t Find Time To Get Anything Done, Goes On Spring Break For Two Weeks…
  Jonesin' For Hillary

Wingnut Alex Jones And Troll Army Declare WAR On Toymaker For Selling Hillary Clinton Dolls

Christ, yes, we're ready already
Jason Feinberg isn’t a political junkie. Sure, he follows politics in general. He votes. And in 2008. his little toy and novelty manufacturing outfit, FCTRY in Brooklyn, had something of a hit with a Barack Obama action figure, which sold around 200,000 units and allowed him to quit teaching high school English to be a full-time entrepreneur guy. But he doesn’t follow the political blogosphere with the obsessiveness of a Wonketteer, so he had no idea who “Alex Jones” was until he found himself being yelled at by the guy during a Skype interview for Jones’s Infowars.com. last week, then getting an email box full of anti-Semites accusing him of advancing the New World Order. Well, how did he get there? Read more on Wingnut Alex Jones And Troll Army Declare WAR On Toymaker For Selling Hillary Clinton Dolls…