Tag Archives: video

  Goin' Off The Rails On A Crazy Train

Who Caused That Amtrak Crash? Oh, Just The Gays

Maybe we can blame gay marriage.
Here’s a moment that’s more than a little iconic of what’s gone wrong with politics in your 2015 America: Within a few hours of the Amtrak crash in Philadelphia, House Republicans voted to cut Amtrak’s budget by about 20 percent. While they were at it, they rejected a Democratic attempt to increase funds to put in place a safety system that almost certainly would have prevented the crash. Read more on Who Caused That Amtrak Crash? Oh, Just The Gays…
  unlikely defenders

Bill O’Reilly: Leave That Sexist Barack Obama Alooooooone!

Sexism expert.
Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com If you’ve been obsessed like we have with the utterly riveting debate over the Trans-Pacific Partnership, you are aware that there is a bit of a meta-flap about how commie gay Kenyan usurper Barack Obama can add “lady-hater” to his list of adjectives, because he called your favorite Sen. Elizabeth Warren by her first name in an interview. The exact quote: “The truth of the matter is that Elizabeth is, you know, a politician like everybody else.” You might be saying, “But Elizabeth is her name and they are grown-ups, and the president calls girls and boys by their first names, WHAT?” But that didn’t stop Ohio Democrat Sen. Sherrod Brown from saying Obama is a big old sexist, because he never would have said “Sherrod, you are A Idiot,” he would have said “Mighty penis-having Senator Brown, you are A Idiot.” (Even though yes he would — and has.) Read more on Bill O’Reilly: Leave That Sexist Barack Obama Alooooooone!…
  Here's a helpful list

Idiot Tennessee Rep Knows All The Christians Are Being Holocausted, Just Can’t Say Where

For some reason, the voters of Tennessee’s 7th District keep sending Republican Marsha Blackburn back to the House of Representatives, dunno why, because Tennessee, we guess? Blackburn’s your standard-issue lady Republican: she knows that women don’t really care about equal pay; the cause of climate change, if it even exists, is debatable because a handful of shills for the fossil fuels industry say so; affordable health care that doesn’t suck is bad; abortion is bad; and hey, what if the Boston bombers had Obamaphones, HUH? She’s also proud to call herself “CongressMAN,” rather than “Congresswoman,” hooray for feminism. Read more on Idiot Tennessee Rep Knows All The Christians Are Being Holocausted, Just Can’t Say Where…
  Are There No Jerk Houses?

Fox News Has Thoughts On Obama’s ‘Leeches’ Speech. They Are Bad Thoughts!

Tell 'em about the talents again
Oh, there goes Barack Obama again, beating up on the crusading journalists of Fox News for having the guts to selectively depict poor people as terrible leeches. At a Georgetown University event Tuesday, Obama said media narratives have presented a skewed image of poor people, because outrage sells: Read more on Fox News Has Thoughts On Obama’s ‘Leeches’ Speech. They Are Bad Thoughts!…
  learning 'science'

Dumb Duggar Girl And Dumb Husband Explain Atheists Don’t Exist (Kind Of Like God)

There is something in Texas called the Institute for Creation Research, and one of the reality-TV-for-Christ girl Duggars took a field trip to it, with her husband. This is the same Duggar who field tripped to the Holocaust Memorial Museum in DC, where she learned that Charles Darwin did the Holocaust with his just-a-theory of evolution, so abortions are bad. (Homeschooling for the win!) Read more on Dumb Duggar Girl And Dumb Husband Explain Atheists Don’t Exist (Kind Of Like God)…
  Sing us a Cuban song too while you're at it!

Esteemed Teevee Journalist Would Like Ted Cruz To Say A Spanish, For Journalism

Gross. Both of them.
Mark Halperin is a hack whom everybody hates, who does hacky “journalism” and somehow, because the world is not fair, makes more money than yr Wonkette. Ted Cruz is an obnoxious, entitled asshole whom everyone hates, who has always been an asshole, who thinks he doesn’t have to play by any rules, but who adorably think he has a chance in hell of becoming president someday. He also has Cuban heritage, even though he actually invaded America from the north. So Halperin decided to interview Cruz, and what SHOULD have been a perfect demonstration of hack journalism, akin to two men using a double-headed dildo backing up into each other repeatedly, instead turned into a big gross racist thing where we ALMOST felt bad for Ted Cruz. Almost. Read more on Esteemed Teevee Journalist Would Like Ted Cruz To Say A Spanish, For Journalism…
  Nothing About Benghazi In Here? Never Mind

