Tag Archives: video

  Biggest Christian Ever. Just The Best

Donald Trump Bravely Says ‘Christmas,’ Even In Alabama

Donald Trump meets an anchor baby
Donald Trump meets an anchor baby While he was in Alabama getting white people excited this weekend, Donald Trump took a few minutes to assure an Alabama radio show host that nobody — NOBODY — will be a greater President of Christmas than Donald J. Trump. Trump told host Cliff Sims Friday that he actually goes out of his way to say “Christmas,” despite the many dangers of doing so, because, as he explained, “I’m a big believer in the Bible,” a book Trump has recently made a point of saying is even better than Trump’s The Art of the Deal, by Donald Trump, which must make it a pretty terrific book, although he has yet to refer to any of its contents. Read more on Donald Trump Bravely Says ‘Christmas,’ Even In Alabama…
  wonksplainer

More Than Corndog Fellatio Pics: The Iowa State Fair, Wonksplained

Perry seems to have better technique
Rick Perry wins on technique. Every few years, we are #blessed with photos of politicians deep-throating a corndog at Iowa’s state fair. But did you know that there is more to the Iowa State Fair than hot politician-on-food pics? There’s enough meat-on-sticks to make Rick Santorum yearn for a return to the Senate’s weekly butt-fuck night (Tuesdays at 7 pm in Russell 290). There’s a cow made out of enough butter to make Paula Deen momentarily forget the good ol’ days of plantation living. But what makes politicians line up to shake the hands of babies and kiss farmers? What’s this fair all about? Let’s wonksplain. Read more on More Than Corndog Fellatio Pics: The Iowa State Fair, Wonksplained…
  This tyrant again

Michelle Obama Will Say Cusses Until You Eat Your Effin’ Vegetables

OH HEY, Wonkers, it is Friday, which means we usually like to throatcram you with NICE TIME, so here’s one! Your first lady, Michelle Hussein Obama, is at it again, trying to force US Americans to maybe move their fannies once in a while, at least toward a salad bar, so they can eat a meal with “nutrients” for once in their lives, instead of their usual 4000-calorie fat-stravaganzas. So she went to the Jimmy Kimmel program, because he is funny and also maybe because he sure has lost a lot of weight lately, and maybe he did it by eating some effin’ vegetables! Yes, this funny sketch is all about how Michelle Obama’s new fascist campaign, the #TeamFNV initiative, is about getting people to eat Fruits ‘n’ Vegetables, but Jimmy Kimmel’s pretty sure she’s saying “effin’ V,” which stands for “effin’ vegetables.” Read more on Michelle Obama Will Say Cusses Until You Eat Your Effin’ Vegetables…
  I'm Stickin' With The Union

More Bad News For Republicans: Americans SO Gay For Labor Unions

They like representation! They really like representation!
They like representation! They really like representation! So here’s a big fuckin’ deal: Despite decades of declining union membership (thanks, “right to work” laws!), a new Gallup poll shows that, for the first time since the recession, a majority of Americans like labor unions again: Read more on More Bad News For Republicans: Americans SO Gay For Labor Unions…
  Questions are mean

Scott Walker Wants To Be President Without The Tricky Questions, Please And Thank You

Don't badger me for more details.
Oooh, that Scott Walker, he is so tough. He will bust those stupid unions and slash those stupid pensions right in the nuts, and then he will do the same thing to ISIS. That is how tough he is. Exactly like Reagan Sir Ronald, Patron Saint of Big Swingin’ Dicks. We are talkin’ BAD MUTHAFUCKA tough, all you all. Read more on Scott Walker Wants To Be President Without The Tricky Questions, Please And Thank You…
  S-M-R-T

Carly Fiorina Says All The Stupid On Climate Change And Then Some

That lady Republican in pink, Carly Fiorina, is enjoying her 15 minutes, so she’s working overtime to barf out as much conservative stupid as she can before her time is up. Look, here she is talking stuff about climate change with America’s favorite hardest-hitting interviewer, Katie Couric. Expert tree-hugger David Roberts provides a Vox listiclesplainer of how every single word out of Fiorina’s mouth is factually inaccurate, and you can look at charts and graphs and percentages and SCIENCE FACTS if you want to get your nerd on. Read more on Carly Fiorina Says All The Stupid On Climate Change And Then Some…
  Almost Visible

Donald Trump Googles This Martin O’Malley Fellow, Decides He’s A Weak Loser

Rachel Maddow thinks it looks like a giant tacky knife hilt stabbed into the desert. Good call.
Rachel Maddow thinks it looks like a giant tacky knife hilt stabbed into the desert. Good call. Hey, remember that Martin O’Malley guy who is actually running for president? (Yes, as a Democrat.) He did a fairly smart thing Wednesday, seeing as how if you want to do well in the Democratic caucuses in Nevada, you want to get in good with the hotel unions, especially the Culinary Workers Union, which was key to Barack Obama winning against Hillary Clinton in the 2008 caucuses. And that’s why Martin O’Malley went to join a demonstration by the Culinary Workers who are trying to organize Donald Trump’s big ugly not-even-on-the-strip Trump International Hotel, which, despite being in Las Vegas, is really not very classy at all, especially if you consider that time in 2012 when the Health Department briefly shut down its steakhouse for being full of YOOGE bacterial colonies. Probably because there weren’t union workers to do stuff right, we’d bet. Besides, who needs a union when you can just bring in Mexicans? Read more on Donald Trump Googles This Martin O’Malley Fellow, Decides He’s A Weak Loser…
  Brother can you spare a note?

