Disgusting wingnut diaper-fetishist hooker-user David Vitter says he is super excited about wingnuts yelling at him, at one of these Town Hall KKK Rallies. He’s even bringing extra diapers, because he’s already planning on jacking off and pooping in a series of diapers, while old people who really need diapers yell about how they will officially renounce Medicare and die, like patriots, at the Superdome. MORE »

Just a little biographical note here: Your editor grew up in the Deep South and every white person’s dog was taught something similar. Always so funny! And now with YouTube, everybody can love the jokes. [BuzzFeed]

This is not just a wonderful video about .000005% of America’s Youth — most of them are still sitting in front of the video screen eating Crazy Bread, thank Allah! No, this here is part of an exciting contest! Beloved Austin comedian Alex Jones is making all the Truther/Paultard/Birthers do these embarrassing videos, maybe for a prize of some kind? MORE »

And how do we know, for sure, that this video is satirical in nature? Maybe that “Funny or Die” website just spent all weekend searching the YouTubes for the most insane example of current Birther pop art. Hell, it’s how we find the comedy! [Funny or Die]

Who is this “BA-RAK” you speak of, Sir Paul? Think you can use the fancy French lyrics to get a First Lady? That only works in France. [Big 100.3]

Did you see Sarah Palin’s goodbye speech? Neither did we! But we heard it was “special,” and that she even wrote it herself (which explains everything). Here’s Star Wars hero Dr. Spock reciting Palin’s mumbo-jumbo, with bongo accompaniment! [Conan O'Brien]

Jesus fuck is this even America anymore? First we elect a black president, and now the Twitter is shut off in the White House? And we don’t want to hear any of this “Security concerns” balderdash, because when we last had a real American president (that fat white sack of shit Dick Cheney), and he needed to get around the “law” or whatever, he just ran his own private email servers with Karl Rove from some Tennessee pedophile listserv. [The Hill]

Simple question for Michael Steele, leader of the Republican Party — the party dedicated to the defeat of Obama’s health-care plan, because they want to make it “his Waterloo” — do the Republicans support an individual requirement to get coverage? Steele’s reply: “Uhh.” MORE »

It’s Liz Glover! Hi Liz, to whom are you speaking to on the videophone today? Ah, it is Questlove from The Roots, in DC for the Rock the Bells deal, with some important conspiracy theories about Sarah Palin and the RNC! MORE »

Fox & Friends’ Brian Kilmeade made a terrible buffoon of himself on the television this morning! You know why the Olds get Dementia and Alzheimer’s, in America? This is why: “We are — we keep marrying other species and other ethnics and other … See, the problem is the Swedes have pure genes. Because they marry other Swedes …. Fins marry other Fins, so they have a pure society.” Meaning: Ronald Reagan was a mulatto. [Salon, Gawker]

Your Wonkette editors were just jabbering in our secret sex-chat room and the popular 1970s redneck program Hee-Haw was mentioned and a YouTube search ensued, for “Hee Haw skits,” and this, we promise, was the first thing to come up. Jesus. [YouTube]