Breaking: Anonymous Source Says Obama Lied About Bin Laden Raid, Everything In Universe

Clearly photoshopped, since as we all know, Obama was actually out golfing
Super-Journalist Seymour Hersh has published a hell of a story in the London Review of Books about the killing of Osama bin Laden that, had it actually included any significant sources willing to go on the record, would totally change everything we think we know about the 2011 raid in Pakistan. As it is, it reads like a pretty good action thriller, or maybe a post at Alex Jones’s Infowars, except written by a Pulitzer Prize winner. According to Hersh, a “retired senior intelligence official” who knows all the dirt on the raid revealed to him that almost everything we thought we knew about bin Laden’s death is fake, that Barack Obama was in such a rush to take credit for the raid that he announced it too early, and that Obama lied when he said the Pakistanis had no advance knowledge of the raid. And if we had any confidence in Seymour Hersh anymore, we’d be shocked. Shocked! Read more on Breaking: Anonymous Source Says Obama Lied About Bin Laden Raid, Everything In Universe…
  low hanging fruit

Mike Huckabee: Hawking Fake Diabetes Cures Proves I’ll Be A Great President

Yours for only $19.95, bitches.
Republican presidential “candidate” Mike Huckabee is in trouble with liberals like CBS’s Bob Schieffer for, among other things, appearing in infomercials hawking “Diabetes Solution Kits” (yours for just $19.95!), which encourage healthy eating, exercise, oh and also curing diabetes with cinnamon. Because that’s totally real. Appearing on “Face the Nation,” Huckabee got ALL KINDS of defensive, because first of all, you are not his real mom and you can’t tell him what to do: Read more on Mike Huckabee: Hawking Fake Diabetes Cures Proves I’ll Be A Great President…
  He's Not The President He's A Very Naughty Boy

In 1979 Sermon Against ‘Life Of Brian,’ Young Mike Huckabee Was Already One Biggus Dickus

Shoe, gourd, either way you're going to Hell!
Now that he’s “running for president” again, very serious contender Mike Huckabee has to endure all sorts of embarrassments, like people quoting all the dumb things Mike Huckabee has ever said. It just comes with the territory — the embarrassing naked baby pictures of politics. And what with Mike Huckabee’s rich heritage as a fire-n-brimstone Baptist preacher, you’d expect there’d be a lot of interest in his old sermons, but as journalists discovered when Huck ran in 2008, he’s nailed those suckers up tight and no one’s ever going to see what the future governor had to say about the issues of the day when he was a young Minister of the Lord. But we got a short glimpse this week, as Mother Jones dug up a partial recording of a sermon from 1979 in which the Baby Pastor preached against the evils of strong drink, porn, and that year’s greatest threat to Christendom, Monty Python’s Life of Brian. Read more on In 1979 Sermon Against ‘Life Of Brian,’ Young Mike Huckabee Was Already One Biggus Dickus…
  Believe It Or Nuts

Atheist Lady Sued For Calling Fraud Faith Healer A Fraud

I *am too* a credible healing practitioner!
So there’s this guy in Bisbee, Arizona, named Adam Miller, who had himself a near-death experience in 1977 and believes it imbued him with the power to heal people — tens of thousands of them, in fact! An atheist video blogger, Stephanie Guttormson, was a tad skeptical about some of Miller’s claims, so in December of 2014, she posted a YouTube video mocking Miller’s claims and pointing out that faith healing isn’t actual doctorin’. After hearing back from several of his clients who were outraged that anyone would criticize the man who made them all better, Miller sued Guttormson, claiming copyright infringement and defamation. So far, the chief effect seems to have been that Guttormson’s video has gone viral, and thousands more people now share her opinion that Miller is a fraud. Read more on Atheist Lady Sued For Calling Fraud Faith Healer A Fraud…
  Derp By Association