Jeb! Bush Failing So Hard He Needs His Brother’s Help, LOL

He's with stupid
Brotherly love This is just sad. Like, we almost feel bad for this guy, that’s how sad. (Calm down, we said almost.) While Jeb! Bush has already lost the presidential election, because we said so, he’s now in such deep manure, with those polling numbers racing toward zero faster than a Bush races into Iraq, that Big Brother Dubya has to lend a hand. You know, the brother whose name is so toxic in Republican circles that they dare not speak it aloud. The brother who’d said in April that we probably wouldn’t see much of him during this election, because hoo boy, it wouldn’t help Jeb none to remind voters that he came from the same gene pool as President A Idiot, who broke the whole US of A to death, practically. Read more on Jeb! Bush Failing So Hard He Needs His Brother’s Help, LOL…
  just mellow out the best you can okay?

Watch Jimmy Carter Laugh At His Cancer, Smileyface Emoticon Here

Our beloved former president Jimmy Carter — if you’re not from around these parts, no, we’re not joking, dick — promised to update us on the cancer doctors found in his liver, and this morning, update us he did. Melanoma has spread to his brain, and he begins chemotherapy immediately. Will that stop him from do-gooding and making America proud? Eh, probably not. He may “step back” from his duties at the Carter Center, the 90-year-old said, and do just light work like personally signing all the letters in the world and solving Iran probably too. He’s not sure how he’ll be feeling. Most importantly, he’s a living organism on this earth, and he’s very, very safe (in Jesus). Read more on Watch Jimmy Carter Laugh At His Cancer, Smileyface Emoticon Here…
  And This Is The 'Moderate' One

King John Kasich Promises To Ban Whiny Teachers From Whining

Basically Tim Pawlenty with slightly more experience. Whatever happened to T-Paw anyway?
He’s like Tim Pawlenty without the charisma Ohio Gov. Tim Pawlenty took a little time Wednesday to remind the GOP primary electorate that, for all that “moderate” stuff they may have heard about him, he’s just as able to sound like a rightwing turd-mongler as any other Republican. For instance, he really hates unions, especially teachers’ unions, so that’s a terrific thing about John Kasich. See? Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker isn’t the only Get Tough On Teachers and Murder Public Education candidate in the race. Even if pundits keep slandering Kasich as “electable,” he still hates stuff that the base hates too, hooray. Read more on King John Kasich Promises To Ban Whiny Teachers From Whining…
  Euphemisms!

Sexy Bill Clinton Turns Sexy 69 Haw Haw Get It SEX JOKES!

Insert your SEX JOKES William Jefferson Clinton, aka Bill, aka Big Dawg, aka The Clenis, aka the future first man-lady of America, was born on a day that was exactly 69 years ago from this day, Aug. 19, and according to a little-known codicil in the corporate charter of Yr Wonkette — which we do not have, what are we, a frickin’ Fortune 500 company? STFU and just go with it — we are contractually, legally, and biblically obligated to makes some sexy sex jokes, about sex, for your sextainment. Read more on Sexy Bill Clinton Turns Sexy 69 Haw Haw Get It SEX JOKES!…
  Definitive proof

‘Pro-Life’ Wingnuts Secretly Love Abortion, This Video Says So

DOH!
DOH! Hey remember that time a million years ago (but really in the middle of July) when lying twat-gurgler anti-choice extremists from Operation Rescue and Live Action, going under the name “Center For Medical Progress,” released a SHOCK VIDEO that showed Planned Parenthood folks getting all excited about the bargain they got on fetus parts at the Fetus Parts Farmers Market that morning? And remember how quickly it became a SCIENCE FACT that this was what was happening, due to Fox News and all its associated dumbfucks on the right (especially the ones in Congress) said it was a FACT, not only because they are dishonest, but because they are also very stupid? Read more on ‘Pro-Life’ Wingnuts Secretly Love Abortion, This Video Says So…
  He didn't get the memo

Poor Dumb Rick Perry Thinks He’s Still Running For President

Hey, why is Rick Perry’s purty mouth still flapping on our television screens? Didn’t we already write the RIP for his presidential Hopes-n-Dreams, on account of how he is all out of dollars American? We did! But it would seem his campaign staff forgot to tell him it’s time to say bye-bye. Maybe because he has stopped paying all of them. No worries, though, Perry says he’ll get to that eventually: Read more on Poor Dumb Rick Perry Thinks He’s Still Running For President…
  Unfair!

Donald Trump Copied Scott Walker’s Immigration Homework, Says Scott Walker

As we already told you (sheesh, do you people EVER listen?), Donald Trump released his terrifically detailed immigration policy, and it’s terrific. And classy. And beautiful. And tremendous. And the most brilliant policy you ever did read. And in case you didn’t bother, it goes something like this: Read more on Donald Trump Copied Scott Walker’s Immigration Homework, Says Scott Walker…