Shocking Million Word Wingnut Exposé Proves Obama’s Kenyan ‘Grandma’ Is A Muslim

Now it can be told!
Warm up the Drudge Sirens, patriots! We have some major derp incoming at Bradlee Dean’s Clearinghouse For Stupid Shit That Not Even WND Would Publish, in the form of a major exposé of Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s family in The Kenya, which did you know is just crawling with Muslims? The piece, by wingnuts’ favorite ex-Muslim Walid “No Really, I was Totally a Terrorist” Shoebat, informs us that Barack Obama’s grandmother, Sarah Omar Obama (AKA “grandma Obama,” AKA “Grandma Sarah,” AKA “Mama Sarah,” which you’d think someone else would have trademarked) is a devout Muslim who recently visited Mecca, where she said nice things about Islam, if you can believe that! Read more on Shocking Million Word Wingnut Exposé Proves Obama’s Kenyan ‘Grandma’ Is A Muslim…
  mommyblogging

Sofia Vergara’s Ex, Sherri Shepherd, Fox Doc Keith Ablow Enter Jerk-Off Contest. All Win.

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com Last week, the Internet had itself a rollicking time being horrified and disgusted by some douche, Nick Loeb we guess, taking to the pages of the New York Times to explain why he’s suing for the right to take ex-fiancee Sofia Vergara’s frozen babies out of their Petri dish, plant them in a stranger’s belly, and make a happy home. Short version: but he waaaaaants them. Long version: What part of “but Nick Loeb wants them” don’t you understand? (Loeb is a rich person, and is used to getting what the fuck he would like.) Read more on Sofia Vergara’s Ex, Sherri Shepherd, Fox Doc Keith Ablow Enter Jerk-Off Contest. All Win….
  Hail to the derp

President Ben Carson Sure Is Glad Supreme Court Decisions Don’t Apply To Him

Meh.
It’s a good thing Republican presidential candidate (LOL) and brain surgeon (LOL!) Ben Carson has sworn to never speak about The Gay again, or else he might open his mouth and say something like this, when asked about the Supreme Court’s imminent ruling on marriage equality: Read more on President Ben Carson Sure Is Glad Supreme Court Decisions Don’t Apply To Him…
  There Goes Hillary Murderin' Folks Again

‘Clinton Cash’ Author Worries Clinton Mafia Will Murder Him, Like How They Always Do

She's coming for YOU. And YOU. And YOU.
Peter Schweizer, whose book-shaped object Clinton Cash has apparently set some kind of record for Most Debunkings Before Actual Publication, is doing his darndest to keep hyping the thing, which finally slouches into bookstores today. On Monday’s edition of Dana Loesch’s stupid radio show, Loesch asked Schweizer if he’s worried that he’ll be murdered, just like everyone else who’s dared to oppose the Clintons (with the exception of the entire Republican House and Senate membership during Bill Clinton’s two terms, of course). Read more on ‘Clinton Cash’ Author Worries Clinton Mafia Will Murder Him, Like How They Always Do…
  Sportsball nice time

Dudes Kiss On The Mouth On LA Dodgers Kiss Cam, And Nobody Even Gay-Bashes Them!

Come at me, bro.
Awww, progress! If you have ever gone to see one of the various types of sportsball matches, you have undoubtedly seen a “kiss-cam.” It’s that thing where the camera is all of a sudden on you and your neighbor, and you are supposed to kiss that person, whether or not that is actually your lover sexxxy-time pal. If you don’t do it, you are lame and no fun, or maybe the person next to you is a stranger with mouth sores. But usually they try to get obvious couples on there, so it’s all cute and stuff. WELL, The Gaily Grind reports that this happened Saturday night at a game between the LA Dodgers and the Arizona Diamondbacks — those are baseball teams, if you don’t know how to Sports — and they panned to several man/lady pairs, before settling on two guys, who may or may not be gay guys. Maybe they are gay for each other, maybe they are just best straight bros, who knows? Regardless, they totally kissed it up: Read more on Dudes Kiss On The Mouth On LA Dodgers Kiss Cam, And Nobody Even Gay-Bashes Them!…
  so long farewell auf wiedersehen goodbye

God Hates Duck Dynasty Musical, Smites It Like Sodomite

Yeah their God hath foresaken them all right
No one could have predicted that a Vegas musical about the loathsome Robertson family — those jerkwads who hunt ducks and hate homos and believe the only reason people don’t go around cutting off dicks is because the Bible says — would fail harder than Carly Fiorina running a major corporation. (Topical jokes!) And by no one, we mean everyone, even those without God on their speed dial: Read more on God Hates Duck Dynasty Musical, Smites It Like Sodomite…
  Mitt 2016!

Mitt Romney Has ‘Thoughts’ On Baltimore And Hillary Clinton, Still Not Running For President (Wink Wink)

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comIf you are a perpetual loser of the Republican persuasion, there’s really no better place to go for some tender loving ball-fondling than Fox News. So Mitt Romney spent some quality time with “Fox & Friends” non-blond host Brian Kilmeade, to talk about his big charity boxing match with Evander Holyfield later this month, and to sneak in a “serious conversation about what’s happening in the country, and what’s happening in politics”: the alleged murder-by-cop of Freddie Gray in Baltimore; how much Hillary Clinton sucks; the Republican Party’s need for a fresh face like, say, Jeb Bush; and how beloved he and Ann are (no, he is not joking). Read more on Mitt Romney Has ‘Thoughts’ On Baltimore And Hillary Clinton, Still Not Running For President (Wink Wink)…
  another reason he'll never be president

Paul Ryan Knows Real Problem With Welfare Is How Rich Those Poor People Get Off It

Paul Ryan, high as fuck
Republican Rep. Paul Ryan is the wonky boy genius of the House of Representatives, according to his colleagues and the voice in his head, because he wrote a “budget” one time to privatize Medicare, slash welfare benefits, and tell the poors to feed themselves with their own damned bootstraps, like Jesus said. Read more on Paul Ryan Knows Real Problem With Welfare Is How Rich Those Poor People Get Off It…
  It happens to all guys seriously

Ben Carson Prematurely Ejaculates Presidential Announcement

Ben Carson is only doing this because people are BEGGING him to.
Dr. Ben Carson, who is very good at being a neurosurgeon but doesn’t seem to have other strengths, officially announces his candidacy to lose to Hillary Clinton in Detroit today, but whoops, guess he couldn’t keep the “secret” any longer, because he “leaked” the news to WHAM ABC 13 in Rochester on Sunday. In the interview, Carson sleepily says that he is “willing to be part of [that] equation,” presumably the equation required to save America from all the economic growth and healthcare wrought by evil Obama’s reign of terror. Therefore he will run for president! Hurray, is 2016 over yet? Read more on Ben Carson Prematurely Ejaculates Presidential Announcement…
  Here have some news n stuff

John Boehner Wants To Know Why Hillary Clinton Isn’t Helping Congress Get Stuff Done

Speaker of the House John Boehner appeared on “Meet the Press” Sunday and said a whole bunch of dumb stuff. On the death of Freddie Gray and the charges brought against six Baltimore police officers: “Public servants should not violate the law.” That’s deep. Maybe Congress ought to make a law about that. Also, the solution to impoverished cities like Baltimore? Lower taxes. Of course! As for the any-day-now national marriage equality? Yeah, he still “believes in traditional marriage,” but it’s not like he’s a bigoted asshole, blah blah blah, same ol’ thang, not gonna matter soon anyway. Shockingly, he still thinks Obamacare is THE WORST, and he says a whole bunch of dumb words about that. Then there’s the trade deal President Obama is trying to make happen, even though Democrats are really not into it. You know whose fault it is that Congress hasn’t acted on that yet? Not the dude in charge of the House; don’t be ridiculous. Nah, man, it’s Hillary Clinton’s fault: Read more on John Boehner Wants To Know Why Hillary Clinton Isn’t Helping Congress Get Stuff Done…
 

If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say About Republicans, Come Sit Next To Barney Frank!

The fabulous former Massachusetts Congresshero Barney Frank — who is not known for saying how he really feels about Republicans, bigoted colleagues who “accidentally” call him a fag, whackjobs who compare President Obama to Nazis, and especially Newt Gingrich — appeared on a recent episode of “Watch What Happens: Live” with host Andy Cohen to hesitantly express some more of his mild opinions. And it’s delicious! Read more on If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say About Republicans, Come Sit Next To Barney Frank